Stress

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i need this.seriously.

What Made Me Blush

"I have broken the fourth commandment padre. Well I tried to behave properly, the way that my father would like me to. But, I'm afraid my heart is too wild. I had impure thoughts about a man."

so that's what happened to me.i saw something i shouldn't have seen on my FB newsfeed,thus..it made me blush,since last night up to today (and even now).it's just me being me,blushing at all things funny(not the ha-ha funny btw).the photo i saw wasn't even eligible to be rated as 'adult content' or anything,but well...i guess the Mask Of Zorro quote above is self-explanatory.meh.the coolest part was,the owner of the photo was clueless enough to ask me what's the matter with me.seriously awkward.

or is it ok because i'm 18?

'Tudung' (head scarf) vs 'Free-hair'

 

i am suddenly inspired to blog about this due to a certain controversial status update regarding this issue : Tudung vs Free-hair,which indirectly brings about the issue of faith vs mentality/so-called 'modernization through trends'.the statement maker has mentioned preference for (Muslim) girls who expose their hair rather than those who cover up,with the excuse that those girls who 'free their hair' are true to themselves.it made me go 'HUH?',and i'm pretty sure many others were shocked with this revelation.i don't mean to judge or bombard the statement-maker,i'm just defending what's right.another lame excuse was the fact that the 'writer' claims that there are some girls who wear tudung (head scarf) as an accessory and still expose their 'aurat' (parts of the body that should be covered up according to Islam,for girls,we are only allowed to expose our faces and the palms of our hands) by wearing skin-tight jeans and fashionable tudungs.the question here is,faith.it's clearly stated in the holy Al-Quran what should be covered and what should not,and according to many religious intellectuals,these cover-ups should be done voluntarily and changes in one's self could be made gradually.i view the girls who wear tudung with trendy outfits as people who are still in the changing phase,no one is perfect,therefore,they are improving themselves by improving the way they dress day by day.sure,they might wear skinnies today,but insyaAllah in the future,they may improve.it takes time,everything takes time and as humans,there's no such thing as drastic changes.as for the 'free-haired' girls,i'm not criticizing them,but to me,if they don't make an effort,which part of them is true to themselves?how are you honest to yourself if you can't even obey a simple rule in your own faith?ask yourself this,and reflect.i myself am not perfect,but i do not judge people by their appearance.which is better,trying or not trying at all?have some respect for those who have the desire to at least head towards obedience of an Islamic rule,covering up our aurat.it's the most basic of all Islamic practices although it will not be the first practice queried in the afterlife,it's a responsibility.if you can't even do that,let alone other practices: the solah,fasting etc. think about it.

Wallahua'lam. Allah knows best.i apologize for any offence,but i am speaking on behalf of tudung girls everywhere,STOP judging us and ask your iman before you speak for words can be turned against you during Judgement Day.don't deny the obvious when it comes to religions.

Jet Lag

 

"You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's drivin' me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart heart heart is so jetlagged"

-Jet Lag by Simple Plan feat Natasha Bedingfield

*footnote: I actually find Natasha's voice a lil bit similar to Bieber.Yes i'm implying Bieber sounds like a girl.

lack of updates could only mean one thing; i'm too caught up with uni madness that i think i might just literally burst like a pinata,except pinatas are all about candies,NOT tempers.as i might or might not have mentioned before in the previous posts,my mood swings are unpredictable,it's a weakness of mine that i have yet to rectify.my temper goes up and down a little too frequently ; it scares me.one second i'm laughing my ass off at someone's joke,the next i'll just start giving people the silent treatment and get pissed off too damn easily.i've been insomniac for the past couple of days and on Wednesday,i stayed up super late (how late?4.30am late enough for you?) ignoring the fact that i have classes that commence at 8 the next morning.outcome?for the first time ever,during E-Biz class,i dozed off with my eyes open --- and miss Hema actually noticed it! only my closest friends would actually realise how fake my laughter was that day.in the morning,i had someone asking me whether i was well,simply because i walk aimlessly through the hallways and fell asleep with my head on my desk before the lecturers came into class.i tried to be happy,i really did,but there's something inside me,telling me to stop lying to myself.i'm NOT OK and i do NOT know how long will this last.i have to try to get my life back on track..

back to the song snippet i pasted up there,i'm sure you've heard of the song?"Jet Lag",i've been hearing it on the radio every morning on my way to uni,but i just couldn't catch the song title till two days ago.i managed to memorise the chorus and BAM! now i know what's it called.somehow,the song (especially the quote) describes how i've been feeling.JET LAGGED,that's a great metaphor.i had my heart flying so high that when it landed,i'm jet lagged enough to be fragile.and guess what,i think i have finally discovered the root to all my depressions : maybe,just MAYBE i have fallen for someone,not just anyone,someone i've considered as a brother.how bizarre can i get?i know we're not blood-related,but it feels like (sorry to say) a case of an incest in some way.i love him,but as a brother but the love i'm feeling now is actually expanding into something far beyond that.we connected to well lately that i think it might be impossible for me to somehow set a distance to get rid of this feelings i have.i was wrong to think that considering someone close as your sibling would stop you from falling for him,it actually makes it more complicated! to also think that it's only been almost 3 months since i broke up with 'that guy' somehow stops me from widening my horizon to look for potential men to fill the empty space for me.

my instincts are telling me there's something somewhere when he asked me out and i seem to go all out to meet him.then again,i might be misled.scratch that,i'm always misled.

It's Daddy's Day!

a little overdue,but i guess my followers should be aware of how hectic and packed my daily schedule is aite,thus the lack of updates.Happy Father's Day! just because my dad is already in the afterlife,doesn't mean i can't wish him right?he's able to hear me out even though i may not be able to receive his reply.you don't need phones wherever you're going to after this life ya know,intermediaries are just overrated.he's not exactly gone,i still hear him lecturing me and questioning my conscience when it comes to making decisions.in a way,he's my guardian angel :)

a little cliche' to post up what my dad has done for me when he was still with us,so i guess i'll twist it up a bit with 'awkward' and hilarious moments i've had with him - Twitter style!

i remember #thatawkwardmomentwhen my dad:
1.was on the dial-up internet,i called my friend and gossipped all we could,not knowing that he's listening to our conversation.
2.gave me the steering wheel asking me to drive when i was 6,i almost killed both of us.he didn't want my mom to find out but he blurted out the secret anyway.
3.entered my room while i was dancing to Grace Kelly.
4.saw me smiling at a random thought.
5.found out i was dating the guy who almost knocked his car.
6.caught me eating during ramadan,it was my time of the month and i had to explain myself,FML.

wherever you are,dad,hope you're doing great.may we meet again someday/my prayers are with you always.amin.alfatihah to you. miss you dad.

Emily's Army

isn't it just fucked up that i think BJ is hotter than his 16-year-old son? LMAO.

then again,i still love Joey Armstrong for 3 things:

1.he shares the same birthday with me,28th Feb.

2.his punk rock band,Emily's Army,rocked my socks off.

3.he looks like BJ during the Warning Era.

so yeah,check out his band.one of my favourites from their debut album is "Broadcast This".it warms my heart that real music still exists :')



you know #youreoverpracticingwhen ....

 these happen.social network apps tell the story of your life.

..and that's why i've been away for so long.preparing myself for my first performance ever,in public,as a guitarist.never thought this day would come this soon.carrying the name of your uni is a serious shit,you can't fool around.

 btw meet my partner-in-musical-crime,Dex :)

oh,..and also the fact that i've been working on my fan fiction on Mibba.it's called "Wanted:Mr Wright".a self-obsessed story about me being kidnapped by washed up rockstars cum burglars,teenage GD members and falling for Tre Cool.what are the odds? LOL.

apart from that,nothing much.life goes on.