Thursday, August 25, 2011

Narrating my Life - part 1

it's weird,perhaps i've been watching too many chic's been a week since i last came to campus,simply due to the one-week study break we have before the finals.first paper is over,Intro to Computing.i guess i did pretty well,except for the java coding part,i swear i have no idea how to do it.then again,the rest was fine.

walking into campus,i can't help but notice the fact that i keep having conversations with my mind,on and on's as if i'm narrating my own's cute if my life were a movie,but since it's reality,it's just plain much as i love talking to myself when it comes to decision-making,i don't wanna accidentally murmur something else,that would make me look like i'm a potential cuckoo hut resident.


that was on Monday.i still couldn't believe it's finally Thursday.last paper went well and the first semester is finally over! i really need a vacation from it all.i'm going out for iftar dinner with the family this Friday,and with my friends on Saturday.also heard that we're gonna go back to Perlis,my dad's hometown to celebrate Eid this's about time,i miss the north.can't exactly remember when was the last time i went back to pay my aunts a visit.urgh,the pain of having almost my whole family living nearby,less excitement.gonna miss Din though,he's still in Sabah and he might not be able to be back for Eid this year.duty calls.

p/s: tis very awkward to share a table with a group of strangers,even if they're from your uni.first impression would make me look like a part of their gang considering how they are sitting 'around me' in spite of the other empty tables for them to sit around.then again,i appreciate the company,even if my existence is not really acknowledged.

*emo mode: on*
here i am in SLC waiting for Dex to come,we promised to jam's been awhile.i don't blame him for being late,after all he does have classes.i finished my exam early,so it's kinda my fault that i'm alone. ALONE.. well it's not as bad as you think.sure,under certain circumstances it gets boring and depressing,but right now,i need time and space,i need to think a lot of things over.not just general shit,but stuff that i've been putting on hold due to other aspects of life with larger that i'm carefree,i'm finally thinking about it.the oast two days had been nothing but drama,not in a bad way know those kind of love stories that make you go "grab his hand!" or "kiss him,dammit!"? those. honestly,when i like someone,i can be very pathetic,although i don't exactly show it,but i know i am - especially if that person fails to leave my mind when i daydream or in idle mode.(before you get any ideas,i'm talking about GP..not Dex.i like GP,not Dex).i absent-mindedly say his name in my every prayer,asking God whether he's 'the one'.i even prayed to God to show me his flaws that might make me change my mind about him,but God seems to be showing all his perfection within made me think,how do i fall out of love now?i'm falling in deeper,and i don't like the idea of pursuing another guy at all.i'm not desperate,i can totally live on my own,but things change since you said hi to me in May.on Monday,i looked around for you but you weren't papers went well but i felt empty.the next day,i looked for you,again,but you were once again i sat in a corner with my friends,out of the blue,you appeared just as i was talking about you.i addressed you as Jimmy,and had to cut the conversation off when you came to join said you saw me doing my paper so attentively at 'your block'(typical uni classroom).i've never felt happier to know you actually notice my existence,will you ever notice my feelings for you though?

funny incident.we're talking about our courses,i brought up the fact that i hated reading but i don't mind sciences and my course doesn't require much reading except for the subject i was currently asked me how thick is the book i need to study. i did an estimation with my hand,and you asked me to do it again. "This thick *finger gesture*" I said..
 "How thick? Can you do it again?"  i did as i was told.
"This.... *finger gesture*"
"Well mine is about... *places fingers very near to mine* this thick.. thicker than yours.."
i laughed,at both the fact that we're competing who's studying more and the fact that i thought he was gonna touch my hand and i refrained.He then started fiddling with my laptop again like he usually does,and was astonished i kept the code file he typed and saved the other's no surprise,if only you knew why i wouldn't get rid of it.

to be continued... OMG that was awkward.i was just talking about him here and there he is,right in front of me,only metres away.