Thursday, March 17, 2011

I'll Believe It When I See It - comeback?

since the Sunway Lagoon pictures aren't up yet,might as well save a draft report of the trip to be posted later aite.this is just something that's been floating around in my mind.

remember this?fine,i don't expect you to,in fact,even I myself
am trying to forget it.

it's been two years since my heartbreak,the wound should heal by now,considering that my heart is taken.i guess i was wrong.the past keeps coming back,and the fact that i no longer hide your facebook updates did not help at all.i thought i would've forgotten about it already,about us,how it could have been if i never confessed to you in the first place.the love story was delusional to begin with,and to think that our differences could be overcome because of love? LOVE..pfftt..what love?it didn't exist.the only love that existed was nonetheless unrequited,i don't even know if it should be called love at all.more like an obsession i guess.the pain is still here,right much as i hate dwelling in the 'what should have been' zone,it's happening now.i'm screwed,big time.i shouldn't have spoken to you,i shouldn't have kept in touch with you,i shouldn't have gotten too close to you,i shouldn't have told you how i felt.i let my first crush go extremely easily since he didn't know how i felt,but you,i don't're just like everyone else,but me opening up to you was a HUGE mistake.i thought you would've just shrugged it off but you didn't.i didn't.we couldn't get it out of either of our systems.yes i read your survey answers,and you said you haven't broken any hearts in your life,oh really?how is mine shattered again?YOU tell me.look,i shouldn't be mad at you,i was stupid.i ended our friendship because i didn't want anything to do with you anymore.deleting your number that i've learnt by heart - and still remember to this day,your email, wasn't helping me in coping up.the fact that your best friend is trying to reunite us as close friends is sweet but painful.we will never be the same,T. it was a very warm gesture that you called me when i was in deep sorrow a few hours after my dad's passing.the pain was chest-clutching,unbearable.i didn't want any of the funeral attenders to even see me in my worst,swollen eyes and such,i ran off and locked myself in my room.i guess i disappointed everyone who wanted to meet me in their attempt of comforting me.i was in that state for hours,dragging to nightfall,then you called,and then came a smile across my face.i don't know,it's natural.thanks for being're a true friend.for now,i don't want to hurt myself again,or hurt the one i love.i've moved on,we both have.i hope someday in the future,i'll forgive you enough to remain close to you as we were before in the past.i can't guarantee the scar inside of me will be fully gone,you left a huge obvious mark won't be easy to scrape off,but i'll try to make it less noticeable.

"I'm slowly getting closure, I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
And now I'm picking up the pieces, spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you

You took a hammer to these walls, dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away, there was nothing I could say
And when you slammed the front door shut, a lot of others opened up
So did my eyes so I could see that you never were the best for me"

-A Little Too not Over You by Daughtry