Emotionally Slapped Time & Time Again

i think i have blogged about this before,many a time as a matter of fact.it's just that my passion in using gibberish language might have made it less obvious.right now,i'm terming it as an 'emotionally slapped' situation.a little enlightenment : it's a sensation similar to when one gets a tight slap,but not literally, that can either cause temporary pain or welcome an epiphany or both.either way,it hurts and can sometimes be embarrassing.lately i've been encountering a lot of this,be it with my friends,my ex and my old-new crushes.they affect me emotionally,and the mark may reappear anytime it desires.sometimes i wish i was born heartless and invincible of any kinds of humanly emotions.it hurts when you get disappointed.it hurts when you disintegrate inside.

i might feel this way knowing that my friends are no longer there to support me,i don't blame them.they have other matters to attend to,and it relates to their future.

the bitter truth,as much as i hate to admit,i'm lonely and empty inside.it gets boring sometimes,music and writing are my only friends this time round.i thank god for creating art,at least my creative juice won't go to waste.Love?not now.i have too many things on my plate,i need a rehab from it all.

might also be the fact that i'm worried of my own future.sure,academically i can cope up with the current syllabus in uni,but financially i'm broke.i don't know why am i taking one of the biggest risks in my life.i jeopardized my own future for the sake of gaining new experiences,i do hope i'm making the right choice.i doubt there's any way to withdraw from this journey.it's a matter of you walk on or you die.i'm not Paris Hilton,i can't just live life the way i want to.i took this route therefore i shall go on and on,even if it is like balancing myself on a thin rope without any safety nets.i'll do it,i bear all my guts and will with my arms,and hope to be a winner,or at least,a martyr in my own battle.

I wanna be the minority :)