To Dad With Love



today is oct 27th.year by year,it is a special date for the whole family.my big sis will always have her birthday card posted to our house in representation of her presence,and we'll have a little family celebration at Secret Recipe.but the celebration last year was the last we'll ever had.today,is what would have been my dad's 52nd birthday.who would have thought that he would leave this soon?i admit,i'm not that close to him but it doesn't mean i don't love him.i've grown out of being a Daddy's girl that i used to be when i was a pre-schooler into an ignorant teen.it's the nature of life that some people will grow out of something while others remained.it doesn't mean i regret either,considering on a brighter note,if i was too close to him,i would have suffered more when he passed away.i am thankful God gave me this strength and i knew it all along that everything happens for a reason.God is testing me,giving my dad cancer when i had my UPSR,his second attack last year when i was near to having my PMR and now taking him away from me while i'm so close to having my spm next year.it's a BIG test of patience for me,now i feel how paris felt when she lost her dad.who would've thought that my dad would leave months after his idol,MJ?

and yet,i'm struggling to fight my ever-stirring emotions.i've been hearing the foolish statements about me not loving my dad just because i don't cry blood out of my heart everyday at school since my dad passed.first of all,have you even noticed that you're not a mind-reading psychic?do you even know what's going through my mind?or better still,do you even care?? hell no,all you do is blabber around about me all day but none of the words that are coming out of your mouth are true! yes,i suggest you STOP.if you'd know any better,i have a GOD to talk to,why would i talk to a bunch of stupid,pretentious humans like you? yes,i am emo.earth to backstabbers,fyi,i have a heart,and it's BIGGER than YOURS! butt off already and get a life! sheeshhh...

mellow-ing the situation down a bit,i've been listening to a lot of songs lately,and one of them touched me.it's called smile,applehead's favourite song.it suits me well:

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

i love it because it reminds me a lot about my dad.he seldom smiles in his lifetime,but when he shifted to the other world,i can see peace and solitude on his face.he looked calm during his final moments and there was a slight smile on his face.it was beautiful and i'm thankful.i know,he's watching over me and hoping for me to always continue his legacy down here on earth.

Daddy,i know you're up there.i promise to always be a good daughter,and i won't meddle too much anymore.i'll behave,and i'll make you proud! don't you worry.SMILE and show me the rainbow someday,so that i know you still care as much as before :)

Love you Daddy,i'll always be your baby girl.

-Yana
still a daddy's girl.

I'll Believe It When I See It: Comeback



remember this guy?he's from the series i started from this blog entitled 'I'll Believe It When I See It'.i seem to have more ideas to continue the series since the episode seems to return! several encounters,several coincidences.i wish they would all fade away,but yet again they appeared as i flickered through the pages of my diary,down memory lane..

if only i had the courage to erase them all,all the memories captured were like pictures hung in framed upon the wall.tinge of guilt haunts thy heart as you try to throw them or burn them down..



and yes..i find it hard to focus on the finer things in life,the priorities.ALL because you reappeared..



i admit..i DO miss you..and somehow,in the strangest way,you still have a tiny piece of my heart with you.will you please give it back someday?



during a rainy day like this perhaps?

-Yana
confused.

THIS IS IT!!

THIS IS IT



it's finally here!! THIS IS IT!! it's the opening night tonight in LA!! goshh! the much anticipated movie is finally here! i wonder how the outlook would be like.despite the cause brought forward by the THIS IS NOT IT Campaign held by MJ's attache' (can i call them tht?),on the contrary i think i should watch the movie myself and make my own judgements.i didn't realise it till today on facebook,i marked my calendar.the event is tonight! midnight,malaysian time.



on the fan page,there was a project called the TII Fan Mosaic consisting fan photos from all over the world.once it was done,i went to check it out only to find out that my picture was located on his thigh! isn't that awesome?
here it is..



and this is where my pic is located :



forget the stunna shades,they're my mom's CD specs! haha.stole them off for awhile and put right back where i found them.chillax peeps,remember the jacket MJ wore when he performed Billie Jean on Motown 25?that was his mom's,LOL.and good news is,i'm gonna catch TII at malacca on nov 6th!! isn't that awesome??

ok,so some of you may say,how come yana is suddenly so obsessed with MJ after his death?where was she when he needed his fans the most?is she being a mere poser?
well,the answer is simple.all your statements are just a bunch of meaningless assumptions that are not worth a single penny.to be honest,i have been a fan of his since i was a toddler.i grew up during the 'Dangerous Era' (1992-1995,in this case,i am a 93 baby) and grew up listening to his music.he's grown to be my childhood hero until i started my blind fangirling activities over younger artistes who actually didn't care for the world as much as he did.i was wrong to believe what the press said about him.i was wrong to have left him alone with his problems.i was supposed to be one of his supporters but instead,i became one of the hateful people who call him Jacko.i felt really bad and grieved over his death for almost three months.this is why i'm doing all these,to compensate for my mistakes.he was part of my childhood,just like Michael Jordan or Walt Disney movies,barbie dolls etc.he made me as what i appear to be.therefore,i hope there will be no more doubts regarding my passion for his music.NOTHING can change it,EVER.

-Yana
Paris Leanna Jackson to you..

THIS IS IT!!

it's finally here! the song called this is it by my peter pan!



niamh from both MJJC & MFC told me that this song was recorded during the 80s,laura said it was from the Dangerous era.it was re-recorded.we don't really know for sure but to me,this song is spectacular and will definitely be extremely heart-wrenching as it will be featured during the closing credits of TII movie.

p/s: i'm not going to see it in the cinemas.will be waiting for the DVD instead partly because i won't be able to control my emotions and mostly because i can't simply ditch school and move on to the capital state to catch it =.= yeah bummer..

-Yana
this is it,i can feel i'm the light of the world.

Lover Of The Day

i know this is random but there are new applications on facebook called 'Lover of The Day','Your Next Love' ,Secret Admirer and Famous Lover.guess what?? i got JUSTIN CHATWIN AS MY FAMOUS LOVER!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!! talk about coincidence XD



and i keep getting cikgu as either my next love or my lover of the day =.=



...LOL..

-Yana
what the hell?

....

The Ups and Downs

hi guys.yeah i know,it's been a very long while since i last updated this blog.it's getting all dusty and full of cobwebs.it's about time i did a little spring cleaning.i noticed there used to be a pervert posting all kinds of explicit messages in my cbox so i had to get rid of him.that explains the new and improved cbox i just put up.sorry if all your posts disappeared,i needed a new one to clean this place off any traces of lifeless people such as that spammer.i don't think i'll be able to make up by updating you with all the events that occured during my absence coz it's been more than a month.so here goes the review of events in summarized-form:

1.5th sept 2009
venue: Masjid Jamek Parit Bakar
event: Community Service for School's Red Crescent Society.



the aim was to prepare 'bubur lambuk' (famous malay porridge cooked with various spices and ingredients) for the mosque visitors.4 members from my school got involved and there were members from other school too.i partially burnt my hands while pouring the steaming hot porridge into a plastic back.nevertheless,all the hardwork paid off knowing that this event is meant to help the villagers prepare for buka puasa.

2.once again,i have been asked to come for jamming with my secondary band,The Sesame to jam,but yet again,the jam session was called off due to band issues.

3.i've gotten an EP from kak jass of mikafanclub! it's the limited edition Mika's Song For Sorrows EP she bought all the way from UK! i'll write a review on that later as soon as Mika's album CD 'The Boy Who Knew Too Much' reaches me.my close friend Brittany M will be sending it to me for free.my my,how lucky am i to have joined the mfc?all of the members are so generous <3

4. puasa was ok.my siblings were back days before raya to spend the last few days of ramadhan with me and my parents.i held an open house on the first day but only edmund,rubika and reenie showed up.it was fun though.on the brightside,i didn't really have to serve so many people.three's a crowd :D the cousins who came really made such chaos at my house! there were practicly groups everywhere.at the kitchen was where the moms and newly-weds gathered,ones with babies and the girls were at the tv section,fathers and uncles at the dining table,elderly ones were at the living room and last but not least,the boys were jamming in my brother's room with my guitar.apparently the nerds were there to,although i can't deny the fact that they are absolutely uninterested in Afi but is more interested in techno geeky stuff XDDDD it was fun.the house was drasticly quiet when all of them went back home.

4.there's a reason now why i hate the 25th day of a month.i will tell you why later.

5.i met him..details in the next post.also,twitter was down one sunny day so i decided to take a screenshot of the rare event,LOL.



6.broke my first guitar string today when my uncle came over to teach me the proper way of tuning and strumming using running chords.my guitar playing skills are so full of flaws all these while and i didn't even noticed =.= but of course,practice makes perfect so i'm gonna practice till i'm good enough to perform.
btw,broke the high e string.just as remembrance,lol.

that's it for now.will update more soon.take care and thanks for reading!

Yana
-history makes me hickory dickory.