Saturday, June 27, 2009


An Angel Writes

dear X,
glad to know you're happy,and finally i have found the happiness of my own too,yet,deep inside,there is still a spec of sorrow.i know,i have forgotten all the tears and the dreams that have been giving me false hope.but it seems to come back and haunt me once bothers me,so much.i think i have been cut deep enough,and the last thing i need are flashbacks from the past.the memories and hopes that were never meant to be.i have in fact shifted to a place so far away,leaving all the pain and unrequited emotions behind,but everything seems to return to me now.i search for reasons,and yearn for answers,nothing seems to come in my way.what happens when i give in to them?will eternal happiness be on my side,or will more questions wander around my mind?curiosity kills me,so does's hard when you always say no while you mean's hard when you say something while your heart says something's hard when your mind starts to argue with your hard again.and,it's hard when you can't accept it when people try to talk you to your senses.that's just me,and it's a little to late to change now.

why can't i just be honest to myself for once?one of the biggest sins is lying to yourself.trying to divert your heart to another direction,yet nothing seems to work's as if you're trying to walk but end up going nowhere.the question is,why wait for the star to fall on your very laps?a bird in hand is worth two in the bush,true,but can you actually accept this?not me,definitely.yes,i have found happiness,i do wish i'm not making a mistake now.i shall never give in to my heart anymore.

it's not that i doubt what i have,it's just that i was hoping that the past would just flutter away with the wind and never return, hurts so much when your scars start to bleed again.the only remedy to it is by talking my way out,but it's not as easy as it sounds.i admit,i am straight forward,but not in certain bothers me so much that you keep appearing in sight despite the fact that i'm trying hard not to live in the past anymore.everywhere i turn,i'll see're everywhere,in the songs i listen to,at the places i go to,even in the dreams i have in my's so much of a torture to the extent where i refuse to sleep,afraid that you might appear.

no,love,don't get me wrong.i don't mean to avoid you,just that,i need you to know that i am somewhat still watching over you,and i think you're smart enough to sense my presence already.i am not as brave or bold as i appear to be.i have my soft spot too,and that's why i can't be all honest to you.not only to you,but to everyone else as well,not even to myself.and sometimes,i feel a deep hatred for you,don't ask me why.i have no idea.

and now,i just want you to know,i still have that small empty space for you in my heart,kept locked and only you have the key to,fly..far away from here..before it's too late.before you hear more hurtful truths.i need to escape from this captivation,it's killing me,slowly..

with love,
-letting it go for real.

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