Leanna's Blogdrenaline Domain

The Ultimate Troll - it's legend..wait for it.. DARY!

2012-02-12T01:40:00.002+08:00

To commemorate my 400th post,I give u.. the story of my ultimate troll alongside my trollmaster, Rascal ! It's been almost two weeks since I last met my classmates (no,online methods do NOT count) so as much as I enjoy the freedom after finally finishing my foundation, I do miss messing around with the boys. We do keep in touch,but nothing compares to trolling each other in class. So two days ago, Rascal posted something that gave us all a cardiac arrest : list of the names of people who needed to resit math paper! We then learnt that he was just trolling,but since not many people saw the post, we decided to widen the target range. Me and Rascal, side-by-side, planned the ultimate troll. We added more names of people into the list and removed the previous post, with the previous commentators being informed that they should pretend they just saw the post. Considering the fact that they trust me with their lives and assume my utter innocence, I was assigned to post this up on the class page, indeed, many were trolled xD because they did not read the message right till the end. :

more of the reactions i sparked by the trolling I did with my accomplice,the mastermind, king of trolls : Rascal Liow. Some laughed,some cursed us, some remained blur while others just wanted to murder us,totally worth it,lol.

I got a phone call from Yudish, and this 'threatening PM' from Seelan. LOL. seriously dude, I think I misplaced my gut laughing at our troll victims xD

And the rest of it was history. My first ever successful troll with Rascal, dated Feb 9th 2012. I shall name it the 090212 epic troll :D

Dude,you need a hug.. and some pizza.

2012-02-11T02:53:00.001+08:00

remember the spunky kid from Home Alone? this is what's became of him :( his parents misused his fortune,his girlfriend left him (scumbag Mila Kunis! grrr) he went into drug addiction and went to rehab. damnn... i just wanna give him a hug,make him some hot coco and order some hot pizza with extra cheese for him. can't bear to see him this scruffy and all messed up, it breaks my heart.

Too Girlish? I AM A GIRL!

2012-02-11T02:42:00.000+08:00

It really puzzles me how I can transform from an extremely feminine little girl who wanted to be a princess, into a rocker chic like I am now. I used to be super obsessed with silk dresses, eating in luxurious restaurants or diners and somewhat in love with Barbie dolls ; right now, I'm the total opposite of my 5-year-old self. I noticed this strange evolution since I was about 7 or 8, when my brothers exposed me to awesome rock bands like The Offsprings, Metallica, Guns & Roses, Butterfingers, Linkin Park etc. To everyone's surprise, this spoiled little brat actually enjoyed those and gradually transformed into an entirely different person both appearance and personality wise.I started to hate everything with skirts, and started wearing shorts and jeans. My musical taste changed from mellow Disney songs and ballads to rock and punk. I even have a typical boy's mindset about life ! Some say it's because my age gap with my brothers is smaller than my age gap with my sister, so they're pretty much my childhood playmate and have influenced me a lot in many different angles of life. Wanna know the ironic part? Not only do I act like a boy,I talk like one too! And this has made my mom worried,but not for long, because she was so relieved to learn that I still have traits that make me a girl apart from my natural physique; but seriously, I can assure you, in spite of my new year resolution to be more girlish, I still plan to keep some of my boyish traits that make me who I am today. Let's make a quick review on my boyish side:

My passion for guitars. Thank you Captain Obvious! Acoustic guitars are quite common among girls, you can see artists like Taylor Swift or Yuna playing them on stage, but my not-so-common interest is on electric guitars. Honestly, tell me how many girls do you know who are so into guitars that they actually bother to level up to lead guitars? only a teaspoonful, some even assumed electric guitars are built for boys! i'm glad a few female electric guitarists budded to prove otherwise.
My interest in basketball. This speaks for itself. it started when i watched Space Jam with my brothers, then i got my dad to buy me a basketball and a basketball net.Simple math, typical girls play netball,i play basketball.
My disliking to go shopping. There's a few exceptions though,i only shop when i have an aim,like if i find myself not having anything to wear to an occasion ; but certainly not for leisure.
My hatred of reading, especially history. I only read 9gag lol.Reading bores me in ways unimaginable, although some books are certainly excellent reads, others are just utter rubbish.
My lack of sensitivity in words or sometimes action. I talk and act like a sailor,enough said.
My mannerism and 'bro chemistry' with boys. I get along with boys almost too easily, not in a slutty way but I blend in the gang so well, that sometimes they forget I'm a girl. In worse cases, I've better chemistry with boys than girls.
My hatred of flowers and anything with laces/ruffles. Unless you're a landscape or fashion designer, liking any of these as a guy could only mean one thing : you're gay.
My hatred for things that limit my movement( clothes/long skirts/high heels) and love for action/adventure Only cross-dressing guys would love long skirts/heels, not that I have anything against them. I'd love some outfits that don't limit my mobility, because I'm really into adventurous sports and activities, have yet to try paintball,rock-climbing and laser tagging though.
My desire for space and time alone. This explains why I'm still single, guys would just assume that by being clingy, all girls would feel protected,it's a different story in my case. I HATE dependent guys.
My interest in computers and games. Do the math, I'm a computing student,and my classmates are mostly guys :D
My overrated sense of humor. I seem to overdo my jokes sometimes,and most of the time I mean no harm and have absolutely no intention to be kinky, my words just seem to come out wrong -.-
My ego and narcissism I am somewhat self-centered to a certain degree and can't accept advice in certain situations or things I feel that I'm good enough at.
My failure to express myself I find it hard to admit to people if I'm mad,or depressed. I seldom show it unless it goes above the line.
My suckish hospitality skills Let's just say I'm only gonna catch up on cooking and sewing a few months before my wedding,lol. but hey, I do the dishes and laundry,and cut vegetables! close enough eh?
My ignorance on details I see life as a big picture and don't quite go to details.

Now let's look at my girly side:

My sentimental side. When I fall in love, I start to appreciate love songs and cute little moments I spend with the person I secretly love.
My insecurity and doubt. I'm not really a person with high self-esteem,especially when it comes to appearance and intelligence. I envy girls who are far superior than I am, prettier or smarter,although I never let that negativity get the better of me.
PMS I get bad-tempered when it comes to that time of the month, sorry victims,it's out of my control xD
My bad sense of direction I'm not implying that all girls have it, but majority does,so I might as well generalize it. Proof? I lost my way THRICE when directing my friends to send me home or to uni FROM my house.
My love for fashion & makeup All girls wanna look pretty no matter what,right? I don't quite do heavy makeup,natural works well. Just a smear of lip gloss and a tint of blusher will do the trick ; or in special occasions, I'd just touch up a tiny portion of my eyelids and that's it. and yes,I confess,I still keep up with the latest trends.
My interest in chic flicks & soap operas Yes i love chic flicks like Twilight & Titanic, and I follow a lot of soap operas : Indonesians, Venezuelans, Spanish, Japanese, Malay.. you name it!
My fragility I cry,just as much as other girls do when I encounter failures or when I feel that I can't take it anymore. I lose it and just,cry.
My taking offence over excessive remarks You can call me bitch, but if you call me fat,you're a goner,lol.
My love for all things purple/pink and adorable I'm a big fan of shades of pink,purple and almost everything with fur.
My craving for comfort food I sometimes opt for desserts when I'm depressed,or just generally sweets. They spoil my diet,but make me happy.
My self-conciousness I always wanna look flawless, ALWAYS
My disgusted-ness towards pests I squeal at the very side of snakes,mice,roaches,lizards (just to name a few) like any other girls on this planet.
My hyperventilation when exposed to images of abs. Only fit ones please.*cough TaylorLautner *cough
My fangirlishness towards bands
My secret desire to settle down and be a mum

And the dominant side is..... *drumrolls*

So yeah, I ended up buying the dress coz it's lovely,and most of my girl friends are proud of me xD on my way to achieve one of my new year resolutions : to be a girly girl !

When the universe finds its balance

2012-02-04T04:29:00.001+08:00

I've always had this crush on Neil Patrick Harris (alone, and with Cobie Smulders )
despite his sexuality. This is, by far my fave RobBarn moment - them moping over a tub of
ice cream in bed because Lily and Marshall dumped them.

I've been watching 'How I Met Your Mother' (now on season 5) - because I'm so free? and I've seen the characters hooking up with each other and a lot of other random people, but one couple caught my eyes : Barney Stinson and Robin Scherbatsky. I know they're not really a perfect couple like Marshall Eriksen and Lily Aldrin, but somehow, I see the bond between them. They don't seem to care about being lovey-dovey on the outside, but deep inside, they really love each other and just like everybody else, they too, cry when their hearts are broken. Robin sucks in relationships because she's afraid of commitments, sound familiar? Yes that's it! Yours truly is suffering the same issue! We both are eager to end our single lives, but do not want any strings attached. As paradoxical as it gets, it happens to every one of us whether or not we are aware of it.Barney is another one of the guys who's just plainly lusty, but everything changes when it comes to Robin. He gets jealous, touchy and a little bit mushy at some points. I find it sweet how they tend to change perceptions because of each other and it sucks to learn that they broke up after a few episodes :( Lily and Marshall are sweet but they're married and they've always been loyal and committed with each other ; Barney and Robin are just getting started.

Hold up,did I just rant about a TV show I just started watching and have fallen in love with? Yes,BUT simply because I can relate to most of the scenarios. Unlike most of the unrealistic shows I've watched, this one is actually both intelligently hilarious and full of life lessons - it gives me a deep insight of love, by not expecting too much out of it. Fairy tale endings are BS and nothing ever perfectly works in life, but one shouldn't sulk with destiny, because the universe eventually finds a balance. Take for instance, I had a fucking bad day in uni but as soon as the weekend comes, I'll have fun regardless of whether or not I'm out of the house with my friends. There's always a small thing that makes a big leap on my emotions ; something to turn my frown upside down after a tough week. I can say I had a shitty fortnight before 140112 *cough*Simple Plan *cough*. People keep saying I'm lucky for meeting them, but have you ever thought how lucky you are in other aspects of life? Some people don't have to worry about money,but I HAVE TO. Some people have their love lives figured out, look at mine.. on a swaying boat that's sailing off to God knows where! I might even die alone, for goodness' sake! I really don't want it to happen but I eventually have to live it should it happen for real.I'm not that smart either,I'm studious. Music? pfft psssh... I have no absolute talent as much as I've tried or practiced. Nothing's going anywhere. I write songs that people label as plagiarism eventhough it's 100% my own work ; I'm unlucky in guitars too. My skills are not progressing and budget becomes the limiting factor for me to get further by upgrading my gears. My singing? Down the drain,bro, that's where it is. I don't have a good voice.

Some people complain too much and are not aware of how lucky they are. I may sound very whiny right now, but really.. Nobody's really thankful for anything until they lose it. Sure,my life's not all bad but stop comparing yourselves to me and wishing you were me. You WOULD NOT want to be me. Apart from a few lucky events in my life, there's really nothing much to talk about. I'm not interesting and I'm apparently not anyone's type. Meeting other people, there's always gonna be something they want me to change about myself, if for the better I'm fine but in this case, change to cater to their preferences in terms of liking and disliking. I know i'm not that competent enough to be a perfect girl, according to society norm, but I know I'm one and I can be a good one someday. I believe in myself but sometimes it does suck to be waiting for something you're not sure even gonna happen at all. If you think this is about him, yes you're assumptions are right this time. Surprisingly I reduced to tears all out of a sudden thinking of the void that grew between us. As much as it may be external entities' fault that we're growing miles apart like this, I still blame myself for telling people the first place. I should've kept my promise of not falling in love after the major break up. What ever happened to 'never again'?

I miss him, and we're only one FB message, one text, one call away but I can never do it. We haven't been casually talking if it wasn't for music, apart from it I really don't have a reason. and YES,i'm jealous of you. You get to randomly talk to him without him having second thoughts about replying you or how to act around you. You guys like the same band and you're going to the concert with him. I'm really scared your dream might come true,except the fact that the other him doesn't like me. he ignores my existence and is more excited to see you than me, while we're in the same room. It sucks and it kills me inside. THERE i've said it, I'm a jealous bitch and I deserve to be slapped for the insecurity. I'm insecure and I have little or no self-esteem whatsoever. I'm a pessimist at every angle and I might need to get a rehab from all these emotions to eventually recover.I'm depressed for a guy who apparently pays attention to every detail I say and tells me random stuff but yet doesn't mind whether I live or die. Could I get more pathetic?

i should really consider taking this advice ;)

I close my eyes, and all I see is you

2012-01-29T03:16:00.003+08:00

"I close my eyes,and all I see is you..

I close my eyes, I tried to sleep but I can't forget you.."

- Mark Hoppus (featured in Simple Plan's "I'd Do Anything")

So lately I've been busy preparing myself for finals before I graduate from foundation and step into the degree world,I've sacrificed quite a number of things including outings with my friends. Also the fact that my laptop died the other day,spent 2 days trying to figure out what was wrong with it and when I finally did, I decided to buy a new laptop instead.. so there goes my new phone fund,not that I give a damn though.
THUS! The lack of updates.Then again, in spite of how critical it is,I feel the need of ranting about this here for all you readers to make a little judgement and perhaps, give me some feedback. It might be none of your concerns to some of you, but to me, it has driven me nuts for ages now. This is stupid but do you guys think this guy I;ve been having a crush on since last year will actually turn out to be the soulmate i've been seeking for my whole life?

Many a time have I mentioned that these feelings are getting out of hand,and the reason I privatized my tweets is because I don't want him to judge me, and there are some stuff that I'd like to rant about him there.It's safe to say that he doesn't really read my blog, simply because he hates reading as much as I do. There you go,that's only a tip of the iceberg regarding how many things we have in common, favorite song,dislikes, it sometimes creeps me out how much we like and dislike the same stuff.Admittedly,I miss the times when he doesn't have a clue about how I feel (not sure if he does now),it all seemed so normal and back then I was more deluded than ever - for a very strange reason, that sense of delusion does wonders to me and gives me a reason to smile. I feel so pretentious now, pretending I don't care and pretending that these feelings are merely unreal.

Who am I kidding, seriously.. I wasn't wrong when I confessed here that I'm in love with this guy, people know it, either by words that slipped through my own mouth, through words spread by my own friends or rather, just by observation. It couldn't get anymore obvious that I need at least two minutes to go to normal Yana mode in his presence. It's crazy to think that it's happening to me again. Around him I'd feel uneasy (but in a good way) and I barely have anything to say unless someone else is with us,simply because when my mind is in idle mode, the 'screensaver' would be all my fantasies about him, and you know how awkward it gets when the subject of your thoughts suddenly shows up right in front of you,with that mesmerizing smile of his and that intoxicating natural scent to prove that he's real.

Every night,I admit, before I sleep,I'd fantasize ending up with him. He doesn't appear in my dreams as frequent as I want him to,maybe because he appears in most of my daydreams already.The less I see him,the more my brain thinks about him,and the more wishes I'd waste on him. He's a nice guy,I can't deny, although he did admit that he hasn't been switching on his feelings for the past 7 years, do you think I'm worth it? Scratch that, do you think he's worth it? What if he refuses to switch on his feelings at all? What if he does, but for someone else and my feelings will never be reciprocated? Will that render me unworthy of falling in love again?It sucks to think that this might just mean I'll be #foreveralone . I might have fallen too deep this time,and yes,it hurts,literally but I enjoy the pain. YES I'VE SAID IT, I ENJOY THE PAIN OF WAITING FOR SOMETHING THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAPPEN AT ALL. I have no regrets. Call me a retard,but I would sit and wait for him forever if I could,unless a guy better than him shows up at my doorstep,which I doubt.

"I wouldn't term it as obsession,rather,a feeling that makes me human, and proves that I'm still alive inside and out.I love the pain." @leannascarlet #twitter

btw this is Mark Hoppus from Blink 182 :) Hope he'd visit Malaysia someday. Fingers crossed!

Get Your Heart On Adventure ! - 140112

2012-01-19T21:52:00.000+08:00

A tad bit overdue because the concert was actually last Saturday, but you have gotta excuse me for my tardiness and lack of updates,as y'all know,i am indeed a graduating foundation student soon,and just like any other things in life (take for instance,a sprint) the nearer you get to the finishing line, the tougher the competition gets and of course, you'll start losing breath and such. ANYWAYS, not attempting to trail off any further from the point of focus, Here's what most of y'all have been waiting to hear from me, the story of one of the best nights of my life - as I'd like to call it,the "Night I Got My Heart On 140112".

The story began back in November 2011 (shut up..I'm trying to make it sound epic,hahaha) when Jason Lo randomly tweeted that Tune Talk was gonna bring in an overwhelming number of hot international acts next year. At first I was thinking, meh.. Must be some shit-ass act like the gay Nicki Mi-nasty or something, but alas, I was wrong! I have written how I jumped to his statements that mentioned two of my bucketlist of bands I'd like to see before I die: Simple Plan in January and Avril Lavigne in February! I was overjoyed, and my mind was so hyped up that I didn't even bother if I had no one to go with,I'd rock to them like a lone ranger if I need to.

GY <3 O Phase 1 : Pre-concert

However, luck seems to be on my side when this flier came out on Galaxie.

So my cousin tagged me on this flier on FB, of course my answer was YES in a heartbeat!

Well eff yeah, at least mom was less worried now that I have not just one,but TWO companions to go with. So we checked the AirAsia Redtix website every single day, until at last, the stage plan was out.

Of course, I would burn the last pennies I have to get a rock zone ticket.

I know what you're gonna say, woah.. I claim I'm broke but I can afford the VIP tickets for Simple Plan? oh hi.. there is such thing as savings :) THIS.. is what I've been saving for, that's why I cut down on other less interesting things. totally worth it guys,I didn't regret buying it even for a bit.

I only bought one ticket, the other two belonged to my cousins,btw. And I heard about the tie-up between Simple Plan & Avril's concerts, an offer of redeeming a complimentary rock zone Avril tickets for purchase of every two Simple Plan tickets of any kind. All hopes were lost knowing that I only bought one ticket and not at all eligible :( Oh well,it was good enough that I got companions to go with. I guess I wouldn't mind buying a rock zone ticket, after all, it is AVRIL we're talking about here :D I've always been a huge fan of hers since I could remember.

GY <3 O Phase 2 : The Meet & Greet Contest

So i overheard(or.. oversaw? lol..) This giveaway Fat Boys Malaysia was doing on their page. Sudden desperation surged out of nowhere. Under any circumstances, I NEED TO WIN THIS SHIT! hehe. I wasn't lucky enough to win the first giveaway,so I thought,ok,I'll try ALL the giveaways and only give up once all five of the giveaways belong to other people. After hours of waiting after 1st giveaway,finally the second one came.

There was nothing to lose,I spent over an hour to come up with an epic answer to win myself an M&G. After several drafts, my creative juice finally brewed this up.

I guess it was self-explanatory that I went a little too overboard, all for the sake of meeting my heroes. *disclaimer : Simple Plan is just one of those life-changing musical acts that I've been growing up listening to and learning to love. *disclaimer disclaimer: yes,i put BJA's pic as my dp,because I felt like killing myself with pens back then.

Back to the story,I waited and waited,checked the page several times a day,anticipating the results.After what seemed like forever... I saw this!

And that's only the beginning of my lucky luck luck day!

GY <3 O Phase 3 : Concert Day - The Journey, the soundcheck & the M&G.

So finally the day came. My cousins picked me up at about 2-ish as I was supposed to reach the venue as early as 4pm although the doors would only be open at 7-ish. It was all because of the meet & greet. As soon as I arrived, which was about 4.30pm (slightly later than planned) due to the unpredictable KL traffic. I was escorted by the organizers to the top floor of KL Live where all the winners from Fatboys Malaysia,Hitz FM etc were each given a dark blue wristband (to indicate all access pass of the venue) and this meet & greet pass.

The golden ticket NEHEHEHEHE :D

It was when we queued up that I met these lovely like-minded SP fans who happen to have M&G passes as well, and guess what, another awesome coincidence is the fact that most of us are Damansarians!

Meet my new friends (L to R) : me, Rachelle,Huixian and Nurin.

So after what seemed like an eternity,sitting on the floor with folded legs (like a typical Malaysian) as we watched the merchandise vendors setting up,heard the technicians doing a run-through using the equipment provided while waiting for the doors to open, we were finally allowed to get into the venue with a few ground rules set by the security :
1. no pushing or shoving
2. no pulling of SP members' shirts HAHAHAHAH
3.have fun.
4.don't run, LOL.

p/s: I bumped into JD, and it was funny that both of us were equally surprised to see each other there. Even funnier when he broke the ice exclaiming "Happy New Year!" to me with a really big smile. haha.

Surprisingly, I was so calm compared to some of the other girls who had gotten the same opportunity. Admittedly, it was surreal to see the guys up close and personal. Their setting up took longer than the actual soundcheck lol. We had to wait for almost half an hour for them to get it done. Worth it though, they played "Take My Hand", "Happy Together" and my favorite, "When I'm With You"! There was some points where Pierre asked us what we wanted to hear from them, then everybody started shouting out random songs,but the awkward part was whenever I shouted, the crowd was coincidentally silent,so my voice was beyond average clarity. Among the highlights:

Awkward moment 1# :
Pierre: So what do you guys want us to play?
Crowd : *shouting random songs*
*Sudden awkward silence*
Me: I'm just a kid!
Pierre: Yeah, we can see that, thank you captain obvious!
LOLOLOLOL..

Awkward Moment 2#:
Seb : So fellers, which song of ours is your favorite?
*similar thing happened,except this time I shouted "Shut Up"*
David: hey come on kid, do we really suck so much that you're asking us to shut up?

one word,EPIC FAIL. haha

Seb doing mic test.Yes he's fucking hot :3

David & Pierre, being gay hahah.

Once the soundcheck was done, the boys came downstairs and headed towards the rock zone barrier where all of us waited anxiously to meet each and every one of them. These guys were awesome! Didn't really expect them to be THAT friendly, I always stereotyped punks as assholes, guess I gotta eat my own words now eh? So glad I got a chance to get individual pictures with them, some signatures on my Satriani guitar strap and notebook for my cousin Jue and of course, make small talks with them.And guess what, I got a self-cam with Pierre and a guitar pick of which he handed to me personally! PRICELESS!

Me and mr Jeff Stinco - lead guitarist of SP.

Pierre Bouvier! the friendliest of the bunch! He insisted to do a self-cam with me.

David - he who complains of tight schedule and being tired,followed by Pierre's reaction of rolling his eyes to David haha.

Seb, the ever-so-shy yet ever-so-charming guitarist who blushes a lot.

CHuck - drummer who enquired the location of a typical mamak stall haha.

Me in the Rock Zone after soundcheck and m&g.

So I went downstairs where I was reunited with my ex-Convent senior, Amelia,who happened to be in the same zone as I was during the concert. We caught up for a little bit before I rejoined my cousins to wait in the queue.

Fucking excited! I can understand, it's their first concert after all :D

GY <3 O Phase 4 : The Show !

So there were a couple of technical problems with the audio and lighting, thankfully rectified while our adrenaline was still rushing. The show started off with Jin and Ryan's routine emcee-ing to introduce the curtain-raising local act,handpicked by SP themselves.

Ryan (left) and Jin Lim (right) enticing the crowd into performing a Mexican human wave.

The Revellers nailing Adele's Rolling In The Deep,rock version yo! and kicking it with a few of their originals.

Screw the waiting part and the songs they played as a transition to distract us,too typical for an international concert. The crowd went crazy as soon as this drumset was revealed. Strange enough,I didn't really feel that excited, maybe because I've met them way before the show even started.

I spoke too soon though. They appeared out of nowhere, fading into the darkness and under the limelight starting off with Shut Up and.. yes,you guessed it, my Subway song "Can't Keep My Hands Off You"! Quoting Rachelle, things gotten tad bit saucy when Pierre and David couldn't keep their hands off themselves ;) Pierre you fucking tease! WHYYY DO YOU HAVE TO LIFT YOU SHIRT AND RUB YOUR ABS LIKE THAT WHYYYY.. hahahahaha I recalled not eating anything the whole day except for the bread and cheese sandwich I had before leaving for KL Live, then again I couldn't believe how my body managed to handle such energetic leaps I did during Jump, Addicted and When I'm Gone.Simple Plan is my energy bar :')

Cutting the story short,here's the rest of the playlist of the night,and of course the highlights :
- My Alien
-You Suck At Love (David being cheeky, and Seb running around the stage playing 'tag' with our cameras,haha)
- Thank You ( Pierre changing the lyrics to "Terima Kasih", and told us how much he loves us by saying "Saya sayang kamu semua, banyak-banyak!" so cute! haha)
-Astronaut (well,the cliche' sentimental song wave using our cellphones to substitute lighters ,duh hehe)
- Your Love is A Lie
-Summer Paradise (David on percussion AND bass)

A few covers,since the boys were in the mood to party:
- Fuck You by Ceelo Green (yes.. we played along and emphasized the F word as we sang along)
-Dynamite by Taio Cruz
- Raise Your Glass by P!nk
... warning: cute asses were inappropriately wiggled at our direction, not at all offensive,just simply yummy, bahahah.

Then the playlist resumed with more SP songs!
- Jet Lag ( ENglish version though, wanted the French one but oh well :) the crowd had to be Natasha Beddingfield,haha)
-This Song Saved My LIFE (okay this was emo..shall not eleborate)
- Welcome to My Life ! (this was when I bumped into Yeen Yee,my ex-highschool mate.)
- I'd Do Anything (at this point,I started to think about someone and wished he was there, :')
- Loser of The Year

The stage darkened. We were a bit disheartened,but not for long. The boys showed up again singing another one of my all-time (perhaps everyone's too) favorite I'm Just A Kid! At first i thought,wow.. epic ending.. but wait.. they left out one typical song!

Once again,the venue darkened. Pierre showed up with an acoustic guitar in the middle of the stage and played PERFECT! Very touching, especially when the band kicked in.

It was epic,to say the very least. The guys totally nailed it!

Pierre rocking out Addicted.

David doing a great job backing up.

Pierre's guitar pick, added to my collection of epic guitar picks alongside Alex Gaskarth's.

Front view of the guitar picks.

My Satriani guitar strap,signatured by SP! notice how the boys signed on individual aliens..
and notice how they have a song called "My ALIEN". you see what I did there? hehehe

GY<3 O Phase 5: Post-gig

Of course, Saturday night will render you lifeless if you're stuck in the middle of KL City waiting for your transport to come. Dehydrated, and with the fact that the KFC opposite KL Live is closed,we had to walk a few kilometres to look for a place to get some drinks. Ended up in a shop that sells juice for RM6 per glass,well FTS,we WERE thirsty so we didn't mind. Ended up walking for a few more minutes,killed time with cousin Jue talking about Barney Stinson along the way, it helped distract us a lot! Kinda creepy to be walking by what used to be Pudu Jail in the middle of the night. So glad our car arrived. I ended up reaching home at about 2.30am. Cancelled my supper plan and grabbed a glass of milk and Singapore Laksa cup noodles instead.

TL;DR. best night of my life, EVER.

Next up, looking forward to Avril Lavigne's gig in February!

p/s: thank you Rach for 'donating' me your ticket to be used to redeem Avril ticket :)

I have died everyday waiting for you

2012-01-05T03:41:00.000+08:00

Strong words eh? Especially if you're a straight forward person,you might think,literal death?then resurrection followed by another death the next day?insane what love can do to one,i know,but take it poetically.not sure about everyone else,but being someone who's paradoxically afraid of commitments yet a hopeless romantic, i enjoy this so-called overplayed song,and i find the words to be beautiful.I'm sure most of the like-minded people would agree the first impression that this song gives to you makes you say "wow..i think i just found my perfect wedding song." that's what i thought too,but after much analysis,it's quite obvious that it's more of a 'waiting phase' song.it's pleasant,yet you feel that really deep heartache burrowing from the bottom of your heart upon listening to it,provided that you keep your ears open for every single line.in my case,i find myself lost in a trance of bittersweet sensation,until the last violin notes play to denote the end of the song,only then will i return to planet earth.Words have failed me,time and time again.I understand how tired people are to listen to how i feel anymore,with this in my knowledge,i no longer pour out my feelings to anyone.i prefer bottling them up,until they eventually fade on their own ;or rather,let my blog be the listener and my posts do the talking.this song of Christina Perri's speaks my heart out so much that it actually scares me sometimes how her songs are always related to one situation i'm currently in or another -- except for Jar of Hearts. observe the wordings:

"How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?"

Exactly.. she has a point.I fear commitments.I fear relationships,and above all,I'm allergic to the word marriage! I self-destruct every single potentially successful relationships I've ever had with the boys I loved for not even a concrete alibi.and yet,I'm in love?again? i keep asking myself,seriously?like again? damn...i never really learn do I?

But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

Pretty obvious how my eyes will just voluntarily wander around in empty/crowded rooms, expecting his presence or sudden appearance out of nowhere,as always. Somehow,the more time I spend with him alone,the deeper I fall for him.It scares the heck outta me,because I've never fallen this deep.He might just be the one,but what if it's unrequited?Why am I so certain I'd end up with him?Just because we both have scary coincidences in life?

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

I did mention how I'll wait for a guy for a maximum of less than 6 months,heck I broke up with my ex after 6 months of dating him.It's ridiculous how I've been waiting for this guy for almost 8 months already,another 4 months and it'll be a year! Yes,it's torture to love someone knowing that they don't know how you feel,and worst still,they have no interest to know either.It hurts even more that you have to fake a smile in front of him,and try to act as natural as possible to ensure that absolutely no signals are given,as much as you want them to know how much you love them.Doesn't quite help with the fact that your subject of your thoughts is just inches away from you,and you can inhale their scent just to know they're real,you senses start to rise and before you know it,you're refraining your lips from smiling.It really sucks.If only you can just tell them straight up to their face that you love them,and that you don't care whether they love you back or otherwise.I certainly don't,honestly.I don't know what happened between him and me,we were so close.When we're bored or alone at home,we would occasionally catch up with each other,discuss some stupid random stuff or just about music/guitars.It's a perfect friendship,and something blew it.Now it's awkward just to wave at him,let alone talk to him at all.My friend did me a favor,breaking the awkwardness by trolling me,hoping i might get a word or two about his well-being.he replied,probably wondering why the sudden randomness,then again,I was rendered speechless,I replied nothing afterwards.I wish this silence would just go away,and I wish I knew what to say to him.

Time elapsed since I last seen him : 13 days. Missing him like fuck.If only I can tell him that,and if only I can still talk to him like a good friend would.Mairah's dream wasn't pretty.What if Mairah's crush likes me and 'he' likes Mairah?i'm not mentally prepared to see him love another,especially not my bestfriend.It's weird how I've been seeing white choc more than I see him,it's otherwise for Mairah though.we're both equally afraid.What if,the dream explains everything?I know it's ridiculous to trust the stuff you see in your mind as you're fast asleep,then again it could be a sign.It could be the answer to why he hasn't been talking much to me lately?He's distancing himself,and likewise on my side.

Time left till Put Your Heart On Tour: 9 days. well at least i have something to look forward to,also the fact that i'm entitled to one free rock zone ticket to see Avril in Feb after my finals.

gah speaking of finals.. need to work extra harder.my carry marks are not really making me happy at all.maybe all that hardwork will make me forget him,at least for awhile? sigh...

2011 Recaps & 2012 expected adventures

2012-01-01T09:16:00.000+08:00

2011 had been a great year for me, despite of the topsy-turvy ride in fortune I've been having, it's been fun. Many things had changed, both expected AND unexpected. I can't thank God more for granting me life to live in 2012.These are just some of the highlights I've had last year (lol.. ).

JANUARY: The birth of Scarlet Got A Band.

FEBRUARY: Officially 18!

MARCH : The breakup.

APRIL: The beginning of university life,and getting a driving license.

MAY: First illegal driving experience,.. might have found 'him'.

JUNE: Elite team! and the birth of Dexandyana.

JULY: Realising i'm in love.. and MTV World Stage 2011! witnessed two epic bands : 30 Secs to Mars and Neon Trees.

AUGUST: The Awesome Raya in Perlis,Penang & Kedah.

SEPTEMBER: MIME Battle of The Bands.

OCTOBER : MJ - Moonwalking in Taylor's 2011 concert (first Band 93 gig ever), met ALL TIME LOW at Rockaway Fest 2011 and got a hug AND guitar pick from Alex Gaskarth!

NOVEMBER: Twisties Superstarz Audition - we failed,TWICE,haha.

DECEMBER: Step UP! for charity concert.Another gig for Band 93.

HNY2012 everybody! may this year bring you great joy,coz I just know mine will. Simple Plan & Avril coming to town yo! gonna be seein them before i begin my degree year.Yeah baby,i'm on a roll!

..and no worries,the end of the world prophecy thing is BS, 21/12/12 may fall on a Friday,but doesn't mean it's true.

if it is,i want it to be a zombie apoclaypse. hehe...prepare your rifles,bombs,food supply and zombie-proof shelter.have a great year ahead! while you still can.

MWUH HA HA HA HA.

It's a long way to the top

2011-12-28T01:56:00.001+08:00

Any fans of AC/DC in the house?No? What about School of Rock? Anyone? The questions are actually related to the title of this post,which is 'stolen' by yours truly from one of the best and most inspiring song from the classic rock genre : It's a Long Way to the Top by none other than the legen...(wait for it) dary AC... (wait for it) DC! If you haven't heard of them,may God have mercy on your soul,LOL. You have not been blessed with real music and you need to get yourself to a musical rehab asap! to be perfectly honest,I used to be unaware of the epicness of classic rock until several rock-dedicated movies and documentaries became an eye-opener for me as a whole.I've experienced something we can proudly announce as MUSIC,as in the art,not the bullshit we have in 2011.Then again,that's not my area of focus for now.

"It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll.." brief,straight-forward,yet meaningful.

Nobody said rocking was a walk in the park.As all of you might have already known,I'm in a band called Band 93 (lame name,predictable significance,I know).We may be newly-formed but somehow we've developed a brotherhood-sisterhood bond over the weeks and hours of practicing together,so much so that I'm actually anticipating our next gig now that I'm missing my boys so terribly,and I guess I'm not the only one who gives a crap.Nadzmi was excited about our weekly planned jam sessions, Ken Yue is starting to come up with song suggestions and numerous arrangements in his head as I sat every midnight sharpening my guitar skills and sometimes,taking long showers thinking about the future of the band.Like wow,it's overwhelming enough that we,unlike Gastro Geeks, are definitely NOT a one-show band.Somehow,we stuck together since the MJ Night event,to the Twisties audition to Step Up and we're currently still waiting for the next gig to fall on our laps.

Speaking of the future,we clearly need more practice.We need to tighten the band.We are aware of our weaknesses and are willing to do a couple of sacrifices to rectify them.Then again,one question remains," How far do we want this band to go?" By the looks of it,we do have potential to get far,that is,if we manage to carve a niche and find our sound; and if we're lucky,stand out the right place and the right time to make it to the top.Admittedly,Malaysia has a very oversaturated musical industry whereby new talents sprout almost every minute and some of them do not get the exposure they deserve while other live by 'fame of their useful cables'.Each and every one of the members of Band 93 are committed full-time students,we only rock during our spare time and we have careers planned out for our future - relating to our respective courses,of course. Me & Ken Yue - future programmers,Nadzmi - future engineer, Neo - future lawyer, Adam - future chef, Josh - future journalist/broadcast manager.Music is our passion,it is something we fight for because it has done so much for us when words fail and when life felt meaningless at some points.

After much thinking,I suddenly recalled the moment when we all sat in a circle in the contestants' room back in KDU.I asked my bandmates : " How far will we get?" They answered me with , " We're only doing this for FUN." Indeed,it wasn't the answer I had expected.Post-audition,we came to an epiphany. WE SUCK,but somehow,something stops us from giving up. I saw the rage in their eyes,I knew this was the right time to ask the same question again. "How far will we get?" They each answered exactly what I had predicted in my mind " Hollywood Boulevard!" As far-fetched as it may sound,it's more like a dare-devil's dream to me.Then again,it's never wrong to aim for the stars,as long as we work hard enough to get what we desire. :)

A tiny piece of advice from Cikgu JD : "in pursuit of the 'Hollywood dream' it should at the core of things, always be fun otherwise u stand 2 lose more than u gain."

Thank you sensei,for the guidance and never-ending support despite the fact I have failed your expectations once.I promise,it will never happen again. God bless you,JD Wong :)

Life is a book God has Written about us

2011-12-27T02:40:00.000+08:00

I'm supposed to be having a super productive weekend of working on my 5 assignments due within two weeks but instead,I don't know what's gotten in to me,I keep procrastinating to this day,only to know that the long weekend's over and tomorrow I gotta go for classes again.

Mission: work on English 450-word essay assignment on e-mails.

Time elapsed: 12 hours.

Progress: still in essay development plan.

Procrastination level : ASIAN.

Rank: Professional procrastinator and staller.

I've been reading too much 9gag and probably have been gaming too much too.This is exactly what you get for being "one of the boys",literally.Ever since I joined Band 93,I've been acting like a boy,but no worries,I still have high school crushes and cry like a girl xD well,back to the topic,I honestly have no idea what i've done all weekend.My productivity level decreases as I'm getting older and I know things are gonna get ugly if this persists.I need to get an epiphany of some sort to get my life back on track,I've been too out of focus lately and I give less fuck than I'm supposed to.It worries me in so many ways.I have had several tight slaps from life for keep delaying my tasks,yet somehow the "once beaten twice shy" proverb just doesn't take much effect on me,probably because I'm too thick-skinned,I dunno.Whatever it is,I promise, thou shalt not pass if thou does not henceforth thy tasks << I have no idea what i'm saying,so just bear with me.

So as part of my reasons to delay my important tasks and screw up my non-existent supposedly-efficient schedule,I talked to Ken Yue (one of my closest friends).He needed a shoulder to cry on (or rather,to punch out his anger on) and he felt so demotivated.I had to say something,and for this,the philosophical side of me started to shine.He complained how life has been hard on him and whatever he does will meet failure sooner or later,I noticed the fact that I have been experiencing similar situation and I too,have crumbled.Crying was a good temporary remedy,yet it's insufficient to fully get rid off the root of the problem.In the pursuit of happiness,tears are bound to fall and people are bound to bleed,no matter who you are.No matter how suckish your life is,and no matter how much you feel like your life is not worth living anymore *cough*suicidal thoughts*cough*,always bear in mind that God made His creations the best that they could ever imagine to be,and His plans,although they're beyond our knowledge, are for nothing but the best.In my perspective,I look at life like a book,written by God.Moving on and not giving up after a tragedy is like reading the next chapter,if you don't do it,you will piss God off as He has made an effort to write one of the most epic stories about your life and yet you're being a bitch by not wanting to read it or even have a tiny peep on it at all.How would you feel if people don't appreciate your masterpiece?Let alone with the fact that God is a heavenly Being,therefore his superiority leaves you no choice but to go with His flow of the story,which for me will eventually hook you up with the most unexpected fairy tale ending you can ever think of.So why live in the past whilst you have a future to walk to?

Quoting Jurassic Park :"Life finds a way".

Christmas wish - Forbidden/Permissible?

2011-12-25T20:53:00.001+08:00

Billie Joe & Adie's awkward Christmas guests.

Title speaks for itself.I guess,doubtlessly,I'm sure everyone regardless of where you are right now,is aware of what the significance of 25th December is right? yes,it's Isaac Newton's birthday! LOL.. kidding,as far as that is true,it is also the day the Christians believe to have been the day their lord Jesus Christ was born.In the Islamic context,Jesus Christ is Prophet Isa Alaihissalam,one of Allah's messengers before Prophet Muhammad SAW whilst the Christians believe that he is the son of God.Christmas is celebrated on the same day each year.Some views also mentioned the fact that Islam and Christianity have a lot in common,except for views on Jesus. However,the differences in belief is NOT what I'm gonna point out in this blog post; Instead,the issue of whether or not it's permissible to wish our Christian friends a merry Christmas.

There has been several clashes in opinion regarding this issue.There have been posts circulating around saying that it's forbidden to even greet your friends,with their arguments supported by the following quote from the holy al-Quran:

"Laakum diinukum waliyadiin.." - surah al-Kafirun,which translates : "Your religion is your own and my religion is my own."

Scholars have agreed that this quote forbids Muslims from being influenced by other religions' practices,but the posts I meant to talk about interprets it as forbidding Muslims to even greet their Christian friends for fear of wrecking our own faith.Then again,is "Merry Christmas" really a declaration of faith the same way the Syahadah is for us Muslims?Varily,according to my Christian friends,it's not.it's only a harmless greeting,like Happy Chinese New Year or Deepavali Valthukel.In fact,even the Christians wished us Selamat Hari Raya or Happy Eid Mubarak,yet I don't see their Christianity being affected in any way at all (they're still Christians),unless of course,they've been interested in Islam all along.In my view,it's quite silly to make tight restrictions without proper logic or base.Didn't our Prophet Muhammad SAW teach us to accept diversity in race and religion? Didn't Allah mention in his Holy books that we must tolerate our differences and live as one in order for the world to prosper?

I speak with evidence from a Quranic verse:

O mankind, We created you from a single pair of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes that you may know each other [49:13].

I admit,I am not one who is educated enough to interpret the Holy book,but my faith,and my knowledge is deep enough for me to know that Islam is a religion of tolerance,and by tolerance I mean we must not make our racial and religious differences a barrier that breaks our unity apart.For this,I conclude that I find the argument made by 'those posts' to be invalid.

to my Christian friends,wherever you are,if you're reading this, Merry Christmas and a Happy new year! also,happy Hanukkah to my Jewish friends,and Happy Barmitsvah to the Jehovah's witnesses.

bottomline: to me,a greeting is permissible in Islam,as long as you do not celebrate or join their religious activities.

7 Months..and counting

2011-12-23T00:00:00.000+08:00

I can't believe how fast time flies.It's been 7 months since i first met you,came to know your name,and all the madness began. I didn't expect a slight crush to go this far,and never in my life have I remembered so many details about a guy on the first day I met him.

I remember what you wore,how you approached me,what we talked about,and I remember every single line and every single thing we did.

It was 3 days before you turned the legal age.Happy 7 months,friend?... love? I wouldn't know,but I've never waited for a guy this long,and I've never felt something like this before.

To this day,I haven't given up,and I'm still wasting my wishes on you,wishing that one day I will be able to tear your walls apart and break into your ribcage to steal your heart/take my heart back from you.

But for now,I'm looking forward to the next cup of coffee I have with you,on a rainy day,with nothing but silence.

I Can Wait Forever

2011-12-19T04:56:00.002+08:00

The above line was quoted from Simple Plan's "I Can Wait Forever",a song that's currently speaking my mind and my heart unlike any other. Self-explanatory much? And why the sudden mention of it you ask?

He defended me like a gentleman,he helped me carry my heavy loads,everything he does just makes me swoon and think of him all night.

Also,I had a dream about him.It was beautiful,he was beautiful,the moment was perfect.It went on repeat and the second I realize it was a dream,I didn't wanna wake up if it wasn't for college.

Please visit me in my dreams again <3

Step Up! For Charity Concert - behind the scenes

2011-12-18T02:39:00.000+08:00

First of all,on behalf of Band 93,I'd like to thank the organizers of Step Up! for Charity Concert (Taylor's School of Architecture & Design - Foundation in Natural Build Environment) for allowing us to get a spot to perform in the Talent Show to raise fund for the Malaysian Kidney Foundation.'twas an event held for a good cause whereby admission tickets are priced at RM15,proceeds were to go to the health foundation itself.as usual,Band 93 being Band 93,we wouldn't wanna miss a single opportunity to gain both experience AND exposure,however,there were only 5 of us instead of our usual 6 because Adam decided to perform on his own this time.also,a few changes have been made,not on the line-up but more to what the line-up does.

- Neo remained the vocalist.
-I remained the guitarist,but this time i'm only playing rhythm and i had to backup Neo's singing.
-Ken Yue remained the drummer and ever-so-stressed-out manager.
-Nadzmi went from bassist to lead guitarist.
-Josh went from keyboardist to bassist.Interesting story here,he messed up the date on his mind and thought yesterday was only gonna be our band meeting day and the event was on some other day.The best part was he had a pre-baptism course AND a complimentary dinner to attend,all on the same night.Solution?We borrowed a bass from one of the guest performers and Josh skipped his other events to be our bassist.Things we'd do for the band :') Passion is indeed power.

Back to the story,all of us had to stay back in uni until nightfall.Ken Yue and I had classes until 12-ish.For a second,when our lecturer almost made us stay back to finish up our Asian level context diagram and Level Zero Diagram,she actually let us out earlier than we expected.We then moved on to our little 'headquarters',SLC (Student Life Centre-where us students go during our free time to get a life,thus the name,lol) for our band meeting.Nadzmi had been around since 10am considering the fact that he no longer had classes to worry about.Josh and Neo showed up a few minutes later and the discussion began.Then again,song arrangement only took 1% of the discussion time,the remaining 99% was all about 9Gag jokes and other unrelated stuff.Eventually at about 1pm,the meeting ended and Nadzmi left for Friday prayers while me,Ken Yue and Mahirah went for lunch in Subway.Neo had classes and Josh stayed in SLC to catch up some foosball and pool sessions with Adam.When we came back to SLC,Mahirah left for her classes and we decided to have a little 'warm-up' while waiting for Neo to come.Let's just say our band has our own way of chilling before a performance.

Josh taking a chill pill as we had our meeting.

Ken Yue and I had a little friendly pool match,I almost got him but I lost the game by one ball,dammit!

And then Neo showed up earlier than expected and helped me own Ken Yue.

Nadzmi's intense foosball match with Josh.no idea who won,but they pretty much stalled us from going to the studio on time,lol.worth it though,the more stressful the game went,the more thrilling it was.

According to Ken Yue,he booked the studio at 3pm,but he then postponed it to 3.30pm because Neo had classes from 2.00-3.30pm.After goofing off until about 3:45pm,we only showed up in the studio at about 4.30pm LOL.We hitched Josh's ride and there was coincidentally a massive jam along the way.We then had a super rapid run-through of the song,altered some parts (which sparked some silly,childish argument among one another) and finally met a point of agreement when we had only 10 minutes left before we're supposed to return to uni for soundcheck at 5pm.Obviously we didn't make it on time and ended up soundchecking at 6.30pm++ instead of the actual time.There was yet another traffic clog up on our way back to uni considering the fact that we made a move at the exact same time the office staffs are going home.More 9Gag jokes to kill time,and some other crappy topics. Oh,did I mention Ken Yue accidentally leaving his phone in the studio and I lost my guitar tuner?

We reached the venue at about 6-ish and had to wait for the other bands to soundcheck first.Meanwhile,we managed to rehearse a little bit,grab some free food from the organizers as dinner and some other private businesses.Staircase rehearsal FTW! The show started at 8pm with the awesome Rhythm Nation and Seconds to Collide (which made Josh slept soundly like a baby).Then there was this speech by the dude from Malaysian Kidney Foundation and the show began.

Highlights of the night were:

1. The dancers who did a dance medley. (couldn't tell if the other dancer was a male or a female until we saw... whatever that needs to be seen to identify her identity LOOOOOOOL)

2.Ping (Lady gaga) who nailed Bad Romance with her showmanship and somewhat vocal strength.

3.An acoustic band consisting a guitarist (who reminded me of Sasi the Don,in terms of hairstyle) a really powerful singer and a cajon player (whom the audience deemed as 'box guy').The minute they were requested an encore,we knew they were gonna win something.

Then it finally came to our turn.I met one of the Sharifah sisters (Sharifah Alesha) and her bf backstage,they were to perform after us.The dude mentioned the fact that he seldom saw tudung girls such as myself picking up electric guitar,and I predicted that he might compare me to Yuna or Najwa Latiff,so I beat him to it,pointing out that i started guitar way before it was cool.Alesha wished us luck and we went into the limelight.We did a little set-up while Neo stalls the crowd and the show began! Long story short,Bad Romance intro was epic,until the bridge came when I rapped in the wrong key and Neo was somewhat influenced by me.It was then when the rest of us started to fuck up as well,Ken Yue's drum beats were everywhere,Josh played the wrong bass notes (or perhaps he forgot to retune the bass) and Nadzmi also did a minor error in his guitar solo.I guess Ping pretty much saved the show when she showed up on stage with us as we planned,so I figured maybe no one noticed all the fuck ups we made.This is where showmanship comes in handy ;) at that particular point,i knew we had no chance to win,so we decided that we were doing it for fun.Adam had the finale spot and nailed Sunday Morning & Rolling In The Deep.

Next there was this awesome band called The Metaphor.Hands down,the tightest instrumental band ever! Nadzmi bought their CD for RM18 and we agreed to share it with him.

We then had a little band photography session before I ran to Starbucks where my brother had been waiting for me for the past 45minutes.So fucked but so fun,LOL.

That was it people,one of the best shows I've had in my life in spite of lack of practice and alot of other fucked up factors.Still,I got to experience Line 6 Spider III amp,for fuck's sake it was damn amazing!

More pictures and footage of the performance coming soon.Stay tuned,I'll make an all visual version of this post later.Toodles folks!

Living Lavigne-da Loca!

2011-12-12T23:40:00.002+08:00

Buy me a Rock Zone ticket for my advanced 19th birthday present and i swear i will love you forever,LOL.this is all I ever wanted,yes,Avril Lavigne is in my bucket list of artists i would love to see before i die.i would reveal my whole bucket list but that would take up a whole lotta posts.for now,just know that if you're wondering what to give me for my birthday,get me a ticket! please! i'm not asking much,don't have to get me fancy teddy bears or clothes or chocolates,just pool money for all i care and get me a goddamn Avril concert ticket! hehe

wow first Simple Plan and now her!!! i hope Tune Talk stops bringing all these awesome people in one year,i need $$$ for tickets!

If I were A Millionaire

2011-12-12T18:00:00.001+08:00

I've been talking to one of my closest friends about his dream he had about winning RM20Mil.he told me it was exciting at first but after awhile,it gets boring because he wouldn't know what to do with the rest of the money he has.however,if i were him,i would know exactly how i would spend each and every single cent i own.

for starters,of course as a Muslim it's an obligation to go for pilgrimage,so i would spend around maybe rm100k for that,which means i will be taking my family members with me.i will set aside 20% of my wealth for zakah and charity.speaking of charity,i aim to help those countries at war especially Syria and Palestine.i'll make an expedition to these countries and help the children.i'll also try to help as many cancer patients as possible.

then i'll change my phone,maybe to a typical Blackberry,get myself a Samsung Galaxy Tab in replacement to my old laptop.

afterwards maybe i'll buy a house; but i'm not planning to get myself a 10-million dollar mansion,no sir.i'll only get myself an ordinary pent house that overlooks the view of the city,maybe i'll get one in Los Angeles and another one in KL.

with that done,I'll get myself a car,again nothing fancy considering the fact that i'm not really the best driver in the world,wouldn't wanna damage a car that costs a fortune now would we?haven't quite gotten a proper thought on what type of car will i be getting,but there's a high probability that i will get myself a Jaguar,or any of those fancy convertible cars with roofs i can opt to open or close.

in terms of music,i plan to start a business,open a recording and jamming studio somewhere in KL,hire a few musicians to teach musical instruments in the studio,hire a few audio experts to handle recordings,and have a special studio reserved for Band 93.it would look like a mini house where we can all jam in overnight and treat like our own homes,so that we can churn out music anytime we want for absolutely free.i will have proper drumsets for my drummer,proper amps for my guitarists,bassist and keyboardist as well as proper mics and audio interfaces for our own personal use and also for the recording business.we would be the next KRU,except we're not siblings.with all the money i have,we can collaborate with any bands we love,Avril,Simple Plan,you-name-it.i could also have Green Day to perform in my backyard for my private birthday party.

i'll use the rest of my money to invest in large scale businesses,maybe McDonald's or anything i love.i'd travel the world to all the continents and places i've always wanted to visit,and i'll finally meet the celebrities i've been meaning to meet.

my dream wedding?i want a simple garden wedding with only the closest relatives and acquaintances invited,at the Himalayas or somewhere in Maldives,any sandy beaches will do.i don't want something like Kim Kardashian,too much of a fuss and it doesn't even last.and i don't even care if my husband gives me a diamond ring or not,what's important is,i get married to the man I love and that we vow to keep each other for better or for worse.but i really want Christina Perri to perform A Thousand Years at my wedding,hihih.

okay..back to planet earth.wouldn't it be fun to be a millionaire?set aside the possibilities of getting pursued by mafias and assassins of course.

Drops of Jupiter in my hair

2011-12-11T20:53:00.001+08:00

"Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you
Even when I know you're wrong?

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance
Five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way?

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?

And tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself?"

-"Drops of Jupiter" by Train.

do you guys remember this song back from the 90's? back in the days,music was like poetry with tunes,beautiful and abstract.this song,for instance,is one of the deepest songs i've known to love,but only know have I discovered the title and surprisingly,the songwriter is the dude who sings Hey Soul Sister! i fell in love with it instantly,just like seeing an old lover across the street and discovering that you still had feelings for him after all these years.right here,right now,in spite of all the interpretations of the wordings of this song,i find that the meaning behind it has something i can totally relate to right now: it's about a girl who loves a guy so much but then realizes that she has yet to find herself,only then can she love whole-heartedly,but the journey of self-discovery took so long that both her and the guy had changed personality wise.the guy then realizes bout her feelings,but it was too late because she might have already moved on.the song is about the guy hoping for her well-being,and hoping that she still remembers him and all the moments they once shared.could that happen to me and you?

a few months ago,i decided to do some self-discovery practices,reflecting on why none of my romantic relationships seem to work ever since i was much younger to this day,and why is it that i have little/no control over my own feelings,and it turned out i was afraid of commitments all along.it was a shocking thing to find out,and it explained a lot about why i am so allergic to the word 'marriage',just mentioning the word gives me goosebumps,let alone discussing about it.i know,i'm not getting any younger,but it was clear to me that my feelings should be tamed and i should not overthink about them too much because i am not mentally and physically ready to fall in love or be in a serious relationship yet.i may think like a 30-year-old,but a part of me is still a child,with great fear of getting hurt again.past relationships haven't been good to me and they left me with traumatizing experiences,there was even a time when i hated the male population so much that i didn't even want to be friends with them.i guess shutting down my feelings will be the best resort for now,then again,i can't keep pretending i feel nothing while in truth,all i ever think about is you.i thought "out of sight,out of conversation,out of mind" would actually work out,but it doesn't.the less i see you,the less i talk to you,the less i talk ABOUT you,the more my mind thinks about you,and the more it assumes "what if".i tried to avoid talking about you with hopes that the feeling might go away on its own but i was dead wrong.the same consequence goes for my attempt to look for your flaws,i keep seeing your perfections instead.it drives me nuts sometimes to know that,thus far,you're the most perfect guy i've ever met.it sucks even more that i secretly waste my wishes on you,even with the knowledge that wishing for a miracle to happen is beyond idiotic.i don't really know what keeps me waiting,i should be moving on by now but no,my heart insists on me to keep waiting for a shooting star to fall on my lap.i notice how we seldom talk or spend time with each other as much as before,i feel the void between us and the distance is growing wider as the days go by.is it worth fighting for anymore?i'm sick and tired of all these crappy,delusional fairy tale endings i keep making up in my head,all these just have to stop.is it too much to ask for if i want these feelings to go away and we return to normal?i'm not sure if it's just me or are you tremendously changing into something i fear the most?i miss the old you,the crazy you,the sweet and gentleman you.why do you have to ruin it?why do my feelings always have to get in the way of an awesome friendship?i keep an unintentional recording of us having fun,we laughed,we joked,we had so much fun.what does it take to have those moments back?

i miss you,a lot that it hurts sometimes,and i wish you would just leave,so i have a reason to carry on life without you,and let go of all these false hope,and stop wasting my wishes on you.

Can't keep my hands off you

2011-12-04T00:15:00.001+08:00

chill people,i ain't no perv xD that's the song that's been playing on my mind,so much so that it's been a part of my musical dreams for many nights already.yes you did read that correctly,MUSICAL DREAMS.somehow i've been having glee-style dreams where people would randomly break out into a dance routine in the middle of hallways to the catchy tunes on my mp3,strange indeed.also,the past few nights,i've been extremely insomniac for some reason and yesterday,my body finally condemned on me,missed half the classes and spent most of my time in the sick bay.

and so what i thought was gonna be a dreadful hospital ward-like place turned out to be heavenly.entering the place alone,i was greeted by the friendly faces,who then offered me temporary treatment.they provided me with hot milo and i rested for about an hour before they prescribed me 2 panadols.feeling drowsy,i slept for about another hour before leaving for lunch with Mahirah.Actifast works wonders yo! and it's pretty awesome that the sick bay provided first class treatment for absolutely no additional charges at all,well apparently facilities were first class,hands down.

And then there's that terrifying blackout experience.I was downstairs,alone,doing work as always when a short circuit occurred with one of the switches in my house and the whole place went pitch black.it was 4am and i had that "shit :)" face.used my laptop as a torch light,went upstairs and straight to bed.i guess it's the universe's way of forcing me to sleep.yeah it worked,because if there's one weakness in the world,mine would be fear of darkness.my insomniac days are over! for now.

Sabtuesday

2011-11-29T01:11:00.001+08:00

This is a little bit overdue,and I have indeed abandoned my blog for four days straight now,blame my unstable internet because of the gloomy weather.SO Saturday was an awesome day with me,despite the really..let's just say tensed up morning starting with me rushing and running up and down One Utama to catch Breaking Dawn Part 1 with the girls,i was half an hour late and it's already been 20minutes pass the beginning of it,then again,I felt as if i didn't miss much.the movie was really disappointing to say the very least,too many scenes spent on the honeymoon after Edward & Bella's wedding,and Jacob just HAD to be bipolar about everything,and the fact that Bella didn't die conceiving Renesmee' is a little bit puzzling (although we ALL want her to survive).The ending that showed Bella as a vampire really let me down in so many ways,don't know if part 2 will be worth watching.It sucks how movies can make the masterpiece seem so dull.Then again,i'm not giving up on Twilight Saga yet,na'ah! let's see how the director manipulates part 2.

Enough about Twilight,now let's focus on how the girls have been.Nothing much changed,simply because our reunion occurred 2 months after our so-called 'separation'.The girls had been good and finally adjusting to their courses so far.It's good to hear everyone's been well and they were slightly jealous with the fact that I'm ending my foundation soon,hehe.

so this one was an unexpectedly awesome self-portrait of all of us on the bridge connecting the old wing and new wing of One Utama.guess what we took it with... my epic Sony Ericsson k510i! i swear,that phone has a standard of an ordinary camera!

Our lunch at Pizza Hut,decided to try out the new Cheesy 7 cheesy lava pizza,ordered a regular and it turned out smaller than we expected,sigh... things are getting too expensive these days.didn' quite enjoy the cream cheese on top,but the rest of the cheeses were awesome!

So right after lunch,we decided to take a stroll around One Utama,the girls did some shopping while the rest of us just talked.Yen picked me up and we left for Klang at about 5pm.MANY tolls,MANY missed turnings,MANY 'clock settings' of roundabouts and MANY phone-calls-asking-for-directions later... we finally reached Zul's house in Taman Botanic,Klang.took us a good deal of 30 minutes to get to Klang,while the remaining time was spent on looking out for land marks and trying to remember the exact directions.They had already blasted music by the time we arrived,and cooking was initiated when everyone arrived.

Ang Yu helping Miss Hema in handling the marinated BBQ meats.

Yen grilling ze chicken wings..Ken Yue helped too,but couldn't get a shot of him somehow.

The July intake FIC and FIC March (Seelan) talking.

To be perfectly honest,although the whole BBQ party was fun and Zul was so damn accommodating,I feel tad uncomfortable with the fact that it involved liquor and I was glad I left before everyone had gotten high.I heard it was funny though,most of the boys got drunk and lost what's left of their sanity,not to mention their hilarious hangover the next day.

The rest was history,however today,was one of the most perfect days of my life.I've never felt this happy for ages! in fact,i don't recall being THIS happy in my entire life at all,and the best part is,it's not a big deal too.It all started with my mom showing me these...

Yes,I did ask mum to buy these for me,and yes I paid them myself,except the other pair which belong to my cousins.Yes SP is one of my bucketlist bands,but the dream that comes the night after getting so excited about it was the best dream ever,thus far.It was simple,but enough to make my day.

Right: the dream goes.. I went to Subway for lunch and ordered my Italian BMT.suddenly someone in the restaurant screamed..as in excited,not terrified,and everyone turned to look.Lights went out and spotlights were everywhere.i recognize that catchy drum beat and riffs! Can't Take My Hands Off You was on and the members of Simple Plan performed in Subway! the waitres and waitresses were dancing while prepping my meal,and all of us just randomly started to break out into a choreographed Grease-like dance on the tables,counters,you-name-it! EPIC.DREAM.EVER.

So,lemme get this straight,a combined craving for Subway's Italian BMT sandwich + pre-concert anxiety = awesome dream? i should do this more often eh,less emo,more epic dreams! :) me gusta.

Walking Contradiction

2011-11-25T23:26:00.001+08:00

seriously,I've killed myself several times in my mind to get rid off my problems once i've "resurrected".I commit suicide in my imagination in so many hilarious yet legit methods (oxymoronic much?).There was one time when imagined tying myself up against a tree in Isla Sorna and letting a T-rex feed on me,the other one was what Billie Joe is doing : dynamite.my imaginations can run very wild and when it does,the other side of me shows,the one that everyone seldom sees unless you're very close to me.my insanity is beyond predictions,it can come anytime it wants.but anyway,back to the main topic,I've been ranting on twitter about something I'm not allowed to do,which to me,sucks big time.Fine,i don't care about my curfews being tight,and my finance being overly-monitored despite of my legal age.so much for being 18,as I said,it's never as I expected.where's the freedom people have been all hyped up about once we reach this age anyway?I see no differences at all.I'm back on SS Forever 15,and I don't think the coming of age has any effects on people's perspectives on me.they still think i'm that hopeless loser who doesn't know how to take matters into her own hands,they still think i'm that 15-year-old who needs to crawl back to mummy for shelter.Come on.. I'm capable of doing my own decisions now,no matter how stupid they can turn out to be and no matter what the consequences are.If I don't make any mistakes,how on earth will I learn? have you thought over how my survival would be like if you're not around and I have to cope on my own?this is MY way of preparing myself for such possibilities.You're not getting any younger,so am I.what's the deal here,all I wanted is to take some responsibilities and challenge myself to keep it,and you're stopping me?i feel intimidated that people underestimate my decision-making abilities.I am in the computing course for a reason,to learn problem solving,and this includes problems applicable to real life as well,not just algorithms.If you refuse to let me grow up and fly,how on earth will I face the real world when I'm supposed to?I'd be lost and dead as a duck.It's simple,I make mistakes and learn from them.I'm in the age group where spoon-feeding is plainly impractical.Adolescence is the time when people try new things,take (well-calculated) risks,think of possibilities and learn from their own stupidity if the solution they thought of were to fail,epicly.You have to accept the fact that I'm older than I used to be,and people would just be stunned if they knew I'm not independent enough yet at this age.sure,they can label me whatever they want back in the days,I'll just back myself up saying I wasn underaged.so what's the limitation now?what's the hold-up?I made so many decisions on my own,I'm pretty sure this one won't fail.I've looked through the pros and cons,and I can say my analytical skills I developed through the course I'm enrolled in have helped me alot.To be perfectly frank,and with no ego intended,I'm doing fine without your help.I'll ask for advice when I need it,other times,don't bother wasting your energy trying to stop me,unless i decided to do something as stupid as murdering someone or pre-marital adultery,in that case you can screw me up all you want coz those are clearly wrong morally and ethically.When exactly are you planning to let me grow up?When I'm married and move out of the house?Cool plan,bro.I may be a walking contradiction,but I can tell you this,I can handle it.This is also exactly why i hide a few things from you,situation has forced me to do it,I really wanna learn from the mistakes I made on my own and not from some grandfather stories I hear,those are other people's experiences,first-hand information for the win! then again,i can never deny your intentions are well,but like a bird,you ahve to let me out of the nest sometimes and train myself to fly.notice how adult birds don't carry their babies along when they fly and let their babies fly on their own once their wings are ready?I believe I'm a pre-adult now,and I need to how to fly soon.Give me a chance,if this fails,you can call me an
idiot and start taking control of my whole life,have we gotten ourselves a deal? :)

apart from that drama,I've also an epic quote I typed on FB to share with all of ya.

"if someone ignores you after all the thinking space you wasted on them,then they're not worth your time,spit,energy and/or blog space.therefore,they should no longer exist in the chapters of your life,or ever be brought up."

pretty much applies to all the drama that's been happening lately.you guys would know who yourselves are,hell yeah,I'm aiming this to you! then again,NOTHING anybody says will ever break me down anymore.

We Killed It,Now It's Back to seek Vengeance

2011-11-24T01:40:00.001+08:00

"I'm just a kid,and life is a nightmare.Nobody wants to be alone, and the whole world's having more fun than me.." - I'm Just a Kid by Simple Plan.

I woke up in the morning with this song ringing in my head,it was as if someone embedded an automated music player for me in my eardrums.It totally made my day,but little did I know that this song would be the perfect theme for the domino of shits i was gonna face today.
The day kicked off to a pretty good start,traffic was smooth and i managed to reach campus on time,class also ended early and Zech treated me for breakfast in Old Town,where I randomly met Neo and ended up eating with him and Zech.Again,I bumped into Josh,previously I bumped into him in Subway for lunch.Weird how you keep seeing the same person no matter how big the campus is and no matter how many students are around.Destiny can be a very deadly thing,hmm.Speaking of destiny,remember how we used to mess with the lecturers and then prove ourselves worthy by passing our exams with awesome distinctions?Adjusting with uni life was one challenge,adapting to the fast-paced syllabus with little or no tutorial aids at all is another.Semester 1 had been bittersweet,I make friends and lose friends along the way,and I learnt alot about social and working ethics too.It has been quite stressful due to the compressed timeline.Some of us might not make it through,then again,we survived! We're still alive woohoo! Then again,do note that whenever you 'cheat death',death will always find a way to seek vengeance? Just because we survived the first semester (or shall I say,first phase apocalypse). I admit,none of us had been making much effort to understand and practice the stuff that the lecturers teach u.What's the wakeup call? The outstanding number of failures in our previous Maths test.Thank you God,for making us realise it before we keep fooling around.

p/s: something went terribly wrong with my phone today.i missed 3 texts and FIVE optional shoes+clothes+mumbo=jumbo.

wait... that didn't make any sense,am i really that tired?sorry,i absent-mindedly typed that,seriously.and I plan to NOT delete it because it's ridiculous haha. what i meant to say was,i missed 3 texts,and almost 14 phone calls(of which I'm glad neither one of them came from my mom,means my ass is saved).my phone didn't notify me about any of these.time has come for me to get a new one perhaps?

i found this at random.my hero in his high school days! guess which one he is :)

The Tiger Roars Tonight

2011-11-22T03:09:00.001+08:00

lol Paul is back?

So the higlight of tonight was of course the finals of the SEA Games football match between arch nemesis Indonesia and Malaysia.Malaysia had made it to the semifinals after defeating Indonesia,and again,fate had brought them together in one field (okay i might have put that in the wrong way,but you get the idea). There were practically hundreds of thousands of local supporters who rooted for Indonesia,and if it wasn't for their self-motivation and inner strength,the Malaysian team might have crumbled from inside out upon hearing all the mocks and insults thrown by the unethical spectators.However,their effort of demotivating our team was in vain as the players remained calm and professional throughout the game.The match was neck-and-neck and I can say that the opposing team actually utilized the same tactics used by Germany during World Cup 2010,pretending to fall to stall the game.Indonesia was leading at first with a score of 1-0.By then,the audience in all typical mamak stalls and even in the comfort of their own living rooms (such as myself) started to shout on top of our lungs,cheering for the team.It's a miracle how this ball-chasing game can break our difference barrier and unite us as one.Patriotism does wonders.After intense tackling of the ball and numerous wasted open goals,our team finally caught up with a score of 1-1,thanks to Nazmi Faiz. The game ended up in a tie and penalty kicks were given out to determine the winner.It was so close,but thanks to the awesome Malaysian goalie cum hero, Khairul Fahmi Che Mat, our goal was saved at the eleventh minute,and somehow our final goal scored was Godsent as the Indonesian goalie actually managed to catch the ball,but with God's will,the ball slipped out of his grip and rolled right into the goal.Alhamdulillah.We have proven ourselves worthy of the gold medal,and at least now we have improved our reputation in the football field.Way to go Harimau Malaya!

Friend Zone = Danger Zone?

2011-11-22T02:23:00.001+08:00

"I have learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that." - James Rhinehart

Why the sudden quote you ask?Simple,it's closely related to the drama that's been happening to my life lately.As the title implies,friend zone could be a danger zone if you let it go too far.Those two words are deadly enough to terrify lovers,be it mutual or one-sided.Once you're in it,things will never be the same for the both of you.Then again,friend zones can also be a good thing if you take it in a positive way.When you're friends,or rather,best friends, you tend to share most of your time and experiences together,and there should be enough trust to break the secret barrier,or in other words "your secret is mine and vice versa".There shouldn't be any restrictions of some sort and you are free to share any random thoughts or emotions.A friend is simply a friend,but a best friend is your ultimate shoulder to cry on.You run to them in your sorrow,and also run to them when you need a laugh.It's all sweet and innocent until something happens to alter every single thing that has been the fundamental to your close-knit relationship.As I may have mentioned before,trust is like glass,you can't just randomly throw it at people as it is super fragile; once broken,it can never be the same ever again.Words,on the other hand,are stronger that swords.Physical weapons stab you in the heart and you die an instant death but when it comes to words,it stabs you in the same area,the only difference is that the pain is gradual,it gets worse with time and sometimes the scar ceases to heal and before you knew it,you have a permanent wound within you,waiting for the right time to bleed again.Too many a time have I encountered an epiphany revealing which friends are quality ones and which ones don't suppose to mean that much.It doesn't bother me until I realize that one of the friends i should grow apart from is someone I used to be super close to,someone i trusted with my life and shared my ups and downs with.It's not fair.Was it really a misunderstanding or is it a skeleton in the closet?Whatever it is,it sure is digging a great big hole in the ground to bury all our thoughts,memories and visions of being somewhat the musketeers forever.Things will never be the same,and it hurts me to think that this is dejavu,and what makes it even more painful is the realization that I miss us.What exactly just happened?How did things revolve so fast?Why did we grow apart instead of grow up together?Will this ever end?Then again,it was your fault for not trying to make things better.We tried but we eventually got tired of this one-sided effort.

I miss us...though.I can't deny.

Tales from Taylor's Mid-lake

2011-11-20T13:51:00.001+08:00

wow,it's amazing how I managed to refrain myself from blogging for almost a whole week,well Mahirah,challenge accepted and mission accomplished! :) it wasn't much of self-control,rather it's because I've been busy lately. I performed for CommFest on 11/11/11 with Dex,we did two songs : Zombie by Cranberries and Wish You Were Here by Avril.couldn't quite make use of my elecoustic because of the broken inner circuit,so i used my electric guitar like a boss,haha. the show went well,crowd was highly responsive although there were only a few of them,we were unlucky our slot was placed after Friday prayers,most people have already left for class.nevertheless,it was my first time singing and playing.great experience though,and we had some goodies from the sponsors.although i proclaimed that performance as my final one in 2011,it doesn't mean i'm going to quit music.it just means i've had too many shows in a year and i need a break of some sort.youtube projects and requests are still welcomed though!
enough about last week's story. this week my appetite had gotten bizarre and all i could think of is food food food! gastronomy had gotten the better of me and i think i spent waaay to much on lunch this week! then again,take a look at these!

Apple strudel with strawberry ice cream in Ohana's. i swear,it's the best dessert I've ever had.an awesome combination of apple goodness,with hot pastry and perfectly smooth strawberry ice cream.

This,on the other hand,is the el perfecto chicken teriyaki bento from Oishi Bento,a good deal of rm9.90,served with miso soup and green tea (free flow!). worth it.lasted till dinner.

i suspect my infinite hunger comes from the coldness of the weather outside,it's been raining cats and dogs almost everytime we blink,notice that?you can never leave the house without an umbrella anymore (not that i'm bothered to have one as a must though). i love the rain! sometimes i'll purposely choose the outdoor route to my classes during gentle showers just to walk in the mild coldness.would love to someday dance in it but of course,not in public xD then again,sometimes heavy downpours just creep me out.a few days ago the weather had gotten a wee bit too out of hand..

Picture speaks for itself.About 2-inches of water flooded the hallways of Taylor's Lakeside,making it into wading pools,thus Taylor's Mid-lake xD it was so bad to the extent of puddles flowing into our class which was situated on the EIGHTH floor of block D.don't get me started on the weather in general,I can hand it to Mother Nature,it scared the shit outta each and everyone of us.strong wind and unidirectional shower majorly resembled a potential hurricane! I was glad it subsided just in time for me to make a move back home.Road was super jammed as usual,and we took about triple our journey period to finally reach my place.I fell asleep halfway through so I didn't quite notice which part of the highway was clogged up.

Speaking of clogged up,lately I've been meaning to upgrade my laptop OS from Vista to Windows 7,finally?system's now up and running faster than before,then again the graphic card issue hasn't been resolved thus far,laptop display is temporarily running on VGA,which,hands down, sucks like eggs. Can't even get decent graphic quality when I watch the movies I torrented(yes I do know how to torrent now,weeee).I need to get to the bottom of this soon.

On another note,I am proud to be single woohoo! but it does get lonely and depressing sometimes,and there are times when all I wanna do is have something to divert my attention from all things depressing.so one lonely afternoon,my friend and I were the only two who were free to have lunch together.considering how we're both coincidentally feeling a lil down in the dumpst.out of fun,we pretended to be a couple for a day.we had lunch together and texted each other in class.to be honest,I couldn't really survive a day of commitment in a relationship,i guess everyone was right when they say that I'm not really the girlfriend type yet.i've gotten slightly annoyed when my 'boyfriend' gets jealous everytime he found out i'm hanging out with his arch rival.one scenario was when he was at the library and my lecturer released the class early,so I had about one hour to kill. he said he was studying so i decided to hang out with my bandmate (his rival).when he discovered it,he immediately came down and pulled me to accompany him to 7E,YES literally pulled me.talk about touch barriers eh,heh.it was fun nevertheless,although i do confess clingy guys make me sick.i'm not ready for anything serious clearly,i am now too selfish.guess it's a fact i have to accept.maybe shutting down my feelings for the opposite sex for the timing might actually work out for me.

then again,i won't deny,no matter how many guys i fake-date,i appreciate the moment with GP the most.it's too valuable and it sucks that it has to end soon before it even began.he's leaving,far or near i'm not quite sure,as much as i miss him, every time i see him there's a lump in my throat,preventing me to say even a word and whenever he comes online,my hands freeze upon the click of his name on my chatbox.i miss the times when i can just be a complete goofball in front of him and he would be like a total asshole to complement my insanity.in fact, the only time i can act as such in his presence is when we're among the boys.i feel so alive and my feelings for him somewhat become idle.i miss those moments when we stop thinking and just start having fun. i hate these feelings,they often get in the way. i just wanna do stupid random things and get in trouble with you,mindless little acts that bind us into one.when I'm with you,i feel like a kid again.i want this back,i don't want this heartache to get to the better of me.I miss you GP. is it too late to revert to how we used to be?

You're Already The Voice Inside My Head

2011-11-14T02:54:00.001+08:00

recognize the quotes from somewhere?heck yeah you're right! they're lines from one of my favorite songs,"I Miss You" by Blink 182.I've been wondering what the significance of the names were about,and I finally found out sometime this year,it's the names of the lovebirds from Nightmare Before Christmas! I'm not quite sure about the storyline of the movie,it's an old one,almost my age,and is a masterpiece of the great Tim Burton,so i doubt that it would suck in any way.finally managed to download the full movie,i'll watch it tomorrow woohoo! some say it's a romantic yet twisted version of the Grinch,that should be interesting I guess.the dark theme somehow attracted me in so many ways.as a matter of fact,i'm more into horror movies lately.I'm also planning to download and re-watch The Jurassic Park Trilogy,Jeepers Creepers,Friday the 13th and some other new movies I have yet to browse for.dear internet,please be nice to me.I have too many things in mind to download,LOL.

p/s: I miss you so bad it actually hurts sometimes.Although i don't talk to you,it doesn't mean i don't care.I'm just glad you're doing well,and it's good to see you online.It lets me know indirectly that you're still in good shape and the right state of health.I really wanna spend more time with you,because you're in the "maybe leaving next year" list.it hurts to know all these will end soon.I need something I could use to remember you by,please? in return,i'll give you something to remember me by,that is,if you still want to.

PODCAST!

2011-11-07T20:41:00.000+08:00

Leanna's Blogdrenaline Domain goes live on podcast in full frequency! check it out yo :) click HERE

Live back to back after the Faiz Azman show at 9:00pm,before Ngee Myeh Show at 10:30pm.

I'm Gonna Give All My Secrets Away

2011-11-06T04:13:00.000+08:00

"I need another story

Something to get off my chest

My life gets kinda boring

Need something that I can confess

Til’ all my sleeves are stained red

From all the truth that I’ve said

Come by it honestly I swear

Thought you saw me wink, no

I’ve been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear

Something that were like those years

Sick of all the insincere

So I’m gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don’t need another perfect line

Don’t care if critics never jump in line

I’m gonna give all my secrets away"

Secrets by One Republic

Ever had those days when a song gets stuck in your head and plays on loop all day and all night?I had 'Use Somebody' by Kings of Leon,followed by Wish You Were Here by Avril and now this song.In my case,I have reasons why certain songs get stuck in my head; it's always either the strength of the melody or the lyrics.I have indeed been keeping a lot of secrets from people around me,even those who are proclaimed as 'close'.For instance,my insomnia is back,so is my anger management issues.It's all due to the irregular pattern of meals and sleep,not to mention the amount of stress u had to handle for the past few days.I might or might have not mentioned this in any of my blog posts,but a few months ago i've been having weird dreams regarding him (from now on i shall refer to him as weirdo).it was gone for a few weeks,then when the stress came back,so did the dreams.

As the song goes: I'm gonna give all my secrets away.

What dream you say? I confess,I have fantasized being together with him,and at night my brain generates affectionate dreams of us being together.To be frank,in Dreamland, we kissed and woke up in the morning to each other's smiles.Anything in between was perfectly innocent,and it was all sleep.It's bizarre to know that this is just a sign that my feelings for weirdo has grown deeper than i thought it would.It's also bizarre how i'm still not giving up on him,what's the matter with me?every damn day i'll waste my wishes and prayers on him,begging to the One Upstairs to give us a chance,and to let all these be a sign of eternal love story and not just another delusion; either that or get rid off my feelings as fast as possible.i can't stand the fact that i will subconsciously think of him every damn time my mind goes idle mode.

honestly,I love you,weirdo but this madness has got to stop.

p/s: my recent dream was that we were clasping on eachother's hand in the middle of Simple Plan's concert,and when I Can Wait Forever came,i volunteered,but Pierre Bouvier chose some other dude to go up on stage to dedicate the song to anyone in the crowd.the dude turned out to be my ex,he dedicated the song to me and asked me to get back together with him.stunned,weird just let go of his grip on my hand.the rest was history.

Top 40 Jetlagged Smiles

2011-11-03T03:02:00.000+08:00

Cynical title? I wouldn't say that,a more appropriate way to term it is 'creative'.I have been abandoning my blog for days now so i figured an update that combines all things important in one post would be legit for now.As some of you may or may not have known,my band,Band 93 was formed during MJ Night when we collaborated for the very first time to perform a rock cover of Billie Jean as the opening act.
Band 93 is initially:
- Vocalists : Neo & Adam
- Drums : Ken Yue
- Guitars : Me
- Bass:Josh (disclaimer: he was the keyboardist for Smooth Criminal,Billie Jean keyboardist was Yuuhi)

We then took a crazy chance of auditioning for Twisties Superstarz,our first song was Breakeven by The Script. what's fucked up? my guitar wire snapped,we weren't tight enough because we thought it wasn't really our genre.The audition took place in our uni.Nevertheless,we met a lot of amazing people,especially this dude named Oliver Liew,better known as 'Malaysian Sam Tsui'. pictures speak for themselves.He's bloody good,i can hand it to him,although his vocals are somehow a bit too high-pitched,to me it's fine and it's not as annoying as Bieber.He made it to top 6 in Lakeside! So did Neo and Adam,individually.not to forget,Dzaim's band too.let's hope they make it to top 8 overall.

We then planned ahead for our next audition,all because Nadhira did a direct 'headshot' to Mr Drummer,haha.this time,it's full-proof! or so we thought,NO MORE last minute plans or practices.we went all out,and upgraded Josh into our keyboardist.we even dragged Nadzmi into the band as our bassist (he's originally our bassist for Billie Jean).everything was so properly arranged,including our song choice "Bad Romance". We did a rock rendition,something similar to Future Idiots on youtube,except we altered most of the parts to suit our style of sound.Managed to get Josh a keyboard too.Then again,i guess we're inexperienced.judges (JD,Nadhira,Liang) didn't seem to like our performance that much.According to them,our arrangement was a bit too "English Top 40" and our showmanship was that of pub bands of which people will eventually ignore.Rephrased,we weren't tight enough :( better luck next time aight,boys?

p/s: it was fun playing Counter Strike with the boys,and then the road trip back home cum late dinner with Josh & Neo. there was indeed a tragedy which I shall not elaborate.let's focus on the positive stuff shall we? :)

Some words of wisdom from cikgu (hell yeah he was the first judge! fucked me up real good just like a discipline teacher,HAHA):

another important shizz,needless to say if you're as big of a punk rock fan as I am,you're gonna jump at this:

YES I KNOW RIGHT!!! now i really have something to look forward to in 2012!

come on Tune Talk,Green Day next and i can die in peace! heheh

this is just for laughs.enjoy! credits to Hazeem Roslan for the meme comic.

p/s/s: i need to find ways to get money.totally broke and my bank account is as good as nothing,i don't quite have full access to it despite being above the age limit.

If Time is Money,literally.

2011-10-27T11:57:00.000+08:00

yeah IKR,certainly something to ponder about.say,someone gets rich out of robbing some big shot,and eventually gets robbed by someone else.karma's a b with an itch,i can tell you that,then again,will it be fair for the robber to be convicted for his crime whilst his 'victim' used to be a robber himself too(who of course enjoys fruitful wealth out of robbing from someone else)? that's one scenario,what about the Robin Hood principle,steal from the rich to give to the poor?it can be said that it's ethical yet illegal.by right,one with enough sense of morality would want to help someone in need,regardless of whether the needy is a relative,a friend,an acquaintance or a random stranger; then again,what if helping people means committing a crime? does this mean being law-abiding citizens have snatched away all our humanity?absolutely not,in my personal view.some may say laws are meant to be broken,but due to the norms of our society,the law is what keeps us on our feet,without it,life would be hell.houses must be sealed at all times and weak souls are no longer daring enough to walk the streets since there will be criminals running loose in every corner.sure,certain amendments are necessary so that a certain policy is considered acceptable if not as flawless as God's commandments in our Holy books; it's because we are humans who are bound to screw up at some point,then again it doesn't mean a certain law is 100% wrong.an assimilation of ethics and legalization would be ideal in today's modern times.in short, rules and moralities sit side-by-side so nothing should ever come between them.

disclaimer: topic was actually inspired by the 2011 movie "In Time",starring the hot muthachucka Justin Timberlake(as Will Salas).story revolves around the lives of people in a world where time is money,literally; only the rich ones undergo immortality whilst people-of-the-ghetto are always on the run and eventually die.

here's a clearer outline of the story:
In the not-too-distant future the aging gene has been switched off. To avoid overpopulation, time has become the currency and the way people pay for luxuries and necessities. The rich can live forever, while the rest try to negotiate for their immortality. A poor young man who comes into a fortune of time, though too late to help his mother from dying. He ends up on the run from a corrupt police force known as 'time keepers'.Written by THR Heat Vision

A MUST watch indeed,I rate the movie 8/10. excellent theme and plotting especially for sci-fi freaks such as myself.

~~lol girl... he's just not THAT into you,he doesn't even look into your eyes,muehehe~~

Stay Together For The Kids

2011-10-26T02:34:00.000+08:00

The title says it all, and I know it's beyond challenging to be writing on this topic,especially considering how sensitive it can get to certain people,but somehow,the voice inside me keeps telling i should give it a shot.

What inspired me to do it is this song of Blink 182's i just discovered,it's called Stay Together For The Kids.I've heard the title before,but never have I had such bigger urge to look for it than a few days ago.Self-explanatory,it's about divorce,in case you haven't gotten what the catch is yet.It's a big word with infinite capabilities to either scar a child's emotions permanently or worse,affect their adulthood eventually.I was lucky my parents managed to resolve their arguments peacefully and ended up splitting up because of death and not divorce.I may not have first-hand experiences with it,but I do know a few unfortunate friends who do.I can tell you this,it's an ugly thing and I respect them for masking their pain with their smiles,every single day. I know how it feels like to fake your happiness,to hide that major heartache that's slowly breaking you from inside out.Its excruciating pain pierces through your every veins,so deadly and so slowly that you suffer,silently,Some of them, especially a friend of mine who lives with one of his parents, refuses to even have a single mention about his other parent who 'abandoned' him,and the worst part is I found out about it unintentionally. I asked him an innocent question and he came up with this revelation.I know how it's like to lose a parent,I lost my dad to cancer but I can tell that it's a very distinctive story compared to losing a dad or a mom due to a split-up. If death separates,you know the person's gone but the love is still there whereas if it's a marriage split-up,you know the love is no longer there and you'll feel alone no matter how many people you're surrounded with.The impact is even worse as the years go by,especially when the child is still at a tender young age.It might happen in a split second,but it will scar them for life.For some reason,I have an ability to tell whether someone's happy or otherwise,based on the way they stare into blank space.Happy people have sparkling eyes; those who hide their depression have deep eyes that seem unfocused at some points,mainly because they're trying to brush off the sadness or sometimes they over-think about their fate.Some manage to pull through while others (touch wood) without much motivation,might end up in the gutter,cutting themselves to feel real again.Everyone has problems,but split-ups are never the best solution to anything,they only make things worse.Believe you me,there are so many other ways.

50% American homes have been broken by marriage split-ups.is this even right?

A couple has been married for 72 years, they lived together to the age of 90++. They passed away in an accident, still holding hands. Who says true love doesn't exist?

"I see them everyday,we get along so why can't they? If this is what he wants and it's what she wants,why is there so much pain?"

Stay Together For The Kids by Blink 182

Cats have Nine Lives,I have only Three

2011-10-23T14:49:00.000+08:00

If only I were a cat,maybe i wouldn't be so dead inside,since I have nine lives to spare,then again,me being myself,I might end up wasting them and only have 1 left.

It's near to obvious what I meant by having only three lives to keep,it's not that I will literally be able to resurrect after every deaths,it's more to a figurative way of putting what matters the most in my life rather than my religion : Studies,Music & Love = thus, study life,music life and love life.it's harder to maintain them all.there was a point in life where I've succeeded in all,then again the success didn't last long.one of them is bound to fail me,and of course,resulting depression when it's a 2 out of 3 failures.

at the moment,what matter the most to me are both my study life and musical life.love life? pfft psshh.. i don't know if it still exists,i've given up on myself ever since i discovered i have a fear of having commitments.i'm a swinger by nature and i have yet to grow out of that habit,although i do admit i'm waiting on someone who apparently has the same phobia as mine - philophobia. he's even worse as a matter of fact,he has a goddamn wall that i plan to bulldoze one day,hehe. for now,i'm not gonna try too hard,i'm just gonna wait until that so-called wall of his crumbles on his own. in the mean time,i'm just gonna spray on some graffiti on it.

~~i'm only gonna let go of him once he belongs to someone else,i'm never giving up..it's something about him that makes me wanna keep holding onto whatever i have.~~

study life has been going fine as usual,not as fucked up as compared with my musical life.there always seems to be a barrier of some sort that stops me from moving on from square one.it's either the de-motivation i get from external factors, or the de-motivation i get from deep within,something like "i'm not good enough".today,thanks to my bandmates,i know that all musicians start from scratch,zero to hero concept that keeps them going regardless of the circumstances.i admit,i have more than enough rooms for improvement especially when it comes to transposing,gestures and comfortableness when performing. i have yet to master the basic fundamentals to rocking.teach me more! i wanna know :) and of course,nothing sucks more than being prevented from doing what you do best.to me,as long as my music life doesn't interfere with the other lives,i don't see why i shouldn't keep pursuing my dreams.music as a career,to be perfectly honest,is near to impossible to a Malaysian's context,due to the locals' perception regarding those individuals involved,and also the fact that we have a saturated industry where you can only survive if you stand out from the rest of the performers,otherwise,you're gonna drown. another sad fact is that even when you outshine people,there's always gonna be someone better,forcing you to keep working harder.i'm not willing to take such risks,so i have a backup plan : succeed in academics,get a proper day job and be a rocker by nightfall. as soon as my life falls into place,only then will i think about my love life.sounds like a plan? indeed.

btw i really feel like re-watching School of Rock for the third time,the kids' determination really inspired me.

"It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll.." - ACDC.

It's Not Over

2011-10-19T01:48:00.001+08:00

"This love is killing me but you're the only one,it's not over."

-Daughtry

So i've been seeking some advice to treat my sleeping and eating habits that have gone haywire lately due to my excessive emotional stress.I have indeed found the root to it,which is none other than that dreaded four-letter word that can either make you or break you, L.O.V.E. yes i know,it sucks to be in love again.The main cause has been found, what's next? My mind says, stop giving a damn about anything else and just stay focused on the main objective - living healthy to live longer.Then again,there comes my heart saying I should keep dwelling until I eventually find someone competent enough to 'replace' you.This argument ended when I've gotten a definite answer,one that I've never seen coming.My natural reflex to it was arguably odd; I rejoiced the fact that i don't have to think anymore, and the next thing I knew I was actually experiencing an emotional meltdown - yep,you got that right, WATERWORKS,in squatting position,in the shower.I knew I've been watching too many chic flicks,zzzz.As much as I love them,it's affecting my life in so many ways - the way I think,the way I react, even the way I talk and dress.I woke up the next day feeling so bleh and numb in someway,I thought to myself,wow.. I got over you,finally? My friends comforted me despite how unnecessary it was because I didn't take it that hard.To me,it's better to find out sooner than later.

Life was going so well until ... that encounter. That FUCKING encounter in that same fucking place where i fucking realised I liked you and where the feelings start to develop.It's shitty and above all,i HATE mushy stuff. They crank my style as a rocker to be honest,but these feelings.. *points to chest* right here,I ain't got no control on em. I have yet to conquer them,I'm not THAT strong after all.When it comes,it comes, and my mind hatched an aspiration,finally agreeing with my heart. It wasn't like a love triangle thing,it's just a denial thing.ANYTHING that's been switched off can always be turned on in matter of time,so I'm not giving up until I eventually win or lose for sure.Somehow,I can feel that you're gonna be worth the wait,it's just something about you that makes me wanna stay.

why the sudden twist of thought?it's a very small incident that people often overlook or over-think about..

Because you texted me,...it's a brief one yet enough to let me know that you actually give a damn about me.

and you actually help me when I'm in need.screw that,EVERYTIME i'm in need,I don't even have to call on you,you're always there to rescue me.

I'm sorry if I seem to ignore you or avoid you lately,I wanna have control on my feelings,I don't want it to get out of hand.I need to stabilize.Just like you,I have priorities too and I need to get them straight.I'm still trying to understand what kind of person you are,I don't wanna fall for the wrong guy again.This might take time but it doesn't mean we should stop being friends.and liking you,I don't expect anything in return,it's like my passion for guitars,I don't exactly expect them to 'love me back' but I think you can see how much I love my guitars and how much I would sacrifice for them.again why? Because they make me happy,the same reason why I like you,as simple as that.

I don't give a fuck if you don't give a fuck about how I feel about you,and you can NEVER stop me from feeling what my heart wants to feel,let it stop naturally in a gradual pace,there's no such thing as abrupt change.

Then again,I often pray for a happy ending,yeah.. mushy I know,but that's what every single people in the world in hoping for.

"If your heart is closed,don't lock it.Keep your keys back in your pocket,think this through." Estrella 'Stay'.

And for some particular reason,the universe keeps shoving you into my face. WHY??! = =

A: God keeps putting me in trials and turbulence, it shatters me in many different ways. It's like He is purposely creating this domino effect to test me,and guess what,i'm failing!

B: Don't put it that way,take it as a challenge.God has reasons for whatever the hell He does, He knows you better than you know yourself ; tell you what, God is actually poking fun all over you and you don't even notice.

A: Why would He do that to me?

B: because,unlike some other people,you're funny,you're special and you're most definitely among the people who could take sick jokes.

Ranting like Dr Cox

2011-10-18T22:16:00.000+08:00

here goes my rants,in one shot,for Tuesday 18/10/11:

1.the vampire shouldn't create a barrier between herself and us. LOL
2.my sudden food craving is scary.Subway,then milk tea.
3. quote of the century: "Life is too short to be emo,OR to safely remove our pendrive from our laptops" - Calvin "Facebook-Is-Mainstream-I-only-Give-A-Feck-About-Guitars"
Tan
4. why the f did i suggest 'it' and why the f did you agree? FML
5. seriously in need of a jam session with Band 93.
6. NEVER place phone in side pocket,radiation may affect blood circulation - talking thru experience.
7.Assignments,I <3 u !

that is all.

Holes Inside

2011-10-14T00:04:00.000+08:00

When all that you've tried, leaves nothing but holes inside,

It seems like you're wired, to stay here held in time,

Cos nothing seems to change, oh no.

No nothing's gonna change, at all.

I can see it in your face, the hope has gone away.

If you hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light.
Oh cos sometimes, fate and your dreams will collide.
So don't walk away from me,
Don't walk away from me,
Don't walk away from me.

Your feet are stuck, no they cannot move,
Don't tell me that they're glued,
They should've far from.
At home, at ease but give sometime to breathe

- Holes Inside by Joe Brooks

The bittersweet revelation I received today seemed to have given me mixed emotions; a sense of freedom because I no longer have to play the guessing game nor take any risks to get it done with,and partly,a weird combination of happiness and depression.I should be happy that I can now set my priorities straight and just let go of all the delusions,then again part of me is crumbling yet again.I don't understand,just as I thought it would've been the end of all these insignificant thoughts,it came back to me.It hit me like a tidal wave,slow,progressive,but painful in the end.I'm prepared for the worst,but I didn't see this one coming.I was confused regarding how to react,should I be happy or sad? Should I wait or should I just screw it?It was a major relief and now I can sleep well,but it's also gonna revolve into a major heartache soon.I'm feeling it now,I'm so immune to such pain that I literally couldn't care less how much it hurts me,and how much it eats me inside.I know deep down my walls are tumbling,but somehow,someway,I know a reconstruction is about to take place.This is going to make me stronger and not break me further,this I promise myself day by day.

The worst part is,it took me SIX DAMN YEARS to actually discover I wasn't ready for such heartbreaks and commitment,thus I was actually terrified of the thought of marriage and any affectionate dreams.It scares me,and clearly I am not well-prepared to face that.'We' were both on the same page all along,now I know.it's gonna take time for me to recover,but indeed,I will.

Although I wouldn't know how to react the next time I see you. Will we ever be the same? Will I ever be able to be myself again? Right here,right now,I'm actually wishing that you'd leave soon,sooner than you're supposed to.I want the pain to go away,I want to feel numb,I don't wanna feel anything anymore.I don't even wanna feel happy for fear of being pulled down in mid-air.

If any scientists is looking for a human body sacrifice to test on their latest artificial intelligence invention,ya don't need a proper cadaver,just take me,I'm already dead inside.I'd like to know how will life change with only the mind taking control whilst emotions don't exist?

MJ Moonwalking In Taylor's Dance & Music Concert (11/10/11)

2011-10-13T22:01:00.000+08:00

Also a little bit overdue but nevertheless,I will still blog about it considering the fact that professional photos are finally up! credits to Mahirah and some dude from photography club,photos were stolen from their arsenal,hehe.prepare yourself for one of the longest blog posts i've ever written,well the pictures will do the talking.

ehem... Dominique & Ching Huei,heheh

Benny's epic performance shot!

me and Victor Sylvester,magician aka MJ impersonator :)

ZEUSSSSS,adam's sugar glider :D

We Are The World with Taylor's Symphony Orchestra :)

Faiz got skills wei :D

Thrillaaahhh flash mob :D

backstage with the zombaaaassss

ze audience :) full house baby!

Yuuhi & Jo setting up the deco :)

Josh the vampire dude ~~

my band performing Billie Jean,rock rendition.

group photo with Victor!

Sid = ="

not gonna say anything xD

Dance Club,set to go!

Smooth Criminal ;)

I don't remember what song ,lol

Calvin's epic performance shot.

Taylor's Symphony Orchestra's rehearsal

Rockaway Fest 2011

2011-10-13T18:23:00.000+08:00

A little random and overdue but who gives a fuck,it's my blog aight,hehe.

So yeah,this is my first ever Rockaway experience,bought the tickets for the sake of watching Sum 41 and Dashboard Confessionals but somehow due to unforeseen circumstances,organizers failed to get them here.However,they compensated by bringing over three epic bands All Time Low,Story of The Year and of course the most anticipated act,The Used.

I came at about 3:30pm after being pestered by Ken Yue who was there since 9:30am as a volunteer,sacrificing my MJ Night rehearsal session in uni.btw,I'm biased so I'm just gonna talk about the bands I favor,hehe.

Waiting for the bands I anticipated for weren't big of a deal considering the excellence of all the acts on stage,especially LO,.you're still awesome dude! he played some familiar tunes,just for nostalgia's sake: Evening News,Operator The Line Is Dead, and a new shit, Oops I Love You.

Somehow during the show,Ken Yue pulled me out of the crowd and led me to the side of the stage where the girls were cheering.He handed me his volunteer tag and i went through the security almost too smoothly.It happened so fast that I didn't even notice I was actually standing right next to the members of All Time Low! unlike other girls,i managed to keep my cool and welcomed them to Malaysia etc.it was a brief but meaningful conversation per say.did I mention Alex Gaskarth's guitar pick hit Ken Yue's eye and he gave it to me? hehe. and another epic moment was when a bunch of girls threw their 'boob underwear' to Jack Barakat from All Time Low = = dang... where's your dignity? (sorry fellers,since i didn't rate my blog as R anymore,can't upload the pics or elaborate much about the obscene antics of the ATL boys on stage that had gotten them banned from Malaysia.try google-ing them,they pissed off the organizers but yeah,they rocked and I was lucky enough to have met them on their first and last visit to Malaysia before they're banned. lol. yeah,rubbing it in yo face bee-otches,haha.on the brightside,they totally rocked the house! the mosh pit,the chaos,the uncensored words,totally beyond awesome!

right after ATL was Pop Shuvit. they had their usual song list played and of course,followed by the Groom-to-be,Moots' stage dive.somehow the crowd got carried away and Moots' Macbeth shoes kicked me in the face,and they almost got stolen by the crowd.

highlight of the night was of course,Uno's stage canoe attempt,something we rarely see normal people do!

I didn't really stay to watch The Used,mainly because I wasn't much of a fan of theirs.nevertheless,i guess this rock fest was a success,and I enjoyed every single bit of it.also heard that they planned ahead about bringing Sum41 and some other band to Malaysia. let's hope the plan works this time. RAWK ONNNN!!

Things I'll Never Say

2011-10-05T03:27:00.000+08:00

... but really want to.

*good GOD the post disappeared thanks to Blogger..this is my 2nd time writing this,hopefully it's a blessing in disguise.*

self-explanatory title?

Whenever I walk into a crowded room,I feel like shouting " Come out wherever you are! As packed as the room can be,I still feel lonely without you!"

When you sing to get the right key for a song "You may suck in singing but your voice is like music to my ears,proceed..."

During awkward silences in between conversation "Don't ruin it,don't say anything,just keep doing what you're doing and let me stare at you without you knowing it." << psycho alert!

When your eyes meet mine "Turn away! Turn..away!! Don't look at me with those eyes,every time you do my heart skips a beat,if this persists,I might just die?"

After your lame jokes " OMG you're fucking lame! but so am I,that's why I got that joke. And that geeky laughter of yours,I find it adorable and I love it so much that I wanna steal your laugh box and embed it on my phone so I could make it the alarm tone I wake up to every morning."

When you hand me something/try to assist me with something,I feel like slapping your hand and say "Stop being a fucking tease.. You're making it hard for me to focus!"

When we say good bye, "Walk faster please? So I could miss you faster.."

Guess I'm wishing my life away,with these things I'll never say. - Avril Lavigne

Wake Me Up When September Ends

2011-10-01T01:07:00.000+08:00

"like my father's come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends"

Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day

I could so relate to this song now. September has ended,dad passed away in September 2 years ago due to cancer and no one can deny the fact that i secretly miss him. al fatihah,may we meet again someday.

Punk Rock Princess's 26th Birthday

2011-09-27T01:21:00.000+08:00

Happy 26th birthday Avril Ramona Lavigne!

Thank you for speaking my mind with your music,thank you for cheering me up when I'm down,and thank you for inspiring me to keep going in life and keep chasing my dreams to become a rocker.

Love ya! Do drop by in my country,would love to hang out with you someday xD

Reason or Rhyme

2011-09-26T02:27:00.000+08:00

"There's no reason or rhyme to keep me from trying to look at you out of the corner of my eyes,and I know it's so wrong, these feelings belong somewhere else but I can't make them go away. I'm afraid to offer words,afraid to tell you my mind,afraid you'll leave or embrace the me i'm trying to hide.I wish I knew the power to resist to hold you close,to see what might come of this.There's no reason or rhyme to keep me from trying to get into the world hidden in your eyes."

-Reason Or Rhyme by Crimson Epiphany

a lot has been happening to me recently.starting of the new semester is actually not quite as what I've been expecting.i expected it to be as accommodating as the first one,with or without a proper orientation considering the fact that we don't really need one.it turned out that everything is speeding up and one of our lecturers are already on our case.it's a very bad start if you ask me.

enough about classes.as for music,my musical progression is going uphill,although in a slow rate it is indeed still moving.MJ Concert is in 15 days from now,the team needs to get cracking! funny how a small random statement i made to Jyne about having a night dedicated to MJ,could turn out so big. we have teams for design,fundraising,stage,sponsorship and even multimedia.this gonna be big! go Beat It Committee! 800 tickets to sell,8 days left for fundraising and promotional booths. we can do it! i have other performances to prepare for,and the other day i had a last minute performance with Dex on a Sunday.apparently we almost forgot about it if it wasn't for CHing Huei,phew~ we performed "Don't Tell Me" by Avril,a song we've covered before at the Amphitheatre in uni.it went well.

love life? well the universe decided to speed up my first move,although it hasn't happened,but the incidences really did encourage me to do it.the random places i tend to bump into him,all the times i was left alone by the gang to stay with him and him only,the signs he showed that everyone else saw except for me,are they all leading to something or just merely another delusion of mine? why does the universe keep shoving it in my face and refusing to let me deny these feelings? i've had enough pain and i don't wanna lose another friend,although i do admit that i have fallen head over heels.one of the scariest coincidences is of course,the one in Starbucks.I had two hours to kill and a sudden desire to grab a frap and possibly hog the wifi there is strongly urging.so as i sat down,i felt how lonely it was to be alone in a cold cafe.i had Wish You Were Here - Avril playing on my mp3,yes i did wished you were there,then POOF! there you are,with your drink and your food. we sat together and talked,with some occasional silence here and there since both of us are either busy with the games we're playing or checking our social network accounts. i don't feel awkward,i love silence.and i love it when you're consumed with whatever you're doing,i can totally steal the chance to stare at you and let myself know that your presence at the very moment is real.other times would just be other places at all the random times.sometimes i feel as if you know how i feel about you,but you're testing me whether it's true by being super sweet to me.accompanying me when i'm alone?happen to eat in the same place with me?wait with me as long as you could?what is all these?if your intentions are good,carry on,otherwise,just stop.stop messing with my head.

"Don't waste your time on me,you're already the voice inside my head." Blink 182 (I Miss You).

(by now i have made it clear,if you're reading this,good.. i want you to know,that i'm tired of leaving hints for you,and that I confess,that i like you...if you don't feel the same way about me,i hope this confession doesn't change anything,and doesn't set a boundary between our friendship.)

You put your arms around me and I'm home

2011-09-14T03:02:00.000+08:00

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'Till you put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

You put your arms around me and I'm home

-"Arms" by Christina Perri

Previously I was scared to feel what I feel,but right now,I've gotten an epiphany.I shouldn't be afraid of my own shadows.I'm a human,and I have feelings. Someday,in one way or another,I need to confess,even if it is only to myself and not to him.Let this day be today,I need to at least admit to myself.

I love the way you randomly wave at me when I don't see you in a crowd.
I love the way you make me feel I'm neither too small nor too big,physically.
I love the way you smile at me.
I love the way you laugh,and then look at me to see if i'm laughing too.
I love the way you stare right into my eyes,and beat me in staring games as we talk.NO ONE has ever beaten me,simply coz I have naturally deep eyes.
I love the way we're always sharing stuff about music.
I love the way you're always lending me your pick,although you clearly know I have 4 of them in my pocket.
I love the way you're always calling my name to attract my attention when I'm sitting across the room from you.
I love the way your eyes sparkle and disappear as you squint; and your dimples show up when you get excited.
I love your enthusiasm when you're telling me stories,the hand gestures remind me of...ME.
I love the way you're acting like a gentleman around me,letting me either walk in front of you or side by side with you.
I love how we have almost similar musical interest.
I love how you always pay close attention to the tiny details I say.
I love how you never break your promises.
And most of all,even if it is wrong,I love how we always end up touching each other by accident,followed by us blushing at the same time.

But will all these confessions mean a thing if you don't feel the same way? I only have 3 months from now to make it work out between us,and chances of meeting you everyday are quite slim. You're leaving soon,whether I like it or not. It's gonna be tough letting you go without knowing how I feel about you,and how you make me feel,which explains why,perhaps,I'll be preparing for the worst and setting a gradual distance between us.At least I'll get used to not having you around anymore.It sucks how this always happens to me,but I've accepted it. Probably it's not the time yet,but still,

You make me giggle like a giddy school girl.
You make me blush,more than I usually do.
You make me lose my self-esteem,just by staring into my eyes.
You make me smile on my own,more than a healthy person should.
You make me weak on my knees.
You fill my mind with memories of you,every single one of them,in detail.
You make me fall asleep to thoughts of you,and wake up the same way.
Most importantly,you made me believe in love again,even without knowing whether you feel the same way too.

You may not be the first,but you might be the one. Will you be my dream come true?

MIME Day 1 - probably one of the best nights of my life.

2011-09-13T01:45:00.000+08:00

with the legendary percussionist,Steve Thornton

can't believe such a small idea could become this big.

the trio!

what the..???

The Awesome Raya in Pixels

2011-09-13T01:32:00.001+08:00

First day...

Mak Nini's awesome laksa

bidding farewell to our Perlisian relatives

The most reputable restaurant in Penang

toy museum,with Jack Sparrow.

New York Strip Steak in Hard Rock Cafe. (don't ask me the price,totally worth it)

SOng request for the HRC Penang band.

read em and weep!

Yeah baby!

complimentary natural make-over from MAC

'him'... this is supposed to be said to 'him'

Vintage KFC in Penang

kak Idd's living room :O

my lovely bro and sis :)

kak long!

my fav couple :')

so yeah...

staircase guests

VP benson & ching huei

my bro hangin at my staircase studio :P

When It's Time

2011-09-10T02:34:00.000+08:00

"The words get trapped in my mind

I'm sorry I don't take the time to feel the way I do

'Cause from the first day you came into my life

The time ticks around you

We're all born in a world of doubt

But there's no doubtI've figured out

I love you

And I feel lonely for

All the losers that will never take the time to say

What's beyond their mind instead they just hide away

So tell me when its time to say I love you."

- When It's Time by Green Day

Narrating My Life part 2 - Philophobia

2011-09-08T17:21:00.000+08:00

"I may be physically here but I am emotionally elsewhere.."

This line is neither from a song nor a movie quote,instead it's from the bottom of my heart. I can't deny the fact that I've had a blast during Eid, the Northern Peninsular Trip,I'll just let the photos do the talking in a separate post later when I'm in the mood.Currently,I've been feeling jaded, and somewhat overwhelmed by all these emotions encircling my mind. You can ask some of my closest friends, they knew how i broke down while I was in Penang. I had a gush of depression, it feels like being stabbed in the heart with a thousand daggers.It hit me so suddenly that I had no idea how to react.Negative vibes surrounded my mind and at some point,i feel like giving up everything i've ever wanted : love and music.I feel that I'm incompetent and useless; and I might not succeed in both at all. What I needed was a friend and I'm glad I had one to talk to,at least now I feel less.. useless.I was happy earlier today,the day couldn't be anymore perfect.I've gotten awesome results for my finals,but what hurt me the most is the fact that i'm yet again falling for another guy,who will potentially be another reason for my inner pain.It's all going well,I thought we're only gonna remain friends ,then these stupid feelings just HAD to come by,and i noticed I have a constant emotional pattern every year:

in May: I'll start getting to know a great guy who eventually disappears into thin air,giving me an impression that he will be nothing more than a one-day crush.
in June : I'll somehow bump into him more than I expect,and the crush on him returns.
in July : Our friendship develops due to the frequent encounters,and the feelings start to revolve more and more each day ; something i term as love-crush transition stage.
in August : I'd realise the feeling is going too far and I might have fallen for him already.
in September : I'd feel that it's one-sided (without asking him, just a paranoid assumption) and start to give up on myself.

This roller coaster of emotion goes on every year as if it's a routine I can never neglect.It hurts to repeat the same mistakes all over again.And yesterday,thanks to Maira,I discovered the root of my emotional disturbance:
I'm suffering from a mental condition known as Philophobia (fear of falling in love or being in love). as ridiculous as it sounds,it's actually a serious problem if it gets any worse.I found a site speaking all about philophobes and most of the symptoms actually occur to me.

A little extract from what I've read:
"

Philophobia is the fear of emotional attachment; fear of being in, or falling in love

Medical science defines philophobia as an abnormal, unwarranted and persistent fear of falling in love. Its name comes from two Greek roots – "philo" meaning love and "phobia" meaning fear of. This fear of love isn't merely a distressing emotional condition; it results in actual physical symptoms, and may even heighten a person's alienation from all people, family, friends, co-workers and neighbors.

In other words, the mind is thinking that falling in love poses a life-or-death threat to such a degree that it automatically prepares the body to fight for survival. This excessive emotional response forms one of the clearest signs that a person is in the grip of a phobia, in this case, the fear of love.

In addition, philophobia produces a distinct set of physical symptoms. Philophobia symptoms range from nervousness or restlessness in the presence of the opposite sex, to feelings of absolute dread at the prospect of meeting someone. In its most extreme cases, philophobia can cause the equivalent of a full-blown panic attack: sweating, irregular heartbeat, shortness of breath, nausea and an intense need to escape from the presence of the potential lover.

As with all phobias, psychiatrists and psychologists aren't in 100% agreement on what sets off philophobia. Sometimes a person dwells on bitter memories of past relationship that didn't go well or that ended badly. Or the sufferer may have an intense fear of rejection and avoids relationships as a way to avoid the embarrassment of being refused by a potential lover. Others may have gone through an acrimonious divorce and be convinced that falling in love again will only lead to another painful divorce or breakup. "

Check out the underlined text,those are what I'm currently experiencing. So far I'm still in the initial stage of the condition whereby I have yet to suffer physical side effects.I'm glad this mental condition can be treated,maybe i really should see a councilor soon before things get worse,but not a soul should tell my family about this.I'm not crazy and it's a minor problem that I think I'm capable of solving on my own,the only issue now is whether or not it'll work.I knew I was mentally wrong somewhere; all the mixed feelings i've been having,the flashbacks of past relationships that haunt me in my sleep and when i'm in idle mode,it makes me lose focus on the real world.Sometimes when i talk to people,i only have enough retention span to listen to half of the conversation,while my mind remains elsewhere.i can't afford to let this run loose,i have a whole new semester to focus on and i can't screw up!

The worst part is,when fear leads to ego.I admit,i think like individuals who (with no disrespect whatsoever) has too many balls.I am to egoistic to admit that I'm in love.I practically repel people I like and what sucks the most is that somehow,as much as I want the feeling to be mutual (in that case I'd be lucky),I want it to be one-sided.It's crazy because I feel that if it's mutual,it's gonna put me into another attachment that might or might not end in a good way. GP is a nice guy.I don't want to hurt him nor do I want our beautiful friendship to ever end.

Should I just let these feelings go?

Narrating my Life - part 1

2011-08-25T11:42:00.001+08:00

it's weird,perhaps i've been watching too many chic flicks.it's been a week since i last came to campus,simply due to the one-week study break we have before the finals.first paper is over,Intro to Computing.i guess i did pretty well,except for the java coding part,i swear i have no idea how to do it.then again,the rest was fine.

walking into campus,i can't help but notice the fact that i keep having conversations with my mind,on and on again.it's as if i'm narrating my own life.it's cute if my life were a movie,but since it's reality,it's just plain wrong.as much as i love talking to myself when it comes to decision-making,i don't wanna accidentally murmur something else,that would make me look like i'm a potential cuckoo hut resident.

.................

that was on Monday.i still couldn't believe it's finally Thursday.last paper went well and the first semester is finally over! i really need a vacation from it all.i'm going out for iftar dinner with the family this Friday,and with my friends on Saturday.also heard that we're gonna go back to Perlis,my dad's hometown to celebrate Eid this year.it's about time,i miss the north.can't exactly remember when was the last time i went back to pay my aunts a visit.urgh,the pain of having almost my whole family living nearby,less excitement.gonna miss Din though,he's still in Sabah and he might not be able to be back for Eid this year.duty calls.

p/s: tis very awkward to share a table with a group of strangers,even if they're from your uni.first impression would make me look like a part of their gang considering how they are sitting 'around me' in spite of the other empty tables for them to sit around.then again,i appreciate the company,even if my existence is not really acknowledged.

*emo mode: on*
here i am in SLC waiting for Dex to come,we promised to jam together.it's been awhile.i don't blame him for being late,after all he does have classes.i finished my exam early,so it's kinda my fault that i'm alone. ALONE.. well it's not as bad as you think.sure,under certain circumstances it gets boring and depressing,but right now,i need time and space,i need to think a lot of things over.not just general shit,but stuff that i've been putting on hold due to other aspects of life with larger priority.now that i'm carefree,i'm finally thinking about it.the oast two days had been nothing but drama,not in a bad way though.you know those kind of love stories that make you go "grab his hand!" or "kiss him,dammit!"? those. honestly,when i like someone,i can be very pathetic,although i don't exactly show it,but i know i am - especially if that person fails to leave my mind when i daydream or in idle mode.(before you get any ideas,i'm talking about GP..not Dex.i like GP,not Dex).i absent-mindedly say his name in my every prayer,asking God whether he's 'the one'.i even prayed to God to show me his flaws that might make me change my mind about him,but God seems to be showing all his perfection within imperfections.it made me think,how do i fall out of love now?i'm falling in deeper,and i don't like the idea of pursuing another guy at all.i'm not desperate,i can totally live on my own,but things change since you said hi to me in May.on Monday,i looked around for you but you weren't there.my papers went well but i felt empty.the next day,i looked for you,again,but you were once again invisible.so i sat in a corner with my friends,out of the blue,you appeared just as i was talking about you.i addressed you as Jimmy,and had to cut the conversation off when you came to join us.you said you saw me doing my paper so attentively at 'your block'(typical uni classroom).i've never felt happier to know you actually notice my existence,will you ever notice my feelings for you though?

funny incident.we're talking about our courses,i brought up the fact that i hated reading but i don't mind sciences and my course doesn't require much reading except for the subject i was currently studying.you asked me how thick is the book i need to study. i did an estimation with my hand,and you asked me to do it again. "This thick *finger gesture*" I said..
"How thick? Can you do it again?" i did as i was told.
"This.... *finger gesture*"
"Well mine is about... *places fingers very near to mine* this thick.. thicker than yours.."
i laughed,at both the fact that we're competing who's studying more and the fact that i thought he was gonna touch my hand and i refrained.He then started fiddling with my laptop again like he usually does,and was astonished i kept the code file he typed and saved the other day.it's no surprise,if only you knew why i wouldn't get rid of it.

to be continued... OMG that was awkward.i was just talking about him here and there he is,right in front of me,only metres away.

Set Finals aside,Make Way for the night of a thousand nights

2011-08-22T01:24:00.000+08:00

i may be having my finals starting tomorrow,but due to the fact that the ulamas have narrowed down the possible date of Lailatul Qadr' this year (which is believed to be one of the nights during the last 10 days of Ramadan: 21/23/27/29th Ramadan), i decided to set the finals aside tonight and trust all the facts i've studied throughout the week to not miss out a chance in increasing my voluntary deeds.Allah knows,i might not be able to experience next year's Lailatul Qadr',nauzubillah.

this is a verse from the Holy Quran. it reads " Lailatul Qadri khairummin alfi shahr",translated : Qadr' night is better than 1000 nights (of good deeds).

it is believed that this night,Allah opens His doors to your prayers and His angels descend to earth to keep track of your good deeds,of which will be rewarded benefits more than usual days/nights.

so Muslims,don't miss out on this opportunity.tonight might be it :)

500 days of Summer (love)

2011-08-20T16:56:00.001+08:00

believe it or not,i've encountered this situation with quite a number of guys before..then i saw this movie.it made me think,what the hell?

*roleplay: me as Summer. the rest are some dudes.

McKenzie: [drunk] So do you have a boyfriend?

Summer: No.

McKenzie: Why not?

Summer: Because I don’t want one.

McKenzie: Come on; I don’t believe that.

Summer: You don’t believe that a woman could enjoy being free and independent?

McKenzie: Are you a lesbian?

Summer: [laughing] No I’m not a lesbian. I just, don’t feel comfortable being anyone’s girlfriend. I don’t actually feel comfortable being anyone’s anything.

McKenzie: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Summer: Really?

McKenzie: Nope.

Summer: Ok, let me break it down for you–

McKenzie: Break it down!

Summer: Ok. I, like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later.

McKenzie: You’re a dude. [to Tom] She’s a dude!

Tom: Ok but wait–wait. What happens, if you fall in love?

[she scoffs]

Tom: What?

Summer: You don’t believe that, do you?

Tom: It’s love, it’s not Santa Claus.

What's My Age Again?

2011-08-19T15:06:00.000+08:00

sometimes it's just fun to revisit your childhood and look back into the things you used to love as a child ; toys,music,food.i'm sick of being a grown-up sometimes,too many problems and issues.so today,as I was researching a toy site for my E-business exam paper next week,i found some really cool toys.

Spongebob LEGO set.

Little Big Planet Voodoo Plush toy.

damnn i want them XD remind me to visit Toys R Us on my next shopping trip.

you're always too young or too old to be a teenager,but you're never too old to be a kid ;)

I'll only Fall for you if you're there to catch me.

2011-08-17T01:54:00.000+08:00

honestly,i'm not supposed to be here updating my blog and all,considering how my finals are just around the corner,but the thing is,i've been bottling this up for far too long (take 48 hours of not telling anyone how I feel,i'm not like that).it's not my first time being far too deluded about a crush,but i get carried away everytime i feel that i actually stand a chance.sometimes i think i should just give up and walk away.being forever alone doesn't sound too bad to me anymore,better than being in a forced relationship where you're obligated to love someone just because you guys have this temporary 'mutual' feelings for each other.it eventually ebbs and flows,my concern is that how long will it last?

enough about the negative side of my feelings.let's talk about yesterday.in short,it was terrific.i had a productive day of studying and spent most of the time making music and chatting with the Elites.'he' was there too.apparently everyone knows how i feel about him except himself.i was actually hoping the hours we spend together would actually reveal the ugly side of him,of which would make me fall out of love.i prayed hard.

but for some reason,God gave me the opposite.He showed me all his perfections within his imperfections.i know it's too overboard to keep a checklist to rate a guy's perfection,then again i still have it,although all the items vary with time and current needs.of course,i won't be revealing mine,but i can show some of the items he managed to fulfill.

He is almost perfect because he is:
(/)Funny << he did crack a lot of jokes and poked almost everyone in the gang.
(/)Sensitive << he cares about his mom having iftar alone at home.
(/)Spiritually-fulfilled << he puts religion before anything else.
(/)Musically-inclined << well duh,he plays guitar.
(/)Intelligent
(/)High common sense.
()Friendly to everyone.

How can i not love this guy?Then again,he treats everyone the same way,he's just naturally friendly to everyone as long as he's comfortable with a particular person.It's hard to tell if he feels the same way.It's hard for HIM to tell if i feel that way for him too,i don't quite show it.I have a tendency to give out mix signals.

What are the odds of us having 'mutual crush' on each other anyway? You know what,i'm walking away for now,and i'll only turn back if you run after me and tug on my hand,or catch me when i fall.

wonder if this will become a reality?it would be pretty cute. :")

Whenever I'm indifferent ...

2011-08-15T02:10:00.000+08:00

ever had those days when you have a mixture of too many emotions that you just don't fucking care less anymore?i'm having it now,a sense of indifference,a kind of inner death in a way as some would describe it as.sometimes i'm so misunderstood that i don't fucking give a damn if people like me or not.i just wanna survive this hellhole and get it over with.

tell me honestly,what DO you want from me anyway?why won't you let me grow up?how long do you want me to be 8 years old in terms of restrictions?i'm growing too big for this shell,sooner or later i WILL be forced to evacuate to a new one,ya know?let me get this straight,you want me to think,look and act like an 18-year-old,but why are you treating me like i was born yesterday? can you please,for once,let me fuck up and learn from it?i can't be dependent forever,what happens when i have to work my shit on my own?do you think i'd survive if i've never developed an immunity for it before it happens? absolutely NOT.so please,STOP.i beg you,just STOP this nonsensical excuse for a so-called disciplinarian attempt.i'm eighteen damn years old,i know what i'm doing.i know i'm capable of making mistakes but that's how i strengthen myself from external threats.

do you know why i work hard on my grades?to get myself outta my own prison.i want nothing more than to face the real world and sink myself in deep shit, escaping on my own.that's the way it should be.being the youngest child shouldn't stop that from happening,it is after all a phase of life that EVERYONE has to eventually face sooner or later in their lives,it's just a matter of time.i'm not being selfish,but sorry to say,YOU ARE.

then again,out of due respect,i can't say this out loud,therefore,my beloved blog will be the perfect place to express it all.i can curse all i want and freedom of speech is NOT off-limits.

well enough ranting for one day,here's what made me partly emotional and happy at the same time.

FIC March 2011 Taylor's Lakeside Uni's last day of the 1st semester. can't believe it's the 'last day of school' and we survived! well,somehow. we have a week of study leave starting tomorrow before battling the finals! hope everything goes well,see ya guys in the next semester.let's try NOT to flunk any papers and maintain the batch for the whole foundation year aite? and second sem lecturers,BEWARE!

p/s: i wrote a song for 'him', it's called Out Of The Blue. i'm gonna post it up,that's a sure thing! stay tuned.

Breaking the Reaction Chain

2011-08-10T04:08:00.001+08:00

i hate myself sometimes.i seem to succeed in other areas of my life, academics,social life,music.. but why not love? i never seem to be good enough to play along in this complex game.nothing ever works for me.and wanna know the saddest part?all my so-called relationships end up in a ditch.they're like nuclear chain reactions,one thing leads to another,but in the end it shrinks from a huge nucleus of matter into a million shattered pieces.after-effects? tremendous.
a guy talks to me > i find him decent > i have a crush on him > crush evolves to love > guy confesses and we discover our mutual emotions > we end up together > one of us screws up > relationship ends > we're strangers

same old boring drill that never seems to end.there's also another chain:
i have a deluded crush on someone who doesn't know i exist > i find out he has a gf/ likes someone else

can you see where i'm getting to? i'm sick of it,sometimes i just wanna give up and give way to traditional arranged marriage instead.then again,it should be stupid to force yourself to love someone after marriage,what if it doesn't work? what if the emotions develop but are forever...synthetic? think about it.

i am currently in a pathetic waiting phase,yet again.but i've learned the hard way not to give out too much.keep some of the emotions for myself.

i can't believe i would wait for you to talk to me everyday,and look forward to every moment we spend together even if it's only for a few seconds.one question remains, are you worth it?

i sat alone.you came by asking "are you waiting for someone?" my heart screamed "yes,i'm waiting for you!" but my mouth uttered "no,no one.i'm doing my work here." how stupid can i get sometimes?

i hope i could break the chain reaction and make something work out this once in my 18 years of love-failing life.

I don't wanna be a Girlfriend

2011-08-02T02:06:00.000+08:00

(Marie' Digby & Sam Milby - romance cut halfway?)

"I don't wanna be a girlfriend

I don't want to talk about my feelings... ya

I don't wanna be some girlfriend...

I don't want to have to explain what I'm thinking

I go alone

To watch stupid romance movies

And I sit, wishing,

It was your arms wrapped around me

And I just deny

That all I want is a piece of you

But I guess it's true, don't wanna talk on the phone,

Don't want attachments, don't wanna be your girlfriend... I...

Just can't belong

To anybody else right now

Though it is not much of an excuse

I can't belong

To anybody else when I've got

So much figuring out to do...

Is it wrong for me to want you... just for a day

I don't want to be that kind of girl

But I can't help myself..."

-Girlfriend by Marie' Digby.

the song speaks my heart,as usual.

once again i have neglected this blog AND my mibba account.i have too many things to do and too many obligations and targets to worry about.of course,along the way,there's drama here and there.life has changed a lot and college life isn't exactly what i expected,in spite of the popular notion that it should be the best days of one's age.totally screwed.due the ever-growing stress building up,i knew i would lose it soon.shall not elaborate,that won't be mentally healthy for the likes of me.set aside assignments,presentations and tests (also some failures) and let's focus on the more positive side of uni life.i've transformed into a more independent,confident and assertive person,not to mention friendlier than ever.enjoying the extracurricular activities i have especially with the Elite Team of the Music Club.speaking of life apart from classes,..cough.i am about to embark on yet another telenovela,it's inevitable.me being a teenager,the urge to NOT bother is quite weak as compared to the so-called 'urge to give a fuck'.so yeah,i think i might have some people asking me, when will enough be enough? have i not learned that love = pain = misery = internal death = indifference? the last relationship RUINED a supposedly beautiful friendship,will the new one have the same/larger impact? am i willing to take the risk?isn't it too soon?

then Boo made me realize that when it comes to matters relating to the heart,there's no such thing as 'enough' or 'too soon'.the heart wants what the heart wants,whether the mind agrees or refutes.sure,the mind is powerful when it comes to logical reasoning,but NOT when it comes to feelings.what i'm feeling right now,could either be a crush or something deeper,it's too early to tell but i have a feeling it's going to grow.you know what,i'm actually worried i'm right this time.and this time round,i actually wish it's one-sided again so i could move on before it gets too far; that's only a miniature side of me,while the larger side is anticipating something different.someone advised me to be straight forward and honest, the question is,when will it be the right time to do so? the last time i did,i LOST a best friend. now we're complete strangers because of my stupid emotions.i'm not willing to take the risk,unless i have slim chances of ever meeting him again,sure there's a possibility i might just confess for the sake of getting it out of my chest.for now,i'll wait and let destiny take its course.

am I really in love?

then again,i don't want to have a commitment.i love flirting in general and i try hard not to accidentally steal anyone's heart.maybe this is one of the bad habits i need to get rid off.

p/s: oh wow my fan fiction "Wanted: Mr Wright" now has 56 unique readers and 3 subscribers! thank you so much Mibbians! you inspire me to write :) i'll keep it up once i get a proper breather.

MTV World Stage 2011 !

2011-07-25T02:29:00.000+08:00

Fuck tests,fuck assignments,it's a one in a lifetime opportunity to fuck everything off and just for once,ENJOY! it was so awesome, and i never thought i would be lucky enough to witness such powerful event up front! many thanks to Pop Shuvit especially Cikgu JD for the chance :) too bad Rin wasn't free,could've been more fun with her around,then again the other regular pass didn't go to waste.I invited CJ along and clearly he had the time of his life too. 30 Seconds to Mars made me really hyper, i'm still wearing the World Stage wristband as we speak! too fucking awesome and memorable.now that i still have a lot of energy left,i'm gonna write a little review about the whole event.

My plan to ask CJ to tag along was really last minute,thus our late arrival to the venue.Parking took rm10! FML,and it was hella far from the stage! we had to walk for miles to finally reach there.Met up with Jijie,her sis and some of her friends before I decided to test my 'squeezing to the front' skills.Couldn't really quite focus on Pop Shuvit,mainly because i was still adjusting myself for a better view,then again, i felt the energy seeping through my veins! Starting with Old Skool Rocka,then Marabahaya when the crowd sang along and jumped to the beat, followed by Running Away and that other song with EAR. the best was of course Man Bai's appearance.funniest part was when my gang and I were shouting 'GO JEDIDIAH!!" at JD,lol.wonder if he heard us?

moving on.Beast?they sucked.there were too many screaming and shit.so i'mma skip them.i manipulated the chance to walk up front to the border fence.

Neon Trees omg i'm your new fan! Tyler rocked!!! 1983 was the best piece ever written.by this time i actually almost got dehydrated because it was super packed and we weren't allowed to bring drinks in.it's a sure thing that all the jumping and shouting makes you perspire a lot that your body runs out of water supply eventually.the major miracle is,i wasn't even half exhausted.i felt the adrenaline surging up and before i knew it,i'm dancing to the tune!

The best performance of the night belongs to 30 Seconds to Mars! not only did they control the crowd,they also went against security rules by filling up the stage with fans! it was indescribable,beyond awesome.i don't even have any proper word that would do their performance justice! Jared Leto was incredibly talented! it's as if he never gets exhausted,and there were two lucky fans who actually got a hug from him ON STAGE! still couldn't believe the fact he made the fans jumped over the fence.it made me wonder if i were in a punk rock show.

all in all,minus that little drama we had after the concert,it wasn't enough to break me.tonight was still fucking awesome! a night to remember!

p/s: still,STILL waiting for Green day to come.
p/s/s: RIP Amy Winehouse :( gone too soon.

It's Hard To Think That You Might Not Be Real

2011-07-21T00:39:00.000+08:00

you know what sucks?waiting for you to come but you don't,but when i least expect it,you show up,catching me off guard.seriously GP,why?are you human? LOL.you seem to be everywhere i am,but i know you're not stalking me.i'm blaming destiny for that.
p/s:i should consider getting a TUMBLR.all these short blogposts are NOT worth it.

Oh shit... I'm In Love

2011-07-14T01:51:00.001+08:00

let's run through this check list:

1.You have lasting dreams between you and another person.Check

2.You start blushing and smiling when you see them.Check

3.You want to know everything about them and their ways from all angles.You talk to them continually, share your ideas and your enjoyable times and events together. Check

4.You want to introduce them to everyone and to show them what you have found and are developing together.You always want to talk about them to your friends.Check

5.You have understanding for one another and know when something is wrong, like something pressing on the mind of the other.

6.You spend as much time as possible with each other, and don't want to be apart.

7.You want to do anything to make them happy

8.You feel like you're flying when he/she holds your hand.Check

9.You feel like you're in heaven when he/she kisses you.

10.You think to yourself "If no one is perfect, I'd like to know what his/her imperfections are!Check

11.You can't help but smile when you see him/her.Check

12.You don't feel embarrassed around them.Check

13.You're confident around them and not scared to talk to them.Check

14.You're not scared to admit you love them.

15.You smile every time you hear their name.Check

16.You get really excited when you talk to them and maybe you would't dare to look into their eyes.Check

17.You feel empty when they dont talk to you.Check

18.You'll desperately look around for him or her.Check

19.You become very happy when you found something similiar with him or her.Check

20.You'll treasure a gift that he or she has given to you, even a very small gift.

21.You can take a trip together and wish it would never end.Check

22.You constantly want to be with him or her.Check

23.When you're with them you have no other doubts of who you want to be with or where you want to be, because right there.. it seems like you're in heaven.Check

24.You want nothing but to be with them. Check

25.You're thinking about them right now...Check

overall score : 19 checks out of 25.

so in other words,we might not understand each other's minds yet,(or ..ehem..nevermind) but i know now this isn't just a rebound crush.this is a serious shit.meanwhile,let's see if my theory's right.

btw,this is my first ever cover with Dex as a band,Dex & Yana. enjoy :)

Hanging By A Moment

2011-07-11T23:35:00.001+08:00

"I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now"

- Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse

this song has been playing in my head for the past few days ever since i heard it on Fly FM the other day,nostalgic yes,but somehow,also gives me a signal about my ever-changing emotional state.lately i've been having bad days,but God knew what He was doing obviously.he gave me a bad week to pay for the price of a super perfect day.today marks the official first day of me collaborating with Dex as a team 'Dex n Yana'. we recorded a few covers (which will of course be uploaded on our channel),lunch with Mahirah and Jason was awesome and i enjoyed the lectures today...but the most important part of the day was my unexpected moments with GP. :') i can't believe he actually showed up,he really made my day.i guess that explains my unstable emotions,i might be falling in love.then again it's too soon to tell,although i do admit i get goosebumps in his presence; when he talks,when he looks right into my eyes.shit,i'm a sucker for a soft-spoken guy.did i mention he plays guitar?possible definition of P-E-R-F-E-C-T?i don't remember how it felt like to be in love,mainly because i've erased some of my past memories,including unnecessary ones.one thing was for sure,i knew he didn't do it on purpose,and i didn't intend it too,but somehow our hands accidentally touched,TWICE,and it sent chills down my spine,in a good way.electrocuting my every senses,invisible sparks flew in the air.is this it?could he be the one?

i doubted it at first,denying all the assumptions the moment he walked off when i had to meet a senior.

then again,he came back.too bad we were already going for lunch.i wish i could've stayed longer with him.sigh...please tell me i'm not in love?or if i am,please tell me he's not just another rebound?

it's never wrong to dream,as long as you keep your feet on the ground and don't overdo it.

Like A Trainwreck

2011-07-07T02:06:00.001+08:00

it's been such terrible days for me.yesterday was supposed to be good,i had a relaxing but quite costy haircut in this new saloon in uni.the unfortunate events started off with me being late for class,then messing up in E-Biz class.the whole group got kicked out of the class to complete our work,then a major lecture session.i did NOT get any World Stage passes after millions of times trying.my assignments are giving me a headache,my heart is having rebound crushes,math just showed me its fangs,coding is making me blurry...
AND I THOUGHT THE DAY WAS GONNA GET WORSE!

then this happened.

thanks Cikgu,for reminding me how normal it is to have bad days.now i don't feel too bad.

it doesn't end there,thanks to GP as well for showing up on my FB chatbox.where the hell were you when i broke down in class dammit? XD but at least you came by,although not literally.nice talking to you.hope to see you more often.

*GP = guitar prince

Cute Without the 'e'

2011-07-03T17:03:00.001+08:00

i don't know why (or maybe i do?) i had a sudden urge to clarify this with everyone.it's been 4months,almost half a year since i ended my 'soap opera' with you-know-who.i've gotten over it,although not completely yet,but why hasn't everyone?it's fucking annoying to still have people teasing around and trying to make a joke out of minor rebounds i've had had.it's dreadful enough that i took the blame to let myself go,now people are still accusing me of being heartless even with the fact that i was the one being emotionally tortured throughout the whole relationSHIT.this isn't what i wished for.the juniors are well enough against me for it because 'he' had more followers than me,the kids love him more than they love me.and his so-called loyal young 'admirer' is sending an indirect message to me that i don't deserve him and it's so much better for me to move on and for 'her' to end up with 'him' instead.well you know what princess,he's all yours.i wish you luck.take him,he's not mine to keep ANYMORE.i can give you all the things that remind me of him now too if you want.i have to reveal the truth here with everyone regarding why i actually ended it.i have a lot of reasons:

1.i hate being the only one trying hard,while you fucking sit on your ass calling me up whenever you please but never once made an effort to go after me physically.
2.i hate being subscribed to your ego and bragging.
3.i hate the fact you're isolating yourself from my friends and try to change them to your own accord,they're grown-ups for goodness sake you're not their moms!
4.i hate the fact you think you're too important,more important than my own business.wtf is wrong with you?you never listen to what i say,whether or not i'm busy.if you can't tolerate,then it's good bye for you.
5.you're selfish and you only think about yourself.you don't listen to me and when it's your fault,you divert the situation and turn the table to me.wow..since when are your mistakes mine too?
6.you use your so-called 'fragile' emotions whenever we fight so that people would think i'm the heartless one when it's all your fault!
7.you flaunt our problems to MY FRIENDS and make ME look bad.we're not even halfway through the relationship,and it's already strike 3.i wouldn't mind you telling our problems to YOUR OWN friends(because i do that too to let them go),that is,if you had any.

i'm not bearing any grudges to anyone,i just need to get this out of my chest and justify my stand.so there you go.use your puny brains to decide who's wrong and who's right before you judge me.

p/s: Taking Back Sunday rocks my world :)

Elite Team!

2011-07-03T03:31:00.000+08:00

it's been awhile since i went for an audition to join the Elite Team of Taylor's Music Club.it's been fun so far,met great people,had great performing experiences,learnt a lot,progressed in music a lot.

i think you've seen him before in one of my previous posts,but i shall intro him again.everyone,meet my musical partner-in-crime,Dex :) planning to collaborate with him outside of campus too.expect youtube covers from us soon.

I am now Cikgu Yana :)

2011-07-03T02:58:00.000+08:00

"Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym".

I never thought anyone would actually be calling me 'cikgu' (or teacher in English).teaching line wasn't and never would be my forte' despite the fact that some of my friends of the same age tend to be fond of the way i share my knowledge and explain things to them.it's a talent,some would say,without me even realising it.i love sharing what i know and using it to help people.i did have people calling me Cikgu in a playful manner because of my excessive formality,but not as a proper address before.earlier this month,my neighbor asked me for help to teach his daughter Malaysian language.it's hard for kids that age to pick up a second language,i know,thus i tried my best to help her out.taught her how to read in proper pronounciation and tone,some comprehension,a little vocab and spelling.i'm surprised how long her attention span is.the class i conducted lasted for two hours solid but she managed to keep up,although it did cross my mind to actually shorten the class up to 1 and a half hours instead.i could tell she was exhausted after the first hour of intense learning and practice.yes,i'm a cruel teacher,muahahaha. well actually,i wanted the lesson i conduct to be worthwhile,i pledged quality to her parents therefore quality is what i will give,not for money but for self-satisfaction.i'd be super proud if i'm able to help people improve their grades.it gives me a sense of warmth and fuzziness inside.i love her,seriously.very attentive and hardworking.looking forward for the next session with her next Saturday.

p/s: i do not offer guitar classes.go find a proper tutor for that,lol.

Stress

2011-06-29T10:14:00.000+08:00

i need this.seriously.

What Made Me Blush

2011-06-28T21:09:00.000+08:00

"I have broken the fourth commandment padre. Well I tried to behave properly, the way that my father would like me to. But, I'm afraid my heart is too wild. I had impure thoughts about a man."

so that's what happened to me.i saw something i shouldn't have seen on my FB newsfeed,thus..it made me blush,since last night up to today (and even now).it's just me being me,blushing at all things funny(not the ha-ha funny btw).the photo i saw wasn't even eligible to be rated as 'adult content' or anything,but well...i guess the Mask Of Zorro quote above is self-explanatory.meh.the coolest part was,the owner of the photo was clueless enough to ask me what's the matter with me.seriously awkward.

or is it ok because i'm 18?

'Tudung' (head scarf) vs 'Free-hair'

2011-06-27T09:20:00.001+08:00

i am suddenly inspired to blog about this due to a certain controversial status update regarding this issue : Tudung vs Free-hair,which indirectly brings about the issue of faith vs mentality/so-called 'modernization through trends'.the statement maker has mentioned preference for (Muslim) girls who expose their hair rather than those who cover up,with the excuse that those girls who 'free their hair' are true to themselves.it made me go 'HUH?',and i'm pretty sure many others were shocked with this revelation.i don't mean to judge or bombard the statement-maker,i'm just defending what's right.another lame excuse was the fact that the 'writer' claims that there are some girls who wear tudung (head scarf) as an accessory and still expose their 'aurat' (parts of the body that should be covered up according to Islam,for girls,we are only allowed to expose our faces and the palms of our hands) by wearing skin-tight jeans and fashionable tudungs.the question here is,faith.it's clearly stated in the holy Al-Quran what should be covered and what should not,and according to many religious intellectuals,these cover-ups should be done voluntarily and changes in one's self could be made gradually.i view the girls who wear tudung with trendy outfits as people who are still in the changing phase,no one is perfect,therefore,they are improving themselves by improving the way they dress day by day.sure,they might wear skinnies today,but insyaAllah in the future,they may improve.it takes time,everything takes time and as humans,there's no such thing as drastic changes.as for the 'free-haired' girls,i'm not criticizing them,but to me,if they don't make an effort,which part of them is true to themselves?how are you honest to yourself if you can't even obey a simple rule in your own faith?ask yourself this,and reflect.i myself am not perfect,but i do not judge people by their appearance.which is better,trying or not trying at all?have some respect for those who have the desire to at least head towards obedience of an Islamic rule,covering up our aurat.it's the most basic of all Islamic practices although it will not be the first practice queried in the afterlife,it's a responsibility.if you can't even do that,let alone other practices: the solah,fasting etc. think about it.

Wallahua'lam. Allah knows best.i apologize for any offence,but i am speaking on behalf of tudung girls everywhere,STOP judging us and ask your iman before you speak for words can be turned against you during Judgement Day.don't deny the obvious when it comes to religions.

Jet Lag

2011-06-25T02:36:00.001+08:00

"You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's drivin' me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart heart heart is so jetlagged"

-Jet Lag by Simple Plan feat Natasha Bedingfield

*footnote: I actually find Natasha's voice a lil bit similar to Bieber.Yes i'm implying Bieber sounds like a girl.

lack of updates could only mean one thing; i'm too caught up with uni madness that i think i might just literally burst like a pinata,except pinatas are all about candies,NOT tempers.as i might or might not have mentioned before in the previous posts,my mood swings are unpredictable,it's a weakness of mine that i have yet to rectify.my temper goes up and down a little too frequently ; it scares me.one second i'm laughing my ass off at someone's joke,the next i'll just start giving people the silent treatment and get pissed off too damn easily.i've been insomniac for the past couple of days and on Wednesday,i stayed up super late (how late?4.30am late enough for you?) ignoring the fact that i have classes that commence at 8 the next morning.outcome?for the first time ever,during E-Biz class,i dozed off with my eyes open --- and miss Hema actually noticed it! only my closest friends would actually realise how fake my laughter was that day.in the morning,i had someone asking me whether i was well,simply because i walk aimlessly through the hallways and fell asleep with my head on my desk before the lecturers came into class.i tried to be happy,i really did,but there's something inside me,telling me to stop lying to myself.i'm NOT OK and i do NOT know how long will this last.i have to try to get my life back on track..

back to the song snippet i pasted up there,i'm sure you've heard of the song?"Jet Lag",i've been hearing it on the radio every morning on my way to uni,but i just couldn't catch the song title till two days ago.i managed to memorise the chorus and BAM! now i know what's it called.somehow,the song (especially the quote) describes how i've been feeling.JET LAGGED,that's a great metaphor.i had my heart flying so high that when it landed,i'm jet lagged enough to be fragile.and guess what,i think i have finally discovered the root to all my depressions : maybe,just MAYBE i have fallen for someone,not just anyone,someone i've considered as a brother.how bizarre can i get?i know we're not blood-related,but it feels like (sorry to say) a case of an incest in some way.i love him,but as a brother but the love i'm feeling now is actually expanding into something far beyond that.we connected to well lately that i think it might be impossible for me to somehow set a distance to get rid of this feelings i have.i was wrong to think that considering someone close as your sibling would stop you from falling for him,it actually makes it more complicated! to also think that it's only been almost 3 months since i broke up with 'that guy' somehow stops me from widening my horizon to look for potential men to fill the empty space for me.

my instincts are telling me there's something somewhere when he asked me out and i seem to go all out to meet him.then again,i might be misled.scratch that,i'm always misled.

It's Daddy's Day!

2011-06-23T03:57:00.000+08:00

a little overdue,but i guess my followers should be aware of how hectic and packed my daily schedule is aite,thus the lack of updates.Happy Father's Day! just because my dad is already in the afterlife,doesn't mean i can't wish him right?he's able to hear me out even though i may not be able to receive his reply.you don't need phones wherever you're going to after this life ya know,intermediaries are just overrated.he's not exactly gone,i still hear him lecturing me and questioning my conscience when it comes to making decisions.in a way,he's my guardian angel :)

a little cliche' to post up what my dad has done for me when he was still with us,so i guess i'll twist it up a bit with 'awkward' and hilarious moments i've had with him - Twitter style!

i remember #thatawkwardmomentwhen my dad:
1.was on the dial-up internet,i called my friend and gossipped all we could,not knowing that he's listening to our conversation.
2.gave me the steering wheel asking me to drive when i was 6,i almost killed both of us.he didn't want my mom to find out but he blurted out the secret anyway.
3.entered my room while i was dancing to Grace Kelly.
4.saw me smiling at a random thought.
5.found out i was dating the guy who almost knocked his car.
6.caught me eating during ramadan,it was my time of the month and i had to explain myself,FML.

wherever you are,dad,hope you're doing great.may we meet again someday/my prayers are with you always.amin.alfatihah to you. miss you dad.

Emily's Army

2011-06-14T10:23:00.000+08:00

isn't it just fucked up that i think BJ is hotter than his 16-year-old son? LMAO.

then again,i still love Joey Armstrong for 3 things:

1.he shares the same birthday with me,28th Feb.

2.his punk rock band,Emily's Army,rocked my socks off.

3.he looks like BJ during the Warning Era.

so yeah,check out his band.one of my favourites from their debut album is "Broadcast This".it warms my heart that real music still exists :')

you know #youreoverpracticingwhen ....

2011-06-14T09:49:00.000+08:00

these happen.social network apps tell the story of your life.

..and that's why i've been away for so long.preparing myself for my first performance ever,in public,as a guitarist.never thought this day would come this soon.carrying the name of your uni is a serious shit,you can't fool around.

btw meet my partner-in-musical-crime,Dex :)

oh,..and also the fact that i've been working on my fan fiction on Mibba.it's called "Wanted:Mr Wright".a self-obsessed story about me being kidnapped by washed up rockstars cum burglars,teenage GD members and falling for Tre Cool.what are the odds? LOL.

apart from that,nothing much.life goes on.

30 Day Song Challenge

2011-05-27T23:01:00.001+08:00

Everyone's doing it on facebook but on my friend list,my buddy Kin Yen started it,then i spread the virus to everyone else.here's the deal,everyday i gotta remember to post a song on facebook based on particular rules.

day 01 - my favorite song : She's a Rebel - Green Day

day 02 - least fav song : Firework - katy perry
day 03 - song that makes me happy : touches you - mika
day 04 - song that makes me sad : ice dance - danny elfman
day 05 - a song that reminds me of someone : halusinasi - MUH
day 06 - a song that reminds me of somewhere : Cancion Del Mariachi - Antonio Banderas feat Los Lobos
day 07 - a song that reminds me of a certain event : I'm With You - Avril Lavigne
day 08 - a song that i know all the words to : I'll Be - Edwin McCaine
day 09 - a song that i can dance to : You're The One That I Want - Grease
day 10 - a song that makes me fall asleep : Selamat Malam - Faizal Tahir
day 11 - a song from my favorite band :My Sacrifice - Creed
day 12 - a song from a band i hate : Silly Lily - Bunkface
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure : East Jesus Nowhere - Green Day
day 14 - a song that no one would expect me to love : Green Tamborine - Robert Goulet
day 15 - a song that describes me : This Is Me - Skye Sweetnam
day 16 - a song that i used to love but now hate : Only Exception - Paramore
day 17 - a song that i hear often on the radio : Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri
day 18 - a song that i wish i heard on the radio : Number One - Skye Sweetnam
day 19 - a song from my favorite album : American Idiot - Green Day
day 20 - a song that i listen to when i'm angry : I Don't Care - Fallout Boy
day 21 - a song that i listen to when i'm happy : Grace Kelly - Mika
day 22 - a song that i listen to when i'm sad : Will You Be There - Michael Jackson
day 23 - a song that i want to play at my wedding : I Want To Spend My Lifetime Loving You - Marc Anthony feat Tina Arena
day 24 - a song that i want to play at my funeral : Ha Ha You're Dead - Green Day
day 25 - a song that makes me laugh : Friendly Good Bye - Bowling For Soup
day 26 - a song that i can play on an instrument : Marabahaya - Pop Shuvit
day 27 - a song that i wish i could play : Story Of A Girl - Nine Days
day 28 - a song that makes me feel guilty : Perfect - Simple Plan
day 29 - a song from my childhood : Lemon Tree - Fools Garden
day 30 - my favorite song at this time last year : You Won - Jennifer Chung

yeah i know,i have a strange musical taste. u guys should try this,let's see who backs out first ;)

Emotionally Slapped Time & Time Again

2011-05-23T16:49:00.000+08:00

i think i have blogged about this before,many a time as a matter of fact.it's just that my passion in using gibberish language might have made it less obvious.right now,i'm terming it as an 'emotionally slapped' situation.a little enlightenment : it's a sensation similar to when one gets a tight slap,but not literally, that can either cause temporary pain or welcome an epiphany or both.either way,it hurts and can sometimes be embarrassing.lately i've been encountering a lot of this,be it with my friends,my ex and my old-new crushes.they affect me emotionally,and the mark may reappear anytime it desires.sometimes i wish i was born heartless and invincible of any kinds of humanly emotions.it hurts when you get disappointed.it hurts when you disintegrate inside.

i might feel this way knowing that my friends are no longer there to support me,i don't blame them.they have other matters to attend to,and it relates to their future.

the bitter truth,as much as i hate to admit,i'm lonely and empty inside.it gets boring sometimes,music and writing are my only friends this time round.i thank god for creating art,at least my creative juice won't go to waste.Love?not now.i have too many things on my plate,i need a rehab from it all.

might also be the fact that i'm worried of my own future.sure,academically i can cope up with the current syllabus in uni,but financially i'm broke.i don't know why am i taking one of the biggest risks in my life.i jeopardized my own future for the sake of gaining new experiences,i do hope i'm making the right choice.i doubt there's any way to withdraw from this journey.it's a matter of you walk on or you die.i'm not Paris Hilton,i can't just live life the way i want to.i took this route therefore i shall go on and on,even if it is like balancing myself on a thin rope without any safety nets.i'll do it,i bear all my guts and will with my arms,and hope to be a winner,or at least,a martyr in my own battle.

I wanna be the minority :)

[insert name] went from "in a relationship" to "in an open relationship".

2011-05-20T20:12:00.002+08:00

Esah Ezral likes this.

LOL! that's because she seems to be the only one who comprehends the whole concept of it.to be perfectly honest,i'm not good in this relationship game,i always encounter a win or lose situation,followed by a temporary glory then an unexpected defeat.there's no win-win situation when it comes to matters relating to the heart,and of course,be it a one-sided or a mutual one,i'll always be the one screwing up.this is why i decided to bungee jump myself into the conclusion that maybe i'm not fated to be with anyone (at the mo).notice the word BUNGEE before the word 'Jump'.i can always rebound from my little theory,after all,rules ARE made to be broken aite?i might be right and i might also be wrong.

"In an Open Relationship" basically means someone is currently seeing a particular individual,who may or may not have been holding on to his/her heart but is in the 'potential list'.let's put it this way,the relationship is still in its trial period,and both parties are just getting to know each other.no strings attached just yet,and if they're not happy together,they can always go for other dates with other people.some may look at this the negative way,considering how it seems like you're trying to be a player or worst still,assume that you have a fear for commitments.however,in another way,it's beneficial because they have wider options and will be able to analyze more characters before they meet their magic man/lady.relationships don't just work with two people having similar feelings for each other,it's way more complicated than that.sure,you may like him/her today so much that all their flaws remain invisible to you,but imagine,what if reality strikes you in the ass?how will you react?what if that person is not what meets the eye?is it too late to back out?i was happy with my choice of withdrawing from my so-called dream guy.we're just not meant for each other,and i'm glad i came to that realization soon enough.i may be blamed for being too choosy,i should realize that Mr Perfect just doesn't exist.no man can ever fulfill ALL the requirements in a girl's list.BUT this is a good way of seeing the picture,widening my horizon in a sense that i'll understand life better and will finally meet my prince.i don't expect him to be perfect,all i want is a shoulder to channel all my problems to and to share all my hopes and joys with.i've met too many self-centered gentlemen who refuse to understand how busy i can get sometimes.i DON'T want you to be clingy,it shows how insecure you are.i just need someone to talk to,someone who would actually listen to my words rather than my voice,someone who empathizes me without the need of explaining to them in detail,THAT's my Mr Right.

Perhaps CJ does have a point,i should look for someone older than me.hmmmm... any takers? HAHAH.kidding,am not that desperate.

i didn't know Adrienne Nesser's Lebanese?

wonder when will I have my own Billie Joe? hihi.

Flap Your Wings and Fly

2011-05-20T00:57:00.000+08:00

wow,i've abandoned this blog for AGES,reason being my tight schedule and lack of excitement in life.time has come for me to write something down now that i'm inspired
.
can you believe that we're 18? can you believe that we've reached the age we've always wanted to be?can you believe we're actually gonna be facing (or in my case,already facing) the hyped out college life we've been overly-informed of when we were under-aged? this is it people.UPSR was total BS,PMR was meant to scare you,SPM was an actual beginning and THIS,is what we call the real shit.this is our future,it determines whether or not we will get to live our dreams and aspirations.notice how everyone's venturing to different paths?there's no such thing as learning unnecessary stuff anymore(unless you're going for matriculation programs,i'm talking foundation or diploma here) and no more copying your friend's homework.all the attitudes we used to have in school need to be discarded and substituted with new ones.it's a whole different environment,believe you me,even though my uni is only half an hour from my house,i still feel the different atmosphere there.it's more or less the same,be it private or public.

we had a farewell party today (this time it was for them,not me).it was hella fun despite not having everyone turn up.i couldn't say much,i might just end up crying out the held back tears.i'm fighting this emotion,i want all my best friends to succeed.as hard as it is for me to let them go their own ways,far from home,i have to remain selfless.it's their future and their choices,i need to respect that.sure,i'll miss them,but we all have to go separate ways in one way or another one day.all i can say is,good luck and strive for the best! i love you guys,and i'll miss you a heap.make us proud.may we meet again someday,with everyone having a Degree in their hands!

the only pic from my phone that turned out nice, -.-'

i'll especially miss you.there's not a secret we keep from each other :')

LOL ~~ nice choice of colors :D

idk why i love this one so much.

OMG

2011-05-06T01:03:00.000+08:00

"i always feel like God is toying me around at times,poking me all over with his playful smite and sarcastic jokes."

i tweeted this earlier today in uni,a little controversial for those who can't understand,but people,try to read between the lines,and you'll find sense in it.indeed,sometimes i feel like I'm being made a fool out of by God,probably because He wants to test my patience and how much have I grown out of my 17-year-old self.i don't know if He actually has fun doing this,i'm not.clearly,quoting the late but never forgotten Joash Wee,"I've aged,dreadfully." certainly,literally my age is increasing,my face is indicating that I'm older than I actually am,though I have yet to age in terms of height and mentality.perhaps i think too much,i don't seem to be standing on solid ground lately and i find myself dozing off almost too easily.it's a problem,a tremendous one.God is testing me too much with worries and confusions.i'm worried about my future.i'm worried what would become of it if i end up not getting a scholarship,will there be anything to cover the education costs of my degree?money's not the only issue,but emotions as well.i've grown a little too attached to Mr Stalker.for some reason,it's fated that we'd be together in a group under any circumstances,even though it's a group that the lecturers decide for us.nothing seems to keep us apart,except for occasional groupings.we're even in the same club.it isn't fair.sure,he's cute,he's a musician and we can practically spend hours alone together and all,but this soon?HELL NO.i'm neither shallow nor desperate anymore.my life is better off when I'm NOT in a relationship.the big deal is,God seems to create him as a person who does all the things that turn me on: randomly biting his lips while he talks,and speaking with a soft tone.i've learned my lesson,NEVER AGAIN.enough is enough with this so-called 'crush' thing.crush evolves to love,and love revolutionizes into either heartbreaks or happiness,either way,the friendship will end if it doesn't work out.i don't want to risk that anymore.

let 'T' be the first and last case.

M.I.A

2011-05-01T23:09:00.000+08:00

oh wow,there i go again.i ditched my blog to live a hectic college student life.talk about being too busy to bother tracking down events of my life,lol.i still feel the need of doing it considering my visible and anonymous blog followers will surely demand updates on a fortnightly basis at least.there were far too many happenings lately,so i figure maybe i should just list down a few of them?this is it,starting with the most recent ones to the older ones:

#1: first drumming attempt:

well i didn't exactly learn any proper songs,it's just a random beat i invented on an online virtual drumset of which i then transferred to a proper drumset during jam session. no big deal. my first drumming experience is surprisingly better than my first guitar experience.hmmmm :)

#2: Taylor's World Class Scholarship Interview

it caught me off guard.i didn't expect to be among the shortlisted candidates considering the tremendous amount of applicants with results either better or equivalent as mine,thank Heavens i was chosen.the drawback was the fact that i got the news a little too close to the actual date that i didn't have time to do a mock interview with the career council :S the whole interview went well nevertheless,although i actually had a little misunderstanding with the financial and bursary unit regarding the list of things i should have brought.questions asked were really general (and,might i say,cliche' ones) like : tell me about yourself,describe yourself in one word and why,why we chose Taylor's etc.i didn't stutter and i've gotten thousands of tips from the pros.now it's time to wait for an update if i were to move on to the next stage of the interview.

#3: Musical Contribution:
YES! i think i've tweeted this before.i will be a part (if not major) of a song project with one of my favourite local bands since childhood.i won't elaborate much yet,let's wait till it happens :)

#4: My First Auto Car Driving experience
Never in my life have i felt so punk driving an auto car in an unfamiliar area at night WITHOUT 'P' stickers pasted on either side of the windscreens.if it wasn't for me driving in a housing area,we would've been arrested.it was hell of a traumatizing experience.it was also without the knowledge of my family.i'm so dead if they find out,lol.let's just be glad i'm alive to tell the tale and hide the deep,dark secret aite.

i guess that's about it.i'll update more soon :)

FAQ

2011-04-16T00:12:00.001+08:00

so i've been hearing the same old questions repeatedly,it's making me sick.i don't intend to waste my daily spoken word limit (yes,research has proven human beings have such things) answering them.that's why i decided to post this up.among the questions are:

1.what are you doing now in life?
I'm in Taylor's University Lakeside,taking up Foundation In Computing.later on I'll be enrolling in the Computer Science Degree.

2.Why did you choose a private institution over a government one?
Because i'm not willing to waste my life waiting and eventually be sent to pursue an area of my least preference in a college of my dislike.plus,my brother's in the same uni as I am and the uni is only half an hour away,we'll be able to cut down on transportation and accommodation costs.it's more convenient than staying in a hostel.

3.why did you choose computing?isn't that too easy for a pure science stream student?
you seriously have no idea how hard it is.it's more complex than it sounds.in spite of my knowledge in Chemistry and such,my interest is more to computing,and the fundamentals include stuff i learned by being a science stream student.additional maths is being applied in most of our programming subjects,it's not a walk in the park people.it's way tougher than just turning on the computer and building a website using HTML generators or cracking softwares using keygens.we go far beyond that.there's no issue of this course being 'too easy'.we learn to hack,ethically.

4.why didn't you apply for oversea universities?
first of all my results are average,and secondly,my mom doesn't believe i'm ready,also she had concrete reasons why i shouldn't,in her defense.scholarships are never sufficient,she'll end up having to sponsor my needs when i'm abroad.being a family with no other income but what's left of my late dad's savings,i doubt we can afford that.

5.how's your band?
we're doing great,we might be slowing down to concentrate on uni,but that doesn't mean our music's dead.it's developing.we haven't gotten any performances or any recorded tracks just yet,but we're getting to that soon.i'm still working on new stuff and new strategies.expect to hear more from us.

6.why the sudden break up?
truthfully i'm too selfish to share my life with anyone.i'm always too busy with my music and friends,and now i'm busy with uni.i don't like disappointing my other half,so before it gets too deep,i backed out.maybe i'm not ready.and we just don't have chemistry.i don't like changing people as much as i dislike being changed into something i'm not.why try?some things never change.and no,it's not because of a third party.i'm loyal,so was he.i'm not planning to let anyone else into my life at the moment,sorry,not interested.i even made a bet with Nizar about being single till foundation is over.

7.are you currently crushing on someone?
i wouldn't say so.i do find a few guys to be cute,but that's all.no hearty emotions felt.it stays there and dies like fire in the wind.

p/s: i'll keep updating this from time to time.

R.I.P Monday Morning Parties

2011-04-15T22:59:00.000+08:00

What's my age again? - Blink 182

Monday mornings used to suck when I was in my high school days,but uni changed that,heck a lot IMO.while Mondays used to mean morning assemblies,national anthem and useless speeches about the same old shit(e.g: toilet,personal hygiene,noise pollution,time management,reading habits bla bla bla) all over again,in uni,our Mondays are being looked forward to.our Malaysian Studies lecturer NEVER came in before and we ended up coming early to slack off.we're either playing games on our laptops,dozing off,ignoring the world with MP3 earpieces clogging up our ears,talking,eating or better still,dominating the audio and projector to turn our class into a night club.the DJ's always either Khanna (our supposedly class rep),Seelan or ~~Tan Sri~~ Yudish- the lives of the party.then we run off at about 10am (an hour earlier) to head to Sunway Pyramid for lunch.it's like an eventual routine to get caught in a traffic jam,face a parking crisis and end up tardy to Miss Hema's class.too bad all these had to end soon.the lecture class misunderstanding had been sorted out,yay for the dean but boo for us :/ it was great while it lasted though.

on a somewhat awkward note,it's strange how Mr Stalker seems to enhance his attempts.he's moving from stalking to talking,that's good progress aite?

but then again,i'll have everyone know that i find myself too selfish to share my life with anyone at the moment.

relationships are sloppy.first you're in the painful waiting phase,then you face false happiness followed by people getting hurt.when everything ends,it's like the whole world just turned against you.what is there to anticipate?

S.H.I.T = Sorry Honey,It's Thursday

2011-04-08T12:40:00.000+08:00

i was supposed to blog about this yesterday,but the whole waiting thing tired me out and I ended up forgetting about it.so yeah,I passed after the second attempt,only because the JPJ officer's nice enough to instruct me what to do next and I got the same type of car i practiced with.it was all luck.the rain came pouring down,maybe that was the cause of the lenience in the officer's judgement.major relief to be honest,i doubt i have any more time for this.i don't have the official license yet though,will only get it next week.it was worth having to skip my lectures,but then again the lecturers decided to 'bestow tremendous workload upon us in my absence'.thank you,i am honored -_-" 2 presentations and tonnes of assignments to complete.i'm sensing a long weekend for me.on top of that,i have resumes to do.JOY!

OTOH,i don't know if i should blog about this.if any of my coursemates find out whom I'm talking about,i'm a goner.let's keep it down low and not let anyone in on the clues aite.so there is this particular guy who's been following me around almost all day except during lunch,maybe to avoid being too obvious that he was stalking me.at first i thought everything's just a coincidence and that i'm imagining things.breakup-lag,as i would call it.i've gotten all paranoid since the not-so-interesting true love tale.i take all the guys the same way,friends when they are fun,and foes when they start to raise the relationship bar.seriously,i'm a fun loving character and the last thing i need is more people to ruin it.as i was saying,this guy didn't seem so suspicious at first.he was indeed trying hard to talk to me on the first day of orientation,but i didn't take it wrongly.it started to get weird when he suddenly attempted to ask for my FB when we were both alone in an elevator after class,although none of us have ever spoken to each other before.he failed,since i reached the floor i wanted to go to and got out.i somehow came home adding up all my coursemates at random.the next day,he got excited that i found him.really strange.he also makes it a point to smile and wave at me every time i enter the class and head towards my seat.did i also mention that he's always looking for seats nearby mine?

how will you take this if you were me,will you freak out or will you love the feeling of being stalked?

i have my eyes on him,not because i'm interested,but i need to justify that this is just my imagination.

A Boy[space]friend's Birth Anniversary :)

2011-04-06T00:36:00.000+08:00

*disclaimer: credits to the phrase "Boy[space]friend" go to @ezralsya :')

"Allah selamatkan kamuuuu.. Allah selamatkan kamuuu..

Allah selamatkan Jerin Aqmal (hahahaha)..Allah selamatkan kamuuuu..~~ "

first of all,sorry to my non-Malaysian readers,but I have to make this speech in my language to be more personal :) come on people,it's my best friend's birthday we're talking here! hehe.

wehh Jerin birthday kau doh! kau dah 18.gila ah,dah setahun en kita member.tahun lepas rapat2 ayam je kut,tapi lepas

study group kt Mcd tu aku rasa kita clique kan? byk gila seh memory dgn kau,nak list down memang tak larat ar.pendek kata,thanks for being there masa smua orang cm xpeduli je.daripada zaman aku syok sendiri,~~ke zaman relensenshi~~t ke zaman kraft single not ebelebel,hehehe.and thanks ajak outing walaupun aktiviti/tempat/geng klise,ahaha.best gila kwn dgn kau,memang aku xpnh rasa rugi.moga kau capai cita2 kau la eh.whatever it is,da berjaya jgn lupa aku! :))

daripada beta,

Yana aka Azluyuna aka Convent.

The Manic Cum Maniac Monday

2011-04-04T22:23:00.001+08:00

"4 Years you think for sure

That's all you've got to endure

All the (total dicks)
All the Stuck-up Chicks
So superficial, so immature

Then When you graduate,

Ya take a look around and you say "Hey Wait!"
This is the same as where I just came from,
I thought it was over, Aw that's just great.

The Whole Damn World is just as obsessed

With who‘s the best dressed and (who's having sex)

Who‘s got the money. Who (gets the honeys)
Who‘s kinda cute and who‘s just a mess

And you still don't have the right look

And you don't have the right friends
Nothing changes but the faces, the names, and the trends

High School Never Ends

And the only thing that matters,

Is climbing up that social ladder."

-High School Never Ends by Bowling For Soup

i guess it is true.as i promised earlier on Twitter (if any of my followers are reading this,that is),i had one of the most adventurous Mondays in my life.who said the first day of college is gonna suck eggs?it ain't true,honestly.the day started off pretty stressfully at first,my brother and I lost track of time and were literally swallowing our breakfast in one gulp before rushing into our car to head for college.THANK YOU FATE,you chose the right day to let an accident happen bad enough in Kota Damansara to cause a large scale traffic jam stretching from Damansara to Subang Jaya.THANK YOU VERY MUCH! sigh.i swear,i almost ran out of the car to college when it was already 7:45am when we reached Kota Damansara itself.i would rather walk than be late for my first class ever.i had a class at 8.00am FYI! Chloe went crazy,texting me now and then asking of my whereabouts.i'm pretty sure she'd thought i've forgotten about the morning class.guess what,we finally arrived at 9.00AM,talk about Malaysian timing.look who's eating her own words now? pfftt.. seriously,traffic jams are so uncool! i had to do more running,up the stairs only to find myself being in the wrong block and the door that connects to my faculty is locked,and then entering the class to an abrupt silence.clearly the lecturer wasn't in yet (and never will be),and the atmosphere reminded me a lot of 5 Aktif in KD10 (2010) and 4.6 back in Convent.the noise,the cliques,they were more or less the same as high school.some things will never change :') the funny part is,they could really shut their pie holes in unison to the sound of the door being cracked open.i was stunned to say the very least.their sudden but simultaneous reaction totally beat any staccato done in choirs.in short,they thought i was the lecturer entering the class.upon the realization that i am one of them,they once again reacted together with a sigh of relief,followed by a couple of "Chehhh..ingat lecturer masuk." one word,TYPICAL.then came the rules of being Malaysian:

1.Obey Malaysian timing.

2.Bargain till you drop.

3.Lepak dulu beb!

and the rest were too hilarious for me to remember.i was laughing so hard that i almost cried.glad everyone's starting to lighten up a little and show their true colors bit by bit.we then made a trip to the divisional office of our faculty to query this little inconvenience.it turned out the office screwed up the venues in our timetable,apparently the lecturer came into a different room to an empty class,he then fled home having no classes to teach.wtf?we got fed up,so all of us decided to go for lunch.some bright ideas came by,influencing us to head to Sunway Pyramid via a shuttle bus.we had to rush our lunch and luckily we didn't miss the bus.we had to get back to college by 1pm no matter what,and we reached Sunway Pyramid at around 11.30am.it seemed impossible since the next bus is at 12.00pm.we ended up making a run for it after practically half-digesting our food.poor Timothy,he took a cab a minute before the bus arrived.what a waste.

it doesn't end there.E-Business class was the most interesting part.not only were there fully-functional computers in the lab for us to surf the internet with,~~there was also a hot Albanian guy named Alex who happens to be my potential eye candy~~ the lecturer's also fun and lively.i hope she'll be able to make the subject more interesting than the name implies,LOL. i made more and more friends along the way and the day went better than expected.

well Boys,Girls (and others) ,to be continued.i wonder what the second day of college will bring me.more adventures? let's just sit back and enjoy the show.

The Epilogue of An Era,An Analogue to Another

2011-04-03T23:10:00.000+08:00

the self-explanatory title is a little quote that's been toying around in my mind,waiting to be unleashed among my literary masterpieces.high school years may have ended,but it marks the beginning of my college era.needless to say the cliche' outing agendas are actually essential in celebrating festivities such as farewells.it was supposed to be mine and as usual,the plan initiated with only Hanizar and I going out,the rest of the gang started to eventually tag along,making 13 of us instead of just two.seriously,that's how plans always end up anyway,not that it's a bad thing.we had loads of fun.the movie was SUCKer Punch.as the name implies,it sucked.the only plus points about the movies were the CGI effects and cinematography.the plot was lame and even the casts were boring me to death.nevertheless,what mattered most was the knowledge of being with friends.it's my last outing before i transform into a college student :)

the last supper?

you can never be too old for Pikachu ;)

this is us :) not only KD10-ians,but also

the MRSM-ians.

this little gathering succeeded in making me forget that little 'incident' on Tuesday night.thanks people.it meant a lot to me although most of you are still clueless about my admission into Taylor's University.here's a little chronology to clarify:

Tuesday (29th March) - the end of a kick-ass telenovela.the day our hero was made to take a bow.

Wednesday (30th March) - the farewell outing

Thursday (31st March) and Friday (1st April) - first two days day in college,the boring orientation.

as what most new college students would do,here's a little "all-things first"

1.first day outfit.

2.first lunch in Old Town Kopitiam,Taylor's U

3.first library moment.

4. first lunch alone in @Subway,Taylor's U .only because i missed Fasha,lol.

5.first lunch with new friends.

6.first campus impression :)

the first year experience program thingy doesn't seem to be working.tomorrow my classes will commence for real.i hope it goes well.it's a Monday and the first lesson is history for three hours,yawnn.. crossing my fingers,may the lecturer be interesting and happy-go-lucky.

welcome to college life to me,i guess.to the rest of you,good luck!