And The Story Goes.. - Part 8

this week,on monday,from what i heard,carlos had gotten the major hint.the big question is did he understand the message derived from it?or did he totally ignore it despite having understood the whole situation? so many unanswered questions,so many uncertainties,i don't even know what to believe anymore.i doubt myself a lot lately,and sometimes i often question myself whether or not i've done the right thing or said what i actually meant?i don't know,i really don't.once again,i've confused myself,and i think everything is too surreal.the worst part is,my chemistry with harry,jasper and marlon is pretty much the cause of all the rumors circulating among my classmates who are still trying to find out about carlos and alex.most of them speculated that my status updates,all those cheesy sayings on my twitter and facebook,are all for harry considering i have this sort of bittersweet chemistry with him.yes it's true that i can't go through a day without arguing with him,whether he's the one who finds fault first or otherwise.and yes i do sometimes back him up whenever a problem surfaces or help him out,like the time when i supported his chair when he stood on it to get something from atop of the class billboard.it signifies nothing but pure,innocent friendship my fellow readers.i love helping people no matter who they are and no matter how much they annoy me.i help everyone,both girls or guys,regardless whether i know them well or not.jasper's case is he thinks i like him,lol.i'm not too sure whether he referred to me when he wrote something about someone admiring him on his blog.i was just kidding around about liking him and pretending to be his 'fanatical' admirer.the sports day thing,when i wanted to take pictures with him and beside him when we're in a group,those were just for laughs and it meant nothing.do you actually think i would do that if it was carlos? HECK NO.i find it hard to be myself around him,let alone to fool around.i wouldn't want him to think i'm desperate or plainly weird,i want him to see the best of me.i know how fake i can be sometimes,but i've no choice.i had to do it.and as for marlon,we're in the same club,so our chemistry is undoubtedly inevitable.it's either talking to him or talking to the girl who's utterly obsessed with ben.but truthfully,i enjoy the company of marlon.he's a fun guy and he likes the same kind of pc game as i do.he's really good at it,and i can't deny that i'm impressed by him.as a matter of fact,i enjoy the company of all of them,be it jasper,harry or marlon.yet it doesn't prove anything.the status updates are not dedicated to them no matter how much i love being friends with them.it's mainly for carlos and carlos alone.

Monday,7.30am
my oh my.i couldn't sit still.i was both eager and nervous,not because of our presentation,but because of the 'hint' that was expected to arrive today.i thought of how he would feel,how he would react and how he would interpret it.i don't know if he totally understood it or otherwise.any which way,it was awkward.there was no commotion and no one was making a fuss about him receiving it,which was actually a major relief.meanwhile,it seems to me that my girls have not been in the mood lately.our group is falling apart ever since that particular someone was practically being selfish when it comes to group projects.being the mature adult as we are,we didn't really want to argue.we gave her the indifferent treatment,and acted as if nothing happened.we still went out for recess together,but the intimacy's not there anymore.i talk with the rest of the girls including her,but the others don't seem to be amused by her presence.they look at it as if it's like an irritant substance that stops them from having optimum fun.i've been having my finger's crossed for weeks for things to turn back to normal.it seems to me that it's not getting any better.she angered most of the gang,and yes,we do not appreciate her newly-founded attitude.i hope she'll realize how much damage she had caused to our gang.

1.00pm
it's the moment of all revelations.God is such a great writer,He writes such good life stories and adventures.once again,i came into a heart VS mind conflict.it was all because of the position i was sitting at in the library.i was facing two tables,one facing carlos and the table behind him is where alex is.that was when the truth showed itself.it was alex's turn to do his oral test.he was timid and shy,so i could barely hear what he was saying.one thing for sure,he caught me staring at him.i blushed,but then i remembered,if he didn't stare at me first he wouldn't have caught me staring at him the first place right?that theory gave me the biggest sighs of relief.i shall make a confession,but i shall make a new post about it.

tuesday,around 7-8am
i was partly charmed seeing carlos singing 'Never Had Dream Come True' on stage eventhough him and his group sucked like big time,lol.but then i saw alex again,passing by.hello,fickle! i hate it when that happens.

8.00pm
Ling kept talking about alex,and regarding how he's always trying to get near us (acording to Ling,i'm not making any assumptions).Goodness knows his motives,we decided not to stalk him further.meanwhile,ling's growing emotions for jordan (lee min ho lookalike) is getting partly out of hand,but at the same time extremely sweet! it's actually pretty cool to hear about someone else's love story for a change.at least i'd know i'm not the only one hoping :)sometimes,a particular someone often makes you upset just because you're single (this is a general statement,strictly not aimed to anyone).you'll sometimes feel unwanted and unworthy while in truth it's the fact that you haven't found the other half that fits you just yet.ben,on the other hand,is still trying his very best to get my attention.when will he ever learn that i'm plainly uninterested to befriend someone who harassed me ever since i first set foot in the school?

Wednesday 1.00pm
Newton's Law Race! nizar and i didn't really study,we practically read whatever we could in the shortest period of time.it was heck a lot of fun.the best part was constructing and launching the water rocket.we had to struggle,it turned out our launcher was defective,so we had to switch with jasper's team who managed to do it ahead of us.but one of the highlights of the race is carlos's presence.it didn't mean that much to me.i wasn't sure why i'm not as happy to see him.i didn't get the feeling of excitement to have him around,i don't know why.

Thursday,around 3-6pm
computer club meeting wasn't as boring as i had expected.sitting beside creepy anne wasn't really creepy when marlon showed up.first he was talking about another pc fair in august,and somehow,the conversation dragged us into a topic i don't usually focus on,pc games.nerdy,i know but admittedly,some games are pretty nifty if you ask me,like resident evil for instance.marlon preferred Left 4 Dead 2,it's also a zombie-slaying game but with double the adventure.it was funny how long i conversation lasted,usually i find it hard to talk to guys if i'm not that close to them.well marlon,he's alright.pretty fun to be with AS A FRIEND.then during basketball,there was a match between harry's oversized team and carlos's vertically challenged team,obviously the former won by 16-0.i'm beginning to like carlos less and less upon discovering how much of an asshole he had been to his friends just because of a small matter.i don't know,i just don't know how i feel anymore.

Friday,9.00pm
i miss Ah Loke,form what i heard,he had gotten food poisoning and had been admitted to the hospital.i hope he'll be alright.so as i was waiting for mr ben's class to begin,it's a must for ling and i to gossip about the utmost interesting part of our lives,our love stories,whether unrequited or unknown.i told ling about my emotions,and she told me not to force my heart to love someone i don't.indeed,she was right.i turned behind to have a glance of alex,but immediately blushed and turned back infront when i saw that he was staring right at me.when i turned left,as ling told me to,he was there,only inches away from me,talking to his friend.oh dear God..this is how much effect an eye contact has on someone i love.i trembled and got extremely nervous,but then Ling reminded me ,'he may caught you staring at him,but only because he was staring at you first'.good point. :D

to be continued...