Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I don't wanna be a Girlfriend

(Marie' Digby & Sam Milby - romance cut halfway?)

"I don't wanna be a girlfriend
I don't want to talk about my feelings... ya
I don't wanna be some girlfriend...
I don't want to have to explain what I'm thinking

I go alone
To watch stupid romance movies
And I sit, wishing,
It was your arms wrapped around me
And I just deny
That all I want is a piece of you
But I guess it's true, don't wanna talk on the phone,
Don't want attachments, don't wanna be your girlfriend... I...

Just can't belong
To anybody else right now
Though it is not much of an excuse
I can't belong
To anybody else when I've got
So much figuring out to do...

Is it wrong for me to want you... just for a day
I don't want to be that kind of girl
But I can't help myself..."

-Girlfriend by Marie' Digby.

the song speaks my heart,as usual.

once again i have neglected this blog AND my mibba account.i have too many things to do and too many obligations and targets to worry about.of course,along the way,there's drama here and has changed a lot and college life isn't exactly what i expected,in spite of the popular notion that it should be the best days of one's age.totally screwed.due the ever-growing stress building up,i knew i would lose it soon.shall not elaborate,that won't be mentally healthy for the likes of me.set aside assignments,presentations and tests (also some failures) and let's focus on the more positive side of uni life.i've transformed into a more independent,confident and assertive person,not to mention friendlier than ever.enjoying the extracurricular activities i have especially with the Elite Team of the Music Club.speaking of life apart from classes,..cough.i am about to embark on yet another telenovela,it's being a teenager,the urge to NOT bother is quite weak as compared to the so-called 'urge to give a fuck'.so yeah,i think i might have some people asking me, when will enough be enough? have i not learned that love = pain = misery = internal death = indifference? the last relationship RUINED a supposedly beautiful friendship,will the new one have the same/larger impact? am i willing to take the risk?isn't it too soon?

then Boo made me realize that when it comes to matters relating to the heart,there's no such thing as 'enough' or 'too soon'.the heart wants what the heart wants,whether the mind agrees or refutes.sure,the mind is powerful when it comes to logical reasoning,but NOT when it comes to feelings.what i'm feeling right now,could either be a crush or something deeper,it's too early to tell but i have a feeling it's going to know what,i'm actually worried i'm right this time.and this time round,i actually wish it's one-sided again so i could move on before it gets too far; that's only a miniature side of me,while the larger side is anticipating something different.someone advised me to be straight forward and honest, the question is,when will it be the right time to do so? the last time i did,i LOST a best friend. now we're complete strangers because of my stupid emotions.i'm not willing to take the risk,unless i have slim chances of ever meeting him again,sure there's a possibility i might just confess for the sake of getting it out of my chest.for now,i'll wait and let destiny take its course.

am I really in love? 

then again,i don't want to have a commitment.i love flirting in general and i try hard not to accidentally steal anyone's heart.maybe this is one of the bad habits i need to get rid off.

p/s: oh wow my fan fiction "Wanted: Mr Wright" now has 56 unique readers and 3 subscribers! thank you so much Mibbians! you inspire me to write :) i'll keep it up once i get a proper breather.