Too Close For Comfort?

yes i know it's not today's fortune cookie,but it makes perfect sense doesn't it?"To love is to forgive".the many times you've let me down,even though through minor things,breaks my heart bit by bit,the times when you should've been there for me,the times when you made me jealous,the times when you misled me,the times when...someone interrupts our priceless moments together.okay,it's not all your fault,it's mine.i don't have the guts to come clean with you.i act as if i don't need you in my life,as if you don't exist and sometimes i think i ignore you too much.mark this,i don't do it on purpose.it's something that i think that i must do,in order to save ourselves from endless speculations.i don't know how you feel,and likewise.but what i do know is,this is all a major cover up,not a good one though.i'm guessing at least half of the form 5 students know about 'us'. US?? what US?? there's no 'us' here,it's just 'me' apparently.i'm sorry,i can't hold on to my feelings sometimes.i tend to blush in your presence,but talking to you gives me some sort of comfort,and seeing you talking to someone else makes me die a little inside.i tried not to show how jealous i am,but out of stupidity,i tried to counter that feeling by making you jealous in return.it worked,and i was surprised.i'm sorry,that was childish of me.these emotions themselves are childish.i can't control them as they have minds of their very own.i'm sorry if i've been showing too much of my unstable mood to you.i just want you to know that i'm not ready to tell you the truth,about how i feel and what has our friendship revolved to since i met you and since i woke up from my major ignorance of your presence in my life.and that smile of yours..it reminded me of someone i used to be close to,someone i used to fall for and then someone whose friendship with me got destroyed because of love.it sucks and i don't want history to repeat itself.i want you to know that your smile,every time we bump into each other in one way or another,will be sufficient to make my day.keep smiling,show the world your inner beauty :) if the world doesn't see it,let me be the only one who does.

"And everything I feel for you
I wrote down on one piece of paper
The one in your hand, you won't understand
How much it hurts to let you go.."

-Too Close For Comfort by Mcfly :')

anyway,yesterday we had this motivational programme,which wasn't really as motivational,doesn't live up to its name to be precise.nevertheless,the prayers did help us out a lot and some of the speakers succeeded in bringing us to spiritual heights.needless to say it was fun.i don't feel the need to write any more reviews on the program for these pictures would be enough.

*credits to cikgu raja rossul haila *

KD10 aura baby!

..and the group division begins...

my group at the gazebo,filling the self-motivation forms.

..and that's why they call me Poser-in-the-battlefield

brainstorming for our group work.

can you spot those who actually does the work? haha

like i said,never trust us XD

noobs..trying to make sense.

NOW it's saying something :D

the winning group's presentation..

Akif and Hazem trying to prove themselves worthy.

yes,this dude has issues.. LMAO.

which is why we took his picture.

congrats people!

"But if you turn your back on me now
When I need you most
But you chose to let me down, down, down
Wont you think about what you're about to do to me
And back down..." - Too Close For Comfort by McFly ....again.

Life's A Carnival

"I'm not bitter

but i've seen better days

I'm not bitter

Is it the better man that always walks away

watch me walk away"

-Bitter by Teddy Geiger

thank you elle for reminding me of this song.it speaks to me in such a way that i feel life isn't half as bad as all of us had thought it would be.life is actually pretty well-written by God,all the destiny..all the tragedies..all the unfulfilled dreams.it's all a spectrum of emotions where all you do is sit and watch as the story unfolds beneath your feet,then you make a choice whether or not to walk the pathway.the lyrics of this song is brief but extremely meaningful and deep.the melody is laid back but the music is fantastic.kudos to Teddy Geiger for a song well-arranged!

as predicted,i knew the conflict between Jared and i wouldn't last long.as a matter of fact,neither of us needed to apologize.the problem had gotten blew away with the wind,just like that.it's a miracle really.things like these seldom happen to me.

about yesterday,the carnival went well.it's my first and last,i enjoyed every single minute of it,from the preparations,to the customers and then all the profits of course.our business went through a downfall at the beginning.our venue was a bit too far off from the hallways where the passers-by are,the Haunted House beside out stall got a student possessed and we were accused of luring the 'evil spirit' due to the posters we sell and the loud music we had on.oh come on...it's not our fault! :/ as for the stuff we did,we had a lot of games,both indoor and outdoor.we had a garage sale and we also sold homemade ice cream.at first we didn't have that much faith in the Fishing Game section of our stall,but who would've knew that that was the most profitable one! we came up with a budget of approximately rm100 and got back more than twice that value!

our flyer at the venue,on the day of the carnival.

the Fishing gameee~ that's me And Jerin,red shirt guy is Akif,PBSM guy is hazem and that's the fishing pool.

here's everyone else,preparing our indoor business..

Toilet throw,wakaka.i'm telling you,it's not as easy as it looks!

the shooting game.also not that easy.

but still fun.

Mei Shen with her homemade cookies.

Aimi and Farzana were the first to try out the Fishing Game,eventually so many people showed up

to try their luck!

our not-so successful garage sale.apparently KD10 is not well-prepared to accept this 'secondhand' tradition thing yet.

one thing's for sure,that Linkin Park poster (take a closer look!) is mine :)

all in all,being an entrepreneur for a day was both fun and exhausting,considering how i have to rush for my intensive tuition classes right after.we have another carnival coming up so all of us will have to prepare soon.

p/s: congrats Marco upon winning the marching competition.it was a tough fight but all your hardwork and endurance had paid off aite? just wish i was there to see you :(

When Dreams and Reality Collide

i need a dream catcher,the similar one that Jijie gave to me on my 15th birthday,one that's fully-functional.why?

lately,there has been a strange chain of dreams among my friends,and the funniest thing is,the dreams are all connected to one another and somewhat signifies some sort of hidden meaning.all the dreams have one thing in common,me.i want this to end because it seemed to have gotten out of hand.

on the first night of this strange chain,Ily dreamed that all of us were adults and we attended an alumnae.Jared came but the chemistry between me and him is not as strong as before.we greeted each other with fake smiles and barely even say a word.and the oddest part is,Jared came to my new house and carved this phrase on my concrete wall "I Miss You,Buddy".a little strange to be perfectly honest.we seemed to have been into a conflict that lasted for years to the extent where the both of us refused to speak to each other.

and you wanna know what the ironic outcome is?in reality,a few days later,i did get into a conflict with Jared and we haven't spoken to each other for a couple of days already.

on the second night of all things bizarre,Deila dreamed that Marco and I came running from our respective classes and embraced each other in front of the hallway leading to my class.the rest were shocked,but then they knew,in the dream,that Marco and I were already an item.above all ironies,why did deila dream of us?why wasn't it my dream instead?

so..all the dreams had me in them,and one of them had became a reality.what about the second one?what will it be?i know it's ridiculous to believe all these as it might be just another one of those coincidences,but hey.if you were in my shoes,you would get freaked out too.for now,i'm not gonna jump into any conclusions.the future will unfold itself soon and whatever it is,i'll be ready for it.

btw,I WASN'T CHOSEN FOR PLKN! jyeahh! hello post-SPM plans! :DD

-how long will the conflict last?only time will tell.

McFly-ing Mika Love from the UK :))

that's what everything is right now.

HAHA ..I love you,Mika :)

"Make it my fault, win the game

Point the finger, place the blame

It does me up and down,

It doesn't matter now.

'Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again.

This is not about emotion,

I don't need a reason not to care what you say,

Or what happened in the end.

This is my interpretation,

And it don't, don't make sense.

....

If half of what you said is true,

And half of what I didn't do could be different,

Would it make it better?

If we forget the things we know.

Would we have somewhere to go?

The only way is down, I can see that now.

....

It's really not such a sacrifice"

-My Interpretation by MIKA :')

That self-explanatory song has always been a major relief and solution to most of my problems.at a glance,it may seem to look like a song that speaks only emotionally,but if you look at the bigger picture,i'm pretty sure that even the wisest people will agree that this song is regarding optimism,something that brings you forward when you feel that life is no longer worthwhile.reminiscing most of the conflicts i've had in life,it's safe to say that my problems are mostly originated from friends,only some came from love and my family.i'm tired of giving in all the time,i have a heart too and i have feelings.if i keep giving in,what will i get in return?i may have somehow changed into an introvert,but i'm not saying i'm changing myself into a push-over too.introvert means passiveness ( inequivalent to) push-over personality.i'm 17 and a half now,it's about time i stood up for myself.so what if i'm alone?i stand in my own line and i have my own army- my determination.who needs friends if all they do is back-stab you/upset you.right now,i admit that i'm surviving life by practicing hypocrisy.i admit i'm imperfect and most probably don't even deserve to have friends,but what the heck.as if any of you are perfect yourselves.also,i confess that i only like a small portion of my friendship circle.at the moment,i would like to have more time to think and more time to react.patience... i'm sorting things out both in my mind and in my heart.i'll get back to you when i'm mentally stable again.

i know i'm a little bit off topic but....MCFLY!!! i saw them on MTV the other day.it's that old video of them 'All About You'.the video reminded me of this movie called Just My Luck.i recalled discovering McFly upon watching it and now i'm fangirling over them all over again!

my favourite McFly is none other than Danny Jones (brown-haired,1st one from the left).i loveeee his hair,his voice AND his guitar skills.

enough about McFly.looky2 what i got from Chantelle!

i've been waiting for this parcel for weeks and finally it came into my mailbox! thanks for the MJ tribute magazine and that lovely Mika Hearts bracelet! in case all of you are wondering,it's a tradition among Mikafanclub-ers to switch gifts via mail,despite which continent you live in.we go beyond boundaries to reach each other's hearts.to sum it up,we have a term for such doing,and we MFC-ers would call it Mika-Mailing.Chantelle sent this all the way from the UK to Hui Kings (in Hong Kong) and me (here in Malaysia).i'm still wondering what i should send to her as a thoughtful reply..hmmmm...

well i guess that's about it.and marco..i was worried today.worried that you might find out something you shouldn't before i get the chance to explain.thus,my tweet "what if we end up like AE and AM?" (AE and AM were bestfriends,like Marco and me,and they fell for each other,then somehow things didn't turn out the way they wanted it to be).

then i got this reply...

thanks sya :) glad you understand.

When Senses Fail ...

blinded by all things depressing,i can say that today has been quite an empty day.yes,i am egoistic and selfish.call me whatever you want,label me however you wish,i won't barge from my stand as i know i am now on the right track.and yes,i am a sexist and i discriminate people of the opposite gender.i have been upset,not once,not twice but millions of times by these people and i confess that i can no longer take it anymore.my patience has its limits and apparently someone had gone overboard.if you want me to apologize,make sure that it's my fault first.i certainly will NOT apologize for something that YOU have done.i got offended before and i was stupid enough to apologize to you while it was clearly YOUR OFFENCE and NOT MINE.right now,it's deja vu,but this time,i won't let history repeat itself.i will NEVER come crawling to you guys to beg for your apology anymore.i won't bend that low.come to think of it,why should i be sad for people who don't even care about how i feel right?it's a major epiphany that only half of my friends are truly sincere to me.so which half do you belong to?pick a side or hit the road! i don't care what people think of me anymore,if you like me,stay.if you don't,scat.it's that simple.

on a brighter note,Marco managed to cheer me up a bit at least for once.WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO NOTICE HOW DOWN I'VE BEEN?? lmao.nevertheless,i really appreciate your attempt to make me feel worthwhile,even though i know that i'm a useless,senseless,heartless (and might even be brainless) person.i speak with my emotions rather than my mind and sometimes i can easily blow the top of my head over something petty.but hey,i'm human,and thanks for accepting me for who i am.and thanks for making me feel better when my friends turn against me.i know i was blind before but now i can see it crystal-clear :)

tell me these aren't just mere foolish senses?prove me right for once.

Peace Of Mind

They are not 'the one' just yet, but give it time.

There is someone marginally in your life just-now. You like them, but they are not 'the one.' This is not a bad thing, as 'The best things' come to those who wait. It may take weeks, it may take months, or it may even take years, but you'll build-up a friendship with this person, and the friendship will glow more and more each day, but the glow won't be the light as we see from a light-bulb. It will be the glow of love, and since only two people will be part of this particular friendship inside that glow, then you will both only be 'in-love' with each-other. This light of love will banish all shadows, and you will be a beacon and inspiration to all in this world of sceptical shadows. Remember, love is a gift. Do you give and accept? The choice is yours.

this gave me some sort of serenity knowing that love is friendship set on fire.there's no harm starting off as friends,so yes.i guess i'll give you a chance,Marco.if you can prove yourself worthy,i'll let you stay.i'll unlock that light house you've always wanted to go up to,and we can spend all day and all night gazing at the stars at night through the windows.

i have faith in you.

When Only the Fortune Cookies Understand

i know how predictions can be overrated,especially being forbidden by my religion but to be perfectly honest,i read fortune cookies not because i wanna know my fortune,it's because of the useful sayings,or as I like to call it,"Fortune Cookie talk kind of advice".they're always brief but meaningful.i'm not saying i'm too dependent on them either,but lately i seem to get the right advice at the right time.coincidence yes,and it helps me a lot too.this is what i got for today,DO NOT MAKE EXTRA WORK FOR YOURSELF.makes sense,i've been too busy with life to bother about my inner feelings and thoughts.i'm too preoccupied with my goals that i've forgotten to focus on the steps leading to it.i'm overworked apparently.i'm too stressed out and i get emotional breakdowns very easily.my heart is so fragile now,it can shatter any time,under any circumstances.the people around me are not helping either.they're only making things worse.

for the time being,i'm gonna try to divert my attention from all these unrealistic novella scenes.i'll be an introvert for now.apart from music,you'll be hearing nothing from me,not a word.i mean it.i don't think i'll be talking that much anymore,except for necessary things.no more nonsense for me.

and marco,you're just a figment of my imagination.go on and live in that little cottage of yours forever for all I care,i'm not bothered anymore.i'm done waiting.if you need me,give a knock on my door but beware,my guard is no longer down,he's back on duty.i won't be responsible for any injuries that you might encounter while you're at it.

seriously..thanks for acting like you care.

and for the rest of you,i will NOT apologize for something that i did not do.be a gentleman and just grow up.up to you,you're none of my concern anymore.time has come for me to aid my own heartache,i'm done trying to be everyone's councilor too.it's always an output,never an input.i'd rather talk to a fortune cookie than listen to any of your crappy talks.

i'm fed up.good bye everyone,nice knowing all of you.i'll be back to my old self when my mood regenerates.IF it regenerates that is,which will take a while i think.meanwhile,have a nice week everyone.

oh and cikgu J,thanks for believing in my talent and my passion.i owe you a lot.i'll try to compensate somehow :) love you loads cikgu.

It's All About You

"Kate: [leans her head on the couch, thinking Nick is going to kiss her]
Nick: Your leaning on my scarf.
Kate: [embarassed] Oh my, yah. " - No Reservations (2007)

Believe it or not,that's another one of the memorable quotes that i can relate to.i might be wrong about most of my assumptions,but then again i might be right too.God knows,but what's important now is to compensate these pass few days when i started ignoring you just because of this little rumor that's been circulating about us.and today,i did.and to top it all of,on Carlos' page! LOL. i'm terribly sorry for all the notifications man,i miss him so much,that's why.

and yes,the both of us are indeed highly pretentious.we seldom show our chemistry in public but i know it's there somewhere.

i just wanna say that i miss you,a lot. :) i almost gave you up,but then there's this song called 'All About you' by McFly,extremely life-changing.

and you know what,i'm planning to dedicate a song to you on English Day.i hope you'll be there to see us perform.

i love you.good night...

The Next Orianthi Panagaris?

i got somewhat famous at school because i'm the only female guitarist in my area,as far as i know.and right now,i'm being nicknamed 'Akak Guitar' (Miss Guitarist) and AzliYUNA ,LOL.

me? the next Orianthi?let's do a little checklist shall we?

guitar.check.

guitar sensei.check.

musical background.check.

interest.check.

knowledge.check.

equipments.not really high quality but still good,so check!

performance.on teacher's day,still considered an audience,check!

skills.in progress.

so i guess it's not really too far.i'm almost there.all i need is a little more determination and support,then only will I be able to overcome the fear of failing.

i have a really high hope in becoming an awesome guitarist .wish me luck! i don't care if i don't get rich or famous,that's not what i want.

i just wannabe me :)

No Reservations

" Kate: What are we going to do about work?
Nick: What we always do. You tell me what to do and then I'll go behind your back and do whatever I want. "

-No Reservations (2007)

don't you think that's our situation,Marco?i watched this movie last night after flickering through the shows on Asian Food Channel.it's a movie about this obsessive chef,Kate.she's been nothing but a control queen when it comes to her kitchen and her life but everything changes when she met an italian chef,Nick.

this situation pretty much resembles my life before and after i met Marco.i used to be such a control freak,taking control of EVERYTHING.i'm mean,i'm scary,i'm despicable,i'm a little heartless but when i met him,a lot of things changed.there goes all my punk rocker traits since he stole my heart away.i became more well-behaved and more feminine in a way.why?because he seems to be the only guy who treats me like a lady,aside from my non-schoolmates of course.it's very rare to find gentlemen like him these days,maybe that's why i fell for him.the thing about him is that,he's unpredictable.he's always a little too humble and a little too introvert when it comes to others but when he's around me,he becomes an extrovert and couldn't stop talking.he's shy at times when i'm with my friends but when i'm alone,that's when he will approach me.another peculiar thing about him is that he's always acting as if i'm better than him in everything,that sucks.and that mysterious stare he had on me whenever we bump into each other.

and today,i thought i was totally over you but clearly i wasn't.i passed by the places we used to walk together.i saw the basketball court where we used to play basketball in one team,and won over our opponents.and what i remembered the most is when i was too busy doing my own work in the lab,you stood in front of me and waited eagerly for me to say hi to you.when i did,you smiled.it was then when i realise how special you are and how much you're suppose to mean to me.

when you passed by my class today,again and again,have you ever wondered why i shyly looked away?

my heart knows no reservations anymore.it's an empty space,waiting for the right person to fill it up with a garden sprouting with love and tender joy with a tinge of empathy here and there.you seem to have built a cottage in my mind,will you please be the one i'm looking for?

Wish I Could Save You

"Sometimes i wish i could save you,

And there's so many things that I want you to know,

I won't give up till it's over,

If it takes you forever,I want you to know...."

yesterday when i came to school,i had to rush everything.i threw my bags on the floor behind the open hall and ran to the backstage to prepare for the English Day performance alongside the rest of the Activians.nabeel had the keyboard set up and hazem had gotten the P.A System ready for us,now what's left to be done is only to go up the stage and try our very best not to screw up and end up making fools out of ourselves,again.LOL.we went up,aisyah made a little intro speech and the performance began.i don't know why,this song had gotten into me right to this day.when SImple Plan wrote it,it was dedicated to cancer patients all over the globe,and it reminded me a lot of my dad.the emotions got hold of me and before i knew it,it had a firm grip on my voice too.all my shyness faded away and i was singing my heart out to the song.needless to say my singing is a little off,despite what yana said:

okay so we talked about spain,and then she diverted the topic to the English Day performance.but anyhow,i enjoyed it,seriously.i didn't really consider it as a cheap publicity or another utter embarrassment of ourselves,instead,i considered it as an honor to be able to perform one last time.

i guess the song meant a lot to me,and having my friends along on stage makes it even more meaningful.

p/s: i still love you,marco.

Cikgu J - the Blogumentary

"jauh kumenuju jauh semakin jauh,kanan kiri ku tiada hanya di depanku.."

sounds familiar?it's the soundtrack "Marabahaya" from this movie called Impak Maksima,directed by Ahmad Idham(yes it's IDHAM,moots.NOT AZHAM,hahahah).to be perfectly frank,i'm not really a big fan of this song but what i'm trying to point out here is the band who created and performed that song.let me give you a little clue if you're still on the blur side:

still no idea?? okay,i won't play the guessing game for too long.this band's called Pop Shuvit :) and that picture i used of them is pretty old,about five years old if i'm not mistaken.it's very surreal that this band had lasted for so long,with all the original five members being loyal to the band right to this very day.they started to shine when their first single 'Skater's Anthem' became international,having broadcasted all over the globe for XGames.i've been supporting them since i was at a tender age of 7,back then i wasn't really into rock but somehow,their music appealed to me,as well as other awesome bands like Disagree,Nice Stupid Playground,LO, OAG..all the other seasoned bands.it's unbelievable how my interest in these bands are still strong even though it's been a decade since i first discovered them.it's safe to say that i grew up with their music,from when i was only as tall as their waists until i've almost grown to their heights,literally.and wow..how life-changing my adolescence had been partly because of Pop Shuvit.why them?why not Estranged?i've been a big fan of Estranged too,but hey,i didn't see it coming either.

it all started in 2008,when i got that golden opportunity to participate in the Malaysian Camp Rock.ahh the memories,the many things i've learnt there and the many friends i made.thanks to camp rock,my life will never be the same :)

somehow,i kept in touch with JD or as i jokingly called him,Cikgu J XDD i guess that's where the name came from,when he presented the talk on songwriting,he sounded a bit like a very well-mannered teacher.

and then came my dearest Afi,who changed my life a lot as well.again,thanks to Cikgu J.starting from this moment,i knew that i had to pursue my dream no matter what.before this,i had the desire to succeed in music but i had no absolute encouragement,but knowing that Cikgu J is willing to be behind me all the way,i gained a new spirit,pushing me forward as the day goes by.

2008 passed.2009 came.twitter became something vital,and twitter was and still is,our best communication medium.it was through twitter that i kept myself connected with him,and with twitter also,is how he guided me whenever he gets the chance to.he's always keeping himself updated about my progress too.surprisingly,he even reminded me to practice on my 16th birthday.

it says "Thanks for all the support!!! Have a sweet 16th birthday,keep practicing that guitar and keep rocking!!! from us,Pop Shuvit."

i had to re-read it a few thousand times at least,LOL.he remembers,and what touched me the most is the scene at his studio.who can ever forget this unsuspecting scene?

and then there's Rock The World..AGAIN..he asked for my progress,which was actually a little bit shocking and got me speechless.stalling was my expertise,so that's what i did,LOL.i didn't have much progress back then,simply because i was too preoccupied with school.and that extremely funny "my anak murid" remark he gave me as soon as he saw me at the meet and greet table.

and of course,the latest gig was sokker safari :D

no,i don't mean to brag.it's something that i think i must share with all of you.how humble a seasoned band can be despite being international,unlike the new bands.they've only been popular in singapore and indonesia yet they act as if they're global.but not Pop Shuvit,they're amazing to say the least.they've been in the industry for quite some time now,and yet,they're willing to guide anyone and everyone who's interested to be a musician just like them.

so the bottomline? the motive of this post is actually to explain why and how i came to be somewhat friends with them,and of course the 'Cikgu J' nickname i gave to mr wong.aha.and NO,i'm NOT related to azlan rudy,coincidentally i call him bro,we have similar names and somehow look alike.however,it doesn't mean we're blood-related.'bro' is a sign of respect,considering our large age gap (no i mean it,like REALLY large age gap,he's 16 years older than me..that's even older than my eldest sister).and plus,my biological brother's name is AZRAL not AZLAN.haha..and NO i'm not related to cikgu J either,i'm not a Wong :)

i guess that should be a long enough explanation.toodles.

Without You + Sokker Safari in Pixels part 2

"kalau kau pijak hati aku,aku pijak hati kau balik pakai kasut golf yang ada spikes tu" or in english "if you break my heart,i'll break your face!"

like my new quote? :) i know it sounds a bit bizarre,but that's me and whether you like it or not,i don't care.if you can't accept me for who i am,i'm getting over you and that's final! stop messing with me,stop faking it,stop making me fall deeper and deeper for you because i swear,i won't! i mean it.

anyway,kak abby finally posted the HD pictures she took of me :) here they are.

Bakri again! hehehehe

cikgu j :D

it's either i've grown taller or he's grown shorter,LOL!