This Modern Love Kills Me

"Beauty emanates from every word that you say
And capture the deepest thoughts
In the purest and simplest of ways
But you see
I'm not that graceful like you
Nor am I as eloquent
But just a simple melody
Can change the way that you see me
And right now..

I have you
For a moment I can tell I've got you
Cause your lips don't move
And something is happening
Cause your eyes tell me the truth
I've put a spell over you..

All my life I stumble
But up here I am just perfect
Perfect as i'll ever be... "

-"Spell" by Marie Digby

Ever had this dream after you watch a romantic movie,where music plays in the background,and you're just in the scene itself as the actor/actress? And it all seems perfect enough to be true because it resembles reality in a very scary rate? I've had that for a couple of nights now,and because they were so beautiful and surreal,I've been sleeping in late almost everyday,my sleep has been pleasant and the weather has been promising,not too hot nor too cold. The dream I had for the first few nights was of the scene in The Notebook,where Noah & Allie laid down in the middle of the road,and danced under the traffic lights ; I was Allie but I never really saw whom my partner was, all I knew was he's taller than me. It was all very much like real life,as I've done foxtrot in real life before. In the dream, an instrumental version of "Spell" by Marie Digby was playing in the background,and clearly both 'Noah' & I were crazy about each other, but then the freaky part kicks in when I finally get to see 'Noah's' face ; it was one of my friends! It was downright awkward, and it couldn't get any more wrong than that.What was that supposed to mean anyway?Is my brain playing tricks with me again? I expected Noah to be that someone I've always been head over heels in love with for the past few years,but instead it's someone I least expect! Perhaps it's just my brain telling me to stop overthinking,the pressure was perhaps too much. I think I've been overreacting lately,and overanalyzing things. I should stop caring too much about certain things, before I start feeling emotions I'm not supposed to - something I've always dreaded the most since the day I got friendzoned. I don't know what I feel. Everytime as I fall asleep, all these flashbacks keep coming back to me, it drives me nuts. And I thought I needed this long vacation so badly, it turned out that I'm too free, in spite of the music adventures I'm pursuing.

I guess I have to get more in touch with artistic side.

After All, You're My Wonderwall

“I love everything about her. And I’m not a guy who says that lightly, I’m a guy who has faked love his entire life. I thought love was just something that idiots thought they felt. But this woman has a hold on my heart that I can’t break, even if I want to. And there have been times that I wanted to. It has been overwhelming, and humbling, and even painful at times. But I can’t stop loving her any more than I can stop breathing. I am hopelessly, irretrievably, in love with her. More than she knows.”

—	Barney Stinson

And for that,I think every woman in this world (myself included) would say yes to anyone who would empty their hearts in such a manner,putting their pride to its lowest level.I realize I haven't been speaking much about emotions here,so I guess this is the best time to do so. I admire Barney & Robin, not because they look good together,but because of their unexpected love story that sparked from absolute disgust,to best friends, to bros, and somehow down the road, lovers. They did break up when the relationship became self-destructive for the both of them,but eventually came back together,simply because they were meant to be. I believe, the best kind of love comes when you least expect it. Their amazing chemistry,their trust,their adorable 'in denial' attitude, it's safe to say that this is the kind of love I'd like to experience someday in my life.It gives me faith that someday I will find that special someone in the future, who would go the distance,just to make me happy.Thus far, I've yet to find such a person special enough as Barney to Robin and vice versa. Love - I don't even know if I've ever experienced it at all in my lifetime, in spite of the past relationships I've been through, at one point I find that none of them felt real.They were probably just mere emotions that spark from the heat of the moment,mutual interest in starting a romantic endeavor, without the will to sacrifice,to go an extra mile, nor to accept one another as who they are. Being a couple,or rather, loving one another,is about acceptance,forgiving, a little bit of sacrifice here and there; it's healthy for a couple to get into arguments and misfits once in awhile,imperfections is what makes the relationship perfect (in human sense).

tl;dr : I want what Robin has, an adventurous relationship with a fairy tale ending, which leads to a whole new paradigm instead of just a plain epilogue.