Friday, November 25, 2011

Walking Contradiction

seriously,I've killed myself several times in my mind to get rid off my problems once i've "resurrected".I commit suicide in my imagination in so many hilarious yet legit methods (oxymoronic much?).There was one time when imagined tying myself up against a tree in Isla Sorna and letting a T-rex feed on me,the other one was what Billie Joe is doing : imaginations can run very wild and when it does,the other side of me shows,the one that everyone seldom sees unless you're very close to insanity is beyond predictions,it can come anytime it wants.but anyway,back to the main topic,I've been ranting on twitter about something I'm not allowed to do,which to me,sucks big time.Fine,i don't care about my curfews being tight,and my finance being overly-monitored despite of my legal much for being 18,as I said,it's never as I expected.where's the freedom people have been all hyped up about once we reach this age anyway?I see no differences at all.I'm back on SS Forever 15,and I don't think the coming of age has any effects on people's perspectives on me.they still think i'm that hopeless loser who doesn't know how to take matters into her own hands,they still think i'm that 15-year-old who needs to crawl back to mummy for shelter.Come on.. I'm capable of doing my own decisions now,no matter how stupid they can turn out to be and no matter what the consequences are.If I don't make any mistakes,how on earth will I learn? have you thought over how my survival would be like if you're not around and I have to cope on my own?this is MY way of preparing myself for such possibilities.You're not getting any younger,so am I.what's the deal here,all I wanted is to take some responsibilities and challenge myself to keep it,and you're stopping me?i feel intimidated that people underestimate my decision-making abilities.I am in the computing course for a reason,to learn problem solving,and this includes problems applicable to real life as well,not just algorithms.If you refuse to let me grow up and fly,how on earth will I face the real world when I'm supposed to?I'd be lost and dead as a duck.It's simple,I make mistakes and learn from them.I'm in the age group where spoon-feeding is plainly impractical.Adolescence is the time when people try new things,take (well-calculated) risks,think of possibilities and learn from their own stupidity if the solution they thought of were to fail,epicly.You have to accept the fact that I'm older than I used to be,and people would just be stunned if they knew I'm not independent enough yet at this age.sure,they can label me whatever they want back in the days,I'll just back myself up saying I wasn what's the limitation now?what's the hold-up?I made so many decisions on my own,I'm pretty sure this one won't fail.I've looked through the pros and cons,and I can say my analytical skills I developed through the course I'm enrolled in have helped me alot.To be perfectly frank,and with no ego intended,I'm doing fine without your help.I'll ask for advice when I need it,other times,don't bother wasting your energy trying to stop me,unless i decided to do something as stupid as murdering someone or pre-marital adultery,in that case you can screw me up all you want coz those are clearly wrong morally and ethically.When exactly are you planning to let me grow up?When I'm married and move out of the house?Cool plan,bro.I may be a walking contradiction,but I can tell you this,I can handle it.This is also exactly why i hide a few things from you,situation has forced me to do it,I really wanna learn from the mistakes I made on my own and not from some grandfather stories I hear,those are other people's experiences,first-hand information for the win! then again,i can never deny your intentions are well,but like a bird,you ahve to let me out of the nest sometimes and train myself to fly.notice how adult birds don't carry their babies along when they fly and let their babies fly on their own once their wings are ready?I believe I'm a pre-adult now,and I need to how to fly soon.Give me a chance,if this fails,you can call me an
idiot and start taking control of my whole life,have we gotten ourselves a deal? :)

apart from that drama,I've also an epic quote I typed on FB to share with all of ya.
"if someone ignores you after all the thinking space you wasted on them,then they're not worth your time,spit,energy and/or blog space.therefore,they should no longer exist in the chapters of your life,or ever be brought up."

pretty much applies to all the drama that's been happening guys would know who yourselves are,hell yeah,I'm aiming this to you! then again,NOTHING anybody says will ever break me down anymore.