Paralyzed Emotions

"Happy days will drown the pain
On and on and on it came
And again, and again, and again...
Take my name and just let me be"

-Stranger In Moscow by Michael Jackson

well what do ya know,i missed my biggest musical influence's birthday! Happy belated 52nd Birthday Michael Joseph Jackson! May God bless you always and have a nice afterlife.

today was just an ordinary day as always,same old stuff keeps happening each time i go to school.waking up at 6.45am,get dressed and straight to school in an idle mode,while listening to Drake Bell's "I Know",it never fails to make my day worthwhile.a "to-morrow,to-morrow and to-morrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day" kind of scenario by which i have to bear as a routine in every breath of my life.sick and tired much?perhaps yes perhaps no,which explains why i look for things to live for,things that make me happy...

can't believe i'm saying this but,those things like NINJA SAGA! but after awhile,i realised that i'm a little too addicted to the game,why?this is the evidence.

my overused words,of all the things in the world,is NINJA! this analysis,in case you're wondering,is done upon your daily (or in my case,hourly) status updates on facebook.SEE! yes i do admit i have a such twisted passion for ninjas and zombies but i didn't know the word Ninja had been overused for the past couple of days since i discovered Ninja Saga! how bizarre is that?thus,i took the initiative to reduce and now totally BAN Ninja Saga out of my life,well at least for the time being until SPM is over.Deila is taking over my Ninja Saga account as she volunteered to help me pass the 4th and 5th phase of the Chunin Exam.pffttt..this addiction NEEDS TO BE STOPPED,period.but of course,there was a price to pay.

earlier today,well not to say early,around the evening,i was expecting a quite rainy eve,where all i could do is sleep peacefully with a carefree mind,before i presume my intense revision activities.yet,disaster strikes when i fell asleep at around 4pm.i don't know why,i don't know what i was thinking.something went terribly wrong with my mind apparently.i dreamed of this particular scene,it was brief but painful enough to wake me up in a half-tear:

Marco: hey..can I ask you something?

Me : sure,why not.go ahead.

Marco: but you gotta promise me you won't get pissed off.

Me : *chuckles* okay i promise i won't get mad.

Marco : is it true that you like me?

Me : *silent* where'd you get that from? *sweaty palms*

Marco: your friends told me...so.....is it true?i hope you could be honest with me.

Me : ......yes.i'm sorry,i don't think i can hold this up any longer.sorry...bye. *walks off*

will this stupidity persist?am i doomed to be broken-hearted for my next 7 love interests since i rejected that someone?*counts* Marco's my 3rd,or maybe 4th,so i guess i have to find another 4 losers in his place then only my relationship will work out? ok stop...that's ridiculous! there is absolutely NO SUCH THINGS as LOVE KARMA.in fact i'm not even a Hindu to believe in karma,i'm guessing it's my idiocy instead?i believe the world revolves in a balanced manner,and someday good fortune will definitely be on my side.

right now,somebody did something to really piss me off.and all i can say is,my emotions are suddenly starting to be paralyzed knowing that it's no longer a secret.

it definitely takes a lot of time to heal,maybe hours,maybe days,maybe weeks,maybe months,maybe years and maybe even a whole lifetime! but it WILL heal,this i promise myself.

and fellers,thanks for the poke war! totally made my day! i love you guys.

Happy 53rd Independence Day,Malaysia! glad to be a Malaysian who lives in a harmonious country with an ever-developing infrastructure and technology.can anyone be less proud?