Friendly Goodbye

"Ain't that a “b” with an itch
Ain't that a mother trucker
You can go to h-e-double hockey sticks
And f yourself
Cause I'm flippin' gosh darn sick
Of all the “s” words you put me through
So f-u"

-Friendly Goodbye by Bowling For Soup

well I guess,once again,I've outdone myself.it wasn't an easy decision to let my guards down and tame my giant ego,but in the end,I did it.i have a strong feeling it's going to be worth it.i haven't done this (giving credits to myself) for years! i need it,very badly now,just for the sake of re-boosting my temporarily fallen self-esteem.it's hard to believe a spoiled brat like me could actually grow out of my bad temper for once and take the blame for someone else's fault.i'm proud of myself,seriously.i didn't tremble nor doubt even a bit.it actually took shorter time and went smoother than i had expected.i don't care if everyone finds out (if?they already have).i know what i'm doing.i've set my priorities straight and i don't think anything or anyone will ever be able to change it in anyway.it's better to take the blow now while things are just about to develop rather than getting a wound while things are supposed to be stable already.a matter of now or never.

"This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

On my own

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along"

- Pieces by Sum 41

guys and girls,my brothers and sisters,thanks for being there for me through thick or thin.i'll be okay :)

Sunway Adventure! ...or not.

first of all,thanks Fy Rahman for the awesome free trip i can never afford on my own! and the iced lemon tea,hihi. Gosh i feel like such a cheapskate accepting all her treat offers,in spite of the fact that she's sincere with it. i sorta actually tagged along,it was totally spontaneous and last minute.thank you Twitter! i started off too early i guess,reached the venue about 9-ish,grabbed coffee with my aunt before i met up with the girls.turned out it was actually meant to be a trip for Sinaran students,meh,guess i have to eat my words now.but still,i'll never say Sinaran pwns Perfection,it ain't true and it ain't gonna be,EVER! hehe.we were actually expecting that the tickets we got would allow us to choose whichever park we desire to visit and enjoy but alas,different wristbands allow entrance to certain parks only,of which we had gotten admittance to the Amusement Park,Water Park and Wildlife park,wtf -_- the combination made sense nevertheless,the trip was attended by mainly underaged kids,most of them aged 12 and below,so i figure we'd have to give in to whatever they want.after all,we were all merely tagging along.

first off,we 'attacked the Amusement Park.our first ride was the Pirate's Revenge,something that severely *dramatic* hurt our chest (i swear,if you get any ideas i'm gonna break your face,LOL),our upper arms and our hips and thighs.it was super scary at first,but after awhile,we got used to the silly upside down swinging mayhem.it was funny how we ended up screaming and laughing while Miss Ann cried her eyes out in terror,for fear of the possibility of the safety strap snapping.Sya and Fy made me go on the ride TWICE -_- the rest of the rides weren't as thrilling,the roller coaster was just okay,we've gone on better ones.the spinning cup ride was pretty awesome,apart from the cowboy boots ride,although not as terrifying.we then grabbed a drink before heading off to the Water Park.

this park,on the other hand,was just average.A Famosa was obviously better.the artificial beach was ok though,the wave effect worked out.there weren't much for us to enjoy,aside from the snake ride and that magic carpet ride.we got wet,like seriously wet.there was a lame stage show for the kids,and i could see girls getting all giddy when Justin Gayber   Bieber's "Baby" came along.the kids enjoyed everything.i used to,but not anymore.i guess i'm getting too old for this.i decided to just enjoy a few water slides and grab myself a set of awful chicken burger,oily fries and an ice cold mineral drink of which i had lost after changing my clothes.gastronomy at its worst,and it gobbled up rm13 of my allowance,sucks... luckily that ayam penyet meal with Fy was terrific.we didn't make it to the Wildlife Park due to the rain,and all of us were stranded there for hours since our transports were stuck in a traffic jam.i was left alone when the kids had boarded their bus,but i guess it's all cool since my brother arrived about 10minutes later.

although most of my body parts were cramped,i guess it was worth it.but another next time wouldn't be possible,unless we head for Scream Park and Extreme Park.looking forward to those.let's hope they're not hype.

Oh the Irony!

focus on the background,and then us. :)

I have replaced Rebecca Black as a TT. weird but true!

i guess that's enough irony for one day.i have a few missions to fulfill.a few goals to achieve,and a whole lot of preparations to do for University.scholarships have yet to be applied,and i'm planning to apply for 'freedom from misery' as well.i can't take it anymore.i'm human and i need to be free sometimes,if anyone starts to change that,then he/she just doesn't deserve a special spot in my heart anymore,unless of course it's my mom.she has the rights to do anything to me as she desires.i am not arrogant and i haven't changed a bit since yesteryear and the day we met,i'm sure you haven't either but it's just that i was too blinded by my emotions to see that we can never fit together.we're not peas in a pod after all.

"Trying to fit a square into a circle was no lie.." Come Clean by Hilary Duff.

if i'm not what you wanted me to be,let's just end this.i can neither pretend nor fake my emotions anymore.it's just no longer there.all my doors are closed and my guards have been raised.too many a time have i suffered because of the likes of you,i don't want history to repeat itself.your trying to mold me into something i'm not is definitely one of the hugest mistakes you've ever made.i'm not perfect.so aren't you.i never expected you to transform into something in my accord.i have never pressured you in any way,except in ways that would benefit you in the long run.just a clarification,it has nothing to do with anyone's achievements,it's regarding attitudes and expectations.stepping down doesn't always mean we're heading for an apocalypse (even though we literally are),it only means that this is a lesson in life.we need to learn the hard way sometimes.this isn't an epilogue,it's a new chapter.we all gotta move on sometime in one way or another,it's all about 'now or never',never is just too torturous for my liking.i happen to have a life and a future to think of ahead of me,i can't let petty things such as this get in my way.and note that even without you realizing,you're actually holding me hostage in your little charade of lies.don't think i've never noticed.i'm not like everyone else,i'm limited edition.i have my very own likes and dislikes,no matter how uncommon they can be at times.

strange how people never really change.the only thing that changes is one's perception on another after knowing the latter's true colors.

The Final Countdown?

..or not.

i don't know why Afi is being such a dog today.

He's been trying to chew my result slip all morning.

Bad guitar,bad!

i've been hearing the same old questions all day,"How are your SPM results?" "How many A's?" "What are you planning to do after this?" Here's a little FAQ,so as to not end up murdering the next person who asks one of the queries i've listed.

How are my results? 

i achieved my target,a minimum of 9A's 1B+. It was a combination of:

3A+'s (Math,BM & English)

4A's (Chemistry,Addmaths,Islam,Sejarah)

2A-'s (EST & Physics)

1B+ (Biology)

i wasn't aiming for medicine courses,and computing requires a minimum of B+ in Maths and C+ in Addmaths,i've achieved more than that so i'm more than happy about my results.also the fact that scholarships require a minimum of 8A's makes me even more relieved.I've met the requirement,what more can i worry of?

What am i planning to do?

further my studies in computing field.i'm taking Foundation in Computing in Taylor's University,Lakeside Campus.it's a (3+1) program under RMIT.i will then either venture to Computer Science or IT,depending on my foundation exam results.

i guess that should be enough clarification in one day.i guess everyone else did well too.congrats 1993-ians! we did it! our results raised our rankings as the best SPM students within 4 years! way to go people :) keep it up.you know we rock.

Time of Our Lives?

SPM results are out tomorrow.and how us ex-students feel no longer matter that much,no point shoving the obvious into people's faces.this is one of the best two-word piece of advice i've ever gotten from a cookie.

good luck everyone.we've done our best.may Allah be with all of us and may success be ours.

The Heartwarming Reunion

*teary-eyed* i guess the photos can tell you the story considering how they're each worth a thousand words.this is a little overdue as our reunion happened last Friday.all thanks to the technology of Twitter and telecommunication :) hope to meet the rest of us soon too.Jem and Yenny,i miss u both already!

the awesome molten chocolate cake we shared :) nothing sweeter than

sharing a dessert with your tight friends.

the cheese fries rocked!

our bond existed waaay before 1Malaysia was implied.

undeniably one of the most emotional reunions ever.

did i mention Yenny went through waterworks? :')

 

i seriously can NEVER finish a burger of this large of portion.

I'll Believe It When I See It - comeback?

since the Sunway Lagoon pictures aren't up yet,might as well save a draft report of the trip to be posted later aite.this is just something that's been floating around in my mind.

remember this?fine,i don't expect you to,in fact,even I myself

am trying to forget it.

it's been two years since my heartbreak,the wound should heal by now,considering that my heart is taken.i guess i was wrong.the past keeps coming back,and the fact that i no longer hide your facebook updates did not help at all.i thought i would've forgotten about it already,about us,how it could have been if i never confessed to you in the first place.the love story was delusional to begin with,and to think that our differences could be overcome because of love? LOVE..pfftt..what love?it didn't exist.the only love that existed was nonetheless unrequited,i don't even know if it should be called love at all.more like an obsession i guess.the pain is still here,right here.as much as i hate dwelling in the 'what should have been' zone,it's happening now.i'm screwed,big time.i shouldn't have spoken to you,i shouldn't have kept in touch with you,i shouldn't have gotten too close to you,i shouldn't have told you how i felt.i let my first crush go extremely easily since he didn't know how i felt,but you,i don't know.you're just like everyone else,but me opening up to you was a HUGE mistake.i thought you would've just shrugged it off but you didn't.i didn't.we couldn't get it out of either of our systems.yes i read your survey answers,and you said you haven't broken any hearts in your life,oh really?how is mine shattered again?YOU tell me.look,i shouldn't be mad at you,i was stupid.i ended our friendship because i didn't want anything to do with you anymore.deleting your number that i've learnt by heart - and still remember to this day,your email, wasn't helping me in coping up.the fact that your best friend is trying to reunite us as close friends is sweet but painful.we will never be the same,T. it was a very warm gesture that you called me when i was in deep sorrow a few hours after my dad's passing.the pain was chest-clutching,unbearable.i didn't want any of the funeral attenders to even see me in my worst,swollen eyes and such,i ran off and locked myself in my room.i guess i disappointed everyone who wanted to meet me in their attempt of comforting me.i was in that state for hours,dragging to nightfall,then you called,and then came a smile across my face.i don't know,it's natural.thanks for being there.you're a true friend.for now,i don't want to hurt myself again,or hurt the one i love.i've moved on,we both have.i hope someday in the future,i'll forgive you enough to remain close to you as we were before in the past.i can't guarantee the scar inside of me will be fully gone,you left a huge obvious mark there.it won't be easy to scrape off,but i'll try to make it less noticeable.

"I'm slowly getting closure, I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
And now I'm picking up the pieces, spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you

You took a hammer to these walls, dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away, there was nothing I could say
And when you slammed the front door shut, a lot of others opened up
So did my eyes so I could see that you never were the best for me"

-A Little Too not Over You by Daughtry

how is that funny?

this sarcasm was uncalled for,i know it was meant to be a joke,

but other people's suffering is a no-laughing matter.and now you know why Malaysia is being hated by many.sigh...

people like these are the black sheep,the culprits.mindless,heartless fools! 

however,let us all thank our very own Dato' Lee Chong Wei for compensating the embarrassment from the distasteful caricature with his victory.Malaysia is once again,extremely proud to say that we do not only have the best squash player,but also the best badminton player.MALAYSIA BOLEH !! 

yay for Chong Wei kicking Lin Dan's ass!! 

let's see if our soccer team will be able to challenge this.hihi. speaking of challenge,i actually heard a really awesome Mike Dirnt bass line of which he had came up with will he was stoned,lying on the carpet,facing his two amused band mates who were at the moment wondering if he was going to remember it when he's sober.it's a funny story,but brilliant at the same time.and i'm not saying this just because i'm currently obsessed with Green Day,but because it's true! try listening to Longview . the bass line intro is EPIC! *not using sarcastic tone* look who decided to become a cruel taskmaster to his student? hmmm...

great..just great.LOL. i'm not even done with guitars,but i was actually planning to learn up bass soon,but not as soon as Lao Tse had suggested.he's been replying my tweets a lot lately,it makes me wonder why?maybe Rin's right,he might be a little interested in me...wait,before you jump into any bizarre conclusions,i don't mean it in a romantic way,i mean it in a more mentor-protege' kind of way.you know,like Orianthi and Santana?i've always thought of our relation and chemistry as something similar to that,simply because our age gap is huge yet we're able to fit in with each other through music.heh,the miracle of music.i've mentioned it many a time,music unites people,in spite of differences.dammit,there's always gotta be a downside unfortunately,i have larger pressure to not let him down now.also the fact that today marks the beginning of a long fortnight,i am further pushed into an insomniac state.

SPM results coming out on March 23rd.

Driving test on March 24th.

College orientation on March 28th.

i think i need a medical checkup,or a health monitor,or better still,a SHRINK. today was a good day if it wasn't for the suckish internet connection.my dreaded driving instructor was away in his hometown and the pre-test went well.the examiner was hilarious.well to be honest,he wasn't cracking any jokes,but the way he talks,it's so amusing! kinda reminded me of Usop from Hantu Kak Limah Balik Rumah XDD let's just hope this twist of fortune remains until April at least.

"Nampak benor menipunya.." - Usop 

the last of the earth's breath

haven't we seen enough?

our planet,just like humans,is aging dreadfully.its fragility is now obvious.not to be paranoid,but i could sense that the end is near.remember how we've always been comforted with the scientific fact that the largest frequency of a natural disaster to occur is only once in every decade?disasters are happening every now and then.the statistics are shockingly high.it can happen anytime,anywhere,regardless of how we are 'in the danger zone' or not.Malaysia used to be safe,we're out of the cyclone-prone zone as well as the fire ring.we're not supposed to have earthquakes,volcanic eruptions,tidal waves,typhoons etc but we still do.now we can never really tell or predict.not the scientists,not the most modern of technologies,NOTHING can ever stop God's will.maybe this is God's way of telling us to reflect on our mistakes.maybe it's the only way we'd stop destroying,killing,fighting,arguing. time has come for us to unite,surpassing race,nation,political views,and everything that has been keeping us apart.it's time for a change,before it's too late.

so what do u say,are you in or out?

Japan needs Merong Mahawangsa

we all thought Japan had been handling natural disasters well.we all thought Japan has sufficient technology to detect a tragedy beforehand. we all thought they're more than ready and that they will survive.

we were wrong.an earthquake measuring 8.9 on the Richter scale destroyed numerous infrastructures,upsetting the Japanese economy as well as their partnering countries.reports have stated that 44 lives were lost due to the 10-meter high Tsunami which occurred as an outcome of the misplaced earth crust.and to think that Japan was invincible.clearly,God was even more triumphant.i hope this did not come out wrong,the Japanese have all my heart and prayers.bless them.let this be a lesson to all,we are the culprit.we are contributing to the destruction of our own planet.it's our fault and God is shoving us the taste of our own medicine.one question remains,will we be able to rescue the earth in time before the apocalypse?

perhaps we need a hero like the legendary Merong Mahawangsa.

Stephen Rahman-Hughes was hot in that movie btw,LOL.the movie was great,with all the Malay culture being preserved,fused with Chinese and Roman cultures.the medieval time managed to be relived with the aid of a multi-million CGI effect,best i've ever seen of a Malaysian made film.two thumbs up to Yusry KRU! despite the inevitable reference to the Pirates of The Caribbean,the audio and visual were nonetheless elements that could be proud of if this movie were to be exported.taking a mythical hero into the silver screen industry wasn't a mistake after all.

a little enlightenment on the synopsis for those whom have yet to watch this movie for themselves :

"Based loosely on the 16th century historical document entitled ‘The Malay Annals’, ’The Chronicles of Merong Mahawangsa’ is an action-packed epic feature film, with mythical characters, magical moments and dazzling visual-effects sequences. Merong Mahawangsa was a descendant of Alexander the Great, a renowned naval captain and traveler who came to Asia several hundred years ago.
The year is 120 AD… a time when the Roman Empire is at the height of its power, during the reign of Hadrian – one of the Five Good Emperors. Meanwhile in China, the Han Dynasty is firmly cemented as the ruling empire and is expanding into Central Asia… one hundred years before the period of the Three Kingdoms. As the Roman fleet did their repairs and traded in Goa, they asked Merong Mahawangsa to escort a Roman prince to Southeast Asia, to wed a beautiful Chinese princess from the Han Dynasty. The Chinese princess and the Roman prince are supposed to meet halfway and be married on neutral grounds.
However, the pirate nation of Geruda had other plans. They decided to kidnap the Chinese princess and use her as ransom. En route to the Straits of Melaka, Merong Mahawangsa’s fleet was attacked by Geruda’s forces while stopping at a small island to replenish supplies.
Will Merong Mahawangsa be able to rescue the Princess and re-unite her with her betrothed in a marriage that is set to bring together two great civilizations from the East and West ?"

-source: KRU studios

still curious? catch this movie yourself! no regrets,i can guarantee that.10 stars for the KRU bros!

if dried leaves were money

wouldn't it be nice?

it won't be as heavenly as you think it will be.sure,it would be fun to have money instead of annoying leaves to rake off every day.but what fun is it if each leaf is equivalent to RM1 or one dollar?or worst still, worth a coin or two? it would be a burden to carry around huge bags of money.and it'll make you look bulky too,for those fashionistas of course,including me.also,charity is something that good-hearted and situationally wealthy people commit to,as fun as it sounds,everything has a dark side to it.not all charity funds can be trusted,believe you me,no offence but some people are irresponsible enough to manipulate the good deed to fulfill their selfish greeds.and you wanna know what's the other drawback?you'll have more enemies than you could ever imagine.even with a thousand friends,probably only one or two of them are sincere,while the rest are just friends with you simply to get a piece of the pie.fake friends are there even when you're among the average suburban citizens,let alone when you're a super big shot like say,Perez   Paris Hilton .she's living the high life,but it makes me wonder if she had ever had a true friend in her life before? hmm..

i know,why the random topic?i could hear your mind whispering as you read these.it was randomly brought up by my mom and big sis while they were clearing up the front porch of my house.i just decided to share it with all of you.among the reasons being how i really want my mood to improve.after all the shit that happened to me for the past 3 days,it made me wonder this morning,why haven't i broken down already?it never ends,really.it keeps getting 'better by the minute',one after another.what the hell man?is God trying to poke me all over again? it's not funny.it really isn't.dear God,please stop.as much as i love sarcasm,you're the last one that i expected to do so.if i made a mistake,tell me in a dream or something as reliable.i just need to know,i've learnt too many things the hard way,You should know that i've had enough by now.but i don't blame You,You're my creator and you have every right to do anything to me,be it treat me well or plainly smite me mentally and/or physically.what i don't understand is,the last person i ever counted on in being least of a disappointment has suddenly turned against me.life is already as fucked up as it could be,THANKS A LOT for making it worse.that's JUST WHAT i need *sarcastic tone*.so much for you being there for me under all circumstances.i knew it right from the start that friendship is just total BS.it doesn't exist.it's state of mind,an illusion of comfort,something that's supposed to add up the spice to one's life.sometimes i wish i was an introvert,life would be so much easier.no friends,no heartache.i have got nothing to gain nor lose.

and i spoke too soon about not breaking down,because i just did.it's so massive of a meltdown that i felt like it was an apocalypse of the heart.now i know how people get panic attacks,i'm glad i'm not one of them.the waterworks were finally suppressed to its limits,i was thankful they didn't bleed.i don't know why fate is being a dick.i can't take this shit anymore.i'm giving up,i think i might just go M.I.A. anytime soon. probably the only person i'd talk to on the line is my mentor,Lao Tse,and only of music,nothing more.i'd rather be friends with my Afi,my fan fictions,music and my imaginary boyfriend,Tre.pffftt... fuck off seriously.i don't need more shit.why are you even reading this?i repeat, FUCK OFF.

oh yeah,Lao Tse,thanks for showing that you still care about my passion while nobody else would believe in my talent.*long distant hug* hope to see you soon,elsewhere apart from social networking sites.

never thought i'd say this but,

i miss you loads,Lao Tse.by far,you're the best and most supportive

teacher i've ever had.thanks for believing in me and being so patient with me.

i'll make you proud someday,i promise.

what?i'm a teacher's pet?running to my mentor only when all things fall apart?well go fuck yourself.if it wasn't for him i wouldn't even think of still pursuing my one and only true artistic passion,music.i'm not a fanfaronade (hahaha Nabeel and his words).i'm trying to appreciate the things i have instead of dwelling over the things i don't.

if you love me,stay.if you don't,just fuck off. and stop telling me you'll be there for me come rain or shine,unless you're prepared to wash your mouth with soap.i don't tolerate BS,i hope it ends here.

they ain't heavy,they be brothers

" *when asked regarding Wake Me Up When September Ends*
BJ : you know,singing about my father *farts*or anything like that... so... *blushes* excuse me 
Mike: this is God,don't talk about that song!
Tre : i'll smite you! 
Mike: i'll tackle this issue!" 


brotherly scene can be witnessed here.  if you hate waiting,forward to 0:40 on the timeline.one of the sweetest gestures i've seen in my life,although it's brief.shows that they would save his ass anytime,anywhere,anyhow.they totally covered the funny moment with their jokes!

oh yeah,and this was a brotherly gesture too,although an unusual one:

thanks man :)

Sealed with a Million Curses

expect vulgar language.expect uncontrollable anger.expect limitless offensive rants. expect negative vibes shooting your way like a comet rain.expect the cliche' predictions.

the title says it all.

no i do NOT want to waste my blog space with a story of an asshole.but i have one thing to say and one thing only.Katy,will you do the honor of speaking my mind?

thank you Katy.Chicken scallop waiting for you in my kitchen.no i don't give a feck about your diet.

Tre' Cool is Very Cool

told ya! 

i don't really know how i came about getting a little bit obsessed with this retarded but extremely awesome 38-year-old drummer,but what i do know is i've always had a soft spot for insane people like him.why?same answer as to "why do I hate nuts?" - because eating them would be cannibalism.i am,doubtlessly,a psychedelic,schizophrenic.insomniac nutcase who plays guitar and covers her madness by being a geek.freaky? that's only a microscopic titbit (heh,titbit,stop getting ideas!) of what i refuse to tell you.there's more to it.ask my friends.

i NEED one.

The Ramen Story

it's a little bit outdated but who cares? :D it was a Wednesday,in the middle of the week.you know what that means?MOVIE DISCOUNTS! the initial plan was for me,Deila and Nizar to have a threesome date (that came out wrong didn't it?).we were planning to catch a movie together,but unfortunately Deila somehow failed to get a leave,and i had stuff to do in the afternoon,plus i had driving classes in the morning.needless to say it was an exhausting day,i spent most of the evening waiting for my turn at the post office considering how disappointing transactions can be when the bank system goes offline,sigh.the boys had to reserve tickets for us.i arrived right after to hang out with Deila while she's working(in Kitschen to be exact).we then moved on to Borders  to say hi to Nana and pick up Hazem then to Crocs to pick up Jerin.Nizar,Jerin,Hazem,Nabeel and Azita eventually shifted to Ichiban Ramen where we had some overpriced yet satisfying ramen.this isn't my first time,considering the ramen i had with kak Abby back when i attended a Pop Shuvit gig in Sunway Pyramid.large portion,i failed to finish mine.it's also partly because we had to rush our dinner so as to enter the cinema just in time for our movie.by then we were joined by Ah Meng,Mukas,Wal,two Metrojaya girls,Fakhry and Azri.now there's 13 of us altogether,wtf.we conquered the front row.we decided to watch this movie called Sanctum.not bad,really got the waterworks good,some hilarious part here and there,kinda reminded me of Titanic in a way.well what do ya know,the movie creators were the same ones! heh.i would've guessed it.we then played bowling for a few,while half of us  played pool.we split up and scurried home at 10pm.

from 3 people,our outing gang grew to consist of TWELVE people! amazing what discounted movie sessions can do to our teenage minds,LOL.but it was fun.i hope this won't be our last outing together as an outrageously HUGE gang.

oh,and did i mention i finally tried the instant ramen Naz recommended to me?it wasn't at all bad.i wasn't much of a fan of kimchi on its own,but kimchi as a flavor is terrific! disclaimer: kimchi means pickled vegetable. hey fellers,let's get ourselves some ramen again later?but not too soon,i'm broke! lol.

When the Past Haunts You

seriously,i need a rehab,or a shrink,anything! i've been having weird,random dreams and things is the past keep haunting me.they're not in the form of flashbacks,rather,in the form of hidden signs.this had been bothering me too much apart from the driving instructor with a strange accent which i can never understand.i end up making my own theories about driving.thanks ALOT.

but then again,that's not what i've been meaning to write about.

ever felt that you thought a heartache was over until that certain individual from the past reappears in your life,triggering your old scars so you could actually feel the pain again? i have.so many times this week.scratch that,TOO MANY times.an incident after another.i'm sick of it.i'm finally happy now,why does the past keep on coming back to haunt me?it's like having a bandaged deep wound pricked by the same old nail that first caused it.it hurts more than the initial heartache.a rebound sucks even more,i'm telling ya.

several events seem to take me back down memory lane,recalling all the failed love stories i've had before.my ex's,my not-meant-to-be crushes.sigh... why God,why now?why me?i guess You are just testing my patience,what's left of it.

my driving mate reminded me of my old crush,they look alike but with different body figures and mentality.my old crush's best friend was planning a hang out for the three of us: him,me & my old crush. and worst comes worst,my not-so-old crush found out that i used to have feelings for him.most awkward thing is,what was his motive of trying to know whether it's true?even if it is (yes it is),what's he gonna do about it?it's only in the past and i've thought of him as a brother already.that would be incest! LOL.but if it so happens,although i think the odds are 1million to one,if we ended up together when we grow old,at least i know whom he is.

serious shit man.why can't the past just fly off with the wind?life would me so much easier.