If only I were a cat,maybe i wouldn't be so dead inside,since I have nine lives to spare,then again,me being myself,I might end up wasting them and only have 1 left.
It's near to obvious what I meant by having only three lives to keep,it's not that I will literally be able to resurrect after every deaths,it's more to a figurative way of putting what matters the most in my life rather than my religion : Studies,Music & Love = thus, study life,music life and love life.it's harder to maintain them all.there was a point in life where I've succeeded in all,then again the success didn't last long.one of them is bound to fail me,and of course,resulting depression when it's a 2 out of 3 failures.
at the moment,what matter the most to me are both my study life and musical life.love life? pfft psshh.. i don't know if it still exists,i've given up on myself ever since i discovered i have a fear of having commitments.i'm a swinger by nature and i have yet to grow out of that habit,although i do admit i'm waiting on someone who apparently has the same phobia as mine - philophobia. he's even worse as a matter of fact,he has a goddamn wall that i plan to bulldoze one day,hehe. for now,i'm not gonna try too hard,i'm just gonna wait until that so-called wall of his crumbles on his own. in the mean time,i'm just gonna spray on some graffiti on it.
study life has been going fine as usual,not as fucked up as compared with my musical life.there always seems to be a barrier of some sort that stops me from moving on from square one.it's either the de-motivation i get from external factors, or the de-motivation i get from deep within,something like "i'm not good enough".today,thanks to my bandmates,i know that all musicians start from scratch,zero to hero concept that keeps them going regardless of the circumstances.i admit,i have more than enough rooms for improvement especially when it comes to transposing,gestures and comfortableness when performing. i have yet to master the basic fundamentals to rocking.teach me more! i wanna know :) and of course,nothing sucks more than being prevented from doing what you do best.to me,as long as my music life doesn't interfere with the other lives,i don't see why i shouldn't keep pursuing my dreams.music as a career,to be perfectly honest,is near to impossible to a Malaysian's context,due to the locals' perception regarding those individuals involved,and also the fact that we have a saturated industry where you can only survive if you stand out from the rest of the performers,otherwise,you're gonna drown. another sad fact is that even when you outshine people,there's always gonna be someone better,forcing you to keep working harder.i'm not willing to take such risks,so i have a backup plan : succeed in academics,get a proper day job and be a rocker by nightfall. as soon as my life falls into place,only then will i think about my love life.sounds like a plan? indeed.
btw i really feel like re-watching School of Rock for the third time,the kids' determination really inspired me.
"It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll.." - ACDC.
