Intoxicated



i know how ridiculous this may sound but,have you ever been so in love to the extent where sometimes you feel like comitting a crime for it? i know i have.and the more ridiculous fact is that i seem to have fallen in too deep to a celebrity crush of mine! oh my...it is weird my dear readers.it feels like being hooked on a certain kind of drug.you can't seem to get away from it.the worst part is,he's TAKEN and i'm GREEN WITH ENVY!it feels like a crime to fall for your own mentor,someone you totally look up to.i realised this whenever he appears anywhere on my page.and every angle seems to remind me of him.worst still,every chord i play,i'll start playing his songs! (fyi,not related to oral B picture above).it feels wrong and IT IS WRONG! i wonder what's going on with my head.he does know i have a crush on him,but i'm not too sure whether he knows how i'm feeling now.i'm getting too obsessed and attached to him! HELP ME.

luckily,Marie Digby understands me better.her songlyric goes 'written in stars that girls like me and boys like you were never meant to be..'.thanks Marie,for touching me with your music.

well that's all for now.gotta get back to work,got a science presentation project to be done due this wednesday.yes people,at this hour where there's nothing but peace and solitude..and plenty of space to think.

toodles.

-Yana
addicted to the heartbreaker.

Revelation



Kotak Hati

tak usah kau terangkan ku tahu
potret wajahmu di setiap penjuru
curahkan deritamu padaku
biarku rasa apa yang kau lalu

terang terang
bersama rasa sayang
ku biarkan kau terbang
terang terang
sudut kecil ku isi
untuk senyuman mu lagi

berbaring kita renung ke bulan
lagu yang ku tulis ku nyanyikan
lagu cinta tentang kita berdua
yang kan kita kenangi hingga tiba masa

terang terang
bersama rasa sayang
ku biarkan kau terbang
terang terang
sudut kecil ku isi
untuk senyuman mu lagi

mimpi mimpi
yang tak kembali
aku janji
janji takkan pergi

tak usah kau terangkan ku tahu
potret wajahmu di setiap penjuru
curahkan deritamu padaku
biarku rasa apa yang kau lalu

terang terang
bersama rasa sayang
ku biarkan kau terbang
terang terang
sudut kecil ku isi
untuk senyuman mu lagi

mimpi mimpi
yang tak kembali
aku janji
janji takkan pergi

-Yana
di penjaramu.

angel

An Angel Writes



dear X,
glad to know you're happy,and finally i have found the happiness of my own too,yet,deep inside,there is still a spec of sorrow.i know,i have forgotten all the tears and the dreams that have been giving me false hope.but it seems to come back and haunt me once more.it bothers me,so much.i think i have been cut deep enough,and the last thing i need are flashbacks from the past.the memories and hopes that were never meant to be.i have in fact shifted to a place so far away,leaving all the pain and unrequited emotions behind,but everything seems to return to me now.i search for reasons,and yearn for answers,nothing seems to come in my way.what happens when i give in to them?will eternal happiness be on my side,or will more questions wander around my mind?curiosity kills me,so does dishonesty.it's hard when you always say no while you mean yes.it's hard when you say something while your heart says something else.it's hard when your mind starts to argue with your hard again.and,it's hard when you can't accept it when people try to talk you to your senses.that's just me,and it's a little to late to change now.

why can't i just be honest to myself for once?one of the biggest sins is lying to yourself.trying to divert your heart to another direction,yet nothing seems to work out.it's as if you're trying to walk but end up going nowhere.the question is,why wait for the star to fall on your very laps?a bird in hand is worth two in the bush,true,but can you actually accept this?not me,definitely.yes,i have found happiness,i do wish i'm not making a mistake now.i shall never give in to my heart anymore.

it's not that i doubt what i have,it's just that i was hoping that the past would just flutter away with the wind and never return,ever.it hurts so much when your scars start to bleed again.the only remedy to it is by talking my way out,but it's not as easy as it sounds.i admit,i am straight forward,but not in certain things.it bothers me so much that you keep appearing in sight despite the fact that i'm trying hard not to live in the past anymore.everywhere i turn,i'll see you.you're everywhere,in the songs i listen to,at the places i go to,even in the dreams i have in my sleep.it's so much of a torture to the extent where i refuse to sleep,afraid that you might appear.

no,love,don't get me wrong.i don't mean to avoid you,just that,i need you to know that i am somewhat still watching over you,and i think you're smart enough to sense my presence already.i am not as brave or bold as i appear to be.i have my soft spot too,and that's why i can't be all honest to you.not only to you,but to everyone else as well,not even to myself.and sometimes,i feel a deep hatred for you,don't ask me why.i have no idea.

and now,i just want you to know,i still have that small empty space for you in my heart,kept locked and only you have the key to it.now,fly..far away from here..before it's too late.before you hear more hurtful truths.i need to escape from this captivation,it's killing me,slowly..

with love,
Yana.
-letting it go for real.

a star

Moonwalk Lives On



Innalillahiwainnalillahirajiun.
the philosophy is proven after all.you WILL value something the most when it's gone.

i can't believe it.i am totally speechless.

can you ever imagine a world without the likes of an awkwardly yet astounding,bright-shining star?

yes,starlights will never dim.same goes to the late superstar,Michael Jackson or Mikaeel Abdullah.

i grew up listening to his music,watching him dance and stun the crowds of millions.there were even overly-obsessed fangirls going after him during his shows.

thanks to him,i am what i am now,a fighter,who appreciates music,who thinks music is the most influencial propaganda in spreading a certain cause.

Allahyarham Mikaeel had inspired so many with all the causes he had highlighted in his songs.'Black Or White' showed that humans are humans regardless of race.'Heal the World' is a cause to rescue to the world from getting destroyed any further.



Also,who can forget his lovable songs in his Jackson 5 days.'Ben',about his pet,stolen the hearts of millions,not to mention his sweet voice.

Needless to say,his passing is certainly a great loss.However,his songs,his moves and grooves,his causes,and everything he had done to put that smile on our faces,will live on forever.

Rest in peace,brother.May Allah bless your soul.



-Yana
in the state of shock and devastation.

laziness

SLOTH,GLUTTONY & WRATH



i have been eating and procrastinating too much lately...



also,i haven't been smiling as much as before..
maybe i should just loosen up a bit and think of the greener side of the grass.indulgence~




-Yana
guilty pleasures please you with guilt.

Second Chance

Second chance is what you take
It has it’s reasons
Every twist and turn of fate
leads you closer to freedom

Ever thought what life can take?
You’re going nowhere
Yesterday has come again
and this time I’ll be there

I’ll be there , I’ll be there

How do I change this life
and where do I begin?
Is there a second chance?
See me in a different light
as how I see in you
Is there a second chance?

Many things can do a change
when you least expect it
Determination is your strength
Lose your promise and regret it

Ever thought what life can take?
You’re going nowhere
Yesterday has come again
and this time I’ll be there

I've been waiting for so long
Fighting in this war and never ending
Trying to lose my memory
It will never be the same again

and so the song by Frequency Cannon goes but how far is the truth of it?yesterday,had our debate quarter and semifinals.

quarter finals:
-motion: One should marry for love,not wealth
-side: opposition
-opponent: SMK Tun Habab,Kota Tinggi
-outcome: motion rejected

semifinals:
-motion: technology is making us fat
-side: government
-opponent: kulai
-outcome: motion accepted

but the finals was the worse.i screwed up,heck a lot.and someone said to my face,'you shoudn't have lazed around during discussion'.it hurts,so much,but it's the truth.i was being selfish all along.to add in to the guilt,i stuttered so much during the POI.yeah guys,just because i have twice as much guts as anyone else,doesn't mean i don't get nervous every once in a while.but well,afterwards,when all of us were having so-called 'breakfast' outside the debate hall,i started to cry but of course,i was strong enough to stop the tears from rolling down.so my eyes were watery,and poor aingar & edmund.i didn't bother to say hi to them coz of the possibility that they might notice my inner feelings that moment.so well,i keep blaming myself.so nice of edmund to offer a hug,but he forgot that i belong to someone already,haha.

so that's it.hoping for a better day la now.

p/s: sialan abg aku gi rockerwei xajak!! my misery would be complete if frequency cannon joined rockaway,glad they didn't.if there was a gig that involves estranged,pop shuvit and frequency cannon at the same time,and i''m bound to miss it,i swear i'm gonna suicide XD

-Yana
emo as always la~

-Yana

Papaya or Ya Pa Pa?



father's day is just days away so i thought i'd dedicate this song to my dad.we don't always get along and we're not that close either.yet,considering how fortunate i am to still have a dad,i'd like to wish him 'Happy Father's Day!'.love you daddy! :X

Lirik Ya Papa - Yazid

Di suatu hari ku tersungkur di jalanan
Luka di kaki berdarah lagi
Lalu menangis ku menahan kesakitan
Pedih rasa, ku tak daya
Melawan peritnya

Chorus:
Ya ya.. siapa percaya
Ya ya.. percaya papa..
Ya ya ya.. papa
Percaya.. ya ya ya .. papa..

Ya.. kata papaku
Hidup bukanlah hanya untuk
Terjatuh dan luka
Jika ku tak belajar
Erti sebenar kehidupan
Dan tipu dayanya benar

Kata papaku.. itu biasa
Dan menjadikan aku lebih dewasa
Harus sedia untuk harungi
Jalan yang penuh liku duri

(ulang chorus)

Benar..kata papaku
Musuh sembunyi hanya dalam selimut
Tidurku bangun bingkas berdiri
Terus berlari
Demi hidupku yang abadi

(ulang chorus)

Biar seribu tahun lagi ku disini
Kata papaku teguh di hati..

(ulang chorus)

Yana
-never take for granted.value love before it's too late.

stress

Miscellanous Random Emotions

i have been sleeping at 4 and confusing myself all the time because of debate.we have THREE MOTIONS, and each of us had to prepare SIX SPEECHES INCLUSIVELY GOV AND OPPO FOR ALL THE MOTIONS.we bought the first round,so we're moving on straight away to the quarter finals this friday.IF we win,semis are in the eve and finals are on the next day.

just as i thought i had the biggest stress in the whole wide Milky Way Galaxy



haha..and the solution:



a little dessert for the eye:



*cough*dhiyaisgonnamakefunofthisagain*cough*cough*

my ideal couple..(maybe i should go emo again..shhh~)



a few days ago,i took a little fresh air at tanjung with my mom,sis,bro-in-law and niece.we decided to see the new jetty featured in the papers.



a little dark but u get my point right.just as we were about to brace ourselves for the beauty we're witnessing before our eyes,disaster strikes..



yet..the other side,the old jetty,still has that eyecatching,picturuesque view at dusk.



remember the visit to 21:05 two weeks ago? ..did i mention? :D



my new obsessions:

ROCK LEGENDs ON FB! damn,and i said i wasnt gonna become a game-a-holic ever!



ah well..i guess that's bout it.gonna get back to debate now.toodles all!

Yana
-mrs TVI.

welcome

Depression



dun wanna talk about it..

"Welcome To My Life"

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

-Yana
the total flop.

crazy day

What To Do On A Boring Saturday

catch a movie?nah...not worth it.

shopping? i'm broke.

any gigs? gigs are cancelled :(

let's hang out at JD's studio then? great idea!
what should we do first?lunch? ok..
afterwards,we stepped into the studio..

yana: oohhh cool mix room! woah cool awards! *poses*
JD: haha..poser~
yana: this is awesome!
JD: @.@ careful with that..
yana: come let's take a pic!
JD: fine fine...



yana: show us more..
JD: this is the place where all the magic happens,and you're looking at the wizard himself *grin of pride*



JD: this is the place where we record vocals.not as big as the ones shown in hollywood eh?welcome to Malaysia ;p camwhoring sessions are open to those interested,hehe..



as usual..hehe.moving on..next up is Rudy's drum sets..and of course:




JD: come on guys.i'll show you the new room..behold..hehe



JD: and here's the newly-built confined room.echo-proof but the progress is only 90% as of now.close both the doors and u won't hear me screaming.hey dun lockla wei!
everyone: hahaha..



shot of the new sound-proof room.why didn't we lock JD in,steal the equipments and make a run for it?hahaha..because we love him la ;p so we let him out,wakaka.

JD: so ladies,my studio's not really what you see on tv,so that's about it.welcome to 21:05 :)
yana: it still looks awesome to me though.
JD: hey,come with me,all of you.
yana: haven't you shown us this mixing room before?



JD: who's up for a game of Monopoly?
everyone: WTF!! seriously??!



JD: i'll be the banker!
rin: wtf! i wanted to be the banker =.="
JD: i'll set up the board,now if you ladies wanna camwhore somemore,be my guest :D



another one!



let the games begin!





static economy crisis,says JD.outgoing money flow equals incoming money flow.
yana: aku macam tau je siapa menang,hihi..
JD: *stares at my ever-drying cash* definitely not you,hahaha.



SMILE!



in the end,Aisha was declared the winner! *applause!* so she deserved a winner's pose at the mixing room:



*AJ steps into the studio*
AJ: oookay..so what's going on?
JD: i'm running a taska,side business..
AJ: ookaaayy.. *still confused* bzness is really that bad huh?
JD: why do you think i cut my hair for?
AJ: auction on ebay?Hahaha.. *enters new room*
JD: *follows AJ*

we decided to stalk on the fellers at work.awesome shots,haha.



JD: dude,they're taking our pics!
AJ: ah whtever..



and before we left..



we <3 you pop shuvit! although only JD and AJ were there,it was madness!
then we dropped by at Badger for a little spree..weee~ spent my last rm100 on a chic jacket,but who cares really.it really IS chic!! lol.

so that's how i spent my saturday on 6th june 09.

Yana
-how did you spend your saturday?

encik2 terpisah

Uplifted And Estranged

woah,so my mood swing was a good sign that i was gonna have a blast!! so the day started off with a quite intense situation where my mom was scolding everyone.lol! the journey began at 2pm.reached there at about 5pm.

*highlights:
-i brought my outfit to change in the washroom and my guitar to be signatured.apparently the passers-by saw me and started talking among themselves.one of the interesting remarks was 'eh joanna & co dah pakai tudung ke?' wakakakak..
-saw a bunch of people waving at me from a nearby seat,approached them only to realise it was shafiq,rin and kak yaya.lol! and since when is shafiq four-eyed? NERD..haha.





we then moved on to mcD (yeah we're broke..eating elsewhere would only make matters worse for us,hehe).on the way we met rich,i saw him first.approached him,said hi and he mentioned that hanafi was nearby 0_o..how did he know i have this slight favouritisme towards enha?hehe..damn.not a secret anymore,or probably only hanafi was there.at mcd:



*highlights:
-shafiq showed off his photography skills to..ehem..impress rin,wahaha..rin was,of course,in denial.she said the scene was nice,not the shot..lalala.
-jijie showed up.
-my friend from camp rock,Ian tan,showed up as promised and discussed debate with me.damn,he's awesome! i'm soooo gonna be dead meat if i ever ended up in a debate against him =.="
-my mom called to tell me that she saw enha at starbucks.no time to lose people,let's roll!! hehe..
-Ian's teacher is too hot to be his teacher,haha..bumped into her while we're on our way to Starbucks.

at starbucks,i saw enha and immediately approached him.the irony of it was the fact that i seemed too cool.wasn's much of a fangirl.i only said hi and 'nice to meet you' before returning to the place where i sat with Ian.hanafi was slightly surprised that i wasn't that excited to meet him,unlike before.and all the way,he was staring at Ian.maybe he thought we're both a loving couple,haha.just for the record,IAN AND ME ARE JUST FRIENDS! hehe.so the discussion ended,he gave me a goodbye hug and told me to email him my speech for him to edit.thanks dude! ur a big help :) <3 ya ian! so afterwards,we got hungry again.camwhored abit with jijie,rin,kak yaya and shafiq.shafiq and i listened to some songs in his phone,there's about 500 of them and he suggested the ones with the best guitar riffs for me to improve my guitar skills.too bad he couldn't stay for long,he had to catch his bus :(



finally,we managed to get rin to ayam penyet!! ahhaha..dun judge a book by its cover,and dun judge a food by its name! lol.ayam penyet was actually fried chicken with sambal la wei.it was nice,but all of us were too busy gossipping to bother,heheh.ended up,the food we ate had no effect on us,lol.after that,we went to the washroom to touch up our make up (jijie eyelined my eye and i think i looked fab! great job sis!).rin took a few shots of me at different angles.then,we moved on to laundry bar.









*highlights:
-once again,i was mistaken for the band because of the guitar and my outfit.sigh~..
-got front seat! first class view people!
-met aisha,kak fieza and elyas at laundry bar.
-ordered a drink called casablanca.wasnt too good,a bit too sour.loved the cherry though,haha.
-i'm SIXTEEN! not 21 and above,sigh...must be the dressing and attitude huh?
-joanna's so cute!
-rashdan's voice was similar to the 3 doors down vocalist's.
-i volunteered to win flyfm souvenirs.sorry rich,for spoiling your song! wakakaa..we were first requested to sing itu kamu but considering my preferance for 'we remain unknown',i sang that song instead.damn you,estranged didn't recognize their own song! aha.but rich,din and andy were such sports,they gave me a big hand.
-didn't notice the shy girl beside me on stage was renni,enha's student.
-estranged sang 5 songs: yang pernah,aurora,ketika ini,in no time and the slave in us.we requested for an encore but all of them looked slightly hesitant (after the rhythm of unity incident where they were blamed for singing extra songs).in the end,they did an encore by singing velocity.
-got all four of the signatures on my guitar!! andy was fascinated,heheh.enha wasnt in the mood,and din was shocked to see me bringing the guitar for them to sign.
-gossiped a bit more before i headed home.













-Yana
estranged forever! :)