Wednesday, October 19, 2011

It's Not Over

"This love is killing me but you're the only one,it's not over."

So i've been seeking some advice to treat my sleeping and eating habits that have gone haywire lately due to my excessive emotional stress.I have indeed found the root to it,which is none other than that dreaded four-letter word that can either make you or break you, L.O.V.E. yes i know,it sucks to be in love again.The main cause has been found, what's next? My mind says, stop giving a damn about anything else and just stay focused on the main objective - living healthy to live longer.Then again,there comes my heart saying I should keep dwelling until I eventually find someone competent enough to 'replace' you.This argument ended when I've gotten a definite answer,one that I've never seen coming.My natural reflex to it was arguably odd; I rejoiced the fact that i don't have to think anymore, and the next thing I knew I was actually experiencing an emotional meltdown - yep,you got that right, WATERWORKS,in squatting position,in the shower.I knew I've been watching too many chic flicks,zzzz.As much as I love them,it's affecting my life in so many ways - the way I think,the way I react, even the way I talk and dress.I woke up the next day feeling so bleh and numb in someway,I thought to myself,wow.. I got over you,finally? My friends comforted me despite how unnecessary it was because I didn't take it that hard.To me,it's better to find out sooner than later.

Life was going so well until ... that encounter. That FUCKING encounter in that same fucking place where i fucking realised I liked you and where the feelings start to develop.It's shitty and above all,i HATE mushy stuff. They crank my style as a rocker to be honest,but these feelings.. *points to chest* right here,I ain't got no control on em. I have yet to conquer them,I'm not THAT strong after all.When it comes,it comes, and my mind hatched an aspiration,finally agreeing with my heart. It wasn't like a love triangle thing,it's just a denial thing.ANYTHING that's been switched off can always be turned on in matter of time,so I'm not giving up until I eventually win or lose for sure.Somehow,I can feel that you're gonna be worth the wait,it's just something about you that makes me wanna stay.

why the sudden twist of thought?it's a very small incident that people often overlook or over-think about..

Because you texted me,'s a brief one yet enough to let me know that you actually give a damn about me.

 and you actually help me when I'm in need.screw that,EVERYTIME i'm in need,I don't even have to call on you,you're always there to rescue me.

I'm sorry if I seem to ignore you or avoid you lately,I wanna have control on my feelings,I don't want it to get out of hand.I need to stabilize.Just like you,I have priorities too and I need to get them straight.I'm still trying to understand what kind of person you are,I don't wanna fall for the wrong guy again.This might take time but it doesn't mean we should stop being friends.and liking you,I don't expect anything in return,it's like my passion for guitars,I don't exactly expect them to 'love me back' but I think you can see how much I love my guitars and how much I would sacrifice for them.again why? Because they make me happy,the same reason why I like you,as simple as that.

I don't give a fuck if you don't give a fuck about how I feel about you,and you can NEVER stop me from feeling what my heart wants to feel,let it stop naturally in a gradual pace,there's no such thing as abrupt change.

Then again,I often pray for a happy ending,yeah.. mushy I know,but that's what every single people in the world in hoping for.

"If your heart is closed,don't lock it.Keep your keys back in your pocket,think this through." Estrella 'Stay'.

And for some particular reason,the universe keeps shoving you into my face. WHY??! = =

A: God keeps putting me in trials and turbulence, it shatters me in many different ways. It's like He is purposely creating this domino effect to test me,and guess what,i'm failing!
B: Don't put it that way,take it as a challenge.God has reasons for whatever the hell He does, He knows you better than you know yourself ; tell you what, God is actually poking fun all over you and you don't even notice.
A: Why would He do that to me?
B: because,unlike some other people,you're funny,you're special and you're most definitely among the people who could take sick jokes.