Romance en la Escuela

"school is a place of education,NOT a place for finding your soul mates.."- random Mundane Monday morning speech by some teacher.

it's true in a way,but think..just think.what's the fun of going to school just for the sake of learning?might as well just stay at home and have an online conference with your tutors,it would be the same thing too.this whole exam-oriented education is putting excessive pressure on not only the students,but the teachers as well.this is where the extra joy at school comes in handy.having friends,attending sports,playing music,performing on stage,falling in love..those are the seasonings that spice up the dull,tasteless life of a mere student.sure,you would say that these are the factors that bring down a student right into the depths of distraction and consequently,failure in exams.but remember,we're encountering the adolescence stage,it's common to have all these kinds of mixed emotions.being rebellious for instance,doing stuff that your parents/teachers told you not to,it's all part of the process of growing up.it's human nature,an inevitable trait that everyone has no matter how good your attitude had been for the past few years before you move on to adolescence.i myself despise falling in love because it's always diverting my attention from what was supposed to be a bigger priority,but after awhile i realised that life is empty without love,be it mutual or unrequited.the strangest thing about love is,when it's mutual,it's beautiful yet the beauty will gradually fade away from time to time whereas when the love is one-sided,or as i would like to call it,still in the 'hoping for a miracle' phase,the thrill is there.you're waiting for something you're uncertain of,in a way it's like an adventure and a win or lose situation.you're gambling with luck and you're anxious to know what happens next.i guess that's why my love story has yet to end happily,apparently God wants me to feel the pain of waiting and see to my mistakes,so that when i truly find my soulmate,i won't repeat the same thing.it will be less painful as i will be learning before experiencing it on my own,without any clear guidance from the sky.

i've been such a 'casanova' lately.i keep changing my mind.first i claimed that i liked Alex,and then C and then Marlon.some even assumed i liked Harry.in truth,those weren't really love.i hardly change my mind when it comes to love,except when i attempt to move on.i guess those were just unrealistic crushes i have in between falling in love.the strange thing is,i don't actually see my future with them in it.my future love story's a major blur,i could see the situation falling into place but i just couldn't picture any of them being in it.afterwards,i came to a realisation,maybe i'm not in love after all?all these are just tricks played by my mind to distract me,trying to make me less intense than i already am.if so,why is Marlon (or Chef Marc Anthony,as i call him now) building a cottage and settling down in my mind lately?all the memories i had with him keep repeating and replaying in my mind,just like the advertisements shown at promotional sites.and when i lay my head on a pillow of some sort,i'll always see you being next to me,ever since that little incident in the lab when i laid my head on the table and you came,staring at me,waiting for me to wake up and reply your 'hi'.eventually i did,but back then i was too blind to see you.i was so head-over-heels for Alex that i totally ignored all your acts of kindness and concern.i admit,i was stupid and extremely wrong for falling for a guy who doesn't even know i exist.i should have noticed you earlier,and i should have taken note of the jokes that our club members make about us being together.all of it was just a joke until the day came.. i finally knew how much you should have meant to me.you were there when i was happy,you were there when i was down,you were there when i was pissed,and you were there to help me retrieve my long-gone emotions whenever i go through an indirect mental shutdown.you were there all along and i can't thank you enough.

and now,time is running out.please tell me it's not too late? :(

te quiero, por favor don' t me deja...

Because I Cry Alone

brace yourselves,this has never been admitted to anyone else but my dear readers.i am sick and tired of bottling everything up.it's about time to spill the beans,let the cat out of the bag,whatever equivalent.i repeat,it's ABOUT TIME! i really hate waiting for people to understand me because they just won't.when i listen to people and find solutions to their problems,i do it sincerely.i never hope for anything in return,but what do i get?back-stabbed,back-talked,loads of things that i do not deserve.i'm not saying i'm a kind person,no one is.everyone is involved in some sort of corruption or vice in one way or another ,i too am not an exception.but that shouldn't be a reason for all of you to shoot me all at once,what is this an ambush? a war? no.we may be in a battlefield,we all are fighting for something,all of us are aiming for our respective goals.do you realise that all of us are actually on the same page?why would you wanna make your teammate fall?for fame and fortune?to be the center of attention? go ahead,no one is stopping you.but why must you attack those who triumph?i didn't know glory was a new kind of sin.i'm being attacked from all angles just as my life was starting to get into one piece.i trusted you,i trusted all of you as a matter of fact.jealousy broke all of us apart.i don't know why are you letting envy get between us,forming a huge barrier to separate friendship and rationality.nothing makes sense to me anymore.everything is all about sarcasm,jealousy,betrayal,lies and all things negative.it's turning into a dark,dark world and i am alone,walking the alley,not knowing what kind of danger to expect.this is not the kind of life i chose to live,in fact,this is not the kind of life that anyone deserves at all.where are the so-called friends of mine when i need them?nowhere.but where am i when THEY need ME?everywhere,i'm always there through thick or thin,despite knowing them for either a long or short period of time.i am there to listen,to comfort and to advise.what about my own problems?are they anyone who would actually listen and try to empathize them?no.all they do is pretend,pretend that they care.pretend that i mean something to them while in truth,i don't.i'm just a spec of dust,a grain of sand,a tiny droplet of dew that will eventually evaporize once the harsh sun is up in the sky.i mean nothing to them.i should just be ignored.i'm like an underused appliance,kept shut in a shelf,taken out when in need and kept shut when not being used.i deserve better,i know i do.i am a human being too,i face problems and dilemmas that most people don't know of.i refuse to tell anyone for fear that they would not care at all.i need a listener at the very least,someone who would let me cry my heart out on their shoulder and seal my wound when i bleed a little too much.by far,i did find a few understanding friends,but as usual,sometimes they just don't care.they expect me to attend to their problems,saying that mine is too petty for them to bother in comparison to their own.what do you know about my problems exactly?are you sure you know the whole story from A-Z? i highly doubt that,my love.you won't even give me a break,how would you know then?you're a backstabber,and that's the least i could say about you.don't you think i know what you're trying to say with all your sarcasms?come on..i've lived my life for 17 years,i'm not too stupid to figure it out.

dear readers,i feel that this should be enough.i know now that i know nothing of life.quoting paolo coelho "if you understand life,it means you have misunderstood everything".life is a complicated maze and all of us are trapped in for God knows how long.our journey is life itself .it doesn't matter how long you've gotten lost.what matters the most is how we survive it,and what comes at the end of the maze.daylight?darkness?uncertainty? choose the right way and you shall find what your soul yearns.

to whoever is trying to create my downfall in any approach possible,EAT MY DUST YOU'RE STUCK IN YESTERDAY,GO FECK YOURSELF!