Thursday, December 31, 2009

Good Bye

it's been fun writing down all the memories i had,from my first Camp Rock experience to my first Rock The World experience,from my sweet love story to endless depression of a heart-wrenching ending,also from achievements to losses.i enjoyed them all coz it's life,but now it's time to turn to a new leaf and start a new blog.indeed,i love this blog and will always cherish all the memories and pictures in it.may it all remain as a perfect past forever.a dusk in a land is a dawn in another land.

see you in my new blog:

Wednesday, December 30, 2009


woohooooo! my first rock the world experience and it was tight!! like REALLY tight.i went a little too early though,arrived at about 12pm++.naz was there with her friend,zul.we strolled around a little,checked out some of the bands that were performing and apparently we bumped into a couple of renown indie music figures like joanna,dhiya izwin from otherside orchestra,hanafi (ehemmmm!!) ,dude from couple and mooky from OBS.can't upload pics as of now,i'll try afterwards,there was supposed to be a meet & greet with all the bands who were going to perform at the main stage.BUT!! there was a catch.we had to pay rm20 worth of I-Talk prepaid card to get a meet & greet with only one band.luckily i brought money,so i bought rm20 for pop shuvit,then i gave the card to kak yaya,she bought one for bunkface for me.gave my cards to her since her house uses I-Talk and mine doesn''s a very fair trade if you ask me.moving on,pop shuvit's meet & greet was supposed to be held at about 3.30pm but it had to be postponed due to the rain.yet,it was a gentle shower and no one actually we decided to check out all the stages: indie stage,chillout stage and of course,the main stage.we met kuachee at the indie stage,and jason lo somewhere around the main stage.suddenly the rain started to fall a little bit more heavily,and before we knew it,we're trapped in a heavy downpour.everyone was running for shelter and yet again,we met enha & we then moved from one shelter to another until we reached the TM booth.there was this accoustic band performing various cover songs,including M.Nasir's infamous single 'Apokalips',which the lyrics go 'apa nak jadi akan terjadi,hujan pasti berhenti',translated it means 'whatever will be will be,the rain will stop somehow'.
so there was this group of boys,a HUGE group as a matter of fact,who were stranded in the rain.the organizer provided them with an extra portable tent for shelter.when they heard the accoustic band performing,no words this clip: the meet & greet went on after the rain subsided.we waited eagerly for the Shuvits to arrive.the first two were Rudy and AJ.they jokingly said it was as if they were participating in Explorace,having to rush into their cars parked in quite a distant place during the rain and rush back to the meet & greet booth.Uno and moots arrived next.kak yaya,naz and I were a little shy to ask for a photo with them so we took their pictures instead.then moots was friendly enough to volunteer in becoming out photographer and asked us to take individual pictures with the four of them took a group photo.just then,we heard someone saying 'cheeeeeeeeeseeeeee!!' behind was cikgu with his camera phone.what the??? haha.i wasn't in the mood at the moment so i didn't really had much of a conversation with the SHuvits,well not until cikgu arrived.he started asking me questions about guitars and such,and he called me his anak murid, :DD kinda cool actually.then they had some press conference so kak yaya and i decided to talk to AJ's wife,hazreen.she's a very nice person to be honest.we then broke off with the Shuvits and headed to the mainstage to wait for their was practicly after the rain so the area was all muddy and filled with puddles and was hell during monoloque's performance when the audience went wild and started jumping all over.kak yaya and i were soaking wet but that didn't stop us from staying there.i texted cikgu and he told me pop shuvit was right after the pilgrims,which was 5 bands away! we decided to back off form the crowd and went to the TM booth since i had a meet & greet with bunkface.the fellers weren't that friendly nor respectful,but anyway,what the hay,i got to meet them.we watched a couple of performances,alternately switching from one stage to another.among those we managed to catch were the otherside orchestra,liyana fizi,joanna & co,rashdan harith,yuna,one buck short,pesawat,bunkface and of course POP SHUVIT!! we almost missed the Shuvits's performance since we were too distracted watching joanna at the time.luckily i saw moots on the big screen,and eventually kak yaya and i rushed to the main stage.they sang Oh sizuka and usual,an astounding performance.everything went well until it was bunkface's turn.the crowd was too rude,throwing bottles and boo-ing the band when they performed was very unfortunate for them since the lighting and audio got a little screwed up during their performance as the closing band for the night.also,i didn't like how the crowd was flirting with us,it was really disturbing that we decided to move further to the front.but it doesn't stop there,when my sister came to fetch me,her car battery went dead and we were stranded at bukit jalil for almost 3 this point,i would like to thank the concert-attenders who offered their assistance.kak yaya spent the night at my house since it was already 3am when we got back.overall,the weather wasn't favourable throughout the whole event yet i must say that I am personally touched by the cooperations of fellow malaysians,helping eachother out when anyone falls among the crowd,sharing shelter,togetherness and such regardless of was truly an amazing experience.
so that was it folks,my first ever Rock The World coming soon.

i'll shut down this blog soon,and make a new one.too congested.

Friday, December 25, 2009


it's painful to still be awake at this hour to look back at all the cuts and bruises i had been experiencing the whole year.the year started out great and gradually went on a downfall,bringing me down along with my emotions.i'm still listening to Mika's's stupid to hurt yourself,but it hurts even more when the cuts refuse to heal.iam feeling internal depression like never before,as the year is approaching it's end.i don't even know what to do anymore,and i couldn't care less.let the happy days drown the pain.It's literally cold now and i'm shivering both from cold and excessive bitterness.dear Allah,assist me in facing this really tough time.

i blame myself.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Beyond Rationality

click to enlarge.i can't believe i actually wrote that status the first place.i must be completely mad.even ARIANA ADNAN FROM ONE OF MY FAV BANDS,COUPLE was concern.Rock The World 9,the biggest Malaysian Music Fest,is just days's going to be my first time attending it and i just HAD to re-fall for drummerboy after timeless efforts of trying to forget him.there is indeed a 50-50 possibility that he might show up,but then again maybe not.i don't know what to believe or hold on to anymore.all these had been barging onto me like a huge wave striking a small hurts but at the same time,it teaches me more about brain is stressed out from all the thinking and trying to look for signs.where did i go wrong anyway to deserve all these?tell me why...someone..anyone?

to go or not to go.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

One Short Note

i'll make this quick coz i'm in a rush.i'm sick and tired of being under your may be Darth Vader but i will no longer worry if the empire strikes back.who gives a damn how ridiculous i sound now,if you know the true story,justice shall prevail.i'm freaking sixteen and i should already have the rights to decide on my own and to manage all my properties the way i want it,otherwise why the fuck does the government allow 16-year-olds to take biking license anyhow?and why the fuck is the ownership under my name and not anyone else's? because it's fucking mine! do you fucking comprehend what i fucking said?thank you! phew...glad i let that out of my chest without the need of screaming it to your face.mostly you're princess diana,sometimes you're just plain darth vader.may the schwartz be with you.LOL.

You keep changin' the rules
While I keep playin' the game
I can't take it much longer
I think I might go insane
Stop pressurin me
Just stop pressurin me
Stop pressurin me
Make me wanna scream

i demand my rights.

Craziness Of It All

look at the time think THAT'S EARLY?? get a load of this,i woke up an hour ago,that's EVEN EARLIER! why you ask? you do know how the internet here sucks right?so i wanted to upload my v-blog and submit my entry for mika's xfactor competition (which at first was supposed to be a song i wrote but now that the dateline is almost here i submitted a stop motion short movie instead).i'm so glad when all the uploads are's crazy,i'm hearing the Azan now.i'm up THAT EARLY?? gosh...usually i'm up at 6,except during ramadhan but this is a MAJOR exception.listening to Rashdan Harith's song now entitled 'Everytime,Everything & Why'.his voice...gorgeous <3

oh did i mention i'm broke?XDD but i need a guitar stand,a metronome and an electric tuner so badly.god..i'm in trouble.cikgu has offered to help me get them but i'll have to owe him money..dammmit,as if i have a choice.he'll be getting special price so i'm not really worried :P
and i'm planning to go to RTW9 this year.

that's about it peeps.i've posted xmas cards to chantelle and huikings,also heading to midV tomorrow to meet up with a fellow musician/MJ fan,daissy raniey.i'll update later! toodles!

dead as green ham.

p/s!!! : i have a v-blog,hehehe..subscribe to me!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

That Little Encounter

Last Sunday,i went back to my old town,Muar to settle a few things regarding our old house to let,on account of we already have a customer.So,I decided to meet up my old school friends,but only Adah showed up.I don't blame the rest of them,indeed,their absence was expected since it's a long school holiday and I only told them about my homecoming at the very day.It was fun but while waiting for Adah,i saw a gang of familiar guys,clearly they're from my tuition class.Then,among them..I saw him..
Him in that hoodie I've always loved to see.I was sitting at a corner on a chair leaned against a wall,texting Adah every now and then.his very presence stunned me,both physically and text for Adah subsequently delayed.I caught myself having my eyes glued at him and him alone,nothing nor no one else.It was like being casted upon a magic spell.It was crazy! I tried to look away but i was too late.he spotted me and gave me a very mesmerizing smile,presumably as a sign of mere friendliness,yet little did he know that his smile and glimpse alone could make my heart race wildly.I turned away and didn't know what to do.My mind froze and i couldn't think straight.I wonder why this little encounter ever happened the first place as i was just having the time of my life,finally returning to the place i left a month ago.why God why?everything happens for a reason but what's this?are you telling me i shouldn't move on from the past? however,i don't blame God,He knows what's He's doing.this situation reminded me a lot of the two soulful songs I've always loved of Mika's, Erase and I See You.

in I See You,the lyrics go:
Could it be you fell for me?
And any possible similarity
If its all how would i know?
You never knew me at all but i see you
I'm standing across from you (but i see you)
I've dreamt alone now the dreams won't do (but i see you)
I'm standing across from you (but i see you)
I've dreamt alone now the dreams won't do (but i see you)
Truth be told my problem's old
You mean the world to me
But you'll never know
You could be cruel to me
While we're risking the way that i see you

while in Erase it goes:

My love.
I bet you can't erase!
My touch.
You're trying to replace, a feeling without a name, with somebody else's face!
In your head!

Everything's cool, your rent is paid; the house is clean, your bed is made.

But it's a ghost town in your mind.

We never had time to go to sleep, we'd wake up tangled in the sheets, on a bed, that we called home.

When the pain won't go away, you might as well, put your finger on the trigger...

the lyrics seem to speak my emotions well.only one thing to do now,learn how to forget no matter how extremely forgetful i can be.

easily forgive,hardly forget.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

New City,New Life

wow! it's been awhile since i've last updated this blog,simply because i have been very busy chasing datelines after,my life hasn't really changed much.moving to the new city I'm in,i expected major changes.indeed i was right but it's mroe to the positive changes.i love my new house! this condo is located directly beside my new school.
here's a little view of my appartment:

the view through my hall window.yes,our condo is opposite a natural pond and a forest reserve.magnificent outlook on nature ;)

this is the hallway that i grew to love so much,still empty when i photographed this though.

and the best part is,my new tuition totally rocks! it's located somewhere in dataran sunway,extremely near to chillax places,LOL.the facilities are cool too.(photos credits to )

chillaxx room.

receptionist?i've no idea,but it's a place where you swipe your student card for your attendance to be automatically marked in their computer system.also for payment of fees.

the classroom..

my favourite spot,the cafe (that doesn't really sell much,LOL).
did I mention my Physics and Addmaths tutors are cute? classmates look really diversified in races.i think i'm gonna love this place.

i guess that's all i need to blog about,at least in this post.i have something else to talk about in the next.stay put!

le damansarian-muarian girl.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Never Can Say Good Bye (2)

my first pathetic attempt of a of new house coming up next.

loving KD.

Friday, November 27, 2009

New Moon

it's not that i don't wanna blog about my new home and whatsoever,it's just that i feel the need of blogging about this first.i saw New Moon yesterday with kak cita and her lil sisters.before the movie,i thought i was gonna be on team Edward forever but i was WRONG! there was a scene.Bella Swan wanted to see Edward so badly that she put herself into danger by riding some kind of killer motorbike.when she fell,jacob (played by taylor lautner) was was raining and he was literally wet.he took his shirt off and wow...hahaha...practicly the whole cinema flailed!
his hotness...

no kidding..i'm in love <3 muahaha..

team JACOB.

Friday, November 20, 2009

last bow

Never Can Say Good Bye

i can't believe's happening again for the fourth time in my life,moving out of my house.i thought once my late dad resigned,i don't have to go through any of this anymore but i was wrong.God loved him more and now we have no choice but to leave our own humble home for safety's sake.this is even sadder than the other moves we had to make considering i'm old enough to have a sense of belonging and my friends are nothing but incredible! i mean,when i left kulai,i left with a smile because my stay had been's different with Muar.i lived here for 7 years now.i practicly had both my childhood AND teenhod here.i even found my first true friends and first love's hard to say good bye,and one of the hardest things to do is breaking the news to my friends.i decided to do so after our exams so as to not bother them.i think it was a little too made them feel like i'm leaving a little too soon.i know God does everything for a cause,yet i'm still finding He's purpose for testing me in such a way.this year,which would've been the best year in my life,turned to be the other way,when i broke the news to them,i noticed how they started to slightly ignore me and act all weird.i seriously thought they wanted to avoid me so that they'll feel less painful once i'm gone.again,my perceptions were misled.two days ago,my mom told me not to have my usual afternoon nap since she promised my neighbour that we'd pay her a visit before we i agreed and got dressed up.unfortunately,my neighbour wasn't in and there was this monitor lizard lying in the middle of the road as we were on our way to her we had no choice but to sit at some park near our house.awkwardly my mom procrastinated when i told her my friends might have arrived already (we were planning a hangout at my house).also,she was too occupied with her phone to even bother what i was talking to her after 45mins (approx) we finally walked home and as expected,the guests were here! but there was another weird thing,wtf there's a banner!! all of them were talking among eachother and i crept behind them,eventually whispering 'hey,what's all these?'
they jumped in shock and shouted HIIIII instead of SURPRISE! that was funny but STILL!! i was too simple-minded to suspect that.hahaha! but it was all fun!

here are a few shots of their long-term preparation,credits to my Double E!

shu wan and yenny mcMenny at mcD,getting food for the surprise farewell party.

jemima hanging her artwork banner for the party.i personally love it! and jems,YES YOU ARE INDEED AN ARTIST! :D

the surprise crew..

me with yenny,shu wan,double e and jems.

my Malay besties ;) too bad adah couldn't join us.

the girls really went all out.they pooled money to get food and even this ice cream cake! i admit,i'm pretty much a noob,i was confused on how to properly cut the cake equally to distribute to everyone.FML!

the party was fab!everyone had fun and got a little emotional,yet still undercontrol.

last day of school was the most emotional day for both my friends and i.imagine finally having to part with eachother after 7 long years! they gave me gifts as a token of remembrance and wrote a few notes.i couldn't read them all,they're just a little too saddening and depressing to think of.

to be continued..

Friday, November 13, 2009

all MIKA!


as promised,here it is boys and girls,a post dedicated to Mika only! a few days ago while i was in malacca,i managed to find a copy of The Boy Who Knew Too Much with a free Mika tote bag! you can't imagine how happy i was to finally found it! although i've heard the songs before,listening on the album makes it much more exciting and gave me a more justified right to write my own review.
first of all,here's the official album cover:

so these are my oppinions on the songs (in track listing accord):

1. "We Are Golden" Mika 3:58
-this song is really common now that the video has been's about teenage anxiety and not giving up to peer pressure (pretty much the similar subject and theme as compared to the song i wrote called '7 Days').the lyrics are really meaningful and spoke louder than the rest of the songs.upbeat tempo,not too fast yet not too slow.not a typical pop song but indeed a soulful track.

2. "Blame It On The Girls" Mika 3:33
-a really unique song that makes you turn your head in spite of not knowing the original singer.either you like it or not,it makes you wonder about all aspects of the song.its mainly about a guy who has everything but is never thankful,when listened carefully.he blames on everyone but himself regarding the emptiness he feels in his's a fun and funny broadway song that won't keep you still.

3. "Rain" Mika, Jodi Marr 3:43
-the original version was slow and more to ballad but to our surprise,mika's music techs decided to modify this song into a dance number,which I think is nothing but brilliant! the video is abstract and artistic although it doesn't make much of a sense.the original storyline of the song is about peer pressure and conflicts with friends as well,but in a more intense situation.nicely done!

4. "Dr John" Mika 3:44
-to be honest,i always skip this song,LOL.but for the sake of my passion in Mika's music,i listen to it to the very end.not much of a fan of the melody and arrangements but indeed,the subject matter that becomes the theme of the song is definitely intriguing!

5. "I See You" Mika, Walter Afanasieff 4:16
-i swear the water works were triggered by the sound of the intro.powerful piano score that sways your emotions.the notes,the lyrics,the 'stalking a girl you love' kind of thing.really heart-wrenching,need i say more?i have a strong feeling that this single will be BIG,especially after its appearance as one of the soundtracks on a popular TV series,Gossip Girl.killer song,haunting you all the way just like Evanescence's "My Immortal".

6. "Blue Eyes" Mika 2:50
-catchy tune,nothing could be simpler yet sweet.the a'la hawaii-jamaican arrangement makes you sing your way thoughout the song although it seems as though this will be your least favourite track on the album.never trust first impressions.

7. "Good Gone Girl" Mika, Jodi Marr 3:01
-as usual,mika and fairy-tale songs have never been into a fight,LOL.typical british pop music but not as typical as you have imagined.the tune will make you take off from your seat.

8. "Touches You" Mika 3:19
- my undoubted favourite! doesn't only make you dance,it also makes you sing along and clap until you have that little ticklish feeling within you.very interesting how the arrangement of this song can be stuck in your head for quite awhile! listening to the intro alone gives you the early impression that this song is really something.simple topic,but i personally love it! the chorus is really catchy compared to the rest of the songs.

9. "By the Time" Mika, Imogen Heap 3:21
-imogen heap and mika share similar brilliance in music production.they blend well,the music is all calming and their collaboration makes an excellent musical blend.more like a lullaby rather than a ballad or a pop song and that doesn't bother me a bit! one warning,never make it your alarm tone,because this song will sing you back to your sleep.

10. "One Foot Boy" Mika, Rob Davis 2:58
-LOL,it reminds me of video games! i don't know why.cute song but i still have troubles understanding the song.ONE FOOT BOY? is he whining about his height?what's to whine for,he's approx 6'1" gosh! LOL.

11. "Toy Boy" Mika, Jodi Marr 2:58
-another one of his songs with a brilliant sounds like one of the songs form a classic disney movie,probably some cartoon fairy tale.just like Lollipop from his previous album,this song has a cheerful melody to contradict the actual dark it!another masterpiece.

12. "Pick Up Off the Floor" Mika
-tragic break up song,really suitable for musicals.sounds a bit jazzy,but still Mika-ish if you know what i mean.also not much of my cup of tea,yet,this song is still a work of art.

overall: this whole album tells a story about teenhood,the stereotypes,the emotions,everything you need to know or have already known.stronger theme and melody in comparison to Life In Cartoon Motion.the songs are more matured in a way.well done meeks! i'm giving you 5/5 for this! now please come to malaysia for the asian tour ;p.

p/s: mix fm is having a contest offering the grand prize winner an all-expense paid trip to hongkong to catch mika live! so i'm giving it a shot.let's see if i'm lucky enough...

i see you..yes,you.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Irony ..


i would like to begin this entry with a little laughter 'hahahahaha'.ok,i'm not crazy or anything,it's just that irony is so commonly related to laughter.ironic how something can change from one form to another.ironic how you can love doing something or merely love someone for a period of time and eventually feel nothing for them after a longer time.ironic how things tend to take a 360 degrees turn either drasticly or gradually.ironic how i used to fill this blog with all things beautiful and happy during the first 6 months of the year,then it transformed to a blog of sorrows during the second half of the funny as it sounds,i'm glad things are back to normal now,neither too happy nor too sad.again,God had always been emphasising on modesty in everything we do either connected to our religion (or in this case,for atheists,any faith you have) or otherwise.never luagh too much,never cry too much,never anticipate too much,never feel a little too hopeless.
that will be my new life principle,MODESTY.

the so-called humble one



i've watched the trailer..

“I really feel that nature is trying so hard to compensate for man’s mismanagement of the planet. This beautiful planet is sick, like a fever. If we don’t fix it now then it’s at the point of no return. This is our last chance to fix this problem that we have. It’s like a runaway train and the time has come. This is it. People always think: ‘Oh they’ll take care of it, the government; they will do it ‘they’ who? It starts with us. It’s us, or it’ll never be done.” - MJ

i've read the memorable and touching quotes..

"Oh, Yana. Trust me, it's really not about 'what could have been'. It's what is. It's what HE is. He's out there, dancing on the stars, sleeping in clouds, looking over all of us. Everyone has to leave sometime, and I think this was the perfect time for him. He went out on top, truly." - Icarus

i've read reviews..

and now..the moment i've been waiting for,a lifetime opportunity to see my childhood hero live (although not literally).went to malacca with my family and laila.had a wonderful lunch at dataran pahlawan foodcourt before going for a little shopping spree.eventually went off with laila and walked all over.spent heck a lot before the movie began(which was 3.10pm).booked the tickets 2days in advance via phonecall.

yes,i wore the infamous aviator shades,complete with the silver jacket i bought from badger the other day (i knew it would come in handy someday),black pants (no black shoes nor white socks,ripped them up already) and of course,MJ's major trademark,the single white glove (although mine isn't really diamond-studded like his).this made people call me Mrs Jackson.some even sang 'EAT ITTTT EAT ITTT NO ONE WANTS TO EAT IT EAT ITTT' at the's kinda fun being the center of attention sometimes.
on the way,i met an old friend,Ellynda,formerly a convent girl who's now in beauty did her a big favour considering her drastic improvement in looks.about the movie,i'll do comments for individual songs:

Here is the list of songs on Michael Jackson’s This Is It:

1. Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’
-as usual,this song kicks ass when the chorus began.his dance hasn't changed much despite his everybody freezing in an awe!

2. Jam (Remastered Version)
-i love this song ever since i was a kid! again,kick-ass that's all i'm saying!

3. They Don’t Care About Us (Remastered Version)
-remember his last rehearsal footage glimpse on tv?this is it,this song is it.there was a group of dancers dressed in modernised armour suits marching in front of a blue screen,the aftereffect was really amazing! they had cgi effects that multiplied 10 soldiers into a whole army! really amazing,the vocals,the riffs by orianthi,even the remix.

4. Human Nature Michael Jackson
watch this clip and you will know his passion (and sometimes sense of humor,LOL)

it made the whole audience laugh!

5. Smooth Criminal (Radio Edit)
-this one was amazing too!they had a movie clip back from the 60s where MJ was one of the stars.'twas spectacular.i expected him to mess up some of the dancesteps and yet again,he shut me up with his moves! it was as if he was 17 again,with the outlook of a 50-year-old man.

6. The Way You Make Me Feel (Remastered Version)
7. Shake Your Body (Down To The Ground) (Remastered Single Version)
-undescribable,no words are able to describe these performances of his or what could have beeen

8. I Just Can’t Stop Loving You (Remastered Version featuring Siedah Garrett)
-Judith Hill and MJ wouldve made a great duet team! of course,eventually hated judith for staring into Mj's eyes such a way,haha.MJ usually rehearses by minimizing the usage of his vocals,which means he considers rehearsals as 'a rough idea of the final performance'.instead,the diligence of the whole team made him sang his heart out,which kinda pisses him off although slightly.

9. Thriller
-in my oppinion,thriller has the best special effects and gimmicks next to earth song and man in the mirror.all the dancers were made into zombies once again,just like in the video but with added special effects.MJ's dance in this song wasn't really as expected,but i still say he could perform well at the very least.

10. Beat It (Single Version)
-i'm amazed how his vocal projection has no difference when compared to the recorded version.i tried to find signs to investigate whether or not he was lip-synchronizing but i found no evidence at all! the arrangement was slightly altered so it's IMPOSSIBLE for him to do so.

11. Black Or White (Remastered Version)
-started off with the usual 'mischievous macaulay culkin' scene where mac was seen to have blasted his dad towards space with his electric guitar waves.the audience at the cinema,presumably first-timers of watching the black or white video,found it a new experience while in truth,MJ's been doing Black Or WHite in such a way since like forever! once again,vocal projection and stage presence are out of this world!

12. Earth Song (Remastered Version)
in contrast to Black Or White,this song also brings the message of world peace but it brought tears to the audience.beginning with the scene of a little girl who risked her life just to save mother nature,along with the destruction shown and MJ's little message before the show began had everyone weeping in regret.the message was transmitted well,if only it happened.

13. Billie Jean (Single Version)
-everyone thought it was from the 60s while actually it's from the 70s! yes wasn't that long ago and MJ still has it!

14. Man In The Mirror (Remastered Version)
-MJ's favourite part of the show.he will end this song by soaring into the air towards the audience before being jet-packed into space.

15. This Is It
-fantastic song,fantastic was touching..seriously...

overall: spectacular angle of MJ in his final days.he started his life as a performer and ended it the same way.his passion,the love,the coming together made the show worthwhile and it was a totally heartstopping final curtain call.indeed,he did his job well and may he rest in peace.may all the rumors about him finally fade away.god bless.his legacy lives on.

after the show,i decided to look for an MJ t-shirt so we moved to a shop called Inverno at mahkota parade.i found two shirts,Thriller and was a hard decision since both looked nice but finally i decided to get the TII tshirt that cost 79.90! wtf man.just as i was about to walk out,i saw mika's THE BOY WHO KNEW TOO MUCH! even with a free tote bag to,there goes 75% of my monthly allowance,spent them money on a Mika CD and Mike's TII shirt.ahhh my 2 michaels <3

went up to taming sari for a little view on Malacca before heading to a seafood's a view scenic shots i managed to capture before my camera battery went flat..

and here they retail outcome! LOL.

that's all i guess.stay tuned,all-mika post coming up.

crazy over Mika.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

100th POST!!


hee hee..hello people! i feel so alive today despite crying my heart out in class today since i got such bad grades (to be honest,it's average,not to the extent of failing anything but in my standart,it's totally bad!).enough about exams,let's talk about what's been happening to me lately for the past few days.

i met this amazing 12-year-old named Nabilah.we connected through facebook and eventually became like sisters.we share secrets,frequently meet eachother behind the field where i'll usually treat her for ice-cream.she's a sweet girl.we had a conversation on ym and decided to draw these:

and another one:

i call her 'Tiger Lily' coz she reminds me of this red indian princess in Peter Pan.

also,have i told you that Ariana Adnan from Couple is concern of my interest in guitars? :D here's a proof:

Happy 100th post to my readers and followers! :D

updates on TII in the next post.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Halloween & This Is It

i forgot to wish all of you christian friends of mine a very happy belated halloween!
if i were to celebrate (or having to choose a costume) i would SO go out in this:

EDWARD SCISSORHANDS! he's so mysterious and dark yet so humble,sweet and shy! he's my kind of guy :D

and i saw this article on yahoo..Halloween at Obama's :D

a few days ago,i was working on Chantelle's birthday surprise video (she's an MFC-er,also a die-hard fan of my peter pan) along with videos contributed by Niamh,Hui Kings and took quite a while and it was a lot of work and the outcome:

the girls loved it! and chantelle is so sweet! she wanted to cheer me up so she made me this video,it was a coincidence by the way <3

indeed,we may differ in races (me being a malay,Hui Kings is from China,Niamh & Hamaila are from Texas and Chantelle is form the UK) but we are all united as one and love eachother a lot.there is so much love and care on the MFC,which exactly explains how much i can't resist a day without being on the forum,MJ's thread in particular.if only the world is similar to what is on the forum,everyone united as fighting,the world would be a better place.

well anyway,having my exam now and will be catching TII this saturday with friends and family.planning to dress up like MJ.hmmm..let's see what i can find in my wardrobe.looking for white gloves and masking tape though..


Tuesday, October 27, 2009

To Dad With Love

today is oct 27th.year by year,it is a special date for the whole big sis will always have her birthday card posted to our house in representation of her presence,and we'll have a little family celebration at Secret Recipe.but the celebration last year was the last we'll ever,is what would have been my dad's 52nd birthday.who would have thought that he would leave this soon?i admit,i'm not that close to him but it doesn't mean i don't love him.i've grown out of being a Daddy's girl that i used to be when i was a pre-schooler into an ignorant's the nature of life that some people will grow out of something while others doesn't mean i regret either,considering on a brighter note,if i was too close to him,i would have suffered more when he passed away.i am thankful God gave me this strength and i knew it all along that everything happens for a reason.God is testing me,giving my dad cancer when i had my UPSR,his second attack last year when i was near to having my PMR and now taking him away from me while i'm so close to having my spm next's a BIG test of patience for me,now i feel how paris felt when she lost her dad.who would've thought that my dad would leave months after his idol,MJ?

and yet,i'm struggling to fight my ever-stirring emotions.i've been hearing the foolish statements about me not loving my dad just because i don't cry blood out of my heart everyday at school since my dad passed.first of all,have you even noticed that you're not a mind-reading psychic?do you even know what's going through my mind?or better still,do you even care?? hell no,all you do is blabber around about me all day but none of the words that are coming out of your mouth are true! yes,i suggest you STOP.if you'd know any better,i have a GOD to talk to,why would i talk to a bunch of stupid,pretentious humans like you? yes,i am to backstabbers,fyi,i have a heart,and it's BIGGER than YOURS! butt off already and get a life! sheeshhh...

mellow-ing the situation down a bit,i've been listening to a lot of songs lately,and one of them touched's called smile,applehead's favourite suits me well:

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

i love it because it reminds me a lot about my dad.he seldom smiles in his lifetime,but when he shifted to the other world,i can see peace and solitude on his face.he looked calm during his final moments and there was a slight smile on his was beautiful and i'm thankful.i know,he's watching over me and hoping for me to always continue his legacy down here on earth.

Daddy,i know you're up there.i promise to always be a good daughter,and i won't meddle too much anymore.i'll behave,and i'll make you proud! don't you worry.SMILE and show me the rainbow someday,so that i know you still care as much as before :)

Love you Daddy,i'll always be your baby girl.

still a daddy's girl.

Monday, October 26, 2009

I'll Believe It When I See It: Comeback

remember this guy?he's from the series i started from this blog entitled 'I'll Believe It When I See It'.i seem to have more ideas to continue the series since the episode seems to return! several encounters,several coincidences.i wish they would all fade away,but yet again they appeared as i flickered through the pages of my diary,down memory lane..

if only i had the courage to erase them all,all the memories captured were like pictures hung in framed upon the wall.tinge of guilt haunts thy heart as you try to throw them or burn them down..

and yes..i find it hard to focus on the finer things in life,the priorities.ALL because you reappeared..

i admit..i DO miss you..and somehow,in the strangest way,you still have a tiny piece of my heart with you.will you please give it back someday?

during a rainy day like this perhaps?


Sunday, October 25, 2009



it's finally here!! THIS IS IT!! it's the opening night tonight in LA!! goshh! the much anticipated movie is finally here! i wonder how the outlook would be like.despite the cause brought forward by the THIS IS NOT IT Campaign held by MJ's attache' (can i call them tht?),on the contrary i think i should watch the movie myself and make my own judgements.i didn't realise it till today on facebook,i marked my calendar.the event is tonight! midnight,malaysian time.

on the fan page,there was a project called the TII Fan Mosaic consisting fan photos from all over the world.once it was done,i went to check it out only to find out that my picture was located on his thigh! isn't that awesome?
here it is..

and this is where my pic is located :

forget the stunna shades,they're my mom's CD specs! haha.stole them off for awhile and put right back where i found them.chillax peeps,remember the jacket MJ wore when he performed Billie Jean on Motown 25?that was his mom's,LOL.and good news is,i'm gonna catch TII at malacca on nov 6th!! isn't that awesome??

ok,so some of you may say,how come yana is suddenly so obsessed with MJ after his death?where was she when he needed his fans the most?is she being a mere poser?
well,the answer is simple.all your statements are just a bunch of meaningless assumptions that are not worth a single be honest,i have been a fan of his since i was a toddler.i grew up during the 'Dangerous Era' (1992-1995,in this case,i am a 93 baby) and grew up listening to his music.he's grown to be my childhood hero until i started my blind fangirling activities over younger artistes who actually didn't care for the world as much as he did.i was wrong to believe what the press said about him.i was wrong to have left him alone with his problems.i was supposed to be one of his supporters but instead,i became one of the hateful people who call him Jacko.i felt really bad and grieved over his death for almost three months.this is why i'm doing all these,to compensate for my mistakes.he was part of my childhood,just like Michael Jordan or Walt Disney movies,barbie dolls etc.he made me as what i appear to be.therefore,i hope there will be no more doubts regarding my passion for his music.NOTHING can change it,EVER.

Paris Leanna Jackson to you..

Monday, October 12, 2009


it's finally here! the song called this is it by my peter pan!

niamh from both MJJC & MFC told me that this song was recorded during the 80s,laura said it was from the Dangerous was re-recorded.we don't really know for sure but to me,this song is spectacular and will definitely be extremely heart-wrenching as it will be featured during the closing credits of TII movie.

p/s: i'm not going to see it in the cinemas.will be waiting for the DVD instead partly because i won't be able to control my emotions and mostly because i can't simply ditch school and move on to the capital state to catch it =.= yeah bummer..

this is it,i can feel i'm the light of the world.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Lover Of The Day

i know this is random but there are new applications on facebook called 'Lover of The Day','Your Next Love' ,Secret Admirer and Famous Lover.guess what?? i got JUSTIN CHATWIN AS MY FAMOUS LOVER!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!! talk about coincidence XD

and i keep getting cikgu as either my next love or my lover of the day =.=


what the hell?


The Ups and Downs

hi guys.yeah i know,it's been a very long while since i last updated this's getting all dusty and full of's about time i did a little spring cleaning.i noticed there used to be a pervert posting all kinds of explicit messages in my cbox so i had to get rid of him.that explains the new and improved cbox i just put up.sorry if all your posts disappeared,i needed a new one to clean this place off any traces of lifeless people such as that spammer.i don't think i'll be able to make up by updating you with all the events that occured during my absence coz it's been more than a here goes the review of events in summarized-form:

1.5th sept 2009
venue: Masjid Jamek Parit Bakar
event: Community Service for School's Red Crescent Society.

the aim was to prepare 'bubur lambuk' (famous malay porridge cooked with various spices and ingredients) for the mosque visitors.4 members from my school got involved and there were members from other school too.i partially burnt my hands while pouring the steaming hot porridge into a plastic back.nevertheless,all the hardwork paid off knowing that this event is meant to help the villagers prepare for buka puasa.

2.once again,i have been asked to come for jamming with my secondary band,The Sesame to jam,but yet again,the jam session was called off due to band issues.

3.i've gotten an EP from kak jass of mikafanclub! it's the limited edition Mika's Song For Sorrows EP she bought all the way from UK! i'll write a review on that later as soon as Mika's album CD 'The Boy Who Knew Too Much' reaches close friend Brittany M will be sending it to me for my,how lucky am i to have joined the mfc?all of the members are so generous <3

4. puasa was siblings were back days before raya to spend the last few days of ramadhan with me and my parents.i held an open house on the first day but only edmund,rubika and reenie showed was fun though.on the brightside,i didn't really have to serve so many people.three's a crowd :D the cousins who came really made such chaos at my house! there were practicly groups the kitchen was where the moms and newly-weds gathered,ones with babies and the girls were at the tv section,fathers and uncles at the dining table,elderly ones were at the living room and last but not least,the boys were jamming in my brother's room with my guitar.apparently the nerds were there to,although i can't deny the fact that they are absolutely uninterested in Afi but is more interested in techno geeky stuff XDDDD it was fun.the house was drasticly quiet when all of them went back home.

4.there's a reason now why i hate the 25th day of a month.i will tell you why later.

5.i met him..details in the next post.also,twitter was down one sunny day so i decided to take a screenshot of the rare event,LOL.

6.broke my first guitar string today when my uncle came over to teach me the proper way of tuning and strumming using running guitar playing skills are so full of flaws all these while and i didn't even noticed =.= but of course,practice makes perfect so i'm gonna practice till i'm good enough to perform.
btw,broke the high e string.just as remembrance,lol.

that's it for now.will update more soon.take care and thanks for reading!

-history makes me hickory dickory.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Triple Nine

nice date huh?so on this special day,let's recap what happened for the past 9 months.ok here goes:

1.i turned sweet 16 in merry merry month of february!

2.i got my first C in my 16 years of life,for SEJARAH! in the weird month of march. sweet 16 birthday party was a blast! finally got to hang out with all my sisters.

4.i finally managed to get to a higher level in debate,state levels by defeating the so-called invincible high schoolers! wooo! :D that was also in march. first love confession in april,it was a mistake! and it was my past,i've moved on now,so far that i could hardly remember how it happened. first time singing in front of my favourite band,estranged! i had to sing 'remain unknown',that was on 4th june to be exact. first trip to Studio 21:05 owned by my 'cikgu',JD.also the first time he treated us to lunch,the first time we played monopoly with him and..*cough* the first embarrassing moment i've had this year,FALLING IN FRONT OF HIM! hahaha..that was on 6th june.

8.the day the whole world cried.the day my chilhood died.michael joseph jackson's passing :'( on 25th june.

9.i got a proposal! no,not to become anyone's wife but to be part of drummerboy's band! i was appointed as rhythm guitarist and he came to my house! YES IT'S A BIG DEAL! haha..damn.think i'm falling for him again.

so i guess that's about it,the nine highlights of year 2009.i shall enjoy the rest of the day now,by studying,lol.toodles.

missing peter pan.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Farewell Peter Pan

he was the boy who ruled the kingdom of Neverland.he was the boy who led the Lost Boys.he was the boy who made flying possible for absolutely anyone.he was...the boy who never grew up.

sadly,today,after months of waiting,he is finally put to rest.he finally boards the voyage heading to the moon,that will be taking him to his real home.

when he left,the whole world cried tears of sorrow,depression and some even regret.when he left,my childhood left with him,and they disappeared into thin air leaving me with nothing.i feel empty inside,lifeless,dull and no longer exuberant as i used to's as if a part of me had's devastating and my heart aches for months now.unintendedly,my tears will flow on their own whenever i'm alone randomly thinking about it.i know i shouldn't grief for too long,but if only you knew how much he meant to me and the rest of the world who felt the same way as i do.i am glad he's in a better place now,where no one can hurt a pure,innocent soul such as his.his 'shell' may be gone,but i know,he's here,roaming the earth,looking over us like how he used to do when he was still with us.may you rest in peace,Peter free,fly high! i know that's what you've always wanted to do,now go! we'll be watching,may we meet again someday.farewell peter my love,thank you for the wonderful childhood you gave me despite the fact that yours is almost non-existent.i hope you no longer bear any worries.we will continue what you have started for it is the only way to keep you alive for all eternity.

here's a little something i'd whisper in your ears if i had the chance to:

Your Legacy..
Your presence still I can feel,though we're far apart
Between the skies and the fields
Your melodies fillthe winds with a thousand joys
Walking us to the moon
Like dew at noon,you are gone too soon
Leaving the world to heal on its own
You have our word,no doubts,don't you worry
We'll always be there,you're never alone
You rock our world,this I'm telling you
You brought us love and all things new
You told us we are the world,we are the children
We unite as one,lifting eachother's burdens
You may be gone from our very eyes,
But your legacy lives on and never dies..

among the Neverland children.

p/s:wonder if i can cope up with community service tomorrow,with all these depression in my chest.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Tribute by Maya Angelou

i found this beautiful so i just wanted to share it here..somehow,it managed to make me feel stronger..

"Beloveds, now we know that we know nothing, now that our bright and shining star can slip away from our fingertips like a puff of summer wind. Without notice, our dear love can escape our doting embrace. Sing our songs among the stars and walk our dances across the face of the moon.

In the instant that Michael is gone, we know nothing. No clocks can tell time. No oceans can rush our tides with the abrupt absence of our treasure. Though we are many, each of us is achingly alone, piercingly alone.
Only when we confess our confusion can we remember that he was a gift to us and we did have him.

He came to us from the creator, trailing creativity in abundance. Despite the anguish, his life was sheathed in mother love, family love, and survived and did more than that. He thrived with passion and compassion, humor and style. We had him whether we know who he was or did not know, he was ours and we were his.

We had him, beautiful, delighting our eyes. His hat, aslant over his brow, and took a pose on his toes for all of us. And we laughed and stomped our feet for him. We were enchanted with his passion because he held nothing. He gave us all he had been given.

Today in Tokyo, beneath the Eiffel Tower, in Ghana's Black Star Square. In Johannesburg and Pittsburgh, in Birmingham, Alabama, and Birmingham, England. We are missing Michael.

But we do know we had him, and we are the world."

We love you more.

-Maya Angelou
MJ's memorial speech,recited by Queen Latifah.

Monday, August 31, 2009

She's 52!

today is 31st of August! and u know what that means,it's another happy return of the year for that special one! who? MALAYSIA of course! it's the 52nd Independence Day! and as always,year after year,the government will come up with a certain tagline for the celebration.this year's tagline is '1 Malaysia,rakyat didahulukan,pencapaian diutamakan'- translated it means '1 Malaysia,prior to the people,prior to the achievements'.this morning,my school's choir team was invited to perform at the district level celebration held in Stadium Muar.we were asked to be there at about was pretty grand.there were confetti and colourful flags everywhere.people were reciting prayers,pledges, was a very patriotic atmosphere.of course,our presence wasnt much of a noticeable one.everyone was singing so our voices were hardly heard.might as well not sing at all =.=" but hell,we're malaysians! we should at least do something for merdeka right?although i do admit my focus wasn't 100% ON the singing,i had my mp3 headphones in my ears hidden beneath my clothes,haha..

ok,enough about me.let's focus on Independence Day or as we call it here in Malaysia,'s rather cliche' to define that word in your point of view right?but am gonna do it anyway.what is merdeka? some say freedom of speech,some say rights being restored but to me,merdeka is a day of awareness.on this special day,we should be aware that we are living in a peaceful and harmonious manner despite the differences we have.we've been setting all those aside,in our quest in constructing a nation with the most stable foundation mankind has ever known,unity.let's not let colour be the's about time for us to build a 'world wall',where each and every one of us consider eachother as family,living under one roof.

together,let's show the world what we're made of! :D

p/s: i be writing a review on Mika's Songs For Sorrow EP..stay put!