if dried leaves were money

wouldn't it be nice?

it won't be as heavenly as you think it will be.sure,it would be fun to have money instead of annoying leaves to rake off every day.but what fun is it if each leaf is equivalent to RM1 or one dollar?or worst still, worth a coin or two? it would be a burden to carry around huge bags of money.and it'll make you look bulky too,for those fashionistas of course,including me.also,charity is something that good-hearted and situationally wealthy people commit to,as fun as it sounds,everything has a dark side to it.not all charity funds can be trusted,believe you me,no offence but some people are irresponsible enough to manipulate the good deed to fulfill their selfish greeds.and you wanna know what's the other drawback?you'll have more enemies than you could ever imagine.even with a thousand friends,probably only one or two of them are sincere,while the rest are just friends with you simply to get a piece of the pie.fake friends are there even when you're among the average suburban citizens,let alone when you're a super big shot like say,Perez   Paris Hilton .she's living the high life,but it makes me wonder if she had ever had a true friend in her life before? hmm..

i know,why the random topic?i could hear your mind whispering as you read these.it was randomly brought up by my mom and big sis while they were clearing up the front porch of my house.i just decided to share it with all of you.among the reasons being how i really want my mood to improve.after all the shit that happened to me for the past 3 days,it made me wonder this morning,why haven't i broken down already?it never ends,really.it keeps getting 'better by the minute',one after another.what the hell man?is God trying to poke me all over again? it's not funny.it really isn't.dear God,please stop.as much as i love sarcasm,you're the last one that i expected to do so.if i made a mistake,tell me in a dream or something as reliable.i just need to know,i've learnt too many things the hard way,You should know that i've had enough by now.but i don't blame You,You're my creator and you have every right to do anything to me,be it treat me well or plainly smite me mentally and/or physically.what i don't understand is,the last person i ever counted on in being least of a disappointment has suddenly turned against me.life is already as fucked up as it could be,THANKS A LOT for making it worse.that's JUST WHAT i need *sarcastic tone*.so much for you being there for me under all circumstances.i knew it right from the start that friendship is just total BS.it doesn't exist.it's state of mind,an illusion of comfort,something that's supposed to add up the spice to one's life.sometimes i wish i was an introvert,life would be so much easier.no friends,no heartache.i have got nothing to gain nor lose.

and i spoke too soon about not breaking down,because i just did.it's so massive of a meltdown that i felt like it was an apocalypse of the heart.now i know how people get panic attacks,i'm glad i'm not one of them.the waterworks were finally suppressed to its limits,i was thankful they didn't bleed.i don't know why fate is being a dick.i can't take this shit anymore.i'm giving up,i think i might just go M.I.A. anytime soon. probably the only person i'd talk to on the line is my mentor,Lao Tse,and only of music,nothing more.i'd rather be friends with my Afi,my fan fictions,music and my imaginary boyfriend,Tre.pffftt... fuck off seriously.i don't need more shit.why are you even reading this?i repeat, FUCK OFF.

oh yeah,Lao Tse,thanks for showing that you still care about my passion while nobody else would believe in my talent.*long distant hug* hope to see you soon,elsewhere apart from social networking sites.

never thought i'd say this but,

i miss you loads,Lao Tse.by far,you're the best and most supportive

teacher i've ever had.thanks for believing in me and being so patient with me.

i'll make you proud someday,i promise.

what?i'm a teacher's pet?running to my mentor only when all things fall apart?well go fuck yourself.if it wasn't for him i wouldn't even think of still pursuing my one and only true artistic passion,music.i'm not a fanfaronade (hahaha Nabeel and his words).i'm trying to appreciate the things i have instead of dwelling over the things i don't.

if you love me,stay.if you don't,just fuck off. and stop telling me you'll be there for me come rain or shine,unless you're prepared to wash your mouth with soap.i don't tolerate BS,i hope it ends here.