I don't wanna be a Girlfriend

(Marie' Digby & Sam Milby - romance cut halfway?)

"I don't wanna be a girlfriend

I don't want to talk about my feelings... ya

I don't wanna be some girlfriend...

I don't want to have to explain what I'm thinking

I go alone

To watch stupid romance movies

And I sit, wishing,

It was your arms wrapped around me

And I just deny

That all I want is a piece of you

But I guess it's true, don't wanna talk on the phone,

Don't want attachments, don't wanna be your girlfriend... I...

Just can't belong

To anybody else right now

Though it is not much of an excuse

I can't belong

To anybody else when I've got

So much figuring out to do...

Is it wrong for me to want you... just for a day

I don't want to be that kind of girl

But I can't help myself..."

-Girlfriend by Marie' Digby.

the song speaks my heart,as usual.

once again i have neglected this blog AND my mibba account.i have too many things to do and too many obligations and targets to worry about.of course,along the way,there's drama here and there.life has changed a lot and college life isn't exactly what i expected,in spite of the popular notion that it should be the best days of one's age.totally screwed.due the ever-growing stress building up,i knew i would lose it soon.shall not elaborate,that won't be mentally healthy for the likes of me.set aside assignments,presentations and tests (also some failures) and let's focus on the more positive side of uni life.i've transformed into a more independent,confident and assertive person,not to mention friendlier than ever.enjoying the extracurricular activities i have especially with the Elite Team of the Music Club.speaking of life apart from classes,..cough.i am about to embark on yet another telenovela,it's inevitable.me being a teenager,the urge to NOT bother is quite weak as compared to the so-called 'urge to give a fuck'.so yeah,i think i might have some people asking me, when will enough be enough? have i not learned that love = pain = misery = internal death = indifference? the last relationship RUINED a supposedly beautiful friendship,will the new one have the same/larger impact? am i willing to take the risk?isn't it too soon?

then Boo made me realize that when it comes to matters relating to the heart,there's no such thing as 'enough' or 'too soon'.the heart wants what the heart wants,whether the mind agrees or refutes.sure,the mind is powerful when it comes to logical reasoning,but NOT when it comes to feelings.what i'm feeling right now,could either be a crush or something deeper,it's too early to tell but i have a feeling it's going to grow.you know what,i'm actually worried i'm right this time.and this time round,i actually wish it's one-sided again so i could move on before it gets too far; that's only a miniature side of me,while the larger side is anticipating something different.someone advised me to be straight forward and honest, the question is,when will it be the right time to do so? the last time i did,i LOST a best friend. now we're complete strangers because of my stupid emotions.i'm not willing to take the risk,unless i have slim chances of ever meeting him again,sure there's a possibility i might just confess for the sake of getting it out of my chest.for now,i'll wait and let destiny take its course.

am I really in love? 

then again,i don't want to have a commitment.i love flirting in general and i try hard not to accidentally steal anyone's heart.maybe this is one of the bad habits i need to get rid off.

p/s: oh wow my fan fiction "Wanted: Mr Wright" now has 56 unique readers and 3 subscribers! thank you so much Mibbians! you inspire me to write :) i'll keep it up once i get a proper breather.

MTV World Stage 2011 !

Fuck tests,fuck assignments,it's a one in a lifetime opportunity to fuck everything off and just for once,ENJOY! it was so awesome, and i never thought i would be lucky enough to witness such powerful event up front! many thanks to Pop Shuvit especially Cikgu JD for the chance :) too bad Rin wasn't free,could've been more fun with her around,then again the other regular pass didn't go to waste.I invited CJ along and clearly he had the time of his life too. 30 Seconds to Mars made me really hyper, i'm still wearing the World Stage wristband as we speak! too fucking awesome and memorable.now that i still have a lot of energy left,i'm gonna write a little review about the whole event.

My plan to ask CJ to tag along was really last minute,thus our late arrival to the venue.Parking took rm10! FML,and it was hella far from the stage! we had to walk for miles to finally reach there.Met up with Jijie,her sis and some of her friends before I decided to test my 'squeezing to the front' skills.Couldn't really quite focus on Pop Shuvit,mainly because i was still adjusting myself for a better view,then again, i felt the energy seeping through my veins! Starting with Old Skool Rocka,then Marabahaya when the crowd sang along and jumped to the beat, followed by Running Away and that other song with EAR. the best was of course Man Bai's appearance.funniest part was when my gang and I were shouting 'GO JEDIDIAH!!" at JD,lol.wonder if he heard us?

moving on.Beast?they sucked.there were too many screaming and shit.so i'mma skip them.i manipulated the chance to walk up front to the border fence.

Neon Trees omg i'm your new fan! Tyler rocked!!!  1983 was the best piece ever written.by this time i actually almost got dehydrated because it was super packed and we weren't allowed to bring drinks in.it's a sure thing that all the jumping and shouting makes you perspire a lot that your body runs out of water supply eventually.the major miracle is,i wasn't even half exhausted.i felt the adrenaline surging up and before i knew it,i'm dancing to the tune!

The best performance of the night belongs to 30 Seconds to Mars! not only did they control the crowd,they also went against security rules by filling up the stage with fans! it was indescribable,beyond awesome.i don't even have any proper word that would do their performance justice! Jared Leto was incredibly talented! it's as if he never gets exhausted,and there were two lucky fans who actually got a hug from him ON STAGE! still couldn't believe the fact he made the fans jumped over the fence.it made me wonder if i were in a punk rock show.

all in all,minus that little drama we had after the concert,it wasn't enough to break me.tonight was still fucking awesome! a night to remember!

p/s: still,STILL waiting for Green day to come.
p/s/s: RIP Amy Winehouse :( gone too soon.