Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Jika hidup harus berputar,biarlah berputar

Translated,the lyrics mean "If life must go on, so it shall." It's a snippet of the lyrics from my favorite Indonesian band Sheila On 7's song "Sekali Lagi "(One More Time). Very apt, a song that's both sad and uplifting at the same time. I haven't been able to stop listening to it as of yet ,simply because of how much I can relate to it. This year had been very turbulent in so many ways. So many ups and downs,so many walk-ins and walk-outs, so many new friends gained and friends I've lost. It's a year full of lessons, a year unlike any other. I've had a fair share of laughter and tears,and when I looked back at all these photos to see how much has changed since, it's overwhelming. It's not even been a year and yet, I can say I miss these people quite terribly. A lot of firsthand experiences, a lot of heartbreaks,a lot of success. These aren't in any particular order, every moment is just as special as the other <3

These were the moments I've had with my Music Club extended family.
Top left : That memorable rooftop pizza feast and acoustic jam at Ron's during Chinese New Year :') 
Top right: Michelle Thomas' surprise birthday party organized by her bf Adam Wasabi (also my brother from another mother) in Spaghetti Grill,Paradigm Mall
Bottom left: Jessie's farewell party and 21st birthday celebration
Bottom right :  Mahirah's return from down under :)) karaoke and lunch session,in spite of my busy assignment season.

My first prom, my first dance :)) and my first time performing as a bassist. p/s: Julius is just a friend lol.

My trip back to Muar to visit my childhood buddies :)) the troubles I've gotten myself into with Jemima when we missed our bus and LRT on our way,the hospitality shown by my Double E and Yenny when we're in Muar,not to mention Celine our faithful tour guide.

Being lucky enough to meet Chester See, David Choi and Jason Chen during the IM4U ReachOut event on campus :)) also I bumped into Marianne Tan (from JinnyBoy's videos,in case you were wondering) and the adorable miss Sazzy Falak.

My first laser tag experience with my boys :
The Nesh triplets came in top three,followed by Benny,me and Mirza ( a new friend). Good to be one of the boys sometimes :))

The second couple I've successfully matchmade :)) my current bestfriends Rachel and TK.I haven't known them for long,but what matter the most is how much they've been there for me. I can see them at my front porch,having tea with me (and hopefully my significant other,or cat haha). The kind of friends I hope to grow old together with :') Love you guys.

Reunions with the high school gang :)) 

Not to mention, my own Music Club extended family :))

More reunions with the childhood besties :))

My first BurgerLab experience with my Socit besties :))
Angyu,Yen,Khanna and Leon

Of course random lunches with my SLC family,yup ! The House of Vorosmarthy we'd call it.

I got lucky enough to get VIP passes to Hitz invasion as well thanks to Ash, so I decided to share my good fortune with my good friends Benny,Nesh, and Nicholas.Well the passes were meant for two,but I had my ways hehe. VIP treatment,free food, good view of the stage, and of course, my first ever rave experience! Personally loved the neon cube chairs <3

God lent me a furry companion for 4 months.. Scotty :)) the most well-mannered,loyal cat I've ever met. I hope you know you're loved,I may have physically lost you, but you're in a better place now,and to me,you live on in my heart <3

Rachel's surprise birthday party by the SLC family - Amanda was the mastermind!

My open house attended by my classmates, highschool besties and my Music Club family <3 

And not to forget, the trip to Genting Highlands with my Gossip Girls sisters <3  6 years of friendship and still counting.

Let's not forget... the day I got really lucky,so I invited him along.

It was a magical night,and I realized he wasn't just a friend to me. 

And we went for a movie the next day. Thor - the Dark World.

But sadly things weren't meant to be,funny how the world works sometimes.I just hope things will look up in 2014.

Here's to no regrets,no what if's,and to all the why nots :))

Happy New Year !

Saturday, December 28, 2013

I Regret Nothing

Emotions. Something we wish we had control of but are never aware could conquer our lives.We keep telling ourselves that there's a reason why the brain is placed in a position higher than the heart,so that we're always reminded to keep our minds over matter; but how many times did we actually think before we obey our feelings? Be it gut feelings or blind emotions, both are similarly mindless. You know you're going to get hurt eventually, but sometimes these things are just beyond your power.You may be the smartest person alive, but when it comes to feelings, I'm sorry to say,everyone's rendered dumb as a mule. When it comes to emotions, we thought we could set rules and principles to abide and then someone special shows up - one who is able to rip apart all the codes you've compiled into a book - that set of rules you were supposed to use as somewhat of a guide to your love life. And that checklist containing items of your dream guy? Shredded to smithereens. This guy checks off none of the items,and yet he made you weak on your knees.He occupies a large space in your heart, leaving the rest of your celebrity crushes squeezed into a small one-bedroom apartment-like area that barely fits a decent bed, let alone furniture.Before and after your slumber, he goes up to the subconscious part of your mind, and feeds your thoughts with flashbacks of moments spent with him,every single one of it from the biggest moments to the simple jokes he made over the texts he sends you. They turn into dreams, sweet dreams, wishful thinking, which leads to expectations.Sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night and there he is, lingering in your thoughts. Your heart feels heavy,and tears stream down your face. How did it come to this? He was barely anybody when you first met him, you guys barely talk but when you started to,the conversations get too deep and extended too long. He started empathizing your every dismay,and likewise. You feel like you can talk to him about anything,and in return he opens up to you. The chemistry is amazing. The two of you could be genuine around each other, and then you realized that it has become a routine to talk to him on a daily basis. You realized that in spite of certain prominent differences in personality traits, he really is just a mirror image of yourself. Is he your soulmate? You asked yourself. You start looking up for signs that you're crushing on him,and all signs return you a positive answer. You went into denial stage, you asked him to hang out with you,just the two of you,for some sort of false justification that you do not have feelings for him,and even if you do,it was platonic. It didn't turn out the way you want it to,you were in a dilemma now. Your feelings get deeper when you realize that you insanely missed him when he's not there,and get terribly jealous when he hangs out with his  bestfriends more than he hangs out with you. You wish you were his bestfriend,but of course your heart wants to go beyond that. You swallowed your feelings,and planned to keep it to yourself but everytime you see him, your heart beats really fast. You lose your common sense, and you try to keep it cool but you're so nervous,you start dropping everything you hold. He calls you a klutz but he tripped on your foot and almost fell.  The two of you seemed like you were meant for each other. He suddenly stops talking to you,and you don't know why. You thought you could live with it by telling yourself he's busy,but you know deep down that something was wrong,in fact,why do you care so much? You couldn't stop thinking about him but the only thing that distracts your mind is the work you have for school and the exams you have to study for. You think about him with every chance you get,and you know that your feelings are intensifying. No matter how hard you try,you can't get him off of your mind. It kills you inside when you can't brush off the feelings. Would you risk losing a friend because of your emotions? You asked yourself. You texted him, but he wasn't the same person anymore. He grew distant, and he seemed more zoned out. When you pointed this out,there was silence on the other hand. Something was up but you brushed it off for the time being,and when the time comes,he is still indifferent. Maybe there's someone else, you thought,but you don't know for sure. You took a leap of faith, you picked up your phone one night and told him everything. You expected a bad answer, one that would break your heart but to no avail. You are prepared for the worst,but the unthinkable happened. You poured your feelings out, but he is rendered speechless. He sobbed. You didn't know what to do. He kept apologizing for not knowing how to react to your sudden outburst. It was so overwhelming,you were literally losing it, overflowing with emotions and reduced to tears.He says he'll think about it,but days and nights have passed,still nothing from his end. You start to lose hope,but you wanted to salvage and undo the damage. You texted him,reassuring that it's okay to not feel the same way. Feeling can't be forced nor stopped.No replies. He changed. He used to reply to the most trivial texts you sent him,now he never replies anymore. And you just sit there,waiting and waiting. Your friends tried to convince you that he's not worth it and that you deserve better,your mind agrees but your heart stays anchored on where you stand. You try to walk away,but you can't move. You try to move on,but "maybe" lingers on your mind. What if he's just confused? What is he's contemplating something? What if he doesn't care? What ifs. You expected closure but you get none,you begin to question where you patience comes from. It's amazing how you're still waiting.In the words of Charmaine Wong:

"I know patience is virtue but waiting for something you're not sure if it's gonna happen is what I like to call, wishful patience."

Maybe I shouldn't have told him, but somehow I regret nothing.It's better to regret something you did or said rather than regret something you didn't do or say. And the ironic thing is that I've been getting a lot of remarks about how I look like Kirsten Dunst.

Friday, December 27, 2013

When Everything Feels like the Movies ... bleed just to know you're alive.

It's been awhile since my last post,so I just thought I'd be a little theatrical with my update as a compensation for my absence hehe. A lot has been going on but I think I will recap everything on new year's eve as I usually do,simply because there are just too much to write about!

So technically the above shot of Nicholas Cage and Meg Ryan is from this 1998 movie called City of Angels which inspired numerous amazing songs (i.e Iris by Goo Goo Dolls and Angel by Sarah McLachlan).Out of curiosity,I decided to torrent it and finally watched it today.I underestimated its quality due to the 6.6 rating on IMDB but to my surprise,it was actually a pretty good movie! The storyline was very straightforward, revolving around the life of Seth (the angel of death,portrayed by Nicholas Cage) who fell for a heart surgeon (Maggie Rice) so he gave up his immortality to be with her. He had no regrets, as his quote goes :
"I would rather have one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth,one touch of her hand ; than an eternity without it. One!" Apparently, the movie implied that angels do not fear,feel,taste and touch and that by giving up immortality alone, Seth was able to experience these. Iris made a lot more sense to me now ,especially the line "I would give up forever to touch you". It was eye-opening to the very least,especially when I can relate to it. A few days back I wished I didn't have emotions because feelings hurt, but bless this movie,I had an entirely different perspective on life now.  Emotions seem to be the only aspect that tells apart human beings from other entities with almost similar level of intelligence. Emotions are the only proof that we are living, which brings me to yet another movie I personally adore regardless of its logic.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have feelings, but then I was brought back to the days when all I could feel was numbness. It was hell,I didn't laugh,I couldn't cry and I had amazing anger management but I felt empty.It was almost as if I was a mindless,soul-less shell of a human being,walking about just for the sole purpose of existing.

Life may be fragile and immortality may be desirable, but nothing beats the beauty of emotions and the ability to sense.Sometimes it's good to get hurt,it reminds you that your heart is still beating and your soul is still intact.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Live Below The Line 2013 - Starvation & Malnutrition Awareness

ehem.. Tom Hiddleston with a Guinean child.

Hey guys! Once again,I apologize for having a blog post hiatus, life has gotten the better of me and I barely have any time for updates! Then again,here I am with an update unlike any other,a one-week deed I committed, that made me feel so good inside I'd probably levitate with joy if that's even possible! Are you guys familiar with the Live Below The Line campaign by UNICEF? If you're not,I don't blame you simply because I too have just recently discovered it,all thanks to Rachel,Amanda and Kay Lee. This might be a little fangirly, but we thank Tom Hiddleston (Loki from The Avengers) for indirectly introducing us to this lovely campaign.He's a high profile supporter of the said campaign whereby he visited Guinean families on one of the UNICEF missions in Africa and couldn't help but notice the overwhelming number of children starving and suffering from malnutrition.

The campaign catch : For 5 days (29th April - 3rd May), campaign supporters are challenged to only spend a maximum of 1 Euro (equivalent to RM5) for food and drinks to commemorate people from third world countries who suffer from malnutrition and starvation.

The four of us : Rachel,Amanda, Kay Lee and myself decided to take up the challenge. To be perfectly honest,it was a huge thing for me considering the fact that I'm a picky eater and eating below usual budget (or rather,living below the line,if you must) is not really something I'd do on a normal basis, also with the fact that it's near to impossible to be having a healthy meal on campus with such low budget.

Day 1 - I actually planned the meal on the night prior to the first day of the challenge,so it wasn't as bad as expected. This was a plate of nasi lemak from Mbuji Cafe that cost me RM2.50,half of the limit. It's pretty decent for its price,although somehow,for the first time ever,I cleaned the plate due to mental hunger. It was a challenge considering the fact other people are having 'better food'.

Day 2 - RM2 popcorn from the vending machine and RM2.10 cup noodles. RM4.10 'lunch' in total.I wasn't proud of the total amount considering the fact I almost exceeded the limit. However, I managed to un-guilt my conscience with the excuse that our class schedule was tight and it's almost near to impossible to grab a quick lunch. (okay,so we actually had to rush to watch Iron Man 3 on IMAX 3D and ice skate)

Ice skating with Nawwar :3

Had this in class,treated the lab session like a movie lol

Day 3 - it was Labour day and I had food at home. Food choice was out of my control, and to be honest I actually broke the rule by having seafood. That called for a compensation meal out of guilt.

Day 4 - RM3.90 jumping spaghetti (basically just spaghetti with salt,pepper and one chicken sausage) from the food court. No pictures.

Day 5 - Chocolate chip cookies from Subway for lunch,which cost around RM3.

I wasn't really proud of myself yesterday considering I bailed from the challenge earlier than expected by having the following meal for dinner with Kaylee in Spaghetti Grill,Paradigm when we went for another round of Iron Man 3 with Rachel,TK,Amanda & Will .

RM29.95 grilled steak and cheese with peppercorn spaghetti and sauteed veggie T.T
Just as I was thinking of another compensation meal,I found out that there was an electrical power cut-off in my area; I slept the whole night with my family in darkness. Luckily it rained,so it was relatively cold in the house. In a sense,it compensated for the high cost dinner I had considering the "no electricity" experience is also another issue faced due to poverty. 

The Compensation Meal, for day 3. *drum roll*

Homecooked chilli padi fried rice with omelette :) an estimation of RM3.50-RM4 for the day. It's against the norm for me to be having eggs,but again,I'd like to emphasize, it's all for a good cause.

All-in-all, despite the rule-breaking and compensation, I've learnt a lot from this.

1. Limited food makes me appreciate food more, and realize the importance of not leaving any leftovers on the plate,because every grain of rice,every piece of meat/egg/veggie, every tiny drop of gravy, contributes to extinguishing hunger and producing energy as well as contributing to the sustaining of life.

2. The importance of sharing, because sometimes in times of desperation, sharing helps reduce the burden.

3. No electricity gave me an introspective moment to unwind,and escape technology to look deeper into the meanings of life - there are things we often overlook and forget to appreciate, like having a roof to seek shelter with from the heavy rain,having a comfy bed to snuggle in when the day gets too cold and lamps to light the night.

4. Questioning what tomorrow brings - living below the line, we had ourselves questioning "what should we eat tomorrow? how will we survive? what else is there?" Taylor's is not the best place to save up on lunch or any meals at all. At the very least,we still do have a hope for tomorrow, what about those suffering from poverty? Do they have the same fate? Will they still be alive tomorrow? Do they even have a future to look forward to?

5. Resisting temptations - they are all around us. Eating cheap food and resisting 'the good stuff' I usually have for lunch make me realize how hard it is for us as human beings to break the habit and have a sense of self-control. It was hard seeing TK eating creamy pasta in front of me while I'm only having a low cost nasi lemak,knowing clearly which food I prefer. I know for sure that I wasn't the only one.

We tend to complain about food all the time,overlooking the fact that we should be thankful we have food at all,there are people out there (not just in the third world countries) who have to make do with anything edible that's not even a proper meal to begin with,lest they'd die of starvation. Malnutrition rate is high,and this realization is a major eye-opener for each and every one of us.

I felt good,really. I'm looking at the world in a new light. I'm thankful for what I have,and I couldn't ask for more. Alhamdulillah,I am fortunate.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

What's My Age Again? - 20 stuff

So uh.. What's my age again? oh right,20. Holy pepperoni I'm no longer a teen! o.O and I haven't gone as far as I targeted when I was 10 a decade ago. This is a wee bit disappointing but nonetheless, I have achieved a lot ever since,then again blogging about them would mean shoving the good stuff into people's faces like you're better than them or something.Instead, I guess here's an obligatory post before the day ends,just a sign of me saying "yay I'm alive and old now,I can do whatever the fuck I want and you people can't tell me otherwise!".. containing nothing but 20 confessions to represent 20 years of life.

Countdown! Not in any order,these are just random things I thought of along the way.

#20 : I am temperamental by nature and I often use my genetically engineered PMS as excuse,even after the scheduled time of the month.

#19 : I cry myself to sleep sometimes, but wake up stronger than ever like nothing happened the night before.

#18 :  I am picky when it comes to dating because I've been in and out of too many relationships,and would like to actually settle down permanently with the next guy I date.

#17 : I am a picky eater - if I were to be a food critique, many cooks would fail miserably.It's hard to please my taste buds,and this applies to music as well.

#16 : I am suffering an early stage of anorexia nervosa - I eat little for fear of getting fat,but no worries,I don't suffer from Bulimia (psychological disease that makes you poke your throat after a meal to make sure you puke)

#15 : I sometimes think I suffer from inferiority complex due to being single for too long,however music makes me more optimistic most of the time.

#14 : Out of the many friends I have, I can say only a handful of them are true friends.

#13 : The primary reason of my pursuing the computing field is the fact that I hate people and prefer working with machines as they are easier to please.

#12 : I've had doubts about pursuing the field I'm currently in (software engineering), until I learnt coding and mathematics. No matter how challenging they are,to me, without challenge life is meaningless.

#11:  I apologize too much even if it's not my fault, I might as well be a Canadian.

#10 : I dislike condiments in general, they contaminate the original flavor of food and seem like degrading the chef - yes indeed,I have the eating mannerisms of a French dude.

#9 : If I could ditch whatever career I'm pursuing to succeed in music, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

#8 : I secretly want to date a bad boy scumbag gentleman like Billie Joe Armstrong or Johnny Depp.

#7 : I love my country, but if I could live the rest of my life as a travelling musician in Europe,that'd be great.

#6 :  There are only two races in the world  - racists and non-racists.Racists should just burn in hell.

#5 : I find my close guy friends' quirks and insanity to be cute; I love them to bits in a platonic way, but I would never date them even if they're the last men on earth.

#4 : I still feel guilty about breaking up with my ex-boyfriends.

#3 : I used to be a gamer, but I quit because I didn't wanna get addicted.

#2 : If it wasn't for the limitations set by my religion,I can be wilder than I seem,heck even with limitations I am already so. I jumped the fence of a concert once to get a better view of the stage,and was part of the crowd surfers.

#1 : I'm in love with the same guy for almost two years and am not afraid to confess,but what's stopping me is the fear of rejection.

I guess that concludes the 20 shocking (or not really shocking) confessions. Happy birthday to me,I guess?

"My friends said I should act my age,what's my age again?" - Blink 182.

Here are the best/most creative/stupid birthday wishes I've had so far:

[imagine a scene in the car,after a whole day's event, exhausted and half-asleep]

"Hey,I'm gonna sound like a jackass but is it okay if I don't wish you happy birthday tomorrow?" - Jitki.
Moron , by asking the question you just acknowledged it. xD

And this one from Shafeeq :
Shafeeq's birthday wish that made me LOL xD

Monday, February 11, 2013

The Adventures of Jinxie McBlitz - Saved By The Boot

Due the chain of events that occurred throughout this week, you now have every right to call me Jinxie McBlitz. Not only have I been unfortunate, I've also been randomly lucky, probably to balance up my misfortune. It started with me quitting the Philharmonic team (which I will blog about later,probably after this post). At first they were planning to perform old songs,but as soon as I quit,I found out that the team decided to do Coldplay 'for the youngsters'. Aw man!

Matt Blitz -  the dude in an all-boys school, right after he left,the school became co-ed.
* Let me further explain what a Blitz is. It's basically an unlucky person who misses out on certain exciting events because he/she bails from his/her gang the earliest.There's no clear reference as to where this word originated from, but in my sense,I first heard the term from an episode of How I Met Your Mother where Barney's the Blitz. The moment he walked out of the room, there's always something cool that happened right after.

The charity fundraising team

Back to the topic, my luck doesn't end there. I've been going to campus for the past three days to attend this fundraising for charity thing,it went well for the first day in spite of the price we decided on the items. This was where having many friends comes to an advantage :D Sales were good at first,but it began to slow down after awhile, so in the midst of the whole charity drive,I decided to invite my friends over to my booth to jam and make some noise to attract passers-by's attention,apparently it worked ; and here's the best part,a random old dude approached me and Leanne after we sang 'Love On Top',offering us a performance gig,which eventually inspired us both to start a trend to jam at random places.

Then again, knowing the universe so well, somehow my bad luck senses were tingling, I'm sure such luck doesn't come without a price to pay. As expected, the universe found its way to balance up the situation ; as I was loading the last of the props from the booth into Yen's car, a bus was waiting right behind us. I assume Yen was hella tired considering the fact he's been working hard with Angyu and the rest of us, so he moved the car without waiting for me to budge --- to my horror,his back tire ran over my right foot as the car was moving forward. Him and Angyu panicked, but luckily the boots I wore somehow acted as a shield; there were indeed car tire marks on the leather but not a single scratch nor swelling showed up on either toe... but the universe decided that I had to be trolled either way. Eventually I discovered my wallet was missing, even when I went to campus the next day, I failed to track it down. I suspected that I've been pick-pocketed, because I swear to God, that wallet was heavy enough for me to notice if it were to fall out of my pocket. Oh well, I guess you win some you lose some. Sure,it was a hassle to renew all my missing documents, but on the brightside, maybe it's a sign that I need a new start? Like what Angyu said,perhaps I need to turn over a new leaf and leave whatever's holding me back behind,learn to let go and move on. RIP awesome wallet, you've been there for me since I was 12,it's about time you retired.

To be honest,the incident did affect me even for a bit, but thanks to the tremendous support from everyone, I managed to pull through,just with the knowledge that people care and they would help in any way possible.I was a bit upset about losing my IC and other important cards in the wallet (that indirectly voided my mum's trust in letting me hold my own cards), but of course, thanks to 'my people',it wasn't so bad after all :D

Remember this Spongebob episode when Spongebob finds himself 'losing his identity' when his nametag went missing?
I know how it felt.It may seem petty,but really,it's a huge deal after all,welcome to adulthood.

Monday, January 28, 2013

This Modern Love Kills Me

"Beauty emanates from every word that you say
And capture the deepest thoughts
In the purest and simplest of ways
But you see
I'm not that graceful like you
Nor am I as eloquent
But just a simple melody
Can change the way that you see me
And right now..

I have you
For a moment I can tell I've got you
Cause your lips don't move
And something is happening
Cause your eyes tell me the truth
I've put a spell over you..

All my life I stumble
But up here I am just perfect
Perfect as i'll ever be... "

-"Spell" by Marie Digby

Ever had this dream after you watch a romantic movie,where music plays in the background,and you're just in the scene itself as the actor/actress? And it all seems perfect enough to be true because it resembles reality in a very scary rate? I've had that for a couple of nights now,and because they were so beautiful and surreal,I've been sleeping in late almost everyday,my sleep has been pleasant and the weather has been promising,not too hot nor too cold. The dream I had for the first few nights was of the scene in The Notebook,where Noah & Allie laid down in the middle of the road,and danced under the traffic lights ; I was Allie but I never really saw whom my partner was, all I knew was he's taller than me. It was all very much like real life,as I've done foxtrot in real life before. In the dream, an instrumental version of "Spell" by Marie Digby was playing in the background,and clearly both 'Noah' & I were crazy about each other, but then the freaky part kicks in when I finally get to see 'Noah's' face ; it was one of my friends! It was downright awkward, and it couldn't get any more wrong than that.What was that supposed to mean anyway?Is my brain playing tricks with me again? I expected Noah to be that someone I've always been head over heels in love with for the past few years,but instead it's someone I least expect! Perhaps it's just my brain telling me to stop overthinking,the pressure was perhaps too much. I think I've been overreacting lately,and overanalyzing things. I should stop caring too much about certain things, before I start feeling emotions I'm not supposed to - something I've always dreaded the most since the day I got friendzoned. I don't know what I feel. Everytime as I fall asleep, all these flashbacks keep coming back to me, it drives me nuts. And I thought I needed this long vacation so badly, it turned out that I'm too free, in spite of the music adventures I'm pursuing.

I guess I have to get more in touch with artistic side.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

After All, You're My Wonderwall

I love everything about her. And I’m not a guy who says that lightly, I’m a guy who has faked love his entire life. I thought love was just something that idiots thought they felt. But this woman has a hold on my heart that I can’t break, even if I want to. And there have been times that I wanted to. It has been overwhelming, and humbling, and even painful at times. But I can’t stop loving her any more than I can stop breathing. I am hopelessly, irretrievably, in love with her. More than she knows.
Barney Stinson

And for that,I think every woman in this world (myself included) would say yes to anyone who would empty their hearts in such a manner,putting their pride to its lowest level.I realize I haven't been speaking much about emotions here,so I guess this is the best time to do so. I admire Barney & Robin, not because they look good together,but because of their unexpected love story that sparked from absolute disgust,to best friends, to bros, and somehow down the road, lovers. They did break up when the relationship became self-destructive for the both of them,but eventually came back together,simply because they were meant to be. I believe, the best kind of love comes when you least expect it. Their amazing chemistry,their trust,their adorable 'in denial' attitude, it's safe to say that this is the kind of love I'd like to experience someday in my life.It gives me faith that someday I will find that special someone in the future, who would go the distance,just to make me happy.Thus far, I've yet to find such a person special enough as Barney to Robin and vice versa. Love - I don't even know if I've ever experienced it at all in my lifetime, in spite of the past relationships I've been through, at one point I find that none of them felt real.They were probably just mere emotions that spark from the heat of the moment,mutual interest in starting a romantic endeavor, without the will to sacrifice,to go an extra mile, nor to accept one another as who they are. Being a couple,or rather, loving one another,is about acceptance,forgiving, a little bit of sacrifice here and there; it's healthy for a couple to get into arguments and misfits once in awhile,imperfections is what makes the relationship perfect (in human sense).

tl;dr : I want what Robin has, an adventurous relationship with a fairy tale ending, which leads to a whole new paradigm instead of just a plain epilogue.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Sometimes We Hear,But We Don't Listen

Hey listen,listen,listen,listen... lol . Salutations my awesome readers ! Yes,I'm gonna be actively blogging again on account of being free for 3 months due to my last longest semester break of my whole degree program. I know,I owe each and every one of you updates on what's been happening to me for the past 6 months, which of course includes events in 2012. We'll get to that,but since memories aren't going anywhere no matter how long it takes for me to share them, let's just focus on something more up-to-date and factual?

Recently, (about 2 days ago) a footage of a student-speaker forum in UUM had been going viral all over the internet due to the lack of integrity displayed by the speaker namely Ms Sharifah Zohra Jabeen in responding to a student's criticism towards the country's education loan system, peaceful street demonstrations and a few other political issues that seem to be the hottest debate topics between the government and the opposing party. I am not exactly one who would be very interested in political issues,mainly because I prefer not taking sides rather than giving my full support towards a party that might or might not be capable of ruling the country,especially with the fact that Malaysia is multi-racial and therefore,the slightest of mistakes in a public statement might awaken racial sentiments. Let's just say I speak for myself,and humans in general. The thing about us homo sapiens is that,we are well aware of our five major senses : sight,hearing,touch,taste,smell ; but what we are not aware of is that,are we interpreting the stimuli around us the way we should? Sometimes when we're conversing, we are definitely hearing, but here's the catch, are we actually listening to whom we speak to? Are we aware of the point he/she is trying to get across? Do we put ourselves in his/her shoe to understand what he/she might be trying to tell us? Do we see the big picture? Do we see right through his/her words so unveil the meaning that lies within? No. Not a definite no,we may still do,but not all the time. A clear example of such behavior was shown by this Ms Sharifah, of which she shut Ms Bavani off by repeating "Listen,listen,listen,let me speak" multiple times and eventually snatched the microphone away from the student who was,at that moment, trying to make a valid argument. Not only that,she also refuted Ms Bavani's argument by saying that Malaysia shouldn't be compared to other countries, and that the fact that those complains were lodged made it a 'relevant' excuse for Ms Bavani to leave the country. Her counter-argument was that animals have problems too but they do not go for public demonstrations like humans do. I too am against public demonstration,personally speaking,but the way Ms Sharifah treated this student was a disgrace to the whole 1 Malaysia Women Society. Age certainly does not justify the amount of respect you should get, for respect is to be earned. If you do not respect others,how do you expect others to do the same to you? A degree,or masters, or any forms of high-level certifications in general, also does not put you into a veto position to shut people off. In a democratic society, one should be allowed to voice out his/her comments, either it's positive or negative. Ms Bavani's boldness in her stand has earned my respect,whereas Ms Sharifah's ignorance makes me doubt her integrity and professionalism. If this is the kind of world we live in, where the future generation such as myself, who would someday lead the world, are not allowed to voice out our thoughts and ideas, I fear this country's future is a cloudy one. In spite of clashes in political views, we need to respect each other, let one another speak, who knows, sharing of ideas might just save the world from becoming .. toast. Don't just open your senses to hear, but...actually LISTEN, and think things through.This is what separates us from the animals,our ability to interpret what we have sensed.

p/s: to the peeps who applauded for both Ms Bavani and Ms Sharifah, have a backbone,please? Please stop having that 'follow the crowd' attitude.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New Year's Eve - 2013

Well hello there my dear readers! It's half an hour till the new year y'all ! And hey, if you're reading this, you've survived the 21/12/12 Doom's Day! ...and are as miserable as I am, celebrating it at home with my notes and books coz of the finals I'm having on January 2nd.YAY FOR YOU SMART PEOPLE STAYING HOME! who needs the celebration anyway,you gotta endure traffic,and possible drunkard encounter,the crime rates are high.. pish posh.. no I'm not being sour because I can't go out with my friends, I bet they have their own plans with their own gang, I'm just saying it's smarter to stay home,heh.

Back to our little doom's day chit-chat, well admit it, you were a wee bit scared the Mayans were right, although I wasn't. Apocalypse postponed eh? Typical homo sapien, even postponing things when it comes to  predictions,heh procrastinators unite! Not that I'm being superstitious,I don't actually believe this but it's amusing to read how hard people work to spark panic. >> 2012 apocalypse postponed to 2014 ?

It's been a tradition for me to recap things in detail on the last day of the year,simply to reminiscent the good times and the bad times I've experienced. To be perfectly honest,2012 has been unexpectedly very dynamic in terms of experiences, it was one hell of a ride which I can't simply describe in one word. It's been an equal share of sweet and sour, pretty much resembles a bag of skittles.

It started off with a BAM, who would've thought I'd meet my heroes from Simple Plan : Pierre, Seb, David, Chuck, Jeff in person and watch them perform live?It was simply amazing, especially on account of getting to watch my punk rock princess as well within two consecutive months! I believe I need not to elaborate on this, as I've done enough of it within a blog post I had earlier on in January :'>

 Degree.. wow, to be describing what it's like here in one post would be an understatement. Sure,it was tough at first with my culture shock towards the sudden independence expected by the lecturers from us,but we managed to pull through. I met a lot of new people along the way,and hey, who would've known, that nerdy guy in FIC January 2011 (my sort of foundation senior) I used to think as someone who's super reserved and geeky would actually turn out to be my best friend within 8 months? I was thankful I had someone to be close with to that degree after Mahirah left. I'm a bit fuzzy as to how we actually connected,perhaps the fact that we're both guitarists?Or maybe we're just randomly insane,yeah that. I remembered his first question to me : "Why do you take Software Engineering?" I've forgotten what my answer was,but it was something along the lines of my desire to 'build my own software from scratch'. One thing led to another, then there I was,with him in his car,hunting for an electric guitar. We started talking everyday, and eventually know everything about each other, also often mistaken as a 'blooming couple',lol. For a short period of time,we've been into a lot of ups and downs, many a time have we saved each other's lives (not literally), and many a time have we gotten into big fights,but later on resolved in less than a day. I couldn't thank Allah enough for granting my wish to have someone to be physically there for me when I need him fter Mahirah left for Aussie. Jitki is Jitki, he will never be Mahirah, but I appreciate what we share so far,and I love them both equally.

Here's to you Jitki, (ultragay alert) : You're the best gift God has given me this year (after meeting Simple Plan,lol) .Thank you SO MUCH for all that you've done for me,for all the reality checks you gave me,for all your advice, for all the pointless bickering,for all the joy, for all the PMS-ing (which made me realize I shouldn't use it as an excuse to burst at people,nice reverse psychology),for all the insane conversations,for all the music.May this friendship last for many years to come :D

Enough gayness, we've still a couple of stuff more to revisit. This was also the year I first exposed my songs to the public, in Starbucks! It was all meant to be written for my personal enjoyment,but the crowd response was amazing! I didn't expect to literally perform it, it was however an amazing experience,not to mention,being appointed as the Managing Director of Taylor's Music CLub, I've dealt with so many obstacled along the way of organizing events. Jessie and Leanne are indeed such awesome people to work with,their passion for music,charisma,leadership,commitment,everything merges into one to form a very solid team. There has been a lot of changed in Music Club,and needless to say it's been a pleasure to be part of the pioneers and drivers to these changes.

Last but not least,here's to the new year 2013, hopefully as dynamic and adventurous as 2012!