Saturday, February 4, 2012

When the universe finds its balance

I've always had this crush on Neil Patrick Harris (alone, and with Cobie Smulders )
despite his sexuality. This is, by far my fave RobBarn moment - them moping over a tub of
ice cream in bed because Lily and Marshall dumped them.
I've been watching 'How I Met Your Mother' (now on season 5) - because I'm so free? and I've seen the characters hooking up with each other and a lot of other random people, but one couple caught my eyes : Barney Stinson and Robin Scherbatsky. I know they're not really a perfect couple like Marshall Eriksen and Lily Aldrin, but somehow, I see the bond between them. They don't seem to care about being lovey-dovey on the outside, but deep inside, they really love each other and just like everybody else, they too, cry when their hearts are broken. Robin sucks in relationships because she's afraid of commitments, sound familiar? Yes that's it! Yours truly is suffering the same issue! We both are eager to end our single lives, but do not want any strings attached. As paradoxical as it gets, it happens to every one of us whether or not we are aware of it.Barney is another one of the guys who's just plainly lusty, but everything changes when it comes to Robin. He gets jealous, touchy and a little bit mushy at some points. I find it sweet how they tend to change perceptions because of each other and it sucks to learn that they broke up after a few episodes :(  Lily and Marshall are sweet but they're married and they've always been loyal and committed with each other ; Barney and Robin are just getting started.

Hold up,did I just rant about a TV show I just started watching and have fallen in love with? Yes,BUT simply because I can relate to most of the scenarios. Unlike most of the unrealistic shows I've watched, this one is actually both intelligently hilarious and full of life lessons - it gives me a deep insight of love, by not expecting too much out of it. Fairy tale endings are BS and nothing ever perfectly works in life, but one shouldn't sulk with destiny, because the universe eventually finds a balance. Take for instance, I had a fucking bad day in uni but as soon as the weekend comes, I'll have fun regardless of whether or not I'm out of the house with my friends. There's always a small thing that makes a big leap on my emotions ; something to turn my frown upside down after a tough week. I can say I had a shitty fortnight before 140112 *cough*Simple Plan *cough*. People keep saying I'm lucky for meeting them, but have you ever thought how lucky you are in other aspects of life? Some people don't have to worry about money,but I HAVE TO. Some people have their love lives figured out, look at mine.. on a swaying boat that's sailing off to God knows where! I might even die alone, for goodness' sake! I really don't want it to happen but I eventually have to live it should it happen for real.I'm not that smart either,I'm studious. Music? pfft psssh... I have no absolute talent as much as I've tried or practiced. Nothing's going anywhere. I write songs that people label as plagiarism eventhough it's 100% my own work ; I'm unlucky in guitars too. My skills are not progressing and budget becomes the limiting factor for me to get further by upgrading my gears. My singing? Down the drain,bro, that's where it is. I don't have a good voice.

Some people complain too much and are not aware of how lucky they are. I may sound very whiny right now, but really.. Nobody's really thankful for anything until they lose it. Sure,my life's not all bad but stop comparing yourselves to me and wishing you were me. You WOULD NOT want to be me. Apart from a few lucky events in my life, there's really nothing much to talk about. I'm not interesting and I'm apparently not anyone's type. Meeting other people, there's always gonna be something they want me to change about myself, if for the better I'm fine but in this case, change to cater to their preferences in terms of liking and disliking. I know i'm not that competent enough to be a perfect girl, according to society norm, but I know I'm one and I can be a good one someday. I believe in myself but sometimes it does suck to be waiting for something you're not sure even gonna happen at all. If you think this is about him, yes you're assumptions are right this time. Surprisingly I reduced to tears all out of a sudden thinking of the void that grew between us. As much as it may be external entities' fault that we're growing miles apart like this, I still blame myself for telling people the first place. I should've kept my promise of not falling in love after the major break up. What ever happened to 'never again'?

I miss him, and we're only one FB message, one text, one call away but I can never do it. We haven't been casually talking if it wasn't for music, apart from it I really don't have a reason. and YES,i'm jealous of you. You get to randomly talk to him without him having second thoughts about replying you or how to act around you. You guys like the same band and you're going to the concert with him. I'm really scared your dream might come true,except the fact that the other him doesn't like me. he ignores my existence and is more excited to see you than me, while we're in the same room. It sucks and it kills me inside. THERE i've said it, I'm a jealous bitch and I deserve to be slapped for the insecurity. I'm insecure and I have little or no self-esteem whatsoever. I'm a pessimist at every angle and I might need to get a rehab from all these emotions to eventually recover.I'm depressed for a guy who apparently pays attention to every detail I say and tells me random stuff but yet doesn't mind whether I live or die. Could I get more pathetic?

i should really consider taking this advice ;)