Tuesday, November 29, 2011


This is a little bit overdue,and I have indeed abandoned my blog for four days straight now,blame my unstable internet because of the gloomy weather.SO Saturday was an awesome day with me,despite the really..let's just say tensed up morning starting with me rushing and running up and down One Utama to catch Breaking Dawn Part 1 with the girls,i was half an hour late and it's already been 20minutes pass the beginning of it,then again,I felt as if i didn't miss much.the movie was really disappointing to say the very least,too many scenes spent on the honeymoon after Edward & Bella's wedding,and Jacob just HAD to be bipolar about everything,and the fact that Bella didn't die conceiving Renesmee' is a little bit puzzling (although we ALL want her to survive).The ending that showed Bella as a vampire really let me down in so many ways,don't know if part 2 will be worth watching.It sucks how movies can make the masterpiece seem so dull.Then again,i'm not giving up on Twilight Saga yet,na'ah! let's see how the director manipulates part 2.

Enough about Twilight,now let's focus on how the girls have been.Nothing much changed,simply because our reunion occurred 2 months after our so-called 'separation'.The girls had been good and finally adjusting to their courses so far.It's good to hear everyone's been well and they were slightly jealous with the fact that I'm ending my foundation soon,hehe.

so this one was an unexpectedly awesome self-portrait of all of us on the bridge connecting the old wing and new wing of One Utama.guess what we took it with... my epic Sony Ericsson k510i! i swear,that phone has a standard of an ordinary camera! 

Our lunch at Pizza Hut,decided to try out the new Cheesy 7 cheesy lava pizza,ordered a regular and it turned out smaller than we expected,sigh... things are getting too expensive these days.didn' quite enjoy the cream cheese on top,but the rest of the cheeses were awesome!

So right after lunch,we decided to take a stroll around One Utama,the girls did some shopping while the rest of us just talked.Yen picked me up and we left for Klang at about 5pm.MANY tolls,MANY missed turnings,MANY 'clock settings' of roundabouts and MANY phone-calls-asking-for-directions later... we finally reached Zul's house in Taman Botanic,Klang.took us a good deal of 30 minutes to get to Klang,while the remaining time was spent on looking out for land marks and trying to remember the exact directions.They had already blasted music by the time we arrived,and cooking was initiated when everyone arrived.

Ang Yu helping Miss Hema in handling the marinated BBQ meats. 

Yen grilling ze chicken wings..Ken Yue helped too,but couldn't get a shot of him somehow.

The July intake FIC and FIC March (Seelan) talking.

To be perfectly honest,although the whole BBQ party was fun and Zul was so damn accommodating,I feel tad uncomfortable with the fact that it involved liquor and I was glad I left before everyone had gotten high.I heard it was funny though,most of the boys got drunk and lost what's left of their sanity,not to mention their hilarious hangover the next day.

The rest was history,however today,was one of the most perfect days of my life.I've never felt this happy for ages! in fact,i don't recall being THIS happy in my entire life at all,and the best part is,it's not a big deal too.It all started with my mom showing me these...

Yes,I did ask mum to buy these for me,and yes I paid them myself,except the other pair which belong to my cousins.Yes SP is one of my bucketlist bands,but the dream that comes the night after getting so excited about it was the best dream ever,thus far.It was simple,but enough to make my day.

Right: the dream goes.. I went to Subway for lunch and ordered my Italian BMT.suddenly someone in the restaurant in excited,not terrified,and everyone turned to look.Lights went out and spotlights were everywhere.i recognize that catchy drum beat and riffs! Can't Take My Hands Off You was on and the members of Simple Plan performed in Subway! the waitres and waitresses were dancing while prepping my meal,and all of us just randomly started to break out into a choreographed Grease-like dance on the tables,counters,you-name-it! EPIC.DREAM.EVER.

So,lemme get this straight,a combined craving for Subway's Italian BMT sandwich + pre-concert anxiety = awesome dream? i should do this more often eh,less emo,more epic dreams! :) me gusta.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Walking Contradiction

seriously,I've killed myself several times in my mind to get rid off my problems once i've "resurrected".I commit suicide in my imagination in so many hilarious yet legit methods (oxymoronic much?).There was one time when imagined tying myself up against a tree in Isla Sorna and letting a T-rex feed on me,the other one was what Billie Joe is doing : imaginations can run very wild and when it does,the other side of me shows,the one that everyone seldom sees unless you're very close to insanity is beyond predictions,it can come anytime it wants.but anyway,back to the main topic,I've been ranting on twitter about something I'm not allowed to do,which to me,sucks big time.Fine,i don't care about my curfews being tight,and my finance being overly-monitored despite of my legal much for being 18,as I said,it's never as I expected.where's the freedom people have been all hyped up about once we reach this age anyway?I see no differences at all.I'm back on SS Forever 15,and I don't think the coming of age has any effects on people's perspectives on me.they still think i'm that hopeless loser who doesn't know how to take matters into her own hands,they still think i'm that 15-year-old who needs to crawl back to mummy for shelter.Come on.. I'm capable of doing my own decisions now,no matter how stupid they can turn out to be and no matter what the consequences are.If I don't make any mistakes,how on earth will I learn? have you thought over how my survival would be like if you're not around and I have to cope on my own?this is MY way of preparing myself for such possibilities.You're not getting any younger,so am I.what's the deal here,all I wanted is to take some responsibilities and challenge myself to keep it,and you're stopping me?i feel intimidated that people underestimate my decision-making abilities.I am in the computing course for a reason,to learn problem solving,and this includes problems applicable to real life as well,not just algorithms.If you refuse to let me grow up and fly,how on earth will I face the real world when I'm supposed to?I'd be lost and dead as a duck.It's simple,I make mistakes and learn from them.I'm in the age group where spoon-feeding is plainly impractical.Adolescence is the time when people try new things,take (well-calculated) risks,think of possibilities and learn from their own stupidity if the solution they thought of were to fail,epicly.You have to accept the fact that I'm older than I used to be,and people would just be stunned if they knew I'm not independent enough yet at this age.sure,they can label me whatever they want back in the days,I'll just back myself up saying I wasn what's the limitation now?what's the hold-up?I made so many decisions on my own,I'm pretty sure this one won't fail.I've looked through the pros and cons,and I can say my analytical skills I developed through the course I'm enrolled in have helped me alot.To be perfectly frank,and with no ego intended,I'm doing fine without your help.I'll ask for advice when I need it,other times,don't bother wasting your energy trying to stop me,unless i decided to do something as stupid as murdering someone or pre-marital adultery,in that case you can screw me up all you want coz those are clearly wrong morally and ethically.When exactly are you planning to let me grow up?When I'm married and move out of the house?Cool plan,bro.I may be a walking contradiction,but I can tell you this,I can handle it.This is also exactly why i hide a few things from you,situation has forced me to do it,I really wanna learn from the mistakes I made on my own and not from some grandfather stories I hear,those are other people's experiences,first-hand information for the win! then again,i can never deny your intentions are well,but like a bird,you ahve to let me out of the nest sometimes and train myself to fly.notice how adult birds don't carry their babies along when they fly and let their babies fly on their own once their wings are ready?I believe I'm a pre-adult now,and I need to how to fly soon.Give me a chance,if this fails,you can call me an
idiot and start taking control of my whole life,have we gotten ourselves a deal? :)

apart from that drama,I've also an epic quote I typed on FB to share with all of ya.
"if someone ignores you after all the thinking space you wasted on them,then they're not worth your time,spit,energy and/or blog space.therefore,they should no longer exist in the chapters of your life,or ever be brought up."

pretty much applies to all the drama that's been happening guys would know who yourselves are,hell yeah,I'm aiming this to you! then again,NOTHING anybody says will ever break me down anymore.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

We Killed It,Now It's Back to seek Vengeance

"I'm just a kid,and life is a nightmare.Nobody wants to be alone, and the whole world's having more fun than me.." - I'm Just a Kid by Simple Plan.

I woke up in the morning with this song ringing in my head,it was as if someone embedded an automated music player for me in my eardrums.It totally made my day,but little did I know that this song would be the perfect theme for the domino of shits i was gonna face today.
The day kicked off to a pretty good start,traffic was smooth and i managed to reach campus on time,class also ended early and Zech treated me for breakfast in Old Town,where I randomly met Neo and ended up eating with him and Zech.Again,I bumped into Josh,previously I bumped into him in Subway for lunch.Weird how you keep seeing the same person no matter how big the campus is and no matter how many students are around.Destiny can be a very deadly thing,hmm.Speaking of destiny,remember how we used to mess with the lecturers and then prove ourselves worthy by passing our exams with awesome distinctions?Adjusting with uni life was one challenge,adapting to the fast-paced syllabus with little or no tutorial aids at all is another.Semester 1 had been bittersweet,I make friends and lose friends along the way,and I learnt alot about social and working ethics too.It has been quite stressful due to the compressed timeline.Some of us might not make it through,then again,we survived! We're still alive woohoo! Then again,do note that whenever you 'cheat death',death will always find a way to seek vengeance? Just because we survived the first semester (or shall I say,first phase apocalypse). I admit,none of us had been making much effort to understand and practice the stuff that the lecturers teach u.What's the wakeup call? The outstanding number of failures in our previous Maths test.Thank you God,for making us realise it before we keep fooling around.

p/s: something went terribly wrong with my phone today.i missed 3 texts and FIVE optional shoes+clothes+mumbo=jumbo.
wait... that didn't make any sense,am i really that tired?sorry,i absent-mindedly typed that,seriously.and I plan to NOT delete it because it's ridiculous haha. what i meant to say was,i missed 3 texts,and almost 14 phone calls(of which I'm glad neither one of them came from my mom,means my ass is saved).my phone didn't notify me about any of these.time has come for me to get a new one perhaps?

i found this at hero in his high school days! guess which one he is :)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Tiger Roars Tonight

lol Paul is back?

So the higlight of tonight was of course the finals of the SEA Games football match between arch nemesis Indonesia and Malaysia.Malaysia had made it to the semifinals after defeating Indonesia,and again,fate had brought them together in one field (okay i might have put that in the wrong way,but you get the idea). There were practically hundreds of thousands of local supporters who rooted for Indonesia,and if it wasn't for their self-motivation and inner strength,the Malaysian team might have crumbled from inside out upon hearing all the mocks and insults thrown by the unethical spectators.However,their effort of demotivating our team was in vain as the players remained calm and professional throughout the game.The match was neck-and-neck and I can say that the opposing team actually utilized the same tactics used by Germany during World Cup 2010,pretending to fall to stall the game.Indonesia was leading at first with a score of 1-0.By then,the audience in all typical mamak stalls and even in the comfort of their own living rooms (such as myself) started to shout on top of our lungs,cheering for the team.It's a miracle how this ball-chasing game can break our difference barrier and unite us as one.Patriotism does wonders.After intense tackling of the ball and numerous wasted open goals,our team finally caught up with a score of 1-1,thanks to Nazmi Faiz. The game ended up in a tie and penalty kicks were given out to determine the winner.It was so close,but thanks to the awesome Malaysian goalie cum hero, Khairul Fahmi Che Mat, our goal was saved at the eleventh minute,and somehow our final goal scored was Godsent as the Indonesian goalie actually managed to catch the ball,but with God's will,the ball slipped out of his grip and rolled right into the goal.Alhamdulillah.We have proven ourselves worthy of the gold medal,and at least now we have improved our reputation in the football field.Way to go Harimau Malaya!


Friend Zone = Danger Zone?

"I have learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that." - James Rhinehart

Why the sudden quote you ask?Simple,it's closely related to the drama that's been happening to my life lately.As the title implies,friend zone could be a danger zone if you let it go too far.Those two words are deadly enough to terrify lovers,be it mutual or one-sided.Once you're in it,things will never be the same for the both of you.Then again,friend zones can also be a good thing if you take it in a positive way.When you're friends,or rather,best friends, you tend to share most of your time and experiences together,and there should be enough trust to break the secret barrier,or in other words "your secret is mine and vice versa".There shouldn't be any restrictions of some sort and you are free to share any random thoughts or emotions.A friend is simply a friend,but a best friend is your ultimate shoulder to cry on.You run to them in your sorrow,and also run to them when you need a laugh.It's all sweet and innocent until something happens to alter every single thing that has been the fundamental to your close-knit relationship.As I may have mentioned before,trust is like glass,you can't just randomly throw it at people as it is super fragile; once broken,it can never be the same ever again.Words,on the other hand,are stronger that swords.Physical weapons stab you in the heart and you die an instant death but when it comes to words,it stabs you in the same area,the only difference is that the pain is gradual,it gets worse with time and sometimes the scar ceases to heal and before you knew it,you have a permanent wound within you,waiting for the right time to bleed again.Too many a time have I encountered an epiphany revealing which friends are quality ones and which ones don't suppose to mean that much.It doesn't bother me until I realize that one of the friends i should grow apart from is someone I used to be super close to,someone i trusted with my life and shared my ups and downs with.It's not fair.Was it really a misunderstanding or is it a skeleton in the closet?Whatever it is,it sure is digging a great big hole in the ground to bury all our thoughts,memories and visions of being somewhat the musketeers forever.Things will never be the same,and it hurts me to think that this is dejavu,and what makes it even more painful is the realization that I miss us.What exactly just happened?How did things revolve so fast?Why did we grow apart instead of grow up together?Will this ever end?Then again,it was your fault for not trying to make things better.We tried but we eventually got tired of this one-sided effort.

I miss us...though.I can't deny.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Tales from Taylor's Mid-lake

wow,it's amazing how I managed to refrain myself from blogging for almost a whole week,well Mahirah,challenge accepted and mission accomplished! :) it wasn't much of self-control,rather it's because I've been busy lately. I performed for CommFest on 11/11/11 with Dex,we did two songs : Zombie by Cranberries and Wish You Were Here by Avril.couldn't quite make use of my elecoustic because of the broken inner circuit,so i used my electric guitar like a boss,haha. the show went well,crowd was highly responsive although there were only a few of them,we were unlucky our slot was placed after Friday prayers,most people have already left for class.nevertheless,it was my first time singing and playing.great experience though,and we had some goodies from the sponsors.although i proclaimed that performance as my final one in 2011,it doesn't mean i'm going to quit just means i've had too many shows in a year and i need a break of some projects and requests are still welcomed though!
enough about last week's story. this week my appetite had gotten bizarre and all i could think of is food food food! gastronomy had gotten the better of me and i think i spent waaay to much on lunch this week! then again,take a look at these!

Apple strudel with strawberry ice cream in Ohana's. i swear,it's the best dessert I've  ever awesome combination of apple goodness,with hot pastry and perfectly smooth strawberry ice cream.

 This,on the other hand,is the el perfecto chicken teriyaki bento from Oishi Bento,a good deal of rm9.90,served with miso soup and green tea (free flow!). worth it.lasted till dinner.

i suspect my infinite hunger comes from the coldness of the weather outside,it's been raining cats and dogs almost everytime we blink,notice that?you can never leave the house without an umbrella anymore (not that i'm bothered to have one as a must though). i love the rain! sometimes i'll purposely choose the outdoor route to my classes during gentle showers just to walk in the mild coldness.would love to someday dance in it but of course,not in public xD then again,sometimes heavy downpours just creep me out.a few days ago the weather had gotten a wee bit too out of hand..

Picture speaks for itself.About 2-inches of water flooded the hallways of Taylor's Lakeside,making it into wading pools,thus Taylor's Mid-lake xD it was so bad to the extent of puddles flowing into our class which was situated on the EIGHTH floor of block D.don't get me started on the weather in general,I can hand it to Mother Nature,it scared the shit outta each and everyone of us.strong wind and unidirectional shower majorly resembled a potential hurricane! I was glad it subsided just in time for me to make a move back home.Road was super jammed as usual,and we took about triple our journey period to finally reach my place.I fell asleep halfway through so I didn't quite notice which part of the highway was clogged up.

Speaking of clogged up,lately I've been meaning to upgrade my laptop OS from Vista to Windows 7,finally?system's now up and running faster than before,then again the graphic card issue hasn't been resolved thus far,laptop display is temporarily running on VGA,which,hands down, sucks like eggs. Can't even get decent graphic quality when I watch the movies I torrented(yes I do know how to torrent now,weeee).I need to get to the bottom of this soon.

On another note,I am proud to be single woohoo! but it does get lonely and depressing sometimes,and there are times when all I wanna do is have something to divert my attention from all things one lonely afternoon,my friend and I were the only two who were free to have lunch together.considering how we're both coincidentally feeling a lil down in the dumpst.out of fun,we pretended to be a couple for a day.we had lunch together and texted each other in be honest,I couldn't really survive a day of commitment in a relationship,i guess everyone was right when they say that I'm not really the girlfriend type yet.i've gotten slightly annoyed when my 'boyfriend' gets jealous everytime he found out i'm hanging out with his arch scenario was when he was at the library and my lecturer released the class early,so I had about one hour to kill. he said he was studying so i decided to hang out with my bandmate (his rival).when he discovered it,he immediately came down and pulled me to accompany him to 7E,YES literally pulled about touch barriers eh, was fun nevertheless,although i do confess clingy guys make me sick.i'm not ready for anything serious clearly,i am now too selfish.guess it's a fact i have to accept.maybe shutting down my feelings for the opposite sex for the timing might actually work out for me.

then again,i won't deny,no matter how many guys i fake-date,i appreciate the moment with GP the's too valuable and it sucks that it has to end soon before it even began.he's leaving,far or near i'm not quite sure,as much as i miss him, every time i see him there's a lump in  my throat,preventing me to say even a word and whenever he comes online,my hands freeze upon the click of his name on my chatbox.i miss the times when i can just be a complete goofball in front of him and he would be like a total asshole to complement my fact, the only time i can act as such in his presence is when we're among the boys.i feel so alive and my feelings for him somewhat become idle.i miss those moments when we stop thinking and just start having fun. i hate these feelings,they often get in the way. i just wanna do stupid random things and get in trouble with you,mindless little acts that bind us into one.when I'm with you,i feel like a kid again.i want this back,i don't want this heartache to get to the better of me.I miss you GP. is it too late to revert to how we used to be?

Monday, November 14, 2011

You're Already The Voice Inside My Head

recognize the quotes from somewhere?heck yeah you're right! they're lines from one of my favorite songs,"I Miss You" by Blink 182.I've been wondering what the significance of the names were about,and I finally found out sometime this year,it's the names of the lovebirds from Nightmare Before Christmas! I'm not quite sure about the storyline of the movie,it's an old one,almost my age,and is a masterpiece of the great Tim Burton,so i doubt that it would suck in any way.finally managed to download the full movie,i'll watch it tomorrow woohoo! some say it's a romantic yet twisted version of the Grinch,that should be interesting I guess.the dark theme somehow attracted me in so many a matter of fact,i'm more into horror movies lately.I'm also planning to download and re-watch The Jurassic Park Trilogy,Jeepers Creepers,Friday the 13th and some other new movies I have yet to browse for.dear internet,please be nice to me.I have too many things in mind to download,LOL.

p/s: I miss you so bad it actually hurts sometimes.Although i don't talk to you,it doesn't mean i don't care.I'm just glad you're doing well,and it's good to see you online.It lets me know indirectly that you're still in good shape and the right state of health.I really wanna spend more time with you,because you're in the "maybe leaving next year" hurts to know all these will end soon.I need something I could use to remember you by,please? in return,i'll give you something to remember me by,that is,if you still want to.

Monday, November 7, 2011


Leanna's Blogdrenaline Domain goes live on podcast in full frequency! check it out yo :) click HERE

Live back to back after the Faiz Azman show at 9:00pm,before Ngee Myeh Show at 10:30pm.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

I'm Gonna Give All My Secrets Away

"I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess

Til’ all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I’ve said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I’ve been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I’m gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don’t need another perfect line
Don’t care if critics never jump in line
I’m gonna give all my secrets away"

Secrets by One Republic

Ever had those days when a song gets stuck in your head and plays on loop all day and all night?I had 'Use Somebody' by Kings of Leon,followed by Wish You Were Here by Avril and now this song.In my case,I have reasons why certain songs get stuck in my head; it's always either the strength of the melody or the lyrics.I have indeed been keeping a lot of secrets from people around me,even those who are proclaimed as 'close'.For instance,my insomnia is back,so is my anger management issues.It's all due to the irregular pattern of meals and sleep,not to mention the amount of stress u had to handle for the past few days.I might or might have not mentioned this in any of my blog posts,but a few months ago i've been having weird dreams regarding him (from now on i shall refer to him as weirdo).it was gone for a few weeks,then when the stress came back,so did the dreams.

As the song goes: I'm gonna give all my secrets away.

What dream you say? I confess,I have fantasized being together with him,and at night my brain generates affectionate dreams of us being together.To be frank,in Dreamland, we kissed and woke up in the morning to each other's smiles.Anything in between was perfectly innocent,and it was all sleep.It's bizarre to know that this is just a sign that my feelings for weirdo has grown deeper than i thought it would.It's also bizarre how i'm still not giving up on him,what's the matter with me?every damn day i'll waste my wishes and prayers on him,begging to the One Upstairs to give us a chance,and to let all these be a sign of eternal love story and not just another delusion; either that or get rid off my feelings as fast as possible.i can't stand the fact that i will subconsciously think of him every damn time my mind goes idle mode.

honestly,I love you,weirdo but this madness has got to stop.

p/s: my recent dream was that we were clasping on eachother's hand in the middle of Simple Plan's concert,and when I Can Wait Forever came,i volunteered,but Pierre Bouvier chose some other dude to go up on stage to dedicate the song to anyone in the crowd.the dude turned out to be my ex,he dedicated the song to me and asked me to get back together with him.stunned,weird just let go of his grip on my hand.the rest was history.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Top 40 Jetlagged Smiles

Cynical title? I wouldn't say that,a more appropriate way to term it is 'creative'.I have been abandoning my blog for days now so i figured an update that combines all things important in one post would be legit for now.As some of you may or may not have known,my band,Band 93 was formed during MJ Night when we collaborated for the very first time to perform a rock cover of Billie Jean as the opening act.
Band 93 is initially:
- Vocalists : Neo & Adam
- Drums : Ken Yue
- Guitars : Me
- Bass:Josh (disclaimer: he was the keyboardist for Smooth Criminal,Billie Jean keyboardist was Yuuhi)

 We then took a crazy chance of auditioning for Twisties Superstarz,our first song was Breakeven by The Script. what's fucked up? my guitar wire snapped,we weren't tight enough because we thought it wasn't really our genre.The audition took place in our uni.Nevertheless,we met a lot of amazing people,especially this dude named Oliver Liew,better known as 'Malaysian Sam Tsui'. pictures speak for themselves.He's bloody good,i can hand it to him,although his vocals are somehow a bit too high-pitched,to me it's fine and it's not as annoying as Bieber.He made it to top 6 in Lakeside! So did Neo and Adam,individually.not to forget,Dzaim's band too.let's hope they make it to top 8 overall.

We then planned ahead for our next audition,all because Nadhira did a direct 'headshot' to Mr Drummer,haha.this time,it's full-proof! or so we thought,NO MORE last minute plans or practices.we went all out,and upgraded Josh into our keyboardist.we even dragged Nadzmi into the band as our bassist (he's originally our bassist for Billie Jean).everything was so properly arranged,including our song choice "Bad Romance". We did a rock rendition,something similar to Future Idiots on youtube,except we altered most of the parts to suit our style of sound.Managed to get Josh a keyboard too.Then again,i guess we're inexperienced.judges (JD,Nadhira,Liang) didn't seem to like our performance that much.According to them,our arrangement was a bit too "English Top 40" and our showmanship was that of pub bands of which people will eventually ignore.Rephrased,we weren't tight enough :( better luck next time aight,boys? 
p/s: it was fun playing Counter Strike with the boys,and then the road trip back home cum late dinner with Josh & Neo. there was indeed a tragedy which I shall not elaborate.let's focus on the positive stuff shall we? :)

Some words of wisdom from cikgu (hell yeah he was the first judge! fucked me up real good just like a discipline teacher,HAHA):


another important shizz,needless to say if you're as big of a punk rock fan as I am,you're gonna jump at this:

 YES I KNOW RIGHT!!! now i really have something to look forward to in 2012!

 come on Tune Talk,Green Day next and i can die in peace! heheh

 this is just for laughs.enjoy! credits to Hazeem Roslan for the meme comic.

p/s/s: i need to find ways to get money.totally broke and my bank account is as good as nothing,i don't quite have full access to it despite being above the age limit.