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Contra-Dick



Sometimes..i contradict myself a lot.I say something,while i actually mean something else.no one knows that when silence take control of me,i am full of thoughts.i am not always the bright side up like what meets the eye.i am an optimist,and that's what keeps me standing to this day.i am like a cream-filled biscuit,may appear hard on the outside,but highly fragile and soft on the inside.i love this life,really.i love all the ups and downs i encounter day by day.if my life were a movie or a soap opera,if you may,i would be a loyal fan who can't afford to miss even a single episode as the weeks go by.Love is something very subjective and very unpredictable.You might think it's gone with the wind,while it's not.I seem to be contradicting myself a lot lately,i can say i've fallen out of love today,and fall back in tomorrow.i can say i hate love today,but i might need love tomorrow.and today..i admit:

-i miss him
-i love him,and this time i won't tell anyone about it
-i want to see him happy,eventhough i am not
-i will love him secretly,in my deepest heart,whole of it
-i will never vanish that space for him in my heart,ever
-i am glad the thoughts of me make him smile,while the thoughts of him often make me cry
-i need him,because he has become a part of me
-i confess that my life would suck without him
-i only think of him and no one else
-i am shattered and falling apart at all angles

and today,i realize that loving someone means seeing him smile eventhough your heart is crying.you just have to learn to let go,for the sake of his joy.

-Yana..
scattered into crumbs of deep sorrow.blown away by the wind of autumn.