Overrated

would it be out of line if i say that I miss you?as overrated as can be,life has been nothing but hectic and intense.i've been in such a huge amount of stress lately that something happened to me...my emotions shut down themselves last night! no,it's not a meltdown,more of a blackout.seriously,i've felt this way before but never this long.it's a sense of being emotionless,neither feeling happy nor sad.i had a straight face the whole day,not even Jasper's retarded jokes could make me laugh.the only laughter i had was completely fake and forced out of me.i felt like a cyborg,waiting to terminate any homo sapiens that question my authority in my own life decisions,lol.it's really weird,it must have been all the projects i'm forced to do.i hate deadlines really,they give you some sort of pressure whenever it approaches you,especially when you dislike what you have to do.this week,i had to finish up not one but TWO projects,the EST invention and the additional maths folio.the folio has been taken care of,but the invention..oh gosh..all i can say is,shopping for materials at about 4 hardware stores had already driven me up the wall,let alone doing the works! it's major torture.i don't think it's such a good idea to do a medical checkup now,considering how high my blood pressure would probably be right now.need to equalize...sigh... *deep breath*.... i'll be having long weeks and days,studying and trying to prove myself worthy.it's worth a shot,what have i got to lose?so what if my exam results don't turn out as predicted,i still have my trials coming up,for that,i won't be around as much.even if i do,i'll come online after everything's been settled,by means of studying.i'll try not to depend too much on tips anymore,time has come for me to change myself.

and to my dear beloved marc anthony,i'll wait for you,i'll wait even a thousand years until you open the doors for me.i'll keep my presence a secret.

"Show me a garden that's bursting into life.. All that I am,all that I ever was,is here in you perfect eyes,that's all I can see.." - Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

Porque Te Quiero

it was a normal night,when everyone would do nothing but just talk crap.i felt a sense of sudden emptiness.it was as though i was sitting in a crowded room,surrounded by everyone i know and love,but inside..i'm empty.i laugh,i smile,i'm amused by them all but there was a tiny hollow space in my heart,which i do not know of its origins.then all out of a sudden... you appeared.

you stood out form the crowd.i did nothing but stare at you.waiting..and waiting..while all my friends got extremely excited.they started posting messages of encouragement,pushing me to say hi to him.pushing me to make a move.pushing me to not let him be alone.i was shy,i don't know why.it seemed better to talk to him without all these people around,no offence.i wrote a few posts to counter my friends.somehow...maybe he understood.he said hi to me and i was so delighted.but... he was different.he was less cheerful,not as joyful as he is during our thursday rendezvous.he told me how he's having sleepless nights.he told me about the emptiness he feels.he was getting a bit too personal at some points,so much so that i felt that he's trying to tell me something.at the same time,my friends were endlessly picking on me,asking me to not let this opportunity fade away.i thought it would've been selfish of me to take advantage,i knew he was somewhat down and needed someone to talk to.so i let my selfish needs go and decided to listen to him.i tried to help him,but i know my effort was to no avail.i diverted his attention instead,and talked about something happier.our conversation lasted for quite some time,despite the unfavourable internet connection.the IM window wasn't acting up,it was miraculous.our conversation broke off in the end when the both of us got sleepy.did i just talk him to sleep?am i really that boring? LOL.but it's good to know that he's alright after all.

what puzzles me the most is the fact that he still doesn't realize my feelings for him?or has he,pretending not to?so many uncertainties.jasper even complained that he was partly being ignored by 'him',assuming that 'he' was too busy talking to me.LOL! seriously,everyone mad eme blush today.in a way,Nizar is right.sooner or later,the truth will have to prevail.whether i like it or not.

let's just see what happens.one thing's for sure,i love him. :)