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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Paralyzed Emotions

"Happy days will drown the pain
On and on and on it came
And again, and again, and again...
Take my name and just let me be"

-Stranger In Moscow by Michael Jackson

well what do ya know,i missed my biggest musical influence's birthday! Happy belated 52nd Birthday Michael Joseph Jackson! May God bless you always and have a nice afterlife.

today was just an ordinary day as always,same old stuff keeps happening each time i go to school.waking up at 6.45am,get dressed and straight to school in an idle mode,while listening to Drake Bell's "I Know",it never fails to make my day worthwhile.a "to-morrow,to-morrow and to-morrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day" kind of scenario by which i have to bear as a routine in every breath of my life.sick and tired much?perhaps yes perhaps no,which explains why i look for things to live for,things that make me happy...

can't believe i'm saying this but,those things like NINJA SAGA! but after awhile,i realised that i'm a little too addicted to the game,why?this is the evidence.


my overused words,of all the things in the world,is NINJA! this analysis,in case you're wondering,is done upon your daily (or in my case,hourly) status updates on facebook.SEE! yes i do admit i have a such twisted passion for ninjas and zombies but i didn't know the word Ninja had been overused for the past couple of days since i discovered Ninja Saga! how bizarre is that?thus,i took the initiative to reduce and now totally BAN Ninja Saga out of my life,well at least for the time being until SPM is over.Deila is taking over my Ninja Saga account as she volunteered to help me pass the 4th and 5th phase of the Chunin Exam.pffttt..this addiction NEEDS TO BE STOPPED,period.but of course,there was a price to pay.

earlier today,well not to say early,around the evening,i was expecting a quite rainy eve,where all i could do is sleep peacefully with a carefree mind,before i presume my intense revision activities.yet,disaster strikes when i fell asleep at around 4pm.i don't know why,i don't know what i was thinking.something went terribly wrong with my mind apparently.i dreamed of this particular scene,it was brief but painful enough to wake me up in a half-tear:

Marco: hey..can I ask you something?
Me : sure,why not.go ahead.
Marco: but you gotta promise me you won't get pissed off.
Me : *chuckles* okay i promise i won't get mad.
Marco : is it true that you like me?
Me : *silent* where'd you get that from? *sweaty palms*
Marco: your friends told me...so.....is it true?i hope you could be honest with me.
Me : ......yes.i'm sorry,i don't think i can hold this up any longer.sorry...bye. *walks off*

will this stupidity persist?am i doomed to be broken-hearted for my next 7 love interests since i rejected that someone?*counts* Marco's my 3rd,or maybe 4th,so i guess i have to find another 4 losers in his place then only my relationship will work out? ok stop...that's ridiculous! there is absolutely NO SUCH THINGS as LOVE KARMA.in fact i'm not even a Hindu to believe in karma,i'm guessing it's my idiocy instead?i believe the world revolves in a balanced manner,and someday good fortune will definitely be on my side.

right now,somebody did something to really piss me off.and all i can say is,my emotions are suddenly starting to be paralyzed knowing that it's no longer a secret.
it definitely takes a lot of time to heal,maybe hours,maybe days,maybe weeks,maybe months,maybe years and maybe even a whole lifetime! but it WILL heal,this i promise myself.

and fellers,thanks for the poke war! totally made my day! i love you guys.

Happy 53rd Independence Day,Malaysia! glad to be a Malaysian who lives in a harmonious country with an ever-developing infrastructure and technology.can anyone be less proud?

Monday, August 30, 2010

When Cookies Are More Trustworthy




"All of the things that I want to say
just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here"
You and Me by Lifehouse

it seems to me that i have been constructing an empire here in KD,who would've thought that i could actually make a large number of friends in such a nick of time?even i didn't expect that my friendship circle would germinate this rapidly and most importantly,TREMENDOUSLY! i know,i should stop reading these fortune cookies before they get to my head but! always bear in mind that it is not the luck it carries is what matters,instead it's the word of wisdom they convey.i always find them useful enough to keep me on my feet the entire time to endure any kinds of hardship that i may have to face soon.amazing how fortune cookie talk can be of a large influence in my life.most of it is true a few weeks after i receive them,like this one for instance:


this one could be applied for my trials,it means when you have faith,you are fearless.it's not your muscles that count,it's your willpower and your self-confidence.

and today,i don't know what have gone through my head,i woke up at 1pm after this very awkward dream relating to KFC (yes,FML,exactly) only to find that i woke up on the wrong side of the bed.waking up to a discouraging conversation with my mom,especially on laid-back sunday noon isn't really what i have in mind.that minor argument about how mom refused to let me make my own decisions,my negative thoughts about losing all my hope and dreams and worst still,my thoughts of missing you,endlessly thinking about you is really messing up my whole system.i selfishly poked all my friends on FB out of loneliness (due to your absence) and these two responded.i'm touched :') thanks for understanding me guys!


and then comes this quote from a website i found:



description of love is from the movie Captain Corelli's Mandolin:
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine

well i guess NO ONE deserves to be owned but mark this,no matter what,i'll always be there for you if you need me,regardless of whether or not this love story is one-sided.i hope one day,you'll come to this realisation.you are not mine and likewise,but i know how much we need each other.look deep within your heart and one day you shall see.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

All or Nothing


"There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart
But I dont show it show it
And then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right
I know know it "
-All Or Nothing by K-Town

facing a little crisis in choosing my blog language,shall i blog in English or Malay?Malay laa kita org melayu :)) ye kwn2,hari ni kita akan membina ayat menggunakan frasa 'All Or Nothing' ok.ayuh mulakan:
-lagu All Or Nothing memang tebaekkk la,xsia2 si aju suggestkan kat aku haritu,layan habesss..
-SPM aku hrpkn ALL OR NOTHING,all As or aku nk redo SPM,haha..gila x?
-Seminar Sejarah sux sbb mnggunakan konsep ALL OR NOTHING,baca SEMUA topik or get nothing at all,dlm erti kata lain,tips dia sux dow xberguna langsung nasib baik freeeeee...pihak skolah tnggung smua baiii..

the only best part about it is the fact that i went with my friends AND got to legally skip school for one whole day!


to say the very least,the Ti-Ratana seminar was 100 times better.


ehhh terspeaking lagi? -_- ok ok BM! seriusli,tah berapa banyak seminar aku pergi,kalau xskor jugak spm mmg satu kerugian besar,org ckp pakej la,kalau UPSR gempak,PMR gempak SPM sangkut mcm nasi tak berlauk bai,xlengkap hidup and mmg mnyesal sampai bila2 la kan.

"kau ni angauuuussss" - Jerin
tula psl wei :( nak buat mcmana?tapi aku xsekronik si pilot keji tu kut,xde smp tahap obsessed and nak kecoh kt smua org,bukan nk kutuk tp agak enoying laa kut mcm dia sorg je in love ceh ceh.aku xmintak pun nk jadi centre of attention ke ape ke,dah org rse love story aku unik maybe sbb tu tersebar luas,i mean face it,bukan la nk ckp aku ni diva or miss popular la sgt kt KD10,it's the fact that sesetengah org maybe masih blum dpt trima kehadiran aku sbgai warga KD10,smpai diorg still consider aku 'budak baru'.haih dah tgk kalendar ke x ni?dah bulan brapa ni?kalau org yg musafir pn da dikira bermastautin kalau stay satu tmpt tu lebih dripd tiga hari,skang dah 8 bulan bai kau sedar x?well the unique thing,or rather,the unacceptable fact,pasal love story aku dgn si marco ni ialah maybe sbb org anggap marco ni weirdo,suka sorg2,introvert,cabbage sgala bagai sedangkn aku extrovert.mcm xlogikla kan kitorang rapat?lagipun (bkn nk resis) aku budak bai-yo sdgkan dia budak ekaun.mcm langit dgn bumi sgt ke?stakat beza satu subjek tu aku xheran pun.yang penting hati dia baik,orgnya baik,sgala2nya baiklaa wei.percaya x kalau aku ckp marco ni rpt dgn aku far earlier than the rest of the active/amanah boys?seriously,dia the first guy yg welcome aku,yg buat aku rse kurg asing dlm kalangan warga KD10 ni,tpi masa tu aku buta.aku pun ingat dia weirdo sbb tiba2 nk rpt dgn aku,pulak tu mmg aku tgh xpercaya laki,baru break up kut.aku blindly minat pada si Alex sedangkan Marco mmg baik sgt dgn aku,dalam pelbagai aspek la bleh dikatakan.skg ni,aku xmnaruh harapan,aku just harap yg dia tahu ada org concern psl dia,sayang dia and smoga dia xfrust mnonggeng ke frust beronggeng ke.

"Are we just friends?Are you sure?Have you double checked and see?"

Saturday, August 28, 2010

You Belong to Me


"just remember when a dream appears
you belong to me
and I'll be so alone without you
maybe you'll be lonesome too"
-You Belong To Me by Jason Wade

yes,i think you belong to me,and the belief that you will always be gives me the strength to go through the oncoming days.despite what people say or think,i can feel that i'm locked up inside of you right now,and i can never undergo a day without looking at that smile of yours,or at least seeing you from afar,which pretty much explains how much i hate weekends despite them being days away from school.i hate being away from you,i hate not seeing you and most of all,i hate not talking to you at all.


last night after breaking fast,i looked out the window and saw a crimson full moon,among the dazzling diamond stars wrapped up in the dark cloak which we call the night sky,as bright as it is,it can never outshine your smile (:

i can no longer deny now.marco,i'm in love with you.can i please keep you,for like,an eternity?


this very encouraging conversation with Liyana made me smile throughout the night,and i'm expecting a memorable dream tonight.

good night marco my love,sweet dreams.whenever you're cold,you have my heart.embrace it tight and let its warmth protect you from harm.

someday we'll break each other's hearts into two,because we need to make up space for each of us to switch the halves. :))

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

May Angels Lead You In

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
-Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World

i miss blogging in English,sorry people,i just can't monologue in Malay although it's my mother tongue,it's just not as expressive.no,i'm not denying my heritage,it's just that,i talk too much,sometimes i need an escapade from my external personality.i seldom emote in front of people,i'll usually isolate myself and just..cry.hiding it from everyone seems so much better than trying to find someone who truly understands.i'm not trying to seek for sympathy,as a matter of fact that's the last thing i need.

today,is one of the worst days of my life,not because of bad luck,i hardly experience any this year,but because of my unstable emotion.i was too happy in the morning,maybe i needed to balance it up with a little sorrow here and there.reading about Achik Spin's 1st ramadhan without her husband really broke my heart,let alone mom's supernatural yet touching story that happened this morning.as Muslims,we believe that the deceased spirits will roam the earth,whereby all the Heaven doors have been opened.they will pay a visit to their families,it's a must and today,mom told me she experienced something really really beyond logical minds.the wind was still,but she sensed some kind of tantalizing fragrant whilst she was lying down to rest after sending me to school.it was tad impossible that it came from elsewhere since no one was around,and the fragrant was focused in one spot,ironically nearby the place where dad used to sit all the time.our conclusion,it was dad.how lucky of mom to have sensed his presence,i used to feel him being around too but it was when he newly passed away.i know he's here somewhere,and i wouldn't wanna let him down.

i'm glad he's happy.the pleasant smell tells it all.it's believed that if a spirit has it,means that the afterlife is also a promising one.

"Hey daddy,how have you been?Has heaven been treating you well?"

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Alkisah Ninja Saga,Nasi Beriyani dan Si Pemalu

sebenar2 benar benar benarnya,aku pun xtau apa kaitan ninja saga dgn nasi beriyani,maybe sbb aku layan nasi beriyani smbil main ninja saga?so si pemalu tu nak campak mana?campak dalam tasik depan kondo aku tu?ehh mana bolehh dow,bukan da kering ka? kan masa birthday si amirul bob diorg da campak dia dlm tu pakai tractor,so air dlm tu semua dah displaced by his massive volume... ok insaf la bulan2 posa ni pun kau nk kutuk org kan yana -_-


harini percubaan pertama mak aku utk wat nasi beriyani,although the flavor dia xbuat sendiri (dlm erti kata lain pakai serbuk perencah maggi bebeh) not bad wei,rupa ada bau ada rasa pun kalah beriyani house kt muar tu,so aku rasa lepas ni mak aku da xpercaya take outs lagi kut?sejak dah ada buku resepi baru tu kerjanya asyik baca buku tu smp tertido kt sofa,esoknya balik sekolah bau mcm2 kt dapur,tgk2 dia dah try masakan baru.yahoooooo..jeles x korg? ehehe..riak riak esok kne panah lightning godem ke gonem tahh -_- tapi tula,nasi beriyani ni betul2 terbaek wok,sumpah aku xpernah tmbh kalau mkn tpi this time,memang tak terkira la bilangan aku duk ulang tambah.faktor2nya,maybe sebab sedap and lagi satu sebab nasi dia tak berkanji (mak aku pakai beras basmathi).


ninja saga betul2 media dajal kan?aku xsedar dah berapa jam aku bazirkan untuk blajar jutsu baru kononnya,untuk kuatkan diri so that boleh kalahkn member2 sekolah lepas tu dtg2 je bising2, "wei kau lemah arr" "tukar jutsu laa" "pakai chakra scroll" "kau level brapa?hantarla gift doww" bla bla bla.memang takde life la wei,semua topik mesti berakhir dengan ninja saga.aku yang diakui BUKAN kaki game ni pun boleh terjebak gara2 langau2 yang telah men-saiko aku.gambar kat atas tu screenshot 2nd chunin exam,yang scroll war,kena curi scroll daripada org lain.manusia2 yg aku recruit ialah deila dgn mubin,sbb diorg je yang sme level dgn aku mse tu selain jerin dengan naqiu (adik mubin).akhirnya berjaya jugakk,sekarang ni aku tgh fikir pasal round 4 plak.

ok wtf,spm trial negeri selangor da dkt and aku boleh fikir psl ninja saga lagi?xcukup2 dengan markah pretrial maths yang hina sedih tu?walaupun xsampai tahap fail mahupun B,tetap affect mood aku sebab maths ni sepatutnya lebih mudah dripada addmaths,patutnya boleh score and patutnya jadi subjek harapan la kan.kadang2 aku rasa A+ aku cuma utk English je,lain hampehh.tapi harapnya x la,sbb kalau nk scholarship kena 9A+,mana nak cekau tu?seminar da melambak ni aku rasa insyaAllah boleh kut kalau 9 tu,kalau 10 A+ alhamdulillah baii.aku doa sangat2 aku xscrew up mana2 subjek utk trial ni.pretrial lantak pi la xde sape pandang,dah lepas dah pun,maybe lepas ni aku lebih serius and jarang online,harapnya berterusan and bukan sekadar HHTA la kan.

hai si pemalu,... aku termotivated sebabkan kau :) aku nak buktikan pd kau yg aku serius belajar,and aku ada future yang terang.untuk apa?bukan untuk impress kau tapi untuk bagi keyakinan pd kau.please,jangan putus asa ok.teruskan usaha kau,insyaAllah dgn berkat doa ramadhan ko pun akan succeed.sama2 la kita ok.

sama2 ketawa,sama2 menangis,sama2 bersyukur.trimas atas ksudian mewarnai hidup aku,marco :)

Hidupku Kan Damaikan Hatimu

*first of all sorry to my non-Malay speaking readers,i feel the need of blogging in my mother tongue once in awhile.feel free to ask me if you need to know anything*


walao eh kekok plak nak berbelog dlm BM *cehh riak cara halus,mentang2 markah English boom kapowww..la sgt* tapi since BM aku mcm da ala2 menuju jalan kehancuran,which is why aku pilih utk berbelog dlm BM la kan.lagipun,aku terjumpa lagu ni setelah 5 thn aku tunggu,akhirnya tahu jugak nama pnyanyi and tajuk dia skali.lagu caffeine bertajuk Hidupku Kan Damaikan Hatimu.

Berjalan di tepi pantai
Tertiup angin berhembus
Sejukkan hati damaikan diri
Melihat biru

Bersama tlah dilewati
Bersama tlah dijalani
Aku disini kan bersamamu
Tlah ikat janji

Reff :
Hidupku kan damaikan hatimu
Diriku kan slalu menjagamu
Izinkan ku slalu bersamamu
Kasihku padamu

Tlah kuberikan semua
Tlah kurasakan bersama
Sampai terhenti nafasku ini
Hanyalah untukmu


serius dow,lirik ni mengingatkan aku pada Marco Markonah Makaroni *nickname baru dia la*.aku tau,mesti korg cakap aku gila bayang,xberpijak di bumi yang nyata,kuat perasan,kemaruk cinta apa semua la yg xsdp org dengar tu kan,tapi..tapi! korg kena tahu ni,sebelum ni memang aku akui aku banyak sangat ikut cakap hati,orang tua2 ckp ikut hati mati ikut rasa binasa betul tak?tapi xtaulah,bila perasaan tu datang kita pun xbersedia kan,nak tepis macamana?lain ar kalau perasaan ni mcm anak panah,bila datang mmg kita boleh nampak and probably boleh elak kalau dah terror tu.tak pun kalau mcm pluru kita leh tahan dengan water sphere lepas tu meditate utk tingkatkan semula chakra ke kan ke best..*campuran ninja saga dengan the matrix,heh* the point is,aku xboleh elak benda ni semua.aku dah agak dah kalau masuk sekolah campur msti mcm ni.cuba kalau aku msuk CBN,*bukan nk katala* maybe xdela aku terperangkap dalam permainan perasaan ni.nak ikutkan,memang aku rasa nak berterus-terang je dengan marco ni wei,kasi dia paham,habiskan terus telenovela ni.ending sedih or gembira tu belakang kira,yang penting dah ada peleraian.sejauh mana kebenaran yang dia pun mnaruh prasaan yg sama dgn aku tu aku pun xpasti sbb aku bukan psychic.pernah aku cuba korek rahsia,tapi dia hanya diam membisu.dia xmo cakap sepatah pun pasal perasaan dia,dan aku xtahu kenapa,sedangkan mcm2 benda & mslh dia crita kt aku,xkan hal mcm ni xnak kongsi?dia memang banyak berahsia la pasal isu jiwa kacau dia tu.tapi apa yg dia ckp and nasihat kt aku memang ternyata betul:

"perasaan ni kalau kita layan mmg xde penghujung,so cara terbaik,ignore je,buat mcm xwujud.kalau jiwa xtenang,xdpt tidur,cuba baca al-Quran,kalau uzur or xlarat dengar bacaan pun da kira ok,dapat jugak pahala.jiwa pun tenang.handle je cara Islam".

ok serius,mamat ni student ke ustaz?manusia ke malaikat?ok fine dia manusia sbb dia makan burger mcChicken dpn aku,obviously malaikat xmakan or minum,and dia pengawas xkanla malaikat jadi pengawas kut?pengawas utk Allah adalah,jauh lebih baik dripada pangkat pengawas sekolah,heheh.chup,dah tersgt obvious.aku rasa semua dah tahu pasal marco,tapi aku xtau sama ada si empunya diri ni sendiri tahu ke x.aku amik keputusan untuk jauhkan diri semula,ok masalah yg satu tu dah selesai.secara luaran,cehh... aku rasa dah setel kut,sebab usikan pun da kurang (aku suka sebenarnya kena usik ni,mngeratkn silaturahim,heheheh) tapi xdela smp tahap aku kena cover bengang sendiri baiii.aku dah boleh ramalkan mesti akan berkumandang desas-desus "ehh kakak 5 aktif tu minat kat *****!" "eh budak baru tu mcm ade pape je dgn *****!" "eh haritu akak tu dating dgn *****!" umberella-eh-eh-ehhh dan eh-eh yg swaktu dgnnya.betul kut cakap shu wan,aku ni gossip magnet,di mana saja aku pergi mesti ada je kontroversi or gosip yang akan timbul.jangan slh fhm,aku bukan attention seeker,dah mulut org xleh nak tutup kan.

"jom gerak,kalau kita duduk lama2 kt sini nanti org ingt kita ni psgn kekasih plak!"
apa salahnya sesekali kan? heheh.dah terlewat la! memang semua dah anggap cmtu and aku xde pun rse rimas walaupun sikit sebab aku mmg btul2 ..teramat..sangat2... sayang kat kau.dulu memang aku buta,aku pandang pada rupa,tapi as i grow old aku realise yang rupa ni xkan kekal slama2nya.yang kekal adalah sikap,and seriously,aku xpernah jumpa lelaki yang respek perempuan mcm kau.yang caring mcm kau,yang simpati kat aku walaupun aku xpernah nak meraih daripada siapa2 pun.walhal perkara yg ko buat kecik je,setakat suruh jalan elok2,suruh aku jaga diri,suruh aku tido awl,suruh aku jgn stres,semua boleh buat tapi diorg xbuat.kau yang buat,jadi kaulah yg curi hati aku dulu.ya aku memang gila,saiko,emo,terlalu layan perasaan semua,tapi aku nak kau tahu,kalau kau rse xde sape suke kwn dgn kau,xde sape pedulikan kau,KAU SILAP! kalau kau rasa mcm tu,ternyata ko masih xsedar kewujudan aku.aku xmenaruh harapan sbb aku takut dikecewakan lagi,tapi aku nak tgk sejauh mana kau brani kluarkan perasaan kau.

and hey,walaupun kawan2 aku kurang gemar dgn kepelikan kau,kematangan kau,ingat..sebabkan sifat2 tula kau berjaya cairkan hati batu aku ni. :) and aku nak kau tau jugak yang aku rindu bersembang dgn kau.dulu aku look forward hari khamis,siap kira lagi berapa hari tinggal,kalau boleh xnak hari jumaat and weekends tu datang semata2 nak jumpa kau.sekarang dah susah,tapi aku harap kita takkan renggang.aku harap facebook dapat hubungkan kita sbb kita jarang pakai phone kan,aku pun xda phone no kau (yeke??).

Ku cuba redakan relung hati
Bayangmu yang berlalu pergi
Terlukis di dalam kenangan
Bebas bermain di hatiku

Cerita tentang masa lalu
Cerita tentang kau dan aku
Kini tinggal hanya kenangan
Kau abadi di dalam hatiku

Harusnya takkan ku biarkan engkau pergi
Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati
Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir
Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku

Marco,nanti ada masa kita borak2 ok.i need to have some time alone with you,engage in a deeper conversation and perhaps realise something that wasn't there before :)



Sunday, August 22, 2010

A Night To Remember



once again,i've been in a little writer's block lately,or rather,in a sloth situation whereby i neglect my blog time and time again and now there are cobwebs everywhere! need to do spring cleaning sooner or later before things get any worse,heh.anyway,i've been busy lately thus the negligence,sorry for my sudden absence since Mika's birthday a few days ago.so what have i been doing?basically putting my life back in order,literally.i'm rearranging my time table to suit the approaching SPM trials,ramadhan routines,seminars,my pre-trial test and *cough* Ninja Saga! this new addiction is really controlling the minds of my fellow Activians,so much so that we've been making it a compulsory topic whenever we strike a conversation.and right now i'm stuck at level 20 alongside deila and jerin.needless to say that the Chunin exam we need to go through before we could start gaining XP again sucks big time.okay enough about Ninja Saga,yesterday was my first time breaking fast with my buds and all i can say is it was a blast! the early plan was to arrive around dinner time at about 8pm but all of us ended up coming before maghrib.


again,our plan was to spend the RM150 we got from winning the 2nd place for the previous 'The Pearl' Short Film Fest,but as you can see,we're always off the budget,LOL.undeniably,the meal was awesome.a combination of mixed tom yam,lemon chicken,kailan ikan masin,omelette and sweet and sour fish.a pretty generous serving if i don't say so myself,and to top it all off,puan rohzaini baked us a nice moist chocolate cake,using imported molten chocolate.


and yes i am indeed a teacher's pet,also because of my boundless love for the English language.

me with puan rohzaini.

proof that we were off budget.

awww...now that's what you call a happy family.

my girlsss~ ily,syiera,nizar and deila.

Jerin :D no we're not an item,he's my bestfriend :)

as soon as the feast was over about an hour later,we had this little crazy trip to McD,our definite last stop after every event,no matter where it is.transportation?miss on's smallish but extremely useful wira.can you imagine seven people in a car that's meant to drive a limit of only 5 people??it was mad.


Nutcase Hazem taking a photographic evidence of himself being in the front seat beside miss on,LOL.
and how did we manage it?Jerin had to sit on the car floor,fasha and aisyah had proper seats and i had to bear suzi's weight on my laps,haha.we survived the journey,thank god,and it was worth it.we had hell of a good time as usual,despite hazem and jerin's sudden disappearance.turned out they had to rush home,awww :( nevertheless,it didn't affect our happy time of course.

me with fasha and aisyah ^^

thanks guys! it was awesome...let's do it again! :D

"wish you were there though..."

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Mikamite Reaction!


"Music is like mackerel and tomato sauce,it's either you love it or you fuckin hate it!" - Michael Holbrook Penniman Ismaili Jr. aka MIKA!


Happy birthday to my homeboy Mika! thanks for inspiring me in many aspects of my life,thanks for helping me find my true self and thanks for giving me faith in pursuing music.

I love you!

KACHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG -AH!


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

feliz cumpleaƱos , Antonio :)

okay so i found a decent photo of him in respect of the Holy month of Mubarak.so,happy 50th birthday!


despite being only 3 years younger than my mom,i must say you look simply stunning despite your silver jubilee age :D stay handsome my love,LOL.

Ramadhan Blues

tomorrow will be the first day of Ramadhan in the Hijr' calendar.i guess we can all finally live in peace knowing that all the devils and satans had been chained down in Hell and all Heaven doors have been opened.to my dear friends,especially my fellow SPM candidates,optimize this opportunity to pray for the best to God because in Ramadhan,all our prayers will be heard more than before.also,don't forget to pray for your family or friends who have made a journey to the afterlife.their spirits will pay us a visit on particular nights so let us all increase our ibadah and not let them down :) this may or may not be our last Ramadhan so make the best out of it so that there won't be any regrets.clear your minds off any sinful thoughts or intentions and your fasting will be worthwhile.


have a blessed Mubarak and may all of us make it to the next Ramadhan,insyaAllah.

lastly,forgive me for all my sins as how i have forgave yours.maassalamah.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

KLCC.. I'm In Love..



"Although loneliness has always been a friend of mie
I'm leaving my life in your hands
People say im crazy and that i am blind
risking it all in a glance
how you got me blind is still a mystery
i cant get you out of my head
dont care what is written in your history
As long as you're here with me"
-As Long As You Love Me by Backstreet Boys

to say the very least,today was really really meaningful thanks to you,Marco. :) words can never describe the precious moments we spent together.too sweet for such humble letters to convey.all i can say is,may this be true not only for today,but for the whole eternity.i will write these down just for memories:
-070810
-faithful companion throughout the exhibition
-"Can this day get any worse?" (upon heavy rainfall)
-McChicken McValue Meal
-Overlooking the dancing fountain of KLCC

-Green shoes :)
-Green motorbike
-pinkish purple/purplish pink watch
-white smooth criminal suit
-coming-close-to-confession conversation.
-presumed couple :DD
-"da' smile on ur face,let me know that u need me...........

theres a truth in ur eyes,saying u never live me..............
da' touch of ur hand say u catch me, where ever i fall........
u say it best,when u say nothing at all....." :))

-"walk safe" ..with a smile.

all in all,i can say this trip was a blast.it made me realize that my love for you will never die,Marco :)

apart from that,here are a couple of photos i took:

Ejat as Einstein

Interactive Art

Ejat and Mubin at the Helicopter Simulator :)


Ira,Aini and Me in front of the actual KLCC la :)

CTTV ^^

To-morrow

"Who are you now?
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow?
What do you do?
At this very moment
When I think of you.."
-I Still by Backstreet Boys

the best thing about having a flu is that when you cry,no one can tell apart your internal and external pain :')

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Moving On or Moving Deeper?

"I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart..."
-Shape Of My Heart by Backstreet Boys

Again,i've gone to yet another craze over a boyband,this time,it's Backstreet Boys.i know they've been around since forever,but only now have i sufficient musical sense to actually appreciate their songs.Not too sure whether they're still around,even if they are,they might have been overshadowed by the new era bands and teen pop stars.nevertheless,no one can deny that the 90s were the best years of pop music.Backstreet Boys,Westlife,Spice Girls.. you name it.they're all high quality pop stars who are nothing but a talented bunch.Needless to say that such era no longer exists.blame autotune :(

BUT,right now,i won't focus much on the 90s musical era.i shall do it in another post in the near future.the issue now is none other than the highlight of this blog for the past few months,our friendly cottage owner,Marco or as i'd like to call him,Chef Marc Anthony.he's been acting weird,so have I,in response to his awkward antics that it.because of that,i'm trapped in a mixture of emotions.i don't know how and why have i grown to hate him.it happens to everyone i've fallen for,and now it's his turn.whenever he passes by,we tend to get into an eye contact,a really brief but heart-grabbing one.i don't know his exact emotions,but what i know is,the sensation somehow managed to shake me,before i knew it,i was back into my dreamy state.lately i've noticed that he's in love with someone,but again,i'm uncertain.he might just be in that emotional state of his,but then again i might be wrong.seriously,i hardly believe anything anymore.my heart had been broken too much a time that i am practically immune to such situations.my plan of moving on was clearly a flop and i felt more guilty than ever.i made this little confession to Yana,and as expected,she nearly jumped from her chair in shock.Marco asked her some peculiar questions pertaining to affairs relating to the heart,she thought it was random yet clearly it wasn't.i wonder who that lucky girl is :/ i'm giving up.i don't think it's worth trying anymore.sometimes in life,no matter how dreadful it may seem,we've gotta learn to let go at the right time and the right place.sometimes things are just not meant to be.if life is as beautiful as how we picture it in our minds,why do we need dreams?thus,my antiticipation ends here.PERIOD.

i'm done waiting,Marco.if you need me,let me know.bye.just know that I love you,and thanks for caring so much for me.i hope this doesn't change anything between us,just in case you've known already.

so what will it be?move on or move deeper? let TIME decide.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Take Me Away to Where?



"this time you burn me with your eyes
you see past all the lies
you take it all away
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you"
-Take Me Away by Lifehouse :')

clearly,my mind has gone off the deep end,it's all a haywire and i don't think i'm thinking straight.that little speculations about 'us',that 'marco and me should have something going on soon', that 'why marco of all the boys?" and of course,that major mix-up between friendship and moving to the next level.next level?? this little thingy proves what others have been thinking about our strange relationship.


it's been months,and we should've been into that 'new level',but no,i chose to be blind.so did you.it's a little too early and i don't think either of us are trying to rush things up.needless to say,i've been having bizarre and unthinkable visions of me and you,through dreams and in between the gaps when i'm not studying.it doesn't affect my focus,but it's enough to make me think all the time.where have i gone wrong?what's with all these guilt?why am i always feeling sorry for you?and is that it,i fell for you because i'm sorry for you? dear God,don't let that be it.you've got so much more to offer,but so far not many people have realized that.i noticed that you've been living in that cottage in my mind,and another cottage in another girl's mind.she's very young,too young,and naive.maybe that was where my guilt originated?the thought of secretly fighting for your heart.i don't blame you.stealing one's heart is not like stealing money or stealing candy from a baby.it's unintended,and sometimes hardly noticeable except by the person whose heart was stolen.i should be blamed,for suddenly appearing in the scene.how could i stupidly fall just like that?i wonder where my guard had went to,it should be strong enough to withstand any more of these heartbreaking emotions.it frustrates me so much to know how fragile i can be sometimes,how vulnerable i am to such situations.i've always been that highly-motivated girl who has a solution to anything,including matters relating to the heart.but what happened to her?did that side of her fade away?did she just partially died inside?now it's nothing but false hopes and dreams.

yet..what makes me happy is all the fantasies i have.these are the dreams,MY daydreams,that comfort me in my anguish and pain.


1.playing tag at a lighthouse,on a full moon night,with a star-filled sky.


2.sit alone on a rooftop,perhaps listen to music and do some thinking alone.


3. fox trot or ballet in the rain,i think i did this in real life before?


4.having Daughtry as my neighbour who lives at the fire escape,trying to keep the paparazzi away from his track.

i guess that's all for now folks,before i start my lengthy statements again,i think it's best that i back away :)

oh and here's something cute i discovered on twitter when the site was under maintenance!


ta all :)
-paint me any colour you swear you've never seen before.