Friday, May 6, 2011


"i always feel like God is toying me around at times,poking me all over with his playful smite and sarcastic jokes." 

i tweeted this earlier today in uni,a little controversial for those who can't understand,but people,try to read between the lines,and you'll find sense in it.indeed,sometimes i feel like I'm being made a fool out of by God,probably because He wants to test my patience and how much have I grown out of my 17-year-old self.i don't know if He actually has fun doing this,i'm not.clearly,quoting the late but never forgotten Joash Wee,"I've aged,dreadfully." certainly,literally my age is increasing,my face is indicating that I'm older than I actually am,though I have yet to age in terms of height and mentality.perhaps i think too much,i don't seem to be standing on solid ground lately and i find myself dozing off almost too's a problem,a tremendous one.God is testing me too much with worries and confusions.i'm worried about my future.i'm worried what would become of it if i end up not getting a scholarship,will there be anything to cover the education costs of my degree?money's not the only issue,but emotions as well.i've grown a little too attached to Mr Stalker.for some reason,it's fated that we'd be together in a group under any circumstances,even though it's a group that the lecturers decide for us.nothing seems to keep us apart,except for occasional groupings.we're even in the same isn't fair.sure,he's cute,he's a musician and we can practically spend hours alone together and all,but this soon?HELL NO.i'm neither shallow nor desperate life is better off when I'm NOT in a relationship.the big deal is,God seems to create him as a person who does all the things that turn me on: randomly biting his lips while he talks,and speaking with a soft tone.i've learned my lesson,NEVER AGAIN.enough is enough with this so-called 'crush' thing.crush evolves to love,and love revolutionizes into either heartbreaks or happiness,either way,the friendship will end if it doesn't work out.i don't want to risk that anymore.
let 'T' be the first and last case.